“What?” she asked.
I looked away. “Nothing.”
“Bullshit. You were staring at me. Is my mascara running? Do I have sour cream on my chin?” She wiped at her mouth.
“No. You look fine.” Better than fine. I tried to think of something to say, something that wouldn't give away what I was thinking about. “So, did I earn another question?”
She raised an eyebrow. “Another question?”
I leaned back in my chair, rocking on its back legs. “You told me I had to earn them,” I said. “I did the speech. I behaved myself. That earn me another question?”
“I already answered questions,” she reminded me. “Remember? On the car ride down?”
“Yeah, but that was because I wore that ridiculous get-up you made me put on. Now I get more questions. You know, for not screwing up my speech. And for not hitting on girls.”
She made a face and I wondered if it was because I'd brought up girls or because she was still hell-bent on not telling me anything about herself.
“Come on,” I said. “What the hell are you afraid of?” I knew I was goading her but I didn't care.
The frown on her face grew. “I'm not afraid.”
“Then I get another question.”
She let out a deep sigh. “Fine,” she said. “Ask away.”
I seized the opportunity. “Okay. Last night, you pointed down the coast. At Trestles?”
She waited for a minute, then nodded.
“You've been there? To that beach?”
No one went to Trestles unless they surfed. There were no houses nearby and it was a trek to the beach from the closest parking lot.
She immediately looked uncomfortable, as if the chair was too small for her or something. She kept moving around, like she was trying to find the right spot. “My brothers were surfers,” she finally said.
Past tense.
“Were?”
She hesitated. “Or are, I guess.”
“And they came up to Trestles to surf?”
She nodded.
“And you just came with them?”
She nodded again.
“You must've really liked your brothers,” I said. I thought about other guys I'd surfed with over the years. No one had their sisters tagging along with them. None.
She glanced away. “Well...it was...just. I don't know. Another guy, too.”
“Boyfriend?” I tried not to trip over the word. Why wouldn't she have had a boyfriend? She was hot. Smart. Funny.
“Yeah.”
Her body language was like a big red stop light. She wasn't comfortable talking about her brothers or the boyfriend. And I wanted to know why.
But I didn't know what to ask. I wasn't used to pursuing chicks. And I wasn't used to feeling jealous. Was that how I felt? My jaw had clenched and my fingers had flexed when she'd said the word boyfriend. And even though it was illogical and I had no right to feel that way about some chick I'd only met seventy-two hours ago – hell, a woman who was working for me – it didn't keep me from feeling it.
I decided to avoid the boyfriend route. “Did you surf?”
“I have, yeah.”
I laced my hands behind my head. “Any good?”
She finally laughed. “Uh, no. Not at all.”
“Come on,” I said. “All that time at the beach and you didn't get good?”
“I mostly watched.”
I nodded. “Your brothers still come down here?”
The light moment passed, and again she looked tense, anxious, like she'd rather be anywhere than where she was sitting. “That's like nine questions. I said one.”
I couldn't tell if she was joking or serious, but there was an edge to her voice, something that told me I was veering into dangerous territory. It might have been the beer talking, her sharp tongue a little more barbed than usual, but I didn't want to take that chance. I got the impression she might shut down completely if I kept asking questions and that wasn't something I was willing to risk. Not when I'd gotten more out of her in five minutes than I had in the previous few days.
“Alright,” I said. “You win.”
Something flashed through her eyes. “It's not...I don't mean to be a bitch. It's just..it's all just weird, okay?”
“Sure,” I said. “I've got enough weird in my life to get it.”
She smiled again. “Thank you. And...” Her voice drifted away.
“And what?”
She tapped her fingers on the top of the table. “And you aren't anything like I thought you might be.”
I felt a little hiccup in my stomach. “Is that good?”
She nodded. “Yeah. It is.”
“Don't be fooled,” I said, a little embarrassed. “I can screw it all up in about a half a second.”
She smiled again. “I know. That's why I'm here. But...I think you're gonna be okay.”
“I hope so.” I didn't want to say it, but I thought so, too. Especially with her there, helping. And believing in me.
She nodded and then stood. “I should probably get going.”
I didn't want her to go. I was tired of being by myself and the last few days were the first time I hadn't felt alone since Jay died. But I didn't know how to tell her that. Not just because I didn't know how she would react but because I wasn't sure I could find the words.
“Tomorrow,” she said, leveling her eyes at me. “You can do it, right? Apologize to the guy? With no drama?”
I took a deep breath. “Yeah. I'll do it. Whatever you tell me. I'll do it.”
“Okay, good,” she said. She tucked her hair behind her ears and suddenly she was all business, like our conversation at the table hadn't happened. She reached for her keys and her purse. “We’ll make it quick. If they pull any crap or try to mess with you, I'll get you out of there. I'll be here about eleven.”
I followed her outside. The breeze had picked up and the night air was cool. I could hear the sound of the ocean on the other side of the house. Steady, rhythmic, a sharp contrast to my wildly beating heart.
“You sure you're okay to drive?” I asked.
“Why wouldn't I be?”
“The beer.”
“It was one beer, Kellen.”
“I know.” She reached for the car door but I stepped in front of her and leaned up against it, blocking her access.
“What are you doing?”
I didn't know what the hell I was doing. I'd had one beer, not seven. But there I was, leaning against the car, positioning myself between her and the door. All because I didn't want her to go.
“Kellen?”
I stepped out of the way and grabbed the door handle. “Just opening the door for you.” It was a lame ass excuse but I wasn't about to tell her what was really going through my head.
She looked at me, surprised. “Uh, okay. Thank you?” It came out as a question.
“Just trying to build up extra points for when I screw up,” I told her.
She shook her head and chuckled as she slid into the driver's seat. “You haven't screwed up.” She looked at me and her eyes grew serious. “And I don't think you're gonna.”
I crouched down so that my eyes were level with hers. She looked beautiful, the streetlight and sliver of moon in the sky bathing her face in an almost other-worldly light. Her dark eyes almost matched the color of the sky and her lips looked darker, too, a deeper red that I wanted to touch. To taste.
“I might,” I said, my voice low.
“How?” she asked. “How do you think you're going to mess things up? You've been absolutely perfect so far.”
“I might do something you don't want me to do.”
She smiled and I felt my breath hitch in my throat. I couldn't remember the last time I'd wanted someone like this. That wasn't true, I corrected myself. I'd wanted plenty of chicks before. Wanted them so badly that we'd barely made it to a hotel room, much less a bed. But this kind of want was different. I didn't want to fuck Gina. I mean, I did, but not right
then. What I wanted was her. Not her body and not what she could do to me or give me. I wanted her.
“Like what?” she asked, a smile teasing her lips. “Ask me a million more questions?”
“Maybe,” I said. “Or maybe something else.”
She waited expectantly and this time I couldn't stop myself. I leaned close and watched her eyes widen in surprise as I touched my lips to hers.
I didn't expect fireworks. I wanted to touch her, to taste her, to see if the reality would be half as good as my expectations. That was it.
But she sighed and shifted and her lips pressed into mine and I lost it. I groaned and leaned into her, my fingers reaching for and finding her hair, threading their way through the tangled mess, my lips moving against hers, forcing her mouth open. She tasted like spices and beer and my tongue tangled with hers. She didn't stop me. She didn't push me away. She kissed me back. Hard.
“Stop,” she finally said, her breathing ragged against my open mouth.
I pulled away and her head dropped to my shoulder. My heart was beating so fast I thought it might jackhammer right out of my chest.
She breathed deeply, like she was trying to catch her breath. “What the hell was that?”
I took a deep breath of my own. “It's called a kiss...”
She lifted her head and glared at me. “No shit.” She looked even more beautiful than before, her eyes dark with passion, her lips swollen. I felt desire surge through me and I had to use all of my self-control to not reach for her again.
Because she was pissed.
“I work for you, Kellen,” she said, her voice raised. “Remember? We're trying to repair your reputation, not give people another fucking reason to gossip about you.”
“I know, I know,” I mumbled. I knew she was right. And even though the only thing I wanted to do was bury my lips against hers one more time, I knew I shouldn't have done it. “I'm sorry.”
She looked away and I could see her lips trembling. I didn't know if it was from rage or if she was on the verge of tears. But then she looked at me, her eyes ablaze, and I knew.
“You know, I was wrong.” She ran her hand through her hair, smoothing it back. My fingers had made a disaster of it. “About you screwing up. I think you want to.”
“What?” I'd pulled myself back to a standing position and looked down at her, sitting in the car, her back rigid.
“You heard me. Everything's going fine and what do you do? Pull some stupid stunt like this.”
“This wasn't a stunt, Gina.”
She held up her hand to stop me. “Shut up. I know you. You're just trying to show who has the upper hand here. Show me that, even though I think I'm the one in charge, you're really the one calling all the shots.”
I stared at her, wide-eyed. What the hell was she talking about?
“Look, you may be the big shot here but I know my job and I know how to do it.” She was incensed. “And I know you don't give a flying fuck about the stuff I've lined up for you. I'm not even sure if you care about your reputation, about getting back on the tour. But I know one thing. Nothing gives you the right to fuck with me. So you can save your little seductions for women who give a shit about you. Because I don't.”
I pulled back, stung. “Whoa. I don't know what the hell is going on—”
She cut me off. “Me either. One minute I think we're friends, we're having a good time, and the next thing I know you're shoving your tongue down my throat and itching to get your dick wet. I'm not stupid, Kellen and I know it's not because you've suddenly developed the hots for me.”
“Stop—”
But she didn't. “I was wrong.” She shook her head. “I was wrong about you. You're exactly what I thought you were going to be like.”
I knew what was coming and I braced myself for it.
She leveled her eyes on me, her mouth set in a firm line.
“You're an asshole, Kellen Handler.”
EIGHTEEN
Gina
I somehow managed to drive back to the hotel room without crashing my car.
Not because I was drunk. Hell, the beer hadn't even given me much of a buzz, not with the massive burrito I'd eaten with it. No, I'd driven a little recklessly because I couldn't see straight, I was so angry with myself and with Kellen.
I played back the entire evening in my head. The minutes spent at his house before the banquet as I helped him with his suit. The drive down to San Diego and the conversation in the car, waffling back and forth between easy banter and difficult questions. The moment at the table with Wyatt, putting my hand on Kellen's leg, trying to reassure him. My chest swelling with some weird, misplaced sense of pride as he'd stepped up to the podium, big in the moment. The drive back to his house, the weight of the banquet lifted from him. Sitting at the kitchen table, eating burritos and drinking beer, having him drill me again with a million questions. And then the driveway. Kellen leaning against my car. Crouching down. Kissing me.
I slammed my fist against the steering wheel. What the hell was he doing? What the hell was I doing?
I pulled into the hotel parking lot and made my way to my hotel room. I tossed my keys on the nightstand and stared at the stocked minibar. My eyes shifted to the bathroom and then back to the bar. I had two choices. Get completely shit-faced and try to forget what had happened or get in the shower and try to wash away the anxiety and anger that had welled up inside of me. I hesitated for a minute, then lifted my dress up over my head. I stepped out of my panties, unclasped my bra and headed into the bathroom. I turned on the shower and steam filled the room. I stepped in, gasping a little as the hot water pelted my skin. The muscles in my neck and back were completely locked up and I let the water massage them into submission, let the heat and steam try to melt away the emotions coursing through me.
By the time I turned off the water and toweled off, I was in a better place to think. I pulled on a T-shirt and an old pair of shorts and sat down on the bed.
Kellen Handler had kissed me.
Big fucking deal.
We'd had an emotional roller coaster of a day. For him, it had been the banquet and the suit and the comments about Mavericks. For me, it had been the questions he'd peppered me with over the last twenty-four hours.
But that didn't excuse my going off on him when he kissed me.
Why had I freaked so badly?
Kellen's questions had unnerved me. I wasn't ready to disclose my entire life to him and I was surprised that he cared enough to ask. But I'd meant what I'd told him. He had done well and he was turning out to be different than what I'd expected. I'd fully expected a cocky, arrogant, immature prima donna who had no ability to see past the tip of his own nose. He'd certainly started out like that but the more I was around him and the more I watched him, I more I started to think he wasn't really like that. Some of it was his public persona, but a lot of it was just a guy who was a little lost and needed some help.
I liked that about him. Very much.
He'd been a natural at the podium, no matter what he'd thought. He smiled, he made eye contact and the entire room had been his. I was fairly confident every girl in that room would've slept with him if he'd asked. He had those kind of looks and that kind of presence. The fact that he'd followed my directions to the letter and behaved like a professional told me more about him than I expected to know. With a lot of clients, it was a game of push and shove to get them to fall in line. But Kellen had fallen in line immediately after the initial vocal complaints. And that told me that he wanted to change, that he didn't want to be surfing's bad boy.
But then he'd leaned through my car window and everything went from focused to blurred in a hurry.
I hadn't been expecting it. I'd expected him to say goodnight, maybe make some smart ass remark or something, but that was it. When he leaned down, I knew what was coming. And I'd held my ground. Kissed him back.
Because I'd wanted to.
But as soon as I'd done it, I knew it was wrong. For a ton of
reasons.
Because I was working for him and we had a professional relationship, like I'd said to him. We couldn't get those lines crossed. That would just screw everything up that we were trying to accomplish and I didn't want to be one of those people who didn't define their personal and professional boundaries.
It was more than just that, though, and I knew it. I wouldn't have gone off on him if it had just been that.
I set the alarm on my phone and then set the alarm clock on the nightstand, too. It was an old habit that I'd never broken. Two alarms, just in case. I'd never missed a class, an appointment or a flight because I was never late.
I turned off the light, closed my eyes and for a moment, thought I was going to pass out.
But then Luke's face appeared and my eyes flew open and I knew why I'd freaked out.
Kellen was starting to remind me of Luke. Not in a doppelganger kind of way, but in the small ways that made me miss Luke so much. The sense of humor. The occasional harmless arrogance. The quiet insecurity. The fact that he loved burritos. The fact that he felt most at home in the ocean.
And I think the fact that I saw a bit of Luke in Kellen, too, when I read about the fight he'd been in. It reminded me that I never wanted to feel the pain of losing someone like that ever again. If I let myself get close to Kellen in any way, the risk of losing him would always be there and I'd decided I wasn't putting myself in that position ever again.
It had been three years since he'd been gone. I didn't miss Luke in the way that I did initially, like there was a hole in my heart that was never going to close up. It was different now. Like a long lost friend. The hopelessness had finally faded. I knew that life went on and I'd made sure mine had moved forward. The memories now were more happy than sad. I could focus on the good times we had instead of the good times we'd been robbed of. I could look at the ocean without flinching, without thinking of the last time I'd seen him and Leo and Anthony there on the shoreline.
The XOXO New Adult Collection: 16 Full Length New Adult Stories Page 152