“That’s cool. Didn’t you say you were a couples therapist?” he asked.
“Yeah, I primarily work with couples, but I work with women too.”
“Why couples therapy exactly?”
“I got into it because I was an advocate for love,” I said as if I had rehearsed the line a million times.
“You were an advocate for love?” he asked, placing the emphasis on the word were.
“Well, things change I guess.” I should have bit my tongue because it was too honest of an answer.
“What do you mean?”
Why didn’t I just say yes?
“After everything I’ve seen, I’ve learned to be more realistic about human relationships.” I hoped my answer would be enough to end the conversation.
“So you don’t believe in happily ever after?” he asked like a child asking if I believed in Santa.
“I believe it takes work,” I said in my sensible tone.
“Well, I’d like to think it exists.” As soon as he said it, I gave him my best scrutinizing lie detector stare. He stared back at me never losing eye contact. Hmm, this was definitely my guy.
Our food arrived as we closed the topic. We ate, talked, and enjoyed a couple more drinks. The bill finally came and I realized we had been there for two hours. James was easy to talk with, a little too easy. All in all we had a really nice time. We shared a cab on the way home and he walked me to my door to say goodnight. It didn’t seem like he was trying to weasel his way into my apartment, unless the whole “hold the cab” thing was just a ploy.
“Thanks for joining me. I had a great time with you,” he said, pushing his hands into his pockets.
“Me too.” I smiled.
“I’d like to take you out again,” he said, looking unsure of himself.
“I’d like that,” I said and he gave a shy smile.
“Good, then I’ll call you.” I unlocked the door.
“Do you wanna come in?” I asked to gauge his reaction.
“I’ve got to head home, but maybe next time.” He took my hand and gave it a gentle kiss.
“Good night, Marin,” he said.
“Good night.”
And then he turned to leave.
I shut myself into the apartment and leaned my back against the door. My stomach was aflutter, and I took a moment to reflect on the night. James was such a gentleman, kind, cute, just easy to be with. I started to blush. Then, I immediately shook my head. No! I couldn’t let him fool me. James was a man, which meant he was a cheater like the rest of them.
The next afternoon, I went shopping with Telly. We sorted through clothes and discussed why stirrup pants are never okay. I decided to confess.
“So . . . I think I found a new lab rat,” I said.
“Eww, for what?” Telly said, half paying attention with an arm full of outfits.
“Not a real rat, a new guy.”
“Oh, wow, that was fast. So who is this poor bastard?” She continued to browse the racks, unfazed by my news.
“Do you remember the best man at Rachel and David’s wedding?” I asked. Her eyes and mouth flew open.
“No way! That guy James?”
“Yep.”
She drew nearer and lowered her voice, her face full of intrigue. “Holy shit. How’d that happen?”
“It’s kind of embarrassing. I fell outside of my office and he happened to be walking by. He sort of . . . rescued me and took me out for ice cream.”
She raised an eyebrow at me. “Oh, God, that’s so you with your prince and his white horse.” She grimaced.
“Hey, I don’t believe in fairytales anymore.”
“Okay, so then what?”
“We went out for dinner last night and it went well,” I said.
“Did you guys have sex?” she asked as if that was the most natural of follow-up questions.
“No, it wasn’t like that.”
“Boo!” she said, giving me a thumbs-down like a ten year-old boy.
“I have to play this one for real. If we don't establish a commitment, then it won't mean anything if he’s unfaithful,” I argued. Telly walked in the other direction to another rack of clothes. I followed close behind.
“Marin, that could take months, years even!”
“Yeah, but I have a good feeling about this guy.” I smirked and she looked unconvinced. “Did you know that fifty percent of married men will cheat by the time they’re forty? I mean doesn’t that make you sick?”
“Not really. I don’t believe in monogamy.” I shrugged my shoulders and reluctantly agreed.
“I hope you know what you’re doing. Holly would kill you if she found out you were playing games with her brother-in-law’s best friend.” Telly had a point.
“She’s not going to find out. By the time she comes back this whole thing will be over, and then it won’t matter.”
“I hope you’re right. In the meantime, Rachel is going to have a field day with this. You just wait. As soon as she gets wind of it she’s going to be calling you with double date plans and couples weekends away in Wine Country.” I hadn’t thought about Rachel and David’s involvement before. It was going to be a bit tricky playing fake girlfriend with a close family friend around genuinely rooting for us.
Telly was right. Rachel called later that week.
“Eeekkk!” she screeched in excitement.
“Are you okay?” I asked holding the phone away from my ear.
“I’m great! Why didn’t you tell me you were going out with James?” she said in a high-pitched, sorority girl voice.
“It’s kinda new. I didn’t want to jump the gun.”
“I can’t believe it. You guys are perfect for each other. I don’t know why I didn’t think of it before.”
“Probably because I was already engaged.” Duh!
“Oh, right. So, when are you two going out next?” Her voice danced in a sing-song kind of way.
“Saturday,” I said, and she screeched again.
Saturday would be our third official date. We met for coffee on Wednesday and planned a movie over the weekend. Things were going well, but moving slowly. Too slowly. He hadn’t even kissed me except for on my hand and cheek. Usually by the third date things really heat up. At least that’s what many of my friends experienced. At this rate I’d be lucky if I got a single goodnight kiss.
That weekend, James and I met at the movie theater to watch a new action drama. I tried to amp up the flirting by giving him a sultry “kiss me” gaze before the movie started, but that didn’t work. I inched closer to him, leaving my hand lonely and cold on my lap, easy for him to grab. Nothing. Maybe he was purposefully ignoring my signals. About half way through the movie, I decided to give up and sulk as I ate my popcorn and Goobers.
James dropped me off at my apartment the same as our previous dates. He wished me goodnight just like before and asked if I wanted to go out again just like before, and I, of course, said yes just like before. What’s the definition of insanity? I started to wonder if he was a fictitious boyfriend or a boy who was a friend. I shut myself in my apartment and threw my hands in the air. Am I ugly? Does my breath stink? Why hasn’t he kissed me?
The next afternoon, he took me on another “date” to the San Francisco Conservatory, which was a museum of flowers that I rarely visited. I admired the architecture of the building as we walked inside. To me, it looked somewhat like the White House and the Taj Mahal made a building baby.
“Do you like flowers?” he asked and I looked at him strangely. Who would say no to a question like that?
“James, everyone likes flowers.” He smiled and shook his head.
“That’s not true. I dated a girl who despised getting flowers. I gave her a nice bouquet once and she tossed them right in the trash.”
“That’s kind of a strong reaction.” He agreed, then I added, “Maybe they were ugly flowers.”
He laughed and said that he thought her distaste for flowers stemmed from a traumatizi
ng incident with a rose bush.
“Would that be considered Post Traumatic Thorn Syndrome?” I asked.
He smiled. “You’re the shrink. You tell me.”
We walked through the conservatory, admiring the beautiful greenery and ornate flowers. James leaned in and asked, “What’s your favorite kind of flower?”
“Guess,” I said. He let out a thoughtful hmm sound and tapped his finger on his chin.
“Tulips,” he said. I shook my head.
“Lilies?” He tried again. Still no.
“Roses?” I shook my head again and gave him a tightlipped smile as if I were holding the name of my favorite flower hostage inside my mouth. He gave up on guessing and we went easily onto another topic. It was about an hour into the tour when I realized he was walking a safe distance from me. Close enough as friends, but too far for lovers. Romantic relationships don’t exist without a little romance, especially in the beginning. And while I was getting plenty of romantic dates from James, I wasn’t getting any of the passion or obvious tension. It wasn’t nearly this difficult with Anderson or Chad. Neither could keep their hands off me.
James was giving me his opinion on the healthcare system in America when I finally got fed up. I was a modern woman and if I wanted something I had to go get it myself. It was time to go for it and lay one on him. What was the worst that could happen? What did I have to lose? I walked in front of him and planted my feet. He almost ran into me, which was the closest we had been, probably ever.
“Hey!” I said, surprising even myself.
He was startled then puzzled. Perhaps it wasn’t the best way to prompt a kiss. I stared at him unable to make a move. He opened his mouth to speak, but before he could speak I said, “Why haven’t you kissed me yet?”
“What?” He blushed.
“This is our fourth date and you haven’t so much as held my hand. I don’t understand what we’re doing.” My frustration was on the table and so was my crazy.
“I thought we were having a good time,” he said like it was no big deal. That’s when I realized I was in the friend zone. He wasn’t into me at all. We were hanging out like a couple of middle school kids. Despite the fact that I was in control of the situation, all of the rejection was starting to get to me.
I dropped my head and mumbled to myself, “I’m so stupid.” I turned and walked away. He followed me and called out, “Marin.” I stopped at the display of Birds of Paradise flowers.
“What’s this all about?” he asked. I turned to him and looked up, but not directly at him.
“I thought you liked me,” I said with defeat.
“I do like you.”
“No, I mean like, like me.”
“I do.”
“Then why aren’t you moving things forward? We’re not in high school. By now we should be, ya know, getting to know each other better,” I said, trying to be obvious with the innuendo.
“Marin, dating hasn’t changed since high school. You just asked me if I like, liked you.” He gave me a cute smirk, and I felt kind of silly.
“Truthfully,” he said, “I wanted to take it slow for you. Rachel told me about your engagement ending, and I didn’t want to rush into ‘getting to know each other better’ yet.”
“What did she tell you?” I wasn’t keen on him knowing all the awful details, and I hoped that Rachel had been vague.
“Only that you guys broke it off not that long ago. I figured if you wanted to talk about it you would.”
“Yeah,” I said and realized I might be forced to have that conversation with someone in the future.
“Plus, you kind of seem like you’re not there yet, like you’re not really in it. Do you know what I mean?”
I had to hand it to him. He was trying to be a gentleman and consider my feelings because I had just gotten my heart broken. He was pretty intuitive picking up on my emotional distance. Yep, playing with James wasn’t some old lady’s card game. I had to put my best poker face forward.
“Yeah, I see what you mean,” I said.
“It’s not that I don’t want to kiss you, because I do,” he said, and I smiled. “Do you want me to kiss you now or later?” he asked and sarcastically moved around me like he was trying to figure out if he should make a move or not.
“No.” I laughed. “You have to surprise me.”
“Okay, I’ll make it a surprise.” He took my hand and held it tightly in his.
“Orchids,” I said. “My favorite flowers are orchids.”
“Good to know,” he said with a smile.
We continued on our walk through the conservatory enjoying each other’s company. I felt a little self-conscious after my confrontation about the kiss, but I played it cool. Not that he would let me forget it, because he kept pretending to initiate kisses. What he didn’t know was two could play the pretend game.
Like the gentleman that he was, he walked me to my door once again.
“I’m not going to kiss you now, because it would be too predictable.” He was very matter-of-fact. I blushed and covered my face with my hands. He was definitely not letting me live it down.
“Goodnight,” I said and closed myself in my apartment. I was only inside for a minute when there was a knock at the door. It was James. He stood there staring at me like he had something to confess.
“I forgot something,” he said.
“What?” I asked, wondering what he could’ve possibly forgotten. Then he grabbed me tightly around my waist. His thumb rubbed gently against my cheek.
“This.” And then he kissed me. His lips were soft, his mouth was warm, and his smell was intoxicating. My skin tingled with excitement. As first kisses go, it was pretty damn good. I was rendered speechless, surprised for sure. He released me from his arms and smiled.
“Goodnight, Marin,” he said and walked away. I let out a delayed, “Goodnight” after him.
I closed the door and let out a deep exhale, the kind of exhale that’s triggered by a strong mint. My head was cloudy from the rush of dopamine and norepinephrine. I took a deep breath and came to my senses. I thought to myself, WhooHooo! Now we’re getting somewhere. I did a victory dance around my apartment and relished in the prospect of a beautiful, fictitious relationship.
CHAPTER NINE
Catch Me If You Can
Three weeks and nine dates later, James and I were still seeing each other. I played it cool during every interaction, hoping we would soon take the next steps—commitment and sex. In the meantime, I enjoyed his company, but kept my eyes peeled for any suspicious activity. So far, he proved to be a decent guy.
We met after work one evening for a quick bite to eat and a run in the park. Running had become a frequent activity of ours since he was helping me train for the marathon. The sun set as we walked briskly, cooling ourselves from the run. James slowed and I followed.
“Hey,” James called to a man who was stretching by a bench.
“James,” the man said and shook James’ hand.
“It’s been a long time. How’ve you been?” James asked.
“Great. Stephanie just had a baby.”
“Wow, congratulations.” James gave the man a friendly pat on the arm.
“Thanks.”
“Marin, this is Josh. We went to college together. Josh, this is my girlfriend, Marin.” I offered my hand to Josh.
“Nice to meet you, Marin,” Josh said.
“Likewise.”
“Well, it was good running into you. Send our best to the family.” James ended our little stop and chat.
“Will do,” Josh said as he waved goodbye.
James immediately began talking about how long it had been since he had seen Josh and how they met in economics class their first year. I tried to pay attention, but kept thinking about my introduction.
“I don’t know if you noticed, but you introduced me as your girlfriend back there,” I slowed our walk to a complete stop.
“Yeah, that’s what you are, right?” he said
as if we’d been dating for years.
“Well, we never really talked about being exclusive,” I said.
James shrugged. “I guess I thought it was one of those unspoken things. I mean I’m not seeing anyone else, and . . . wait.” He paused. “Are you seeing other people?”
“No,” I said with a giggle.
“Good, then let’s just see each other.” He smiled.
I smiled too, accepting his exclusive offer. He kissed my forehead, took my hand. He went on while I silently congratulated myself. It was official. James was my boyfriend.
James made dinner plans for us on Friday night, which worked well since it was time to get the show on the road. It was the night we were finally going to have sex. That evening I took a long luxurious bath, making sure to shave everything. Yes, everything. The date was casual so I slipped on a light floral summer dress and cute sandals.
He arrived just as I was packing an extra pair of panties and a travel toothbrush. If things went well, I would be out all night.
“These are for you.” He greeted me with a kiss and surprised me with a dozen long stemmed orchids sitting delicately in a simple vase. My favorite flowers and only the second time I had received them as a gift, and the first time I had received them as a romantic gift.
“Thank you,” I said.
He kissed my cheek and told me how beautiful I looked. His blue eyes sparkled at mine, and I was caught for a moment. Then I dropped my eyes, using them to trace the frame of his body. He escorted me outside and I inhaled his delicious smelling cologne.
“Where’s the cab?” I asked.
“Right here,” he said leading me to a dark blue SUV.
“Is this yours?”
“Yeah, I just bought it. What do you think?” he asked. I gave it a once over.
“I like it.”
He opened the door, and when I sat inside, I caught a whiff of that overwhelming new car smell.
“We’ll save a ton on cab fare,” he said.
“I’ll save a ton on cab fare, you’ll spend a fortune on gas,” I said. He smirked before shutting the door. I examined all the knobs and features on his dashboard as he started the engine, then I noticed he was staring at me. When I turned toward him, his eyes came up quickly from staring at my legs that were exposed beyond my short summer dress.
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