The Truth

by Barbara Becker Holstein

  Date: April 18

  Dear Diary,

  Today I was standing in line behind Paul and noticed that we are now the same height. I guess I’ve grown a lot this year and he hasn’t. When I asked Mom about that, she said it’s common at my age for girls to start catching up in height to the boys—and sometimes growing taller too.

  But the truth is, I liked it when Paul was taller than me. But that hasn’t stopped me from loving him, even though he still hasn’t asked me to be his girlfriend—he hasn’t even written on my Facebook wall, not even for my birthday. I know sometimes boys do ask girls to be their girlfriends even at twelve. My cousin Ann goes to a school where lots of kids have boyfriends and girlfriends in the sixth grade. I don’t know anyone around here who does, though. So I don’t really expect it to happen.

  Date: May 14

  Dear Diary,

  My world is coming to an end. At lunch, I told Mom again about Paul and how much I love him and that I think I want to get married to him someday. This time she was actually listening to me. And do you know what she told me? She told me not to expect to marry Paul someday. She said I’ll meet lots of other boys before I get married. She made me so mad when she said that. Paul is the only boy I’ll ever love—I’m sure of it! I don’t think she understands that at all.

  Every day I know how I feel just by looking at him. He is the smartest boy in the room, and I can’t imagine growing up and not being with him. I would rather die.

  I am in love!

  Date: May 20

  Dear Diary,

  Today my feelings were hurt.

  I usually raise my hand a lot in class, because I have a lot of questions to ask. So today, Miss Shannon was talking about the wheel and how it changed so many things in the world once it was invented. I raised my hand and asked what the world might have been like if something else had been invented instead of the wheel. And then Miss Shannon just looked at me with her really sharp gray eyes and said, “Now, isn’t that a silly question!” Then she turned to everyone else and asked them to think of other inventions that depend on the wheel.

  I’m sure I turned three different shades of red after that. I mean, I felt bad that Miss Shannon thought my question was dumb. Sometimes she doesn’t call on me at all, and I know she sees my hand waving. That makes me feel bad, too. What’s so wrong with asking questions? My dad once told me that there are never stupid questions, only stupid answers. So what was so wrong with what I asked her?

  But I won’t stop raising my hand and asking questions, even if I get a funny feeling in my chest when Miss Shannon ignores me or puts me down.

  Date: May 30

  Dear Diary,

  I think it’s time to make a list of the things that grown-ups should remember. This way, when I’m a grown-up, I’ll remember them, too:

  * Don’t be mean to animals.

  * Try not to swear.

  * Don’t fight with anyone you love.

  * Don’t put people down or call them names.

  * Believe your child if she tells you she is in love.

  * Answer a kid’s questions.

  * Listen to their ideas.

  * Get your kids a dog when they want one.

  Date: June 7

  Dear Diary,

  The most fun I think I have ever had so far in my life was being in the school play last week. I didn’t have the biggest part, but I knew from the time I got my role that I was going to do a great job, and I did.

  The way I felt as I said my lines was so wonderful. I could feel my whole body swell as if it got as big as the moon. I could feel the pressure inside of me pushing me to “be” the princess in the story. I knew my connection with her and her feelings would come through.

  And they did. I was so good. I knew as the words came out of my mouth that my voice sounded great and my face looked like the princess I was supposed to be, and I knew that afterward people would come up to me and compliment me. And boy, did they!

  I was surrounded by everyone—friends, family members, and a few teachers. A few people told me I should be an actress when I grow up. I have to admit: I loved all the attention. My parents even brought me flowers and my dad took my picture with the rest of the cast. And my brother even handed me a rose and he looked so proud of me! I looked good in the picture, in my long dress that was what a princess would wear. But the picture doesn’t show how I was flying inside.

  I will never forget that night.

  Date: June 11

  Dear Diary,

  I know I would be much prettier if my mom would let me wear makeup. When I was in the school play, I got to wear a long dress and makeup. I could tell by looking at myself in pictures after how makeup makes a big difference. And I really want to wear it now!

  I asked Mom why my face looks better with makeup on. She wasn’t really listening that well and said something about my sallow skin and black rings under my eyes (which are caused by my allergies). Even though she just said it in passing, I think she must be right. But then why won’t she let me wear it? She said I have to wait to wear makeup for at least another year, when I’m a teenager. That’s a long time not to look my best.

  I wonder if Paul would notice if I wore makeup? I bet he would and I bet he’d ask me to be his girlfriend right away, too. The pretty girls in pictures online and in movies who have boyfriends all wear makeup.

  Even Angela gets to wear a little makeup on special occasions. Her mom lets her wear a little blush, some pink lipstick, and even some mascara. Her mom is so with it! What’s wrong with my mom? She is still treating me like a little kid!

  Thank goodness school is over next week. Last week, Miss Shannon made us do a research project. She said it is good training but didn’t say what for. Anyway, we all had to pick a topic and then go to the computer lab and do research online. We could pick from either science or social studies topics. I am sick of social studies. I don’t care about the states and what they are famous for. So I picked something to do with science: the weather. I think that is an interesting topic.

  We used the Internet and online encyclopedias to research the project. We couldn’t just copy what was said in them, though. We had to put each fact down in our own words. That was really hard, but I think I did an okay job with it.

  And looking back, I learned a lot. I didn’t know that typhoons are the same thing as hurricanes. It just depends what side of the earth you are on.

  I’m not going to tell you everything because I already put it in my paper, which had to be three pages. My parents read my paper and found lots of spelling mistakes. They helped me fix them and then I had to retype the whole thing over. My fingers were cramped up from all that typing.

  The project took all day Sunday to complete and it put me in a bad mood. The only reason I didn’t get really annoyed was that my mom said if I just buckled down and did the work without complaining, she’d agree to buy me a new dress I saw at the mall last weekend.

  I can’t wait to go shopping and get the dress! It’s the most beautiful dress I’ve ever seen. It’s pink with a belt. I can’t wait to wear it and see if Paul notices.

  Date: June 12

  Dear Diary,

  We got our research papers back today. I got a B plus. Miss Shannon wrote, “Good job” at the top. I was pretty happy, given the fact that I really am having a hard time concentrating with summer vacation just around the corner. When I showed the grade to my parents, they smiled and said they were proud of me. I’m so glad I don’t have parents who are always saying, “Why didn’t you get an A?” or, “Next time you had better get 100!”

  Dorothy’s parents are mean to her like that but she works really hard in school. She told me that sometimes she hides her report card because she knows her mom and dad are going to yell at her and maybe even hit her if she doesn’t have all A’s.

  I might be young, but I know that’s just not right. Parents should respect their kids and never put them down for not being the best student all the time. And
they should never, ever hit them.

  I feel really lucky that my parents don’t yell at me about my schoolwork.

  I wear my locket all the time. I love to touch it while I’m in school or on the bus ride home. It feels so good when I rub it with my fingers. I like to touch the engraving, too. It goes around and around in a circle that never seems to end.

  I still don’t have a second picture in it but I’ve decided it should be Paul who goes in there beside me. After all, he’s the one I’m most in love with. I wonder how I can get Paul’s picture, though? If I could have his picture in my locket it would be almost like we were really a couple.

  Maybe, if I ask Angela nicely, she’ll let me print one off from Facebook. Or maybe I could get his school picture, but I’d have to ask him for it and that might be a little embarrassing. And besides, it would be much too big for the locket. I’m not sure what to do! And school’s almost over, so I better try to figure it out, and fast!

  Date: June 17

  Dear Diary,

  How am I going to be able to deal with being at home all summer? Sometimes I can be so miserable at home. Usually it is when my parents start fighting. But if I can get away from them, then I’m okay. When I stay around and listen, I feel like they are yelling at me. But as soon as I get away then it’s like I come alive again. Usually I just get on my bike or rollerblades or I walk down the hill to my friend’s house, and then I feel okay.

  I’m still sad for them and angry that they waste time fighting. But I guess I can really only control how I am going to feel. And leaving the house when they are fighting makes me feel better. So this summer, I’ll just have to take control and do what makes me feel happy.

  Date: June 21

  Dear Diary,

  Today was the last day of school! These last few days have been really fun. Guess why. Miss Shannon got sick and we have the greatest substitute. His name is Mr. Reid and he’s fun and also very nice. He told us he just finished becoming a teacher. I can’t believe how different school has been. We made butter from milk by churning it by hand and then we ate the butter with crackers. We made candles with real string and melted wax. Mr. Reid also brought us all jump ropes and taught us how to exercise outside. He has a rule that we can’t play anything where we choose sides until the last kid is chosen. When we asked why, he said, “Because it hurts feelings!” He actually said that! And he always calls on me when my hand is up. Five times so far he told me what a great answer I gave. Three times he said the question I asked was terrific. He made me feel so smart and good about myself. What a great way to end sixth grade!

  I will never forget you, Mr. Reid! Thanks for making the end of the school year so much fun!

  Date: June 24

  Dear Diary,

  I woke up this morning and realized that I won’t be seeing Paul over the summer at all. I got up the courage to ask him what his plans were during the last week of school and he said he’s going away to camp. Maybe he’ll miss me? I know I’ll miss him. I can’t imagine him not being around and not seeing him every day at school. I feel lonely already. How will I get through each day?

  I hate going to summer camp in the city. My parents always make me go and I have to drag my brother, too. Yuck. Twice a week the camp counselors make us swim in that awful “Y” pool that smells of chlorine, and they also try to teach us tennis. I hate tennis. I always miss the ball. And they have the most boring arts and crafts that we have to do. I don’t want to make another wallet. What will I do with another wallet? I have five from last summer and besides, if I want to do crafts, there are plenty I can find online that are much more fun to make.

  The more I think about it, the more this summer is going to be a huge drag.

  Date: June 25

  Dear Diary,

  I just finished reading A Summer Camp Miracle Story. Angela said she loved the book so I borrowed it from her. In the story, Jackie goes away to camp and has all sorts of adventures, both bad and good. She wins an award for paddling a canoe the fastest and she makes lots of friends. But something bad happens. She almost drowns in the deep end of the lake. It’s a long story. I don’t even want to write all the details. It makes me feel so scared to even think about her struggling in the water. Finally she does get saved by the senior life guard and even has fun at the hospital getting treats and having her picture taken by the Waterville News, after having her lungs checked out because she swallowed so much water.

  I don’t think I should have read the book. It made me afraid of the water. I’ve always been a little afraid of swimming in deep water and now I’m really scared. I don’t want to go to the beach this summer or to even swim in the pool at the Y. What am I going to do? Kids are supposed to love to go to the beach. Who can I tell that I am petrified? I don’t want to die by drowning!

  I can’t tell Angela. She’ll think I’m a baby! I can’t tell my mom, either. I know that she will tell me I’m being ridiculous and that I’m a good swimmer. And I can’t tell my dad because he was so proud of me when I passed the intermediate swimming test.

  It’s times like this I don’t know what to do. Am I being silly or should I find someone to confess this fear to?

  Date: June 28

  Dear Diary,

  I can’t wait to tell you what just happened! Remember how scared I was about swimming? Well, two days after I wrote that, my family went to Mountain Lake. My cousins also came in from Tremont—all five kids (Charlie is twelve, Karen is ten, Michael is seven, Patty is four, and Cindy is two) and Uncle Louie and Aunt Rita.

  My mom made a giant picnic lunch to bring along. She got up early and fried chicken. It smelled so yummy. But then I had to peel all the potatoes for potato salad. That was okay (especially since I ate a bunch of chocolate chip cookies as I worked).

  The lake was so beautiful and calm when we arrived. It was hot out, but not roasting. Really, the day was perfect. We were setting up the picnic lunch when suddenly Cindy ran into the water and disappeared under the surface. I guess there is a slope near the edge and she didn’t know it. Everyone started to panic.

  But guess who saved her? Yup, I did. Without even thinking, I ran in and pulled her up by the back of her bathing suit. She was crying like crazy and kind of choking. Her mom came and scooped her up and hit her on the back so she spit up water. And soon she was okay and laughing while eating lunch with us.

  So guess what? I’m not afraid of the water anymore. I went into the deep end just like I used to. After all, I am a good swimmer. I just got scared. Now, I feel so happy inside, like a big balloon filled inside me and I know I will always feel safe in the water.

  Date: June 30

  Dear Diary,

  I wish I could travel to another country. I think it’s so neat to meet new people, and seeing new things really is like getting a present.

  I know when I grow up I’m going to travel a lot, and that’s the truth.

  The biggest trip I ever had so far was when we went to Florida in an airplane to the town where my Aunt Nelly lives. My aunt and uncle have a cute little ranch house. Of course, we had to stay with them, so I didn’t have a chance to stay in a big hotel. I stayed in the finished basement, so I just pretended like I was a princess in my very own castle. That made not staying in a hotel a little better.

  My parents let me go up in a tiny plane by myself (well, the pilot was there, too) while we were there. The County Fair was going on and it was one of the special rides you could buy a ticket for. The plane ride was wonderful. I was scared a little bit, and there wasn’t even a roof on the plane. I was just sitting there behind the pilot with the wind pushing my hair into my eyes. My brother wanted to go too, but instead he got to go to the movies with my Aunt Nelly, as this was my special treat!

  The pilot was so handsome. My heart was pounding from fright when the plane went really high. The pilot turned to me and said I could hold his hand if I was scared.

  So guess what? While we were swooping over the houses and over the orange gro
ves, I held his hand. It felt so reassuring and I also got the feeling of butterflies in my stomach. I wonder if he thought I looked older, maybe sixteen? Then we could maybe go out on a date.

  When we finally landed, my parents were waving and throwing me kisses, and my mom looked like she had been crying. It was one of those really special moments when my mom and dad and I were all so happy together. They were happy I was alive and hadn’t crashed, and I was happy I got to hold the pilot’s hand and feel like I was sixteen.

  It was a perfect day, and that’s the truth.

  Date: July 10

  Dear Diary,

  Angela, Betty, Joanne, Karen, Dorothy, Dawn, and I came up with a way to get through the boring summer. We meet at our houses once a week and trade books. It’s like a club—a book trading club. That way we all get more books to read. We are trading all sorts of books and many of them I haven’t read before.

  Yesterday, we met at Dorothy’s house. She has her own computer in her room, just like Angela. After we traded books, we watched music videos on YouTube and then practiced our own dance routines based on the various songs. We were laughing and having fun singing the songs and making up dances. Dorothy’s mom finally came into the room and told us to settle down—that the whole house was shaking with us stomping around.