by Liz Botts
Lexi stood near the still-open front door hugging her arms around herself. Charlotte took several steps back, put a gentle hand on the Lexi's shoulder, and guided her into the room. Despite Charlotte's churning emotions, her disbelief that Lexi would actually pull off such a stunt, she felt a compassion for the girl that she had always hoped someone would feel for her. She wanted to protect Lexi from the experience if it turned out badly.
"Your daughter has wanted to meet you for quite awhile," Charlotte said, her hand still on Lexi's arm.
Mary mirrored her daughter, arms wrapped tightly around her chest. "I didn't think…"
As her words trailed off, Charlotte felt a flush of exasperation. She cared for Lexi, and as her guardian, and a social worker, Charlotte knew that this experience needed some guidance if it was going to work. She propelled Lexi toward the sofa, and motioned for her to sit down. The girl sat obediently, putting her hands under her legs as she settled onto the shabby cushion.
Then Charlotte walked over to Mary. "Come talk to your daughter for a few minutes."
A dullness clouded Mary's eyes for a moment as she stared at Charlotte. Then a flash of something lit through them. Charlotte could actually see the spark of life coming back into them as Mary blinked. She raised her hand and pushed Charlotte away from her. The blow was minor but caught Charlotte off guard. She stumbled back a few feet and caught herself on a nearby wall.
"Mom!" Lexi appeared next to Charlotte a moment later. "What are you thinking?"
"I didn't ask you here." Mary's eyes turned toward Lexi with a fury that Charlotte could feel. "I liked my life the way it was. I might not be much better but I can function. You just waltz in here, ready to disrupt everything, just like your father."
Charlotte watched as Lexi's slowly crumpling face froze. The girl clutched Charlotte's arm. "My father?"
Mary laughed a sad, brittle laugh that sounded more like a croaking cackle. "He always thought he could just show up and everything would be handed to him. You obviously get that from him."
"I just wanted to meet you." Lexi's voice cracked as she leaned into Charlotte.
"So you've met me. Now go bug someone else. Better yet, go bug your father."
Chapter Three
"I can't believe she gave me his name."
Charlotte reached into the laundry basket to pull out another sock to fold. She rolled them into a tight ball and squeezed it in her hand. She couldn't believe Mary had given the girl her father's name either. To start with, the whole visit had been so far outside agency guidelines that Charlotte didn't want to think about the myriad consequences of her actions. But when Mary had spat out Lexi's father's name, every gear in Charlotte's mind had ground to a halt. At first she thought she hadn't heard correctly, but Mary repeated the name half a dozen more times so Charlotte was positive she had heard the other woman.
"William Wright." Lexi smoothed the piece of paper on the coffee table for the hundredth time that hour. Her voice had a dreamy quality every time she murmured the name. A stranger would have thought the girl was pining over Hollywood's next big star. "When can we meet him?"
Charlotte's tongue felt glued to the roof of her mouth. She hadn't found the courage to tell Lexi she had already met Will. And for some reason that she couldn't fathom, she helped Lexi look up Will's information; information she herself had already searched for. This time, however, they yielded a home address just thirty five minutes north of Rapid City. Lexi had squealed with excitement, her hands pressed against her cheeks, all memories of the painful visit with her mother fading at the thought of finding her father. Charlotte couldn't take that away from her, even if she knew better. Besides, the little voice in the back of her mind reminded Charlotte time and again that she would like to meet Will just one more time.
After taking up residence there several weeks ago, Will had lingered at the edge of her thoughts. Now she sat poised on the edge of a bad professional decision or a potentially wonderful personal one. She reminded herself that she needed to do things by the book if she wanted to keep Lexi. Even her supervisor had warned her that because Lexi needed stability the agency wanted her in a two parent home, but because they knew and trusted Charlotte they were willing to take the chance. So far, Charlotte had blown that trust out of the water. Her professional self should have marched Lexi home, but the real part of her knew what it felt like so she had put everything on the line.
"I just hope he likes me more than my mom did."
Charlotte snapped out of her reverie just in time to see the first tears spill down Lexi's cheeks. Guilt snapped over her, hot and fast. She never should have allowed that meeting to progress, but as much as she berated herself for it now, the damage had been done and all Charlotte could do was pick up the pieces to help Lexi move on.
She scooted off the sofa and joined Lexi on the floor. Draping one arm around the girl, Charlotte said, "Your mom liked you just fine. We talked about this, remember? She has an anxiety disorder that makes it impossible for her to even leave her house. Us showing up on her doorstep probably brought up a lot of bad memories."
"From when I was taken." Lexi fingered the slip of paper holding Will's name and address.
Charlotte gave Lexi's shoulders a quick squeeze. "Exactly. If she had more time to get used to the idea of a visit, I bet she'd be a very different person."
Lexi swiped at her cheeks, the movement jostling Charlotte. "I can't believe I thought she'd want me back. Man, I am so stupid. I mean, I love living here and all but…"
"It's not stupid," Charlotte said, her voice soft from the memories that crept up on her and threatened to overwhelm her at any moment. "I was probably fifteen when I last saw my mom. I'll never forget that. Your mom, though, it isn't that she didn't want you. It's just that… she can barely take care of herself. The pressure of a child is just too much for her."
"Why? Why did this happen to her? Why didn't she fight harder? Anxiety disorder? That doesn't even sound real. She probably made it up because she hated me." Lexi slapped a hand down on the coffee table, and then winced.
Charlotte took Lexi's now injured hand in her own and rubbed it gently. "She probably developed the anxiety disorder after you were born. Maybe it was an offshoot of postpartum depression. She was all alone with a new baby. It's not like she didn't try, sweetie. She did, for almost three years. She loved you, and she still does."
"You wouldn't know that from the way she looked at me," Lexi said with a soul deep sigh. She leaned her head back against the sofa and closed her eyes.
"It's hard to understand now," Charlotte said. "But someday, you will."
"Doubt it."
The two fell into a heavy silence, the stillness only punctuated by the frequent deep sighs from Lexi. Finally the girl asked, "So, when can we meet my dad?"
Even though Charlotte could feel the weight of her decision already resting heavily on her shoulders, she tried to muster a smile. "We'll go after lunch. How does that sound?"
Lexi's eyes flew open. "Do you mean it? We can really go after lunch?"
Charlotte nodded. "We'll leave at one."
"I have to go pick out something great to wear."
As Lexi flew out of the room, Charlotte let the wave of nerves that had been building crash over her. Whatever the outcome of this decision, she knew that it would change her life forever.
****
Lexi stood in front of her closet, cursing her meager wardrobe. After the fiasco with her mom, she had assumed that Charlotte would never let her meet her father, but there she was, just hours away from seeing him for the first time. She had never considered finding her father. All the years of searching for her mother and she had never even looked for her dad.
What would he be like? She and Charlotte had found a picture of him on the faculty page of the Black Hills Paleontological Institute. Lexi had been startled to recognize the resemblance between the two of them. She never expected to see someone else who looked like her, and when she'd met her mother there had been
no similarity at all.
"He has kind eyes," Charlotte said as the two of them stared at the picture.
Lexi didn't know what that meant exactly. She figured it meant that Will would be a nice guy, unlike her mother. Lexi could have kicked herself for believing that she could resurrect a happy family where one had never existed before. Things would be different with Will, though. He was her father. Daddies always loved their little girls. Lexi had seen it time and again with her friends' parents. Even when they fought with their moms, they got along with their dads. Now Lexi wished she had started searching for her dad much sooner.
Charlotte had already told her that there was no record of her father. Now they were just going off what her mother had said. Even Charlotte had seen the resemblance from the picture though. In fact, she had gasped.
"It's the eyes," she'd murmured.
Lexi thought Charlotte might think her dad was a hottie based on the way she stared at the picture, sort of glassy-eyed. Girls looked at boys that way when they had a crush. Lexi had only ever liked one boy, back in fifth grade, so she wasn't an expert or anything. Still, she was thirteen. She just knew things.
"I think I'll wear the blue dress," she said to her reflection. "It'll bring out my eyes."
****
Will sighed as he swiped at the spilled orange juice under Shane's booster seat. Drinks often ended up on the floor or in the little boy's hair. Recalling the spaghetti mess from the other night, Will gagged slightly. Who would have thought he'd ever assume a father figure role? It seemed like an especially cruel joke. The question kept him up at night. Why had Steve and Gretchen never discussed their plans with him?
"Uncle Will? Can we go see the horses with Gran?" Sierra poked her head in the screen door. In her hooded sweatshirt, jeans, and boots she looked right at home on the ranch. His heart tugged as he heard her refer to his mother as Gran. With his mom's help, he had been able to juggle the kids and teaching Steve's courses in addition to his own. The past few weeks had been so busy that he had barely had time to sleep let alone process the recent events.
"Sure, sweetie." Will stood, tossing the rag in the sink. "Where is… Gran?"
"Right here." Karen jogged through the door a moment later, a big smile stretched over her face. "Where's Shane?"
"Living room," Will replied. The sounds of one of the many kid shows he was becoming familiar with blaring from the TV's speakers. Shane's giggles made Will's breath catch. The sound had been far too absent lately.
Will watched his mom disappear into the living room, where more giggling ensued as his mom talked. Both kids loved her, and Will felt another surge of gratitude for her help. She had gone above and beyond.
While Will watched his mom help Shane into a coat and boots he was struck by how at ease she was with the boy. She was a natural having raised three boys of her own, but now in the surrogate grandma role, she excelled.
"Mom? Thanks." Will felt his throat tighten as unfamiliar emotions flooded him.
Karen caught his eye and shook her head. "It's my pleasure and my privilege to be with these wonderful children."
Despite the well of sadness that made his chest feel about to burst, a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. The gratitude he felt toward her at that moment made him want to thank her again, but everything came to a crashing halt as his dad appeared at the door. Will went rigid, his shoulders stiffened as he turned back to cleaning up lunch.
"Hey there, Pumpkin. Hey there, Peanut." His dad's deep voice rumbled as he greeted the children. Will remembered his childhood when he soaked up greetings like that. Things change, Will told himself fiercely.
"William."
At his dad's slow drawl, Will stilled, his hand hovering over a fork.
"Bye, Uncle Will," Sierra called.
Will turned to wave, and saw Shane take his thumb out of his mouth long enough to give a small wave in return. As much as the social worker had assured him that Shane's lack of language was merely a result of the stress from the tragedy, Will couldn't help but worry. He would start talking when he was ready. Will considered it a major step that Shane had smiled repeatedly this week, and had giggled. He had never thought giggling would be such a relief.
Steve and Gretchen had trusted him to care for their children, at least until their grandparents arrived, which at this point was still uncertain. On the phone earlier in the week, Gretchen's mother had barely been able to form a coherent sentence, so deep was her grief, and talking to Gretchen's father had been worse. The two lived in northern Montana, almost at the Canadian border so the travel would be tricky for them given the blast of extended winter the region was enduring. They had promised to come as soon as they could.
"William." His father's voice caught him off guard.
"Still here old man?"
Will found he sounded gruff. With a stiffening of his shoulders he finished clearing the table. The ping of silverware against the porcelain of the sink ricocheted around the small kitchen.
Grabbing the dish soap off the counter, Will dumped a generous portion into the rapidly filling sink. Suds mounded on the stack of dishes as silence between father and son swelled to a deafening crescendo. In the absence of words Will could hear all the things his father probably wanted to say to him, and none of them were nice.
"William, I have something to say to you. Turn off that fool water and hear me out."
Will slammed a fist against the faucet, and whirled around to give his father an earful. Instead, a knock at the front door drew both their attention away from the tense moment.
"Who could that be?" Will muttered as he grabbed a dish towel and quickly dried his hands.
The oak door felt heavy as he pulled it open. Since when had he been weary of answering the door? The sensation rolled over him making him feel dizzy. So much had happened lately, each time he opened the door some new problem greeted him. With his father's boots thudding across the worn wood floor, Will shook his mental atrophy away and finished opening the door.
"Charlotte?"
The woman looking up at him was the same one that had inhabited his dreams for the past few weeks. She had been his only diversion from the grief and stress that threatened to consume him daily. Her cheeks colored as if she was embarrassed that he remembered her name. He didn't have time to dwell on the thought, though because the young girl standing next to her took his breath away.
"Hi, Mr. Wright. I'm Lexi. Your daughter."
****
Charlotte actually felt sorry for Will at that moment. She had coached Lexi on how to handle the situation on the drive up from Rapid City, but that had all clearly gone in one ear and out the other. Now Lexi gazed up at Will, hope radiating out of her. Will looked like he'd just been punched in the gut. Or maybe like he would get sick. Either way he looked awful, and as much as Charlotte wanted to say something, knew she should say something, to comfort him, she just couldn't.
Her mind spewed all the trite, practiced things she could say from her training over the years, but her heart ached at his shocked expression. She hadn't realized just how much she had thought about him over the past few weeks. But now she realized that every time she looked into Lexi's eyes, she thought of Will because they shared that stunning feature. The blue was so deep and so clear it reminded Lexi of a perfect summer day. The cliché was not lost on her, but neither was the truth.
"Well, now, who do we have here?"
Charlotte peered into the house to see an older man emerging from the shadows. Given the resemblance to Will — he had those eyes too — she assumed this was his father and Lexi's grandfather. The thought left her stunned. Lexi would get to meet many family members today after a lifetime of not having anyone. Charlotte's stomach clenched with nerves and self-pity. She had never met her grandparents, and while she felt happy for Lexi, she also felt the bitter taste of loss washing over her. These last few weeks with Lexi had been the best Charlotte could remember, and now…
Will blinked and seemed
to recover function of his brain. He cleared his throat. "Well, Dad, this young lady has just informed me that she is my daughter."
"You don't say?" Bill said.
Will leaned against the door frame and crossed his arms over his chest. He shook his head. "She looks just like Mary."
The three adults stood looking back and forth at each, between Will and Lexi. Charlotte caught Will's puzzled gaze. She could see the frown tugging the corners of his mouth, the furrowing of his eyebrows, and the clenching of his jaw. What was going on in that head of his? None of this could be easy to swallow.
Nerves rattled Charlotte as Will's gaze continued to hold steady on her. She felt like he might see straight into her soul, past her carefully built walls and booby-trapped defenses. If he saw her weakness, then she would surely lose Lexi in a heartbeat. There was no doubt in Charlotte's mind that he was the girl's father. No one else in the world had those unique eyes, well no one but members of the Wright family.
Finally Will exhaled a long, shaky breath. He broke eye contact. "She looks just like Mary." He paused, a faraway look entering his eyes.
"That's funny," Charlotte said, surprised that she had found her voice. "I was just thinking how much she looks like you."
Their eyes met again, and Charlotte felt her breath hitch. Forcing her eyes away from Will's she looked over at Lexi. The girl's mouth was twisted into a tentative smile. She seemed to be encouraged by the conversation, and if Charlotte was fair, she would have been too in any other circumstances, but standing there on Will's front porch, things already felt too complicated for their own good.
"Why are you here?"
All eyes swung back to Will, and Charlotte balked at the tone of his voice. He sounded almost angry but also bewildered. The look on his face confirmed that the man was confused, his brows knit together as he stared hard at her.