by Liz Botts
"Will you really show us around?" Lexi sounded so hopeful that Charlotte felt her resolve cracking. What would she have given to have a relationship with her real dad growing up? Especially if her dad had been anything like Will.
Charlotte stood. "I'd love to see the ranch."
"You would?" Lexi asked sounding surprised.
"You would?" Will's echo almost made Charlotte laugh.
With a quick glance at her watch, Charlotte nodded. "No matter what else we decide, I want to know where Lexi will be spending her time."
Lexi grabbed Charlotte by the arm, practically bouncing in her excitement. Even Will seemed to perk up slightly as he led the way out of the house.
Charlotte just hoped that she was making the right choice, and not getting Lexi's hopes up for something she couldn't provide.
****
Her dad walked really fast. Not like her grandpa who sort of strolled. Lexi thought that the appropriate vocabulary word was ambled. She might have been remembering it wrong, but she liked the way it sounded. When her grandpa had taken her out to the barn, he had ambled across the yard to the large red structure with a pretty white roof. Her grandmother had been shocked, that was plain to see, but when she gave Lexi a hug everything seemed to be right.
Lexi couldn't believe that these people were her real live grandparents. They were all she had ever dreamed of and more. The two little kids in the barn were her dad's foster kids, or something like that. Lexi had been too excited to pay any attention. When she and her grandpa had gone back inside, her heart had nearly stopped when she heard Charlotte and her dad talking about them moving to the ranch.
Charlotte had said no, but Lexi knew that she'd change her mind. She just had to. If she didn't, Lexi's whole life would be ruined. All the years that she had spent searching and hoping and praying.
"This is the horse barn." Her dad pushed open the big door.
Inside the darkness of the barn made Lexi feel calm. Horses made weird noises all around her, and the smell of hay and manure invaded her nostrils. Yet, Lexi felt at home there. This was where she was meant to be. She wondered if her dad would teach her how to ride.
From the corner of her eye Lexi watched Charlotte and her dad talk softly to each other. She hoped that her dad was breaking down Charlotte's reasons for not moving to the ranch. They'd get along well – Charlotte and her dad — if they just gave it a chance. Lexi knew she couldn't move there without Charlotte. She understood how the foster system worked. And as crazy as it sounded, she hoped that Charlotte could have some sort of permanent role in their lives. Not that she was planning any sort of weird Parent Trap-ish thing. Still, as Charlotte laughed at something her dad said, hope began to bloom in Lexi's stomach.
****
Will knew that Charlotte wouldn't break down and agree any time soon, but he found that he didn't mind. He enjoyed talking to her, bantering with her. As they walked through the horse barn, he found that he was excited to show her his home. Lexi stopped several stalls behind them to stare at one of the bay mares. Standing on the bottom rung of the stall gate, his daughter looked completely at home. His chest tightened. This girl needed to be here with him.
"How big is your ranch?" Charlotte's voice broke through his haze.
As Will repeated the acreage, he wondered if he was boring her. He guided her out of the barn, calling back to Lexi, "Take as long as you want, we'll be right out here."
The back of the barn had a great view of the surrounding valley. To the south and west, low mountains covered with scrubby pine rose toward the sky. North of the valley, foothills rolled gently to the horizon. Prairie extended east toward Mountain View.
"Why are those sections of pine so brown?" Charlotte pointed to a thick swath of trees colored a rusty brown between the darker greens.
Will sighed and leaned against a corral fence. "Mountain Pine Beetles. They're destroying the Hills one tree at a time. We've tried spraying, and obviously that works in some places. But they still seem to get to the trees."
"I think I read about those in the paper," Charlotte said. She turned her gaze back to the distant forest, a sad expression on her face. Something about the look tugged at Will's heart. He shifted uncomfortably. These sudden emotions sneaking up on him had to be a result of his grief. Hadn't his mom said something to that effect the other night?
Focusing on the inane subject of the beetles, Will pushed himself away from the fence, and came to stand beside Charlotte. They stood shoulder to shoulder as they examined the damage from afar. The strips of destroyed trees looked like zigzags on these particular mountains. Everyone in the area had worried since the drought took hold the summer before that these trees made particularly good kindling for fledgling fires. So far nothing had happened up in their neck of the woods, but a fairly substantial four thousand acre fire had wiped out the small town of Salt Creek in the southern Hills just last October.
Charlotte shook her head. "It's so sad. The Hills are known for their beauty. My foster mom used to call them the Emerald Isle. I had no idea what she meant until I got older. I think the beauty here is one reason I haven't left."
"I've been out on some of the spraying expeditions. Just as a volunteer, so I don't know all the ins and outs of the issue, but I can tell you that people are definitely worried. I'm worried."
"I can understand that." Charlotte put her hand on his forearm, and Will felt the electricity of her touch through the soft flannel of his shirt. The current of his heartbeat danced out of time in an erratic pattern that made him feel odd.
"That brown horse with the white eye patch is the coolest thing I've ever seen." Lexi burst out of the barn, interrupting whatever moment had been passing between the adults. "You should have named him Peg Leg or some pirate-y name."
Charlotte had dropped her hand, but Will still felt mesmerized by the heat. He cleared his throat and hoped that would clear his head. "I'll, uh, talk to Walker about changing the name."
With a soft laugh, like she knew exactly what she did to him, Charlotte walked over to Lexi and took the girl's arm. Together, the two started walking along the fence. He followed, reminding himself that he was supposed to be giving them a tour. Several outbuildings nearby provided a welcome distraction so he could pull himself together. The running commentary that he gave about the sheep barn sounded especially dull to his ears.
"Will there be lambs soon?" Lexi asked, looking up at him with shining eyes.
Once again Will felt no doubt that this girl was his daughter. Those eyes were his own, his brothers', his father's, and the shape of her nose resembled Mary's to a tee. Will's stomach twisted as he thought about how things must have gone horribly wrong in ways he hadn't seen if Mary had felt it necessary to keep Lexi's existence from him. And then to have her lose custody of Lexi. Nothing he did to get his daughter under his roof would be too much.
"Yes," Will replied. "There'll be lambs very soon. In fact all the animals should be having babies by June. You'll love it."
He glanced up at Charlotte to see her reaction to his comment. Despite the twinge of guilt at baiting her, Will knew he had to draw Charlotte back into the conversation. That was his only hope at getting Lexi to the ranch for good. He had to admit the idea of getting to know Charlotte better appealed to him too. "I'm sure it will be great," Charlotte said, her cheerfulness sounding forced.
Lexi seemed oblivious to both of them at the moment, and she broke into a run as they approached the hay barn. Several cats lounged outside the open doors in the late afternoon sunlight. Will was as glad as they were that spring had been unseasonably warm. It meant he could get his interim field experience class out to the back pasture by the middle of May. Thinking about work brought a rush of blood to his head, the suddenness of it surrounding him, cocooning him in a haze that he recognized all too well. Hopefully Lexi and Charlotte would be gone by the time his migraine hit. His mom would have to take Sierra and Shane again.
"Are you okay?" The genuine concern in
Charlotte's voice cut through the headache aura.
"I'll be fine," he answered gruffly. "Let's continue the tour. This is a big place."
After showing them his parents' house, they crossed the ridge to Walker's house. His ramshackle little log cabin looked like it might collapse at any moment, but in truth the building was the sturdiest on the ranch.
"So Uncle Walker lives there," Lexi said. Will felt a rush of warmth as she referred to them all as family members. "Where does Uncle Wyatt live?"
Will chuckled. "Wyatt lives in the apartment above the horse barn."
Lexi wrinkled her nose. "That's so gross. That means he smells horse poop all the time."
Charlotte burst out laughing and Will laughed harder. He felt better suddenly, the pain that had threatened earlier leaving him as quickly as it had started. Maybe Charlotte and Lexi were the elusive cure for his migraines.
****
Despite the general feelings of good will and friendliness flowing all over the place, Charlotte knew that just agreeing to walk around the ranch meant that she had compromised the upper hand. The more time Lexi spent there, the more she would want to move there. And who could blame her? Will's ranch was a dream that Charlotte had harbored her entire life, especially her teenage years growing up in her foster family's cramped two bedroom apartment. Space to roam. Horses to ride. Family to come home to.
"Lexi, we need to go soon. I have some work I need to go over." Charlotte hated the way her voice sounded as soon as the words left her mouth. The sternness didn't sit well on her, and she longed to shrug it off like a coat on a warm spring day. Still, the tiny sane part of her brain told her that enough was enough. She would most likely lose her job over all this, and if they stayed even a minute longer she wouldn't care. She would pack them up and move them here herself. The craziness of the idea made her dizzy.
Charlotte felt herself sway slightly, and reached out for the nearest something to steady herself. That just happened to be Will's arm. Embarrassed she jerked back, nearly stumbling over a small tree root as she did so. Will reached out and caught her before anything could happen. He kept a solid arm firmly around her shoulders as he drew her gently back to his chest. She leaned her head back against him briefly, loving the feel of the firm muscles under the soft flannel.
"Are you okay?"
The sound of Will's concerned voice snapped Charlotte firmly back into reality. Embarrassment flooded her as she stepped back quickly.
"I'm fine," she mumbled, not quite able to look Will in the eye. Her gaze landed squarely on his nose. "Just not used to this elevation."
Will laughed, the chuckle rolling deep in his throat. "Yeah, Rapid City is so much lower than Mountain View."
Charlotte looked up at him, and felt the heat on her neck and cheeks deepen as he winked. Thoughts flooded her head, but they were too jumbled for her to sort out. All she knew was that she needed to step away from him because he acted as a scrambler for her common sense.
"Are you guys coming or what?" Lexi called from down the path.
"We'll be right there," Will called back. He waited a beat, and then asked, "So, you're sure you feel okay? I mean, we can go back to the house if you need to."
Charlotte shook her head. "I'm fine."
She hoped he couldn't tell that she was lying. The way Will studied her made her squirm inside. It was almost like he could read her thoughts. She had never felt so tongue-tied around a man before, not even when her first big crush asked her to a dance in eighth grade. Ever since Will had run into her car he had invaded her mind at the most inappropriate times. And now here he was again invading the life that she had so carefully set up and envisioned. She cursed herself for getting caught up in dreams that couldn't come true, that had no way of coming true. She had worked in her field long enough to know that no placement was ever truly permanent, unless adoption was involved.
"Dad, what is that awesome house out there in the field?" Lexi came sprinting up the path toward them. Her choice of words was not lost on Charlotte, and a glance at Will told him he was affected by it as well.
Will cleared his throat. "That's the original farmstead," he said, his voice breaking.
Charlotte felt herself wobble again at the sound. Was that a real wobble or did she just imagine it? She knew she couldn't let this man affect her like this.
"So cool. Charlotte, you have to see it." Lexi grabbed Charlotte's hand and started tugging her down the path.
Telling herself to stay in the moment, Charlotte tried to keep up with Lexi's pace, but the calf-high boots she had zipped over her jeans that morning weren't the best for running. When they got to the top of the next rise, Charlotte caught her breath. A low stone wall bordered the path on one side, although most of the rocks were broken and crumbling. Past the wall, a meadow full of minty colored spring grass dotted with purple and white wildflowers stretched to the west. In the middle of the meadow sat the stone farmstead Lexi had proclaimed to be awesome. The little one-room structure was modest to be sure, but as Charlotte turned in a slow circle, drinking in the view, she understood why Will's ancestors had settled there all those years ago.
"It's magnificent," Charlotte said, as Will approached.
He gazed around and nodded slowly. With a thoughtful look on his face, Will said, "I've been out here thousands of times, and it always hits me the same way."
"When did your family settle here?" Charlotte asked.
"1877," Will said. "After the gold rush in Deadwood started to peter out. My great-too-many-greats to mention grandfather staked himself a little claim here and sent back East for his bride. And we've been here ever since."
Charlotte looked at Lexi who was watching Will with rapt attention and shining eyes. "That's amazing." She turned her face toward Charlotte. "My family built that."
The way Lexi emphasized the word family made Charlotte's heart squeeze. Hard. She knew that longing, that desire to be part of something bigger, that need to be loved just as she was. Charlotte knew that she would let Lexi go when the time came. She would have to, legally of course, but also just because it was best for the girl. But until then she had to keep her sanity and protect her job, which would be the only thing she had after she lost Lexi.
She swallowed past the sudden lump in her throat. "Lex, we have to go, sweetie. Tell… your dad good bye. We'll set up another meeting again real soon."
Lexi's eyes flashed, first with anger, then sadness. "I don't want to leave."
Charlotte felt the stab of guilt that she had been anticipating, and said, "I know you don't, but I told you that I've got some files to go over."
"Okay."
Lexi flung herself at Will, who looked startled by the girl's sudden burst of emotions. Despite the tangle of emotions mixing up inside, Charlotte had to smile a small smile. Thirteen-year-old girls certainly weren't in his repertoire. When Will wrapped his arms around his daughter, Charlotte knew that the world of father and daughter was complete in that moment. And she felt a measure of relief. Not everyone's stories got to have those kinds of moments. She wanted that for Lexi… and for Will.
As Lexi stepped away, the sound of hoofbeats thudded down the trail behind them. They all peered over the rise as Bill rounded a curve. As he reined his horse in beside their little trio, Charlotte noted the scowl that settled over Will. She understood that he and his father didn't get along — any fool could see that — but she knew there had to be something deeper going on. She surprised herself by admitting that she wanted to find out. In the space of a walk around the property, Charlotte had stopped fighting herself, and had given in to the idea that she'd like to get to know Will better.
"What do you want, Dad?" Will's voice stretched taut and tense over each word he spoke.
Bill gazed down from his perch, and Charlotte couldn't read the expression that crossed over his face. "Just wanted to see how the ladies were enjoying the tour of the ranch."
"We love it, Grandpa," Lexi said, her voice sing-songy.
>
Charlotte stepped closer to Will. "We are enjoying it very much, thank you."
Will glanced down at her, his scowl disappearing as a smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. "We were actually just headed back. Lexi and Charlotte need to get home."
Charlotte could have sworn that Bill looked relieved, although since she didn't know him all that well, she shrugged it off. "That's a good idea. Before it gets too late. I hope you'll visit again soon."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Will asked, tensing up again.
"Nothing, son. I just think that everyone could use some space given the situation."
Charlotte felt irrational anger slam into her. What situation was he referring to? Lexi? She wasn't a situation. Beside her Will curled a hand into a fist. Without thinking, Charlotte reached out and grabbed it with her hand.
"There's no situation, Dad. And honestly, we don't need space. If Charlotte would agree, I'd move them into the house tonight," Will said.
"What about Sierra and Shane?" Bill asked.
"What about them?" Will shot back.
"Don't you think their world has been turned upside down enough?" Bill's horse danced a little to one side, making Charlotte gasp with nerves. She and horses did not always mix well.
"Sierra and Shane are my responsibility, and if I think adding people to my household is in our best interest, then it is none of your business," Will snapped.
Before Bill could respond Charlotte startled herself by saying, "You know what? I think that Lexi and I need to get back to Rapid City so we can pack some bags."
Chapter Five
Will set his briefcase beside the door, and loosened his tie as he listened to the warm commotion coming from the kitchen. It still surprised him how much he enjoyed the chaos. For a man who prided himself on being a solitary individual, he loved each little invasion of his space even when it got overwhelming. He couldn't believe his luck that Charlotte's director had agreed to their unusual living situation. Having his daughter and Charlotte in the house felt good, right. It rankled him that Charlotte's official role was that of supervisor, but intellectually he understood the necessity of playing by the rules.