by Liz Botts
"It's okay, buddy," Charlotte said as she pulled the boy out of the toilet.
After drying him off and helping him brush his teeth, Charlotte settled him into his bed and supervised Sierra's bedtime routine, which went smoother. Once both kids were in bed, she read a story and sang a song. Shane's eyes were closed before she finished, but Sierra lay on the pillow looking up at her sadly.
"What's wrong?" Charlotte sat down on the small twin bed, and smoothed Sierra's hair.
"I miss my mommy."
The words came out in a whisper but they screamed to Charlotte's heart. She couldn't do anything else but scoop the little girl into a hug and hold her until the tears subsided. When Sierra was cried out, Charlotte kissed her head and tucked her in. She waited until the girl's eyes fluttered shut.
Back in the hallway, Charlotte sagged against the wall. When she had agreed to move in here, she hadn't counted on getting so emotionally involved with everyone. In the space of two weeks she had formed attachments that would break her heart in the end. She adored Sierra and Shane, and each day she spent with Lexi made her envision them all as a family unit. Despite the fact that Will had been harsh earlier, Charlotte knew he liked having them there. She could see it when he smiled at her.
Moving quietly to her room, Charlotte logged on to the Internet. A quick search gave her some simple ideas, and she felt a surge of excitement. There was something about being useful that made Charlotte feel especially alive. Since taking a leave of absence from work, she had found her usefulness fulfilled in major ways from taking care of the children. She had also found that she derived a strange satisfaction from taking care of the house.
When she got to the kitchen, Karen and Lexi were both still hunched over the math book. "How's it going?"
Lexi glanced up with a scowl. "I hate algebra."
Karen just laughed. "She's doing fine. It's just taking a bit longer than she expected. And how are the little ones? Off to dream land, I suppose."
"Yup. All tucked in. I'm just going to take some ice to Will. Maybe it will help the migraine."
"That's a nice idea. I used to do that for him when he was young. Apparently he doesn't take the time to do it for himself."
Charlotte laughed. "Well, hopefully he'll be receptive to it. Good luck with the math."
"I need it," Lexi groaned.
Math had not been Charlotte's strong point in school, but she was trying to be encouraging. Lexi had so much natural intelligence that she needed to be challenged. Charlotte was still musing over this thought when she reached Will's room. She tapped lightly on the door and got a grunting response. Taking that as approval for entry, Charlotte walked into the dark room and shut the door quickly behind her. The website had mentioned that many people with migraines had trouble with bright light and loud sounds. Charlotte had no idea if Will was one of those people, but she didn't want to risk it.
"Who's there?" Will's words were muffled like he had his face buried in his pillow.
Charlotte cleared her throat. "Um, it's me. Charlotte. I just, um, brought you some ice."
Allowing her eyes to adjust to the muted darkness of Will's room a shiver of awareness raced along her spine. She didn't make it a practice to spend time in the bedrooms of men she barely knew, and yet, rather than feeling awkward she felt alive. Will's scent invaded every pore of her being, and for a moment Charlotte forgot every reason she had come. Movement on the bed snapped her out of her nonsense.
"Thanks." Will's gruff voice cut through the blackness, and made Charlotte's lips curl into a smile.
She moved carefully through the room, stopping when she bumped against the bed frame. As Charlotte pressed the sandwich bag full of ice into Will's outstretched hand, their fingers brushed and Charlotte felt a jolt of electricity run along her arm. She gasped and stepped back. What was going on with her here? Certainly she found Will attractive and interesting. She admired his commitment and willingness to raise these children. And at every turn she had seen him suppress his own ambition to help his family. When they talked, the few times that they had anyway, Charlotte had been fascinated by his brilliant mind. But she wasn't there to find a love connection. She was there as Lexi's guardian.
"Leave." Will groaned, and Charlotte could hear the ice crackle together as he pressed it to his forehead.
Charlotte could hear the pain lacing his voice. She shifted from foot to foot thinking about the information she had read on the migraine website. The article had touted the benefits of deep tissue massage, and she had taken courses in that very topic back in college when she had toyed with the idea of being a physical therapist.
She cleared her throat. "Is there anything else I can get you? Or, um, would you like a massage?"
"I'm fine. Just. Leave."
Even though she knew she should go, she could hear the intensity of his hurting and she wanted to help despite his brusqueness. Taking a deep breath, Charlotte moved closer to Will. She lowered herself onto the edge of his mattress. She felt him tense up as he realized that she was not going to comply with his request. He shifted away from her, moaning slightly as the movement must have caused him pain.
"Leave." The word sounded more like a growl from an animal in pain, than from a grown man.
Charlotte's heart bumped unsteadily in her chest as she said, "I took some classes in college in deep tissue massage. Just let me rub out your neck and shoulders. It should help. I know you're in pain. Please, let me help."
The silence that followed felt like it stretched for an eternity, until Charlotte felt the bed shift under Will's weight as he sat up. He exhaled a long whoosh of air. "Fine. Just make it fast."
Despite the darkness, Charlotte narrowed her eyes at Will. Some gratitude he was showing. She knew that her plea to help him came across as forward and maybe a bit desperate. If he got any wrong impressions from this little exchange she knew she could set him straight in a matter of seconds. And for a moment, Charlotte questioned her actions. She shook herself free of doubt, though, because this was Lexi's father, and for the time being Charlotte and Will needed to work together, help one another. Will was clearly not in any state to be part of that deal while he felt so lousy, and if the massage would help then so be it.
"I'm just going to flip on the bathroom light, okay?" Charlotte said as she edged her way around the room. When she got the soft glow of light filtering through the mostly closed door, she assessed the space. It looked quite different in the partial darkness than it had when she had dropped off a load of clean laundry earlier in the day. She noted that said laundry now lay in a heap on the floor at the foot of the bed.
Will sat slumped in the center of his bed with his eyes closed. His normally perfectly coifed curly hair stuck out in all directions. His mussed appearance, complete with wrinkled graphic tee made Charlotte pause. She was even more aware of his attractiveness than she normally allowed herself to acknowledge. At the moment she felt swept up in the feelings that she had first experienced the first time they had met.
"Can we get on with this?"
The defeated tone made Charlotte move faster. She deftly climbed onto the bed and knelt behind him. "I'll just start with your shoulders," she murmured as she slid her hands over the taut muscles. After a few minutes of kneading and smoothing the area, she moved on to his neck. Just as Charlotte was beginning to think the whole idea had been ridiculous, Will let out a deep sigh and relaxed under her hands. Knowing that he would be able to rest now, Charlotte slid off the bed.
A wave of embarrassment heated her neck and face as she hurried toward the door. The last time she had felt this mixed up had been in high school, when she had been certain of her love for a certain junior rodeo star. That had ended in nothing more than a passing infatuation, which had broken her heart. And here she was setting herself up for the same disappointment, only this time there was so much more at stake, so much more to lose.
Just as she turned the doorknob Will said, "Hey, Charlotte?"
She turned to see him settled back against the pillows, his eyes closed. "Yes?"
"Thanks."
Chapter Six
"I'll get it!"
"No, I will!"
The refrain from the kitchen had become all too common in the past week. Will set his leather work gloves and battered Stetson on a hook in the mud room. Charlotte must be helping Shane in the bathroom again or she would have played referee again. That meant it was his turn. Stifling a sigh, Will entered the brightly lit room. Near the table, Lexi and Sierra stood facing one another, each with a hand on a glass bowl partially filled with milk and cereal.
Lexi narrowed her eyes at the younger girl. "I said I would get it. You shouldn't be taking a glass bowl to the sink. You're such a baby."
Will inhaled sharply. Sierra's face crumpled as tears started to snake down her cheeks. Swooping in, Will picked the little girl up. He patted her back consolingly as she nestled into his shoulder. Then he turned his attention to his daughter. With a hand on a hip, Lexi was the picture of defiance.
"That was uncalled for, Lex," he said.
"You always take her side. It's like you'd rather have her for a daughter. Well, you know what? I don't care anymore. Here, she can take the stupid bowl to the sink." Lexi grabbed the bowl and shoved it into Sierra's hand. The little girl was startled as milk sloshed onto her and the bowl fell to the floor with a crash.
Will tried to separate the situation into pieces to deal with but all he could think about was the cold seeping through his jeans from the milky cereal. Beyond that he still had a sniffling Sierra and a broken bowl with shards of glass scattered over the tile floor. Anger rose in his chest, but Lexi shot him one last defiant look and rushed from the room. With another sigh, Will set Sierra on a chair. He dropped a light kiss on her head.
"Looks like I've got some cleaning up to do, huh sweetie?" Carefully Will stepped around the mess to grab paper towels and a dustpan.
Sierra sank down in the chair still hiccupping now and then. "She hates me. Lexi really hates me. I just wanted to help her but it made her so mad."
Panic twined with the lingering anger, making it hard for Will to breathe. How was he supposed to handle a comment like that? Clearly he was not cut out for this father business, but it seemed he had no choice. While he was wrestling with his mental demons, he heard footsteps approaching the kitchen. He hoped Lexi had grown up in the past five minutes and had decided to apologize to Sierra.
"What happened here?"
Will looked up to see Charlotte's face contort in distaste. She balanced Shane on her hip and was already making her way toward the tear stained Sierra. For a brief moment, he envied her ease with the children. She always seemed unflappable, whereas he felt like he was stumbling constantly. Now, for instance, Charlotte slipped Shane into his booster seat, handing him a small cup of cheese crackers all in one fluid motion. Then she reached out to Sierra who went to her without pause. Will would have knocked over a chair, forgotten the crackers, and probably made the crying situation worse. He glowered to himself as he scooped up glass and soggy cereal.
"Thank you for cleaning up." The softness of Charlotte's voice made him jump.
"No problem." He choked a bit at the gruffness of his tone. Whatever made him talk to her that way needed to stop. The look she got on her face always made guilt overwhelm him. And yet he couldn't seem to stop himself. He knew that when he stopped creating distance between them things would get complicated very quickly. Complications he had plenty of already.
"What are we going to do about this little situation?"
Will sat back on his heels to glance up at her. She was stroking Sierra's hair, and the little girl had her arms twined around Charlotte's neck. He had to admit, he admired the way she had come into their lives and gave so freely of herself with so little reservation.
"What situation?" Will asked, his mind a complete blank as he stared at her surprisingly hypnotic blue eyes.
Charlotte cocked an eyebrow at him. "Lexi's jealousy over this one."
"This is a jealousy thing? But Lexi's, what? Eight years older? They don't have much in common to be jealous of, do they?" Will felt self conscious as he asked. As Lexi's father he should know stuff like this, right?
"They have you and me in common. Our attention. I've seen it before. I… I've lived it before. Look, it's not a proud memory for me, but I was just a little younger than Lexi when I got placed in a home with another girl who was seven or eight. We fought constantly trying to get our foster mom's attention. Ultimately it was those fights that got me placed with the people who fostered me until I graduated high school." Charlotte said the words so matter-of-factly that Will almost missed the pain embedded therein.
Will swiped the paper towel in a large arch on the floor, an uncomfortable feeling settling over him. As he dumped the soggy contents of the dustpan into the garbage he thought about what Charlotte had said. Not just her insight into the Lexi and Sierra situation but also the divulgence of personal information.
"What do you think we should do about it?"
Charlotte bit her lip as he waited for her answer. "I think you need to spend more time with Lexi."
Will cleared his throat. "When? Between teaching and ranch stuff, you've seen what my free time looks like."
"I know. But what about now? Aren't you going out to ride fence lines? Take Lexi with you."
The idea was so simple it was brilliant. "I'll ask if she'd like to go."
****
Lexi was so excited about the ride that she could feel herself trembling. From the moment her dad had come into her room and awkwardly asked if she'd like to go she hadn't been able to stop shaking. He actually wanted to spend time with her. After the little fight in the kitchen, she was sure he would forget that he wanted her to live here at the ranch. That thought had caused her to panic. She didn't know what was wrong with her lately, but she was always fighting with Sierra. The little pest.
She pulled the stiff boots on that Charlotte had bought her before they moved to the ranch. The toes pinched and she felt a little like Frankenstein when she tried to walk but she knew that this meant that she was truly a cowgirl. Wobbling across the gravel drive toward the barn, Lexi's stomach clenched as she neared the door. She could hear the soft whinnying of the horses, the gruff calls of the cowboys as they led their mounts out of the stable. This was a place she longed to belong but a place she couldn't figure out how to approach.
Peeking in through the partially open door, Lexi saw her dad at the other side of the barn. Her heart hammered in her chest. Would he still be mad at her? He seemed to be so attached to Sierra. She wasn't even his daughter. It wasn't fair. Lexi swallowed against the sudden lump in her throat as hot tears pricked the back of her eyes. She'd show him why he should like her better, why she was the better daughter.
With a quick breath to calm her nerves, Lexi slipped inside and strode across the barn. Her dad gave her a smile as she approached. That was good. He couldn't be too mad if he was smiling, right?
"Hey, Lex, this is Bullock. He's a nice, gentle horse. You've never ridden before, right?"
Lexi shook her head, momentarily embarrassed by the admission. She bet that brat, Sierra, had been riding since she could walk. Taking the reins from her dad's hand, Lexi said, "I've never ridden but I can pick up anything fast. I'm a quick learner. Just ask my teacher at school."
Her dad smiled again and chuckled softly. What did that mean? Lexi frowned. Adults always did things like that. He was either happy or thought she was being cute or something. She hoped it was the former because the latter made her seem like a dumb kid. She was thirteen years old, for goodness sake. Shouldn't her dad and Charlotte be treating her more like an adult now? Well, she'd already decided that she would show them how grown up she could be. She grabbed the saddle horn which suddenly seemed impossibly high, and tried to heft herself up into the saddle. She would have had it too, if her booted foot hadn't slipped from the stirrup. With a cry of surpri
se she fell.
****
Will saw Lexi trying to scramble up onto the horse from the corner of his eye, and the he saw her fall. He couldn't remember moving faster ever before, but somehow he managed to get to his daughter before she could hit the ground. Even though she struggled away from him quickly, he saw the shininess of her eyes and knew she didn't want him to see her cry.
Instead of saying anything consoling, he stepped forward, scooped her up, and deposited her onto the horse's saddle. Then he mounted Noir, his own horse. He called over to one of the ranch hands that he'd be out in the North section. Before they left the barn, he triple checked the supplies in his saddle bags. Charlotte had packed a bag of cookies along with the two canteens of water. He felt the same flash of mixed emotions that he often felt lately. On the one hand her constant thoughtfulness made him feel good. No one ever really fussed over him. But on the other hand it made him feel frustrated and inadequate because he never thought to do those kinds of things for her or the kids.
"So… what are we going to do?" Lexi asked as the horses ambled out of the barn.
Will thought she sounded apprehensive. He already knew that she had never ridden before, but he believed her assertion that she'd learn quickly. Certainly she had the drive, and if she could stay on the horse, she'd be a natural.
"We're going to ride fences," Will replied. "Check for anything broken. Repair what we can. And while we're up that way, we'll check on some of the herd. Wyatt said most of the cows have calved so you'll be able to see some babies."
They rode in silence out of the farm yard. When Will glanced over at his daughter, he saw that Lexi was chewing on her lip and gripping the saddle horn with both hands. Even though he could tell that she had something on her mind, he decided to let her have some space to formulate her thoughts and questions.