Once inside, Totara produced a small red flag which was attached to three discoloured yet remarkably shiny stones. “This is to alert the wood merchants traveling by that I have more stock,” Totara explained, “It makes their job a little easier and I get more sales this way.” Totara stepped into the cool sunlight while I trailed behind in curious pursuit. “Jacob, would you please do the honors and throw this up into the air?”
I uncertaintly took the apparatus in my hands and chucked it with as much force as I could muster. Instead of rising a bit and then dropping pathetically, the mechanism soared up higher than all of the trees, taking Gregor and myself by total surprise. Once up in the air, the rocks swiveled on the spot, and simply hung there, as if caught by some imaginary force.
“Where in the world did you get this?” Gregor asked with something close to amazement.
“Oh well you know, a few whispers here and a few whispers there told me where I could find some mages willing to sell some goods.”
“Mages?” Gregor asked, looking suddenly excited. “Mages just wandering about in the open looking to sell you things like this?” I snapped for Gregor’s attention however he ignored me completely. “How many were there?” Indifferent to Gregor’s suspicious questioning, Totara answered honestly.
“Perhaps three or four to a group. Even though they each looked quite strong they told me there’s always safety in numbers.”
“So they just work like that?” Gregor asked impatiently. “Walking about in quartets? I mean, don’t they have a place to live? A hideout perhaps?”
“Gregor stop,” I hissed under my breath, however he dismissed me with a wave of his hand.
“I’ve never known,” Totara said lightly. “I imagine they would have to have some kind of headquarters to train their young in magic, however considering that the mages are always traveling I don’t really see how that’s possible.” Totara reached over the counter and handed Gregor a sawblade before he had time to ask another question. “We’re going to start out cutting small bits of wood. Watch carefully you two.” Totara picked up a large tree branch from the corner and within mere moments had cut it clean in half. “Gregor let’s have you try first,” Totara said, gesturing to the table and taking a step back.
Gregor took a deep breath and furiously began to hack away at his branch with large erratic movements.
“Calm calm,” Totara coached. “It’s not a race.”
Gregor flushed red with embarrassment, but did as he was told. Once he had separated the wood in two, he exhaled as if he had been holding his breath and sank back a couple of paces, coughing loudly.
“Mister lumberjack sir, I’m not feeling so well,” Gregor said loudly.
I snorted slightly and raised my eyebrows in amusement while Totara stepped forward looking genuinely concerned.
“Firstly, call me Totara. Secondly what is hurting?”
“Everything,” Gregor moaned, erupting into another coughing fit. “I think I may have to be excused for the day.”
“Really?” I mumbled, tilting my head in mock fascination.
Totara was too deep in thought to notice my exasperation and instead stepped forward to examine my companion.
“It’s just for today I promise,” Gregor said, holding up his right hand skyward while his left earnestly crawled to his heart.
Totara twitched his lips and thought about this for a few moments. “Alright,” he replied, wearily dismissing Gregor with a nod of his head.
I blinked twice and stared up in disbelief.
“I give you permission to end early, but you have to stay in the main hut okay? I don’t want you running off.”
Gregor suppressed a chuckle with another fake cough before sauntering off with his chin held high.
As soon as he was out of sight I rounded on Totara.
“Surely you could see that he wasn’t sick at all!” I stammered angrily. “Why’d you let him go?”
“I try to feel empathy for everyone,” Totara explained, stepping out into the sunlight. “I want to be a friend, not a jailkeeper.”
“But this isn’t a jail!” I protested sharply. “These are some of the most beautiful forests I have ever seen in my life!”
“Yet he’s being held here against his will,” Totara explained patiently. “Just because you made the decision to stay here doesn’t mean he did. I understand his pain, so the least I can do is to make his stay as pleasant as possible.”
“Yet it won’t do him any good if he decides to sleep all day!” I exclaimed suddenly.
Totara frowned slightly and plucked his chin in consideration. “Good? Bad? You act like I’m accountable for his life. What kind of person decides what’s good or bad for a person? A jailkeeper that’s who,” Totara said, jabbing a finger in accusation.
“What happens with a child then?” I responded while puffing my chest out slightly. “Surely a child needs to be taught the difference between right and wrong.”
“A child has parents to do that.” Totara responded immediately. As he said this I swear I could almost feel myself shrink on the spot until I was half his size.
“I didn’t have any of those,” I whispered weakly.
Totara’s small movements abruptly stopped as his face froze up. “Please forgive my words,” he said in a voice that was not entirely his own. “ I honestly meant nothing out of that, I only assumed that-”
“It’s fine,” I said cutting him off abruptly. “I’m just sorry that I brought it up.”
Totara looked me over with an expression of sincere pain before sighing and bringing his fingertips together. “If it’s any consolation for the both of us I’d like to hear your story.”
“What do you mean my story?” I asked, feeling suddenly self-conscious.
“I’d like to hear about what’s happened in your life so far, but only if that’s alright with you.” Totara laughed unexpectedly and raised his hands in defense. “I’m sorry for asking, it’s just that I have an absurd fascination with life.”
“Refuse him,” Umber instructed before I had time to move my lips. “There’s no telling what he’ll do if he finds out you’re a Grimlar.” I shuddered at the possibility of the niced faced lumberjack turning against me; forcing me out of his nice warm hut while he kept the miracle powder all to himself.
“Well?” Totara asked hopefully. There was something so nice and innocent about the way he smiled, I couldn’t help but feel warmth in my chest just looking at him.
“I’d really rather not say.” I admitted lamely.
Totara’s eyes grew slightly cold as he smiled uncertainly. “Why not? It can’t be much worse than mine,” he said as if almost challenging me. I began to fidget with my fingers as anxiety melted my tongue to the roof of my mouth. I had to tell him something, otherwise he would get suspicious.
“Me and my brother were orphans,” I blurted unexpectedly.
Umber snickered as these words left my lips and immediately I felt a lump of uncertainty rise to my throat. Considering the quality of my voice, there was no way that Totara didn’t know I was fibbing on the spot.
“Sad, To the point and most unfortunately common. Please continue.”
I flinched. Did he say common? Did he know I was lying?
“You're fine! Keep going!” Umber hissed urgently.
I cleared my throat with great effort. “My younger brother was a skin and bones sort of kid with his only defining feature being how underfed he was.” The static image of Preston sheepishly smiling materialized in my head and the thought of him as my brother gave me comfort. “We roamed the streets my brother and I, avoiding the guards and keeping well away from the orphanages.”
“Sounds difficult,” Totara remarked, now completely immersed in my story. “Tell me, how did you come by food and coin?” I looked up at Umber urgently who rolled his eyes and snarled at me.
“Don’t look at me, this is your act.”
“We were performers,” I said, quickly taking inspir
ation from Umber’s last comment. Totara tilted his head to one side in fascination.
“Now what did you perform?” he asked, leaning closer.
Noticing the confused look on my face, he elaborated. “What kind of things would you do in front of the people? Did you sing? Did you dance or juggle or act?”
“Oh a bit of everything really.” I responded vaguely.
Totara raised a single eyebrow and appraised me with judgemental eyes. “You’re obviously not one to talk,” he commented dryly.
Unsure how to respond to this comment, I laughed nervously and wiped a bit of sweat off of my brow.
“I shouldn’t have put you on the spot like that anyways,” Totara said, looking up at me with guilt riddled eyes. “I’m sorry for asking when you’re clearly not ready to tell me about yourself yet.”
“No, no!” I insisted. “It’s not like that it’s just...” The two of us locked eyes for a moment which sparked a sudden moment of comprehension between the two of us. The truth would come out eventually but not even I was sure when.
***
The next few days felt even more uniform than the ones in the concentration camp. I would wake up, have a cup of pine tea and try to shake the early morning fluff out of my head before quickly being jostled from tree to tree. The third morning of my apprenticeship, I was guided to a small surprisingly isolated location just by the house, where only one stout looking pine tree stood.
“See how the bark near the roots is without definition?” Totara asked before showing me the vibrant difference in texture. The bark higher up on the tree was rigged and rugged, while the exterior near the roots had a smoother more subtle texture. Totara pressed on the bark near the roots and I flinched as he suddenly ripped a section off with his bare hands. “This tree is dying,” Totara explained gravely. “If we don't cut it down soon, the rest of the tree will rot away and we won't be able to sell the wood.” While the professional retrieved his tree cutting gear, I took a far away seat to observe from a safe distance. When Totara returned, he advanced towards me, extending the axe handle out.
“I want this to be your first tree,” he requested sternly. I had hardly recognized what he had said until I felt myself forced up against the truck. I limply grabbed the axe but had to awkwardly adjust my hands three times due to sweaty palms. In one moment of fantastic stupidity, I forgot everything that Totara taught me in a little less than three seconds.
After a few minutes of embarrassing silence, Totara coughed loudly and wrung his hands expectantly. He coughed a second time and held up a slanted hand which he kept steady before my face. “Lean!” I remembered suddenly. “I had to determine the lean of the tree to find out where it might land.” As I examined the surroundings I suddenly felt myself flush with gratitude.
Totara had chosen possibly the easiest most debris free spot on the property.
I walked around the perimeter of the tree and squinted. The only major hazard was the hut and that was far enough from the tree that even the top most branches couldn’t scrape it. Taking a deep breath, I swung, however the axe slipped in my hand the second that it came in contact with the wood. I threw my arms skyward as the whiplash of the handle had ricocheted painfully off of my hands. It was quite fortunate for both Totara and I that the axe hadn’t gone flying when I let go. Instead, it merely stuck itself in the tree trunk and bobbed up and down slightly as if laughing at my feeble attempt to do any damage. Anger suddenly surged through my body, erasing the uncertainty I had before. Gripping the wooden handle like my life depended on it, I swung the axe with as much power I could muster.
Although I still had less than perfect aim, the satisfying thunk of iron bashing through lumber made me smile with the thought that I was making progress. I jumped back as a cold breeze swept through the clearing and rattled my tree. After a few strong gusts, I reluctantly returned to my work, realizing that the wind was only going to get stronger throughout the afternoon.
Finding breathing to be suddenly difficult, I slowed my strokes and tried to concentrate more on technique. I repositioned my hands, and struck from odd angles. I tensed all the muscles in my body, yet nothing seemed to be improving the efficiency of my work. I reluctantly let my mind wander as fatigue slowly inhabited my body. I remembered copying an old book which mentioned something called a soliloquy. Apparently it's when someone starts rambling to themselves to feel smarter than they actually are. Some people claim to have found peace of mind doing this. Somewhat curious, I began talking, wondering to myself what might happen.
“Hello? Is anyone there?” I began uncertaintly. “This is Jacob speaking. I'm here for my peace of mind? No-no, not a piece of a mind, that’s just gross.You haven't got any? Well, that can’t be right because I just placed an order for it nearly thirty seconds ago.”
“Mortal, I think you’re missing the point,” Umber sighed, drifting into view. “Furthermore, why would you bother talking to yourself when you know I could just as easily be speaking with you.”
“Oh what fun is there in talking with you?” I snickered before lazily brushing the spirit out of sight. “Anyways, I am technically talking to myself. What am I doing wrong?”
“Well, You’re supposed to be talking about important things like death, your meaningless existence and all that philosophical nonsense.”
I blinked stupidly and wretched a little on the spot. “But who’d want to do that when you can talk about interesting things?”
“Intelligent people apparently,” Umber responded quietly.
“What was that?” I asked, angrily raising the intensity of my thoughts.
Before Umber could respond, The tree before me suddenly splintered, causing my thoughts to race back to reality. I expected the tree to simply sway back to its original position however not a moment later, the front of the tree had completely enveloped my vision. As Totara tackled me to the ground, an empty scream escaped my throat only to be drowned out by the rumble of the earth. Instinctively, my hands fell to my head.
Once I’d assembled myself, I sniffed loudly and stood, looking upwards to prevent the pool of tears gathering in my eyes from leaking. From the edge of my vision, I could see Totara clamber to his feet and brush his legs off as if nothing had happened at all. I refused to look him, knowing that I had put him in such a dire position. I’d failed while endangering the person who was nice enough to keep me in his own home.
“Jacob,” Totara began uncertainty.
Unable to contain myself for any longer, I turned away from him and tumbled to the ground. It was every bit my fault that I was this stupid.
Totara fell to his knees and gently laid a hand across my back. “Jacob, listen to me.” I refused to answer, hoping that he would realize I only wanted to be left alone.
“You did a much better job than me on my first tree,” he admitted bashfully.
My face opened up in amazement, yet even then I felt committed not to speak.
Totara seemed to understand. “I’ll get you some food,” he said quietly. “Your veins could do with some hearty broth and nothing cures a grouchy face better than a cup of pine tea.”
“I’ve never really liked pine tea,” I admitted, keeping my eyes pointed straight towards the spot of earth where I had landed.
“Nonsense!” Totara roared. “Everyone loves pine tea! Especially me.” I looked up, and found myself trying not to smile at his twisted expression of mock shock. “When I was looking for Rimu, It was the dried pine tea that prevented me from getting scurvy out at sea.” Totara suddenly jabbed a stern finger in my shoulder. “And it will save you from being such a grump.”
I made gagging noises like I was on the verge of choking which caused Totara to double over in a fit of laughter.
“I guess you'll develop a taste for it over time.”
“We'll see,” I muttered under my breath but Totara pretended not to hear me.
Remarkably being true to his word, Gregor continued to work from that day forward, although he d
id so begrudgingly. Every opportunity he got, he would try to stare me down as if I was something worth stepping on. The longer he stared at me though, the more I noticed the subtle ways he tried to intimidate me. Every glare would begin as a casual look of disbelief before malforming into disgust a few seconds later followed by rage. Although there was nothing I could do to him in return, it did give me some satisfaction in knowing that I was keeping him here against his will.
“So we miss a month to build his little army. Is that such a bad thing?”
Umber looked mortified at my comment. “Mortal, you undervalue the idea of having an entire army on your side. One little packet of luck cannot compensate for the vast wealth of services an army could provide. Furthermore I would like to remind you that we are on a deadline, regardless of whatever strange sense of time you possess.”
Gift of Gold (The Year of Churning Bloods) Page 41