Totara didn't directly acknowledge my presence, but his breathing seemed to have speed up a little, as if he was sniffing the curious blend of spices that were now wafting into his room. I closed the door behind me softly, and set about filling my own bowl with the liquid. I took a nice long slurp, however this was a grave mistake. The inside of my throat immediately prickled up as shocking pain of the spice jolted every nerve in my neck. For a moment, it felt like I had swallowed a cup of diced sewing needles. I began to cough violently. I knocked my bowl over, sending its contents flying as I attempted to find water. I rushed outside just as I heard the plate behind me shatter and quickly began shoveling snow in my mouth. The intense cold of the ice only magnified my pain to the point where I was forced to charge out back and empty my stomach.
Gregor snickered when I entered the room and asked me a question that no doubt was rude and sarcastic.
I stumbled out of the house with the cast iron pot in hand, and threw the stew as far away from the house as possible. In the distance I could hear the clumped up sludge of spice hit the snow with a sickening splat. The softened carrot split in two and rolled under the house to be buried by the snow and forgotten about. I returned the hut and was startled to see Totara standing in the middle of the kitchen observing all the spices that were now missing.
In his hands, he gingerly held out a bowl of soup. “Perhaps it would be best to let me cook from now on,” he suggested weakly.
“Here Here!” Gregor roared in approval.
Feeling humiliated, I quietly climbed into my own bed, and fell asleep to the sound of my rumbling stomach.
***
I was awakened by the smell of meat frying on an iron skillet. My stomach punched me in the ribs, forcing me out of my nice warm covers and into the kitchen area where I found Totara frying eggs and bacon. Beside that was a loaf of freshly baked bread, steaming slightly as if it had only just been removed from the fire. I blinked hard, trying to stop the array of spots from fluttering in my vision.
“I guess you and your companion are staying then,” Totara said, sprinkling a little bit of seasoning onto the eggs which sizzled gratefully.
“I guess I am.”
Totara eyed me carefully, before thinking about his next few words with considerable care.
“I don't claim to be an expert,” he began modestly. “But I learned a thing or two about my clan's fighting techniques. If you’re interested I might be able to make your time here a little bit more worthwhile.”
“Are you offering to teach me?” I asked excitedly.
Totara shrugged slightly and prodded a stack of the cooked meat with a pair of wooden tongs. “I just want to give you a skill you could actually use later on in this quest,” he admitted dolefully. “I seriously doubt that you would find an opportunity where you would need to cut down a tree.”
I felt relief flood into my face, twisting my lips into a toothy grin. “So you forgive me?” I asked hopefully.
Totara thought about this in a long stretch of silence which was occupied only by the bubbling and cracking of the cooking breakfast.
“I don’t think you meant ham. Whether or not I forgive you completely is something else entirely.”
It wasn't the forgiveness speech that I had exactly hoped for, but who was I to complain? It was a dramatic improvement from just yesterday. After inhaling the steamy contents of the grill and tentatively sipping a cup of pine tea, which Totara had forced upon me, I bounded outside into the cold morning air, and withdrew my sword, which felt remarkably lighter than usual.
“You won't need your sword!” Totara called after me. I stared in shock at the spot where the sound emitted from. What on earth was I going to learn if I wasn't even going to use my sword? I carefully lay F’anger the Beast by the house, and stood in the middle of the snowy ground somewhat at a loss for what I was supposed to do with my arms.
Totara strolled out of the hut wearing thick, comfortable looking clothing. “Right,” he began, pacing around me in a circle. “Show me your stance”
“My stance?” I exclaimed. “I haven't got a weapon or a shield.”
“Well then show me what your stance would look like if you had a weapon.” Totara countered, somewhat annoyed at my inability.
My feet flew apart and I held my arms as if I was holding a sword and shield. I looked up expectantly, however Totara simply clucked his tongue and eyed me with a trace of concern.
“What If I struck you from here?” he quizzed, lightly pushing my hip to the right.
Much to my dismay, I felt my legs give way and I fell to the ground. I leapt to my feet and continued to stand in the same position, except leaning slightly into where Totara had pressed me before.
“What if I were to strike you here?” Totara continued.
I felt my left kneecap being pushed outward, before it hit the icy ground with a dull thump. The sudden redistribution of my weight on such a slippery surface caused me to stumble dramatically and fall in a heap of bones onto my back.
Totara graciously helped me back to my feet and said nothing as he considered what he just saw. “The stance you have is only going to protect you from a very narrow range of attack,” he lectured, pressing me hard on my chest.
To my relief, I managed to continue standing although I did have to step back a bit.
“The goal here is to minimize the location where your enemy could knock you over. Totara adopted an strong looking forward leaning stance with both heels pressed firmly into the ground. “Try and push me,” he invited, gesturing towards himself.
Somewhat skeptical, I took a few steps forward and gave him a sharp tap on the shoulder. He didn’t budge.
“You can do better than that!” he challenged. “Give me your best, and only your best.”
I frowned, greatly disturbed by how little he had moved from my last push. I gave him a strong shove, yet he only wobbled as if he were made out of rubber
“Are you going to stand around ticking me or are you going to do some damage?”
“Is that what you want?” I asked, loudly calling his bluff.” You're going to end up face down in the snow!”
Totara laughed powerfully at this added warning before motioning once more for me to push him.
I shrugged and charged at the man with full speed.
Totara had his arms raised at where he thought I was going to strike him, but little did he know I was not one to lose a challenge.
I ducked down at the last moment, avoiding his arms and striking both hips simultaneously. I felt the force of the impact sink into his right hand side and for a moment it had felt as though I had knocked him over. In the next moment I felt my feet slip from under me causing me to tumble onto my side and into a fresh patch of snow. I recoiled my head upward where to my amazement, I saw Totara still standing, but looking over his shoulder to make sure that I was alright.
“Amazing,” I whispered breathlessly. “Absolutely amazing.” I was about halfway through my list of praises when my tongue had suddenly gone numb from cold, causing me to ramble incomprehensibly.
Totara raised his eyebrows in bemusement before looking underneath his hut and heaving two large bags of sand off the ground. Before I could ask what he was doing, he launched both at me with surprising speed. Although they weren't tremendously heavy, I could still feel their weight inviting my arms to the ground.
“Stand with your right foot forward,” Totara ordered while I willingly complied “Your front leg needs to be bent a little more.” He patted my chest. “Keep those arms up. You’re holding something that will save your life. You can’t let them fall.”
With a great amount of effort, I managed to grunt the bags back up to my chest. The intense amount of unrelenting strain racing through my body was enough to make me quiver from head to toe. I stood there on the spot for nearly a half an hour, while Totara continued to snake around me. In his right hand, he had equipped a large stick, which he would use to try and upset my balance. I glan
ced down at my arms briefly to see large veins penetrating my wrists and clashing violently with the smooth milky color of my skin.
“And drop.”
I fell to the ground mercifully and felt the relief pour into my arms. I tenderly touched my aching biceps and cringed.
Totara taught me a few basic stretches to help muscle growth and prevent cramps before staring off into the sky. The falling sun, threatening to drop over the hills seemed to startle Totara slightly, as the realization brushed over him that he hadn’t worked at all in the previous three days. “That's more of a vacation then I’ll ever need,” he conceded bashfully. Quickly moving, Totara ushered me off to the house, before darting into the woods to do some last minute hunting.
For the first time in a very long while, I was surprised to find I was happy.
***
“Tonight is the last night,” I said to myself forcefully. I wanted to build resistance to the poison of the reality. I’d stayed by Totara’s side for a full month and in return, he taught me how to fall trees, swing shields, bash swords and stand as if I was another member of this clan.
With any luck, Totara would be soon able to afford journey back. I’d helped him do that. I realized unexpectedly. I gave him the inspiration he needed to continue working. With a bit of luck, he might be able to go back in a few more months. That word stuck in my thoughts like an unpleasant piece of food refusing to be swallowed. Luck was the cause of all of this. Totara had started out so well. Why did his luck suddenly end? What did he do to deserve this?
I stared down at the powdered luck in my hand and found myself trembling at the thought that I would someday use it. I heard snow crunch as Totara sat down beside me and gazed up at the star swept sky. I wanted to say something powerful and memorable yet nothing came to mind. Fortunately for me he was the first one to speak.
“Sometimes I like to think that my miracle never really ended,” Totara whispered with a hard quiver in his voice. He sniffed hard and began to blink rather quickly. “Sometimes I like to think that my miracle is so amazing and so big that it’s just taking seven years to prepare.” He gazed at me and smiled broadly, revealing teeth so shockingly white it was like they were made out of moon stuff. “I don’t think you know this, but I actually talk to Gregor regularly,” Totara said, brushing dark braids of his hair off his face.
I scoffed slightly. “Like he had anything interesting to tell you. I’m sure it was just petty insults, or complaints.”
Totara shrugged. “You should talk to him. You may be surprised.”
“What did he tell you?” I demanded, sitting up straighter.
“That's not for me to say.”
“He’s literally tried to kill me,” I exclaimed stubbornly. “More than once in fact. I hardly think he’s going to be telling me his story any time soon.”
Totara sighed. “Well, when you put it that way you’re definitely right.”
My eyebrows shot up in confusion. “I am?”
“Absolutely. If you hate him that much, then there’s no doubt he’ll try to hide everything about himself from you.” Totara grinned as if this was somehow funny. We sat disconnected in silence, watching a wave of clouds start to engulf the storm of speckled lights. The progression was beautiful to watch, as each star would twinkle merrily before simply being swallowed by misty beasts. Occasionally some would peek out at you from beneath the layers and scream for help, only to be thrown back into the guts of the clouds.
“I’m really scared,” I admitted weakly. Totara nodded in agreement.
“That's natural. Sometimes when I’m scared I find it’s best to just talk to somebody about it.” He gestured to the hut and smirked. “Unless you’ve been living alone for nearly a decade. Then you just have to shut up and not think about it.”
I laughed and immediately the warmth I once knew flooded back into my throat.
“I’m scared to use this,” I whispered before briefly holding up the miracle powder. I doubted Totara could see what I was holding, but he understood what I was talking about nonetheless. “I’m scared to use this, because I’m worried something will go wrong.”
Totara’s breathing became deeper as his gaze arched back further and his eyes opened up to the entire sky. “What do you think your miracle is Jacob?” he asked solemnly. I paused for a silence that stretched on the verge of too long. Seeing no other option, I responded honestly.
“I don’t know.”
“Exactly!” Totara was on his feet now, pacing around and accelerating his every movement. “How could you possibly fail at something when you don’t even have a goal in mind?”
“I have to kill Orthonus within a year,” I whimpered pitifully.
“But is that what you want? Is that what you crave for more than anything?”
I fell silent. “I want love.”
Totara nodded sympathetically. “I think you should use it,” he suggested. “Right here. There’s no better time or place.”
I nodded in silent agreement, still trying to make sense of all my feelings.
Totara bounded ahead, pacing around like an agitated dog as he searched for something very specific.
I followed him as best as I could, jogging slightly. Before I could ask what he was looking for, he pointed to a lonely stump in a surprisingly empty part of the enclosure. I recognized it immediately at the place where I’d cut down my first tree. “The stump is completely rotten now,” I sighed, kicking it slightly. A large chunk of soggy wood flew off into the distance leaving an earthy smell behind. “Couldn’t I just use the powder on another, less grimy tree?” It didn’t seem right to place my future in the roots of this decaying corpse, when I could use it on something far better.
Totara shrugged the question off. “It’s symbolic. You look at this tree now and you think it’s worthless, but do you remember your fear when you were preparing to cut it down? Do you remember the excitement you felt when you tumbled it to the ground?”
“I nearly killed myself,” I responded quietly. Suddenly Totara and I were in stitches, cackling like wild animals at how silly it all seemed. “All right, all right point taken,” I chuckled before wiping at the corner of my eye. “How should I go about applying this stuff?
Totara shrugged. “Your miracle. not mine.”
I bent down to the stump’s level and with nervous fidgeting hands, removed the powder from my pocket. I tried to tear the packet open, however it resisted with surprising force. With a sudden chaotic rupture, the package split, spilling its contents in all directions and leaving a fine coat of crystalline material all over my clothes, the tree trunk, and the snow around it. I screamed in denial, and tried in vain to shake the small bits of powder off of my armoured pants. It seemed that somehow the sparkling crystals had embedded their way into the leather armor and clung to me like stubborn children.
“Leave it be.” Totara warned. “There’s nothing you can do about it now.” We watched together in hushed silence to see if there were any immediate changes to our surroundings. After a frozen fifteen minutes without noise, I figured it would be far better if I actually got some sleep. Reluctantly, Totara and I hoisted our bodies up, before staggering off to the hut for a deep night’s sleep.
Chapter twenty-four
Lost button
I found a pigeon whose neck had been broken.
He looked quite the mess but his eyes were still open.
I scared off the cat who had done the damn deed,
Snatching life from air for a single meaty feed.
I scrambled down the path, while the evening grew fatter,
And an woman strolled by without asking ‘what’s the matter?’
A child bumped my side with her father behind her,
And she stared all wide eyed at the poor lump of feathers.
But on did I walk the finite street of time,
Hoping to do good for nor a nickel nor a dime
And I tiptoed to the house, all nice and quite quiet.
But when the maid saw me she threw a rather large riot.
Yet I gave it a box, and a lovely warm bed,
Trying not to notice it was very near dead.
And though I may have fought a fight,
And though I might have saved the day,
I couldn’t swear I didn’t help him make him the whole night.
The bird in the bush had died in my hands.
342 days remaining
Awaking slowly, I relished the feeling of rubbing up against the soft covers of my bed. My eyes slowly fell open and absorbed the soft natural light pouring through the nearby window, which illuminated dust particles lazily revolving around me. I got up and began to look for a bite to eat when suddenly I noticed that I’d packed my bag from the previous day. I stared, wondering stupidly why I would do such a thing until yesterdays memories slapped me awake. I took one look out the window before charging outside.
Gift of Gold (The Year of Churning Bloods) Page 43