by Mandy Baggot
‘You said trust was important to you and it’s important to me too. I couldn’t keep something like that quiet; I would have to tell you,’ Joel spoke to her.
‘Whatever,’ Kate said and drank more of her wine.
‘And the final question, Joel has noticed that you are putting on a little weight. What does he do about it? Does he A, say nothing; he loves you just the way you are. Does he B, mention it to you kindly and suggest both of you ought to cut down on the takeaway meals or does he C, not say anything but try and make you get more active.’
‘Oh definitely C, look at him, gym obsessed. He would have me on a treadmill eating lettuce as soon as he could,’ Kate answered confidently.
‘I’m afraid that’s the wrong answer, Joel said A, he loves you just the way you are. Hypothetically of course,’ Hermione announced as Philip scratched fiercely at the rash on his face.
‘Are you OK?’ Joel asked, taking hold of Kate’s hand.
‘Yes fine. Can we go? I don’t feel very well,’ Kate spoke her face feeling flush as the wine took hold.
‘Of course but we’re only halfway through the questions, I thought…’ Joel began.
‘I want to go home, I’ve had enough of all this,’ Kate insisted.
‘I’ll call a taxi,’ Joel said, getting out his mobile.
‘Can we walk? I can’t wait.’
‘Sure, OK.’
‘Are you OK Sweetie?’ Hermione asked, becoming herself again.
‘I’m just really tired and I don’t want to keep Lynn too late. Sorry Mione, thank you for all the effort you’ve gone to and you Philip, you’ve been an excellent chicken - I mean dove,’ Kate spoke as she picked up her bag and coat.
‘It’s been a real pleasure and it was lovely to see you again Joel,’ Hermione spoke, grabbing hold of the tall man and squeezing him into an embrace.
‘Thank you both for the wonderful food and for the questions, it was a really good evening,’ Joel spoke as Philip led them to the door.
‘We had such fun preparing it all didn’t we Phil?’ Hermione said.
‘We did. We’ll have to do it again, maybe minus the bird costume next time,’ Philip answered.
‘I’ll see you tomorrow; we’ll have a good chat,’ Hermione spoke quietly to Kate as Joel stepped outside.
‘Bye,’ Kate responded with a sigh.
‘See you and thanks again,’ Joel called as they walked down the path and joined the street.
Kate gave Hermione and Philip a lacklustre wave and headed down the road towards home.
‘Are you sure you’re OK?’ Joel asked.
‘I’m fine, I just want to get home and go to bed. The last few days at work have been a complete nightmare. The Lady Dragon is trying to discredit me and Colin Sykes wants to promote me, I don’t know which one is worse,’ Kate admitted.
‘Do you want to talk about it?’ Joel offered.
‘The question about Auntie Jess tipped me over the edge.’
‘I did pick up on that.’
‘It’s stupid, I shouldn’t let it still get to me, it’s in the past.’
‘Auntie Jess made a pass at one of your boyfriends?’ Joel exclaimed.
‘No, at Matthew - or the other way round probably. It was the one and only time she came to stay; I caught them in the kitchen in an embrace, red-faced and trying to distract my attention by picking up scattered pretzels. But I knew what had happened; I knew how the pretzels got scattered.’
‘I see.’
‘She’s my only relative, I asked her for a loan recently and she was more than happy to oblige. She still feels guilty for exchanging tongues with my husband - never thought that situation would work to my advantage.’
‘I see.’
‘Mione doesn’t know, it’s not something I’ve ever broadcast.’
‘I see.’
‘Stop saying that, you don’t see, you must think I have “mug” printed on my forehead. I forgave him so many things, so many and in the end it was all for nothing,’ Kate exclaimed loudly.
‘It wasn’t all for nothing, you have Bethan,’ Joel reminded.
‘I hope Mione didn’t think I was rude, she’d gone to so much trouble tonight.’
‘I think Mione would be mortified if she thought one of her questions had made you feel like this,’ Joel replied.
‘I’m an idiot; it was just a game, a silly question we were practising for an even sillier TV show. It isn’t real.’
‘My answers were real, there’s no point pretending if we want to win.’
‘Even the question about me having put on weight?’
‘Yes, although if there had been an option suggesting cutting down on the microwave meals I might have chosen that.’
‘Oh Joel, you must wonder how on earth you got involved in all this. Another Friday night and it might have been Stephen in your place,’ Kate said with half a smile.
‘I wouldn’t change things now, especially not when Hermione has promised to read my runes,’ Joel informed her.
‘Oh God, we’re truly doomed, she won’t stop at that. She’ll be plotting your astrological chart and getting her crystal ball out.’
‘Perhaps she’ll see us taking the title of Knowing Me Knowing You.’
‘Or failing at the next round.’
‘We’re not going to fail; I think someone needs to work their negativity out of them.’
‘Well I’ll have to work on that before next week. Next week! I can’t believe we’re going on stage again next week!’ Kate exclaimed.
‘And how’s your talent shaping up? Have you had much chance to practise?’
‘Talent?’
‘Yeah, it said about it in the rules you gave me a copy of, couples in the next stage need to have a talent to show the audience.’
‘I didn’t read that! I can’t do that! I don’t have a talent, what sort of talent? Like juggling or something? This is insane; I had no idea, why didn’t you mention it before?’ Kate spoke wildly.
‘I just presumed you knew.’
‘Well what’s your talent?’
‘I play guitar a bit. I was going to do that.’
‘Oh great, yeah, you’re going to just whip up a song and play the guitar, while I what? Shake a tambourine in the background? That will impress people.’
‘Do you sing?’
‘Only when I’m drunk and then it’s really bad. Like someone’s reaction to having boiling water poured over them.’
‘Well you have a week to think of something.’
‘Think of something, practise it and perfect it while trying to maintain my child/life/work balance.’
‘I could bring a tambourine along just in case,’ Joel suggested.
‘Don’t you dare.’
Eighteen
‘Think of a talent,’ Kate spoke as she passed Lynn by the filing cabinet and hurried over to her desk.
‘What?’ Lynn queried.
‘Sshh, come here,’ Kate beckoned as she turned on her computer and started to go through her in tray.
‘What’s all the whispering for?’ Lynn asked in a whisper.
‘I don’t want Lady Dragon to hear. I’ve got a client in ten minutes and I should be reviewing the file but this is important. I need a talent, by the end of today. Something I can learn, something I can perform on stage at this Knowing Me Knowing You thing,’ Kate continued, opening a file and sitting down.
‘Like fire eating? Or sword swallowing? Now that would be really cool,’ Lynn remarked with a grin.
‘I was hoping for something that wouldn’t kill me and something I can learn quickly,’ Kate replied.
‘Ooo I know just the thing. Burlesque!’ Lynn exclaimed excitedly.
‘What?’
‘Burlesque, you must have heard of it.’
‘I have no idea what you’re talking about.’
‘Well basically, you dress up in a raunchy yet tasteful costume, like a corset and gloves and those dresses with the ruffles at the bac
k and it’s kind of a striptease but in good taste,’ Lynn attempted to explain.
‘A striptease in good taste. Is that possible?’ Kate asked.
‘Yes, it’s more about suggestion rather than anything sleazy. My friend Melanie does it. I can ask her for a costume, yes, that’s definitely what you should do. It would be great - we’re coming by the way - to the show - me and Darren,’ Lynn added.
‘Oh you don’t have to do that.’
‘I can’t wait; we haven’t had a proper night out in ages. Right, well I’ll phone Melanie about the costume and you can look up burlesque on the internet. Google Dita Von Teese or Christina Aguilera, she’s got some film coming out.’
‘You’re talking in riddles,’ Kate exclaimed as Lynn disappeared towards the door.
‘Mr Watkins will be here in seconds,’ Lynn called.
‘Kate, do you have a moment?’
Kate hadn’t noticed Miranda arrive at her shoulder. She looked sombre faced and was in the little black suit she usually reserved for funerals and meeting the bereaved for the initial meeting. If she was wearing it for any other reason it usually meant bad news.
‘Well, Mr Watkins is due in any minute and…’ Kate started.
‘I hear Colin has suggested you take the legal practice course to gain your solicitor’s qualification,’ Miranda continued.
‘Yes,’ Kate answered with a swallow.
‘And how do you feel about that?’
‘Well, I haven’t really had a chance to think about it.’
‘No, I suppose not, what with a child and everything to worry about. It’s a big decision and an enormous responsibility taking on more studying isn’t it?’
‘Yes, it is,’ Kate responded.
She knew exactly what Miranda’s game was. She had to be really floundering to launch a one on one attack.
‘Reading through all those text books until the small hours, burning the midnight oil, no time for anything else,’ Miranda continued.
She sounded so desperate.
‘As I said, I haven’t had time to think about it yet.’
It might be fun to keep her hanging, not give any clue as to her feelings about the offer one way or the other. Seeing as she’d been trying to discredit her in the office and to her clients the cow deserved to sweat.
‘No, of course. Well, I wasn’t trying to put you off. I just thought you should know that it isn’t all pass an exam and get a fancy title, there’s a lot of hard work that has to go into it,’ Miranda responded quickly, flicking her mane of hair back.
‘I realise that,’ Kate spoke, staring at her hairline and squinting her eyes to try and study it more closely.
‘Perfect, good. Well, don’t keep Mr Watkins waiting,’ Miranda spoke, preparing to depart back to her office.
‘I won’t. And thanks Miranda for your advice, it’s really appreciated. I hope you’re coming to Knowing Me Knowing You, I know Joel was looking forward to seeing you again,’ Kate spoke with a ‘life is wonderful I’m getting on without him’ smile.
‘Of course I’ll be there, in fact Andrew Kent is taking me,’ Miranda said a smug smile spreading over her perfectly made-up face.
‘Perfect,’ Kate replied, clutching the Watkins file to her chest.
Miranda tossed her blonde hair high over her shoulder and teetered back to her room, closing the door behind her.
Kate let out a sigh. The silly tart was obviously pissed off Colin had made the offer. She didn’t know what she wanted to do. It would mean a lot of study, attention away from Bethan, but it would also mean more money and more status within the firm. She would be on an equal footing with Miranda. And then, if she was offered partnership she would be stepping over the Lady Dragon entirely. She didn’t know how that would work though, what with Miranda being the head of department, perhaps she would have to move departments. Did she want to do that? And it was more responsibility, there would be no margin for error, she would have to be on top of her game. Was that what she wanted? Sometimes her head felt like it was going to explode when she was getting into the technicalities of inheritance tax. Did she really want that feeling every day?
Her phone rang and Ruby announced the arrival of Mr Watkins. From what Kate remembered from the last time she met him, he had a full-length beard and breath that smelt of pickled onions. If it was the same case today he would have to be over and done within five chargeable units.
‘Do you know anything about burlesque?’ Kate asked Hermione as her friend put a cup of green tea down on the table in front of her.
‘Ooo la la! Burlesque! Why do you ask Sweetie?’
‘Oh I have to have a stupid talent to show off at the show and I had no idea what to do. I didn’t even know about it until Joel told me it was on the show information sheet, which I didn’t read properly. So then Lynn suggests burlesque and gets all excited and phones her mental friend Melanie who turns up with this, this and this and I haven’t a clue what to do with any of it,’ Kate explained, pulling a corset, a fan and a feather boa out of her bag.
‘Ooo I say! Va va voom!’ Hermione spoke excitedly.
‘Am I totally mad? What am I doing? It was bad enough standing on stage just answering questions, now I am going to have to prance around like some sort of nineteenth century hooker,’ Kate exclaimed, drinking some tea.
‘What does Joel say?’
‘I can’t tell him, he would be so embarrassed he would probably pull out of the show.’
‘What’s his talent? Apart from obviously being a perfect gentleman and the most gorgeous guy on the planet.’
‘Apparently he plays the guitar. He’s probably had lessons from James Blunt. He’s going to be great and I’m going to be terrible.’
‘Well, my suggestion to you would be to think “role play”. When you dress up in costume give yourself a whole new identity. I don’t know; make yourself Maria De Cruz, the Spanish countess, not Kate Baxter the legal executive. You are mysterious, exciting, sultry and alluring, lose yourself in your music, be at one with the fan, use your props like they are part of you,’ Hermione spoke and she picked up the fan, flicked it out with force and hid her face so only her eyes were showing, attempting to bat her eyelashes seductively.
‘Have you heard yourself?’
‘You want to win the show don’t you?’
‘Well yes, but I also don’t want to make an idiot of myself in front of the Lady Dragon and the partners of Randall’s.’
‘It will look worse if you don’t commit to the performance. Don’t you watch X Factor? How many contestants get accused of lacking emotion and not committing? Simon Cowell practically says it every week.’
‘How many of them attempt burlesque?’ Kate queried.
‘That would be novel wouldn’t it? But more Britain’s Got Talent I’d say.’
‘I’ve got to look on You Tube later, see exactly how much dancing and seductiveness is required. Are you still OK to have Bethan overnight that night?’
‘Of course, I’m looking forward to it. We’re going to go swimming and make apple tarts.’
‘Want to swap? You do the burlesque routine and I’ll bake and swim?’
‘You know I would in a flash but it isn’t my name on the entry form, more’s the pity. And besides that, I’m not sure I would let you use my oven unsupervised.’
‘Mummy, Mummy!’ Bethan called as she toddled into the kitchen and held her arms out to Kate.
‘Hello darling! Come and give Mummy a cuddle,’ Kate spoke, scooping Bethan up in her arms and savouring the feeling of the daughter.
‘She’s looking more like you every day. And when I say something she doesn’t like the sound of, like “come and have your face wiped” she wrinkles her nose up just like you do,’ Hermione said.
‘You’ve never offered to wipe my face and I don’t wrinkle my nose,’ Kate answered immediately wrinkling her nose.
‘Oh Bethan, Mummy is funny isn’t she?’ Hermione said with a laugh.
&nb
sp; When Kate got home there was a pile of post waiting on the doormat. There was a new menu from a Chinese takeaway with an offer on sweet and sour chicken and prawn crackers, another leaflet about losing half your body weight at Joel’s gym and the rest were bills. She picked them up and deposited them on the table. She couldn’t face looking at them just yet.
She bathed Bethan, put her to bed and spent the next hour looking at burlesque dancers on the internet. It made her shudder. The women all looked so confident in themselves and their bodies. They looked submissive, yet powerful, prim, yet flirtatious, playful, yet controlled. She had no idea where to begin. In the end watching the dancers being everything she wasn’t was getting her down so she turned the computer off and set her Fisherman’s pie to cook. She had a litre of German Hock to wash it down with and she had started that already.
There was a council tax bill, a credit card statement and a car insurance renewal. When she opened the fourth envelope her heart almost stopped. It was from the Child Support Agency. She read the words, trying to take them in but as she read a chill crept over her. Matthew was questioning Bethan’s paternity, he wanted a DNA test.
Kate’s heart began to pound as she re-read the letter, trying to take it all in. Why would he do this? How could he do this? She wanted to cry but the tears wouldn’t come, a ball of emotion was lodged in her chest, unmoving.
She picked up the phone and dialled in Hermione’s number. It rang and rang and no one picked it up. The microwave beeped and Kate’s breathing quickened as she ended the call and dialled a different number. Her mind was working overtime. How dare he? How did they take DNA tests these days? Was it a blood test or a mouth swab? She should ask Lynn, she was up to speed with detective shows.
‘Hello.’
‘Oh, er hello Joel, it’s Kate. I, erm, I’m sorry to call, Hermione isn’t in and I just need…’ Kate began, trying hard to swallow the tears that were beginning to leak out.
Why had she phoned him?
‘Is everything OK?’ Joel asked.
‘No, I - I’m sorry, I’ll call someone else. I shouldn’t have called you, I’ll try Lynn,’ Kate spoke as she began to cry out loud, the thought of subjecting Bethan to any procedure making her feel sick.