by Mandy Baggot
‘What you should be doing?’ Joel queried.
‘Yes, I don’t know, what do you think? I mean we...’ Kate started.
‘I feel the same way this morning as I did last night,’ Joel spoke bluntly, looking at her with his huge slate eyes.
‘Joel, I have to put Bethan first and I don’t know how I feel about relationships in general at the moment, let alone embarking on one myself. There’s so much at stake, there’s Bethan and the competition and the Lady Dragon and this solicitor’s exam offer. I haven’t got time to breathe just now, let alone make a considered decision about something,’ Kate attempted to explain.
‘Then don’t,’ Joel answered.
‘Don’t what?’
‘Don’t make a considered decision about it.’
‘What d’you mean?’
‘You think about absolutely everything you do, why not stop thinking for once and just see what happens,’ Joel suggested.
‘Would you be happy with that? Because I do really like you, I just can’t quantify my feelings at the moment. That sounds really tragic and unromantic doesn’t it?’
‘It certainly does,’ Joel agreed.
‘What I’m trying to say is, I don’t know when I’m going to be ready to make a relationship commitment, I don’t even know if I’m ever going to be ready, I don’t want to string you along and then....,’ Kate began.
‘Last night we said no promises, just honesty, you’re being honest with me, I can’t ask for more than that. But just to warn you, I’m not one for giving up easily,’ Joel told her.
‘Noted,’ she answered.
‘Come here the future Knowing Me Knowing You champions 2011, come in, come in. Philip! Kate and Joel are here!’ Hermione announced as she grabbed Kate and enveloped her in a bear hug.
Kate managed to escape the clinch and Joel was next for the embrace as Bethan toddled down the hallway to greet the arrivals.
‘Mummy!’ Bethan exclaimed excitedly, bouncing up and down and tugging at Kate’s jeans.
‘Hello darling, have you had a lovely time with Aunty Mione?’ Kate asked as she picked up her daughter and cuddled her tightly.
‘We have had a lovely time and so have you two by the looks of things. Look at you both, you are practically glowing! It must be that sea air. Come into the kitchen, Philip and Cyrus have been baking,’ Hermione announced, leading the way.
‘Where are your three?’ Kate asked, carrying Bethan.
‘Helping, or rather hindering, at my mother’s WI fete. I’ve had Cyrus since eight; his mother had some urgent business meeting or something. Now, who’s for cranberry tea?’ Hermione offered.
‘Let me help. Hi Philip,’ Joel greeted as they all entered the kitchen.
‘Hey Joel, what a dark horse you are, playing the guitar and singing like that. I play the accordion, very badly according to Mione, but maybe we could have a jam session one time,’ Philip suggested.
‘That sounds like it would be a lot of fun,’ Joel agreed with a smile.
‘JUICE!’ Cyrus whispered satanically, drumming his feet on the floor.
‘Cyrus, ask nicely please. We don’t get things if we ask like that,’ Hermione spoke to the little boy.
‘JUICE!’ Cyrus repeated the drumming getting faster.
‘Cyrus, you ask nicely and you say please,’ Hermione told him.
‘Juice, juice,’ Bethan mimicked, waving her arm up and down.
‘JUICE!’ Cyrus said again, banging his feet even harder on the floor.
‘Hey Cyrus, how about this, “can-I-have-some-juice-please?”,’ Joel spoke, tapping his feet on the floor in rhythm with the syllables of the words.
Cyrus just stared at Joel transfixed.
‘Come on, you try it, “can-I-have-some-juice-please?”,’ Joel repeated.
‘I’m afraid Cyrus has communication problems. He only whispers and stamps and talks in one word sentences,’ Hermione whispered to the adults.
‘Can-I-have-some-juice-please?’ Cyrus spoke audibly, tapping his feet in time to the words.
‘Oh my God,’ Hermione said out loud, putting her hands to her mouth in shock.
‘Can-I-have-some-juice-please?’ Cyrus repeated a broad smile on his face.
‘How did you do that? He hasn’t spoken a proper sentence in all the time I’ve been minding him,’ Hermione spoke, astounded.
‘I did some work with children in Germany. Sometimes music or rhythm provides a focus for kids who find it hard to communicate,’ Joel answered, ruffling Cyrus’ hair.
‘Well I don’t know what to say. You’re nothing short of a miracle worker, wait until I tell his mother,’ Hermione said, pouring some juice for Cyrus and handing it to him.
‘How did you know about that?’ Kate wanted to know.
‘I studied a bit of child psychology at university, along with the sports science,’ Joel told her.
‘Thank-you,’ Cyrus said to Hermione, banging his feet on the floor twice.
‘You’re-welcome,’ Hermione answered, copying him.
‘So he sings, he plays guitar and he knows all about children. I would snap him up Kate if I was you,’ Philip remarked with a wink.
‘Joel, Joel,’ Bethan shrieked, reaching out at Joel.
Joel took hold of the little girl’s hand and squeezed it.
‘Are you sure you can’t stay for lunch? I could make a stew, it wouldn’t take long,’ Hermione spoke as Kate looked out of the kitchen window into the garden. Philip, Joel, Cyrus and Bethan were running around kicking a football.
Kate smiled as Joel picked up Cyrus and put him onto his shoulders, running around with him and making the boy squeal with delight.
‘Kate Baxter, I’m talking to you,’ Hermione said, turning to see why her friend hadn’t replied.
‘Sorry, what did you say?’
‘Hmm, I think I want to hear all about what happened in that romance lodge,’ Hermione spoke, eyeing her friend with suspicion.
‘Nothing happened,’ Kate replied her cheeks already flushing.
‘Oh my God Sweetie, what happened? Are you and Joel...’
‘No, well yes - I don’t know,’ Kate admitted.
‘Sit down and tell me everything!’ Hermione demanded, pulling a chair out for her.
Kate sat down and let out a sigh, turning to look out of the window again at Joel.
‘We slept together,’ she admitted.
‘Ooooooooooo! I knew it! I saw it in the tea leaves and the runes. I knew this was the start of something, I told you, didn’t I tell you!’ Hermione gabbled excitedly, tapping her hands on the table in appreciation of the news.
‘It isn’t like that,’ Kate replied.
‘What d’you mean it isn’t like that? Like what? You’ve been pretending to be a couple for weeks, now you are a couple, simple.’
‘We aren’t a couple.’
‘Now you’ve lost me Sweetie, I thought you said you had...’
‘Slept together, yes. But it isn’t as simple as that, things are difficult for me at the moment,’ Kate told her.
‘Don’t tell me he was no good in bed because I simply won’t believe it.’
‘It isn’t him, it’s me.’
‘You’re no good in bed?’
‘No! Well, I don’t think so. It isn’t anything to do with the physical stuff, it’s me. I don’t know how I feel about Joel and I don’t know how I feel about starting a relationship. This is the same dating dilemma I was having before all this mad Knowing Me Knowing You stuff started.’
‘I don’t see the problem. He’s gorgeous. From what I’ve seen he’s kind and considerate, he’s intelligent and funny and he’s great with kids. Look at him out there playing with Cyrus and Bethan,’ Hermione spoke, indicating what was going on in the garden.
‘Matthew hurt me; I can’t go through that again,’ Kate admitted.
‘He isn’t Matthew. I’m not sure there are any other men out there who are like that piece of worthless...’ Hermione b
egan.
‘Don’t Mione, he’s Bethan’s father.’
‘But he doesn’t want to be. Stop defending him. What he’s doing to you two is despicable,’ Hermione stated.
‘I know and I’m not defending him. I know what he is, but he wasn’t that person when we got together. He was kind and considerate just like Joel and he made me laugh, what if...’
‘What if Joel turns out the same way?’
Kate nodded her head.
‘Love is all about putting your faith in someone and learning to trust them. There are no guarantees, but if you don’t take a chance you never get to learn how wonderful things are when they actually work,’ Hermione told her.
‘I wouldn’t want to bring someone into Bethan’s life and have them walk out on her again.’
‘Look out there, he’s already in her life,’ Hermione told her.
Kate looked out in the garden and saw Joel holding hands with Bethan and running towards the swing. He lifted her into it and pushed her high into the air as she laughed and giggled.
‘He says he’s falling in love with me.’
‘Could you fall in love with him if you let yourself?’
‘Very easily,’ Kate admitted.
‘Want me to read your leaves again?’
‘No, it’s something I’ve got to work out for myself.’
‘Well if I was you I wouldn’t leave it too long. You could miss out on the best thing that’s ever happened to you,’ Hermione spoke seriously.
‘Bethan’s asleep,’ Kate remarked as Joel pulled his car up outside her home.
‘All that running around the garden and two hundred goes on the slide would make me need a sleep. In fact watching her do it has the same effect,’ Joel replied.
‘Could you help me with my bag and I’ll carry Bethan?’ Kate asked him.
‘Sure.’
Kate carefully undid Bethan’s car seat belt and lifted the sleeping child out and into her arms. As she walked up the path and approached the door something felt wrong. She looked up and noticed one of the windows upstairs was open.
‘Joel,’ Kate spoke cautiously.
‘Yeah.’
‘I think someone’s been in the house, the window’s open.’
Joel joined her on the path and put her bag down.
‘Maybe you just forgot to close it,’ he suggested.
‘I didn’t, I’m sure of it. Would you go in first?’ Kate asked, handing Joel the key.
‘Sure, wait here.’
Kate held Bethan to her as she watched Joel open the front door and enter the house.
‘You’d better come in,’ Joel called a minute or two later as he returned to the front door.
Kate hurried in and was greeted by the sight of Matthew, sat on her sofa, a cup of coffee in his hand, his feet up on the table and the television blaring out a football match.
‘Hello Kate,’ he greeted softly, hurriedly putting the cup down and removing his feet from the table.
‘How did you get in? What are you doing here?’ Kate blurted out her heart thumping in her chest as she looked at him.
‘Hello Bethan, aw, she’s asleep. She looks so much like me when she’s peaceful like that doesn’t she?’ Matthew spoke, standing up and moving towards Kate to look at Bethan.
‘Get away from her. Joel, could you take Bethan up to her room?’ Kate asked, transferring Bethan to him.
‘Why don’t I do that? She always liked it when I put her to bed,’ Matthew said, attempting to take his daughter.
‘Don’t you touch her!’ Kate exclaimed immediately, hurriedly passing Bethan to Joel.
‘She’s my daughter.’
‘Last week you didn’t believe she was your daughter; you said you wanted a DNA test. Joel, please take her upstairs. How did you get in here?’ Kate demanded to know as Joel took Bethan away from the situation.
‘I still have a key. Look Kate, there’s no easy way to say this so I’m just going to come right out and say it. I want to try again,’ Matthew told her.
‘What?’ Kate exclaimed, thinking she was hearing things.
‘I want us to try again, be a family,’ Matthew repeated.
‘You have got to be joking,’ Kate said.
‘No, I’ve never been more serious in my life. I know I’ve been a bastard to you and to Bethan, I don’t know why, call it a midlife crisis if you like. I felt trapped, I felt overwhelmed by the responsibility of having a child, I didn’t take to it like you did.’
‘I didn’t have a choice. She arrived and someone had to get on with it,’ Kate spat.
‘And you were amazing, you are amazing Kate. I know I’ve walked out on the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I need to try and put things right. I need to make it up to you and I need to make it up to Bethan,’ Matthew spoke.
‘Yes you do. But not like this and it’s gone way past making things up to me. We’re divorced,’ Kate reminded him.
‘It isn’t irrevocable.’
‘It is as far as I’m concerned. And what’s happened to that rabid Amanda?’
‘I don’t know what I was thinking; she was a passing fancy, nothing in comparison to you,’ Matthew spoke, reaching out for Kate’s hands.
‘I’ll go,’ Joel said, re-entering the room to see the couple holding hands.
Kate snatched her hands away from Matthew and turned to face Joel.
‘No, don’t go,’ Kate said, looking at him pleadingly.
‘I think you two have a lot to talk about that’s all,’ Joel answered coolly.
‘I’ve got nothing left to say to him. I told you that,’ Kate whispered.
‘You need to sort things out for Bethan,’ Joel told her.
‘But that’s all.’
‘Give me a call,’ Joel said, backing towards the door.
‘Joel,’ Kate said tears welling up in her eyes.
‘It’s OK, honestly. I understand,’ Joel told her, giving her an encouraging smile.
Kate watched him leave and a lump formed in her throat as she couldn’t help but recall the way he had touched her the night before and whispered her name as she clung to him.
‘Who is that thug anyway?’ Matthew questioned as he appeared in the hallway and brought Kate back to reality.
‘He isn’t a thug,’ Kate snapped back.
‘I still have bruises on my neck from what he did at the bowling alley. Where did you meet someone like that?’
‘I want you to go,’ Kate said and she opened the front door.
‘Come on Kate, please. I’ve got so much I want to say to you. I told you, I want to make things right between us, I want to try again and be a proper family. I want to be the husband you deserve,’ Matthew spoke.
‘No.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because I can’t forgive you - the things you said, what you did, it’s all completely unforgivable.’
‘People deserve second chances don’t they?’
‘Sometimes, but Matthew, this has come so out of the blue. You stopped paying for Bethan, you had a new girlfriend who came round here and thumped me, you refused to pay the CSA, then there was the DNA, now you want to try again. I just don’t believe you,’ Kate spoke with a sigh.
‘I saw you, on the TV last night, in that ridiculous game show - with him,’ Matthew admitted through gritted teeth.
Kate didn’t reply but just looked at her ex-husband, seeing his angry expression. It was then that realisation hit her.
‘Oh my God!’ she exclaimed, putting her hands to her mouth.
‘What? I saw you with him, I saw you smiling and laughing with him and I was jealous - there I admit it - I wanted it to be us together again.’
‘This isn’t about me or Bethan, this is about the money! Oh my God, how stupid am I? You want to get back in my affections because you think I might get my hands on a hundred thousand pounds,’ Kate spoke hysterically.
‘What?’
‘Oh very good, act surprised when I ment
ion the prize money, nice touch. And this is typical of you, you always were selfish and self-centred, I just ignored it before, tried to pretend it was endearing. But it wasn’t, it isn’t. All you’ve ever been interested in is things. It was you who wanted the John Lewis wedding list not me, you wanted the Caribbean honeymoon, I would have been happy with France and you wanted that stupid bloody double shower upstairs which mocks me every time I get into it on my own,’ Kate blasted.
‘I don’t know what you’re talking about, this has nothing to do with any prize money. This has to do with me realising what an idiot I’ve been throwing away what we had together. And I couldn’t stand him touching you on that stage, in front of everyone,’ Matthew tried to explain.
‘I don’t believe you Matthew. And how dare you come round here and let yourself into my house. Get out! Go on, get out now!’ Kate screamed and she pushed Matthew towards the front door.
‘You loved me Kate, I was the centre of your life. There must be a way to turn back the clock,’ Matthew pleaded.
‘Have you no idea how contrived this all sounds. Get out and don’t come back and I’ll have the key please,’ Kate demanded, opening the front door and pushing him out onto the step.
‘Kate, this isn’t you talking. Give me another chance, I’m begging you.’
‘I don’t want to see you again and you can forget about seeing Bethan. She’s better off without you,’ Kate spat angrily.
Matthew just looked at her, dumbfounded by her words. She slammed the door in his face and then leant back against it, closing her eyes. She had never felt more confused. All the walls of her life felt like they were closing in.
Twenty Four
‘Can I borrow your phone?’ Kate asked, handing Bethan to Hermione and entering her house the next morning.
‘Morning Kate, hello Hermione, did you enjoy the stew you made yesterday? Yes thank you I did,’ Hermione spoke as Kate brushed past her and headed to the kitchen.
‘Joel isn’t answering his phone. I thought if I rang from here he might think it was you and he’d pick up,’ Kate attempted to explain as she picked up Hermione’s phone and tapped in the number.