Brandi waved the thanks away. “It’s no problem having you here and we have plenty of room. The kids have their own barracks now—I mean, wing of the house.”
Heidi giggled at Brandi’s slip. “Is being a mother harder than being an agent?”
“Only by a factor of a hundred. Lately it’s been made worse by my absentee mate who has to periodically get personal with his cattle. Apparently, it’s breeding season. Gareth lets the bull into the pasture, then stands there to make sure he treats the cows right. Yes, I mean that in every sense of the statement.”
Heidi laughed. “Bet Gareth comes home in an interesting mood on those days.”
Laughing herself, Brandi made a face, but smiled when she thought about it further, and then shrugged. “I won’t deny it. I’m just glad we have our privacy back. We get a little loud sometimes.”
Silence descended as their conspiratorial laughter faded guiltily away.
Brandi’s head suddenly lifted in alarm as she strained to listen. “I have to go check on them. This much quiet is not good with those three.”
Heidi waved her away. “Go. I’m fine. The only things I have to unpack are what I pulled out of Matt’s donation bin. Everything I own is all in the one bag I brought with me. I’ve been too busy at the Healing Center to go shopping.”
Brandi nodded absently as she jogged away.
Heidi snickered as she looked around the inviting guest room. It was impossible to think of Brandi choosing the homey decorations, so it had to have been Gareth that chose the lavender patchwork quilt and decorative pillows.
Though both her pack mates offered their homes to her, staying with Brandi and Gareth had seemed a better choice than staying with Ariel and Matt. The dual Alphas would never leave her alone to ponder her next step. Whereas Brandi would probably forget she was around, like she did just now when she took off in a run to check on her hybrid werewolf kids.
If only Ryan could be a little more like that. Would he ever leave her alone long enough to figure herself out?
Her sigh was loud as she thought of the man she was avoiding. She missed sleeping with him, but he had to understand that she needed time alone—time to think.
What did she want out of this strange new life they all now had in freezing cold Alaska? Was she never going to go to the beach again? Never visit a park? Never go see a ball game?
The last thing she had time to deal with was figuring out how to be mated. Intuiting what was going on inside a person who was hurt or sick still overwhelmed her.
She was fond of Ryan and they had great chemistry. However, chasing physical chemistry from the lower forty-nine to Anchorage was what had stranded her jobless and penniless several years ago. It had not been fun and games to work as an escort just to survive. She didn’t regret what she’d done to get by. She regretted being so desperate for love that she’d followed her stupid boyfriend to Alaska where he left her stranded.
Life taught her the hard way that great sex was not the same as real love. Love was… well, she wasn’t sure what it was, since she had never found it. Her birth family hadn’t exactly been populated with women in solid relationships. Becoming a werewolf hadn’t changed the fact that she’d been born and bred to be a weak-hearted human female.
“Which is exactly why I need time to figure this whole werewolf thing out for myself. I don’t want to keep being that kind of person,” Heidi said aloud, sighing as she carried her single bag of belongings into the room.
“Stop fretting, Ryan. Brandi told us Heidi really likes you. That woman wouldn’t say it if it wasn’t true. Gareth’s mate is simply not that kind of person.”
Ryan frowned at his mother. “Why is that good news? Great—so Heidi likes me. Is that what I should want in a mate, Mom? Should I want the woman I love to merely like me?”
He yelped at his father’s hard tap on the back of his head with a rolled up newspaper.
“Liking your mate is just as important as the bedding, son. I know I’ve told you boys that since you discovered your man parts were for more important things than pissing in the snow. As the oldest child in this family, you should be the one setting the proper example for your two younger brothers.”
Ryan glared as he mulled over their reasoning. He ran a restless hand over his face. Why did no one but him realize that he’d just lost the second woman he’d ever loved?
“I don’t see how being born a mere two minutes before Carson and barely four minutes before Dillon makes me the oldest.”
“You came out first. That’s just the way it works,” his father replied.
Ryan glared even harder when his mother laughed at their argument. “I don’t know why I’m here. You two are no help at all.”
“Well, your father and I don’t want to make you more unhappy. You can always go stay with your brothers until Heidi comes around,” his mother suggested.
Ryan huffed out a breath. “No. I can’t. They’re messy and irritating. I need my own space.”
Marilyn rolled her eyes before eyeballing her son. “Then why can’t you see Heidi wants that for herself.”
“Because I know I’m supposed to be with her,” Ryan said, glaring back at his mother.
“Speaking of personal space, I thought you were looking at the Holton’s property that’s for sale. It’s past time you got yourself a different place to live, boy. Where you are holds too many memories for you.”
Ryan shrugged before sighing in defeat. “I have to wait until my current house sells before I can buy. In the meantime, Heidi refuses to spend the night in a place where I’ve slept with another woman. She’s moving some place without me.”
His mother’s laugh had him glaring again. “What’s so funny about that?”
She shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t blame Heidi for feeling that way. She doesn’t want to be a replacement for a dead woman. Any woman would feel the same.”
Ryan spread his hands. “Which is why I’m selling the freaking house, but these things take time. The realtor said the house was more likely to move quickly if I wasn’t messing it up on a daily basis.”
“You never messed anything up in your life,” his father said. “You’re just a little hard-headed… nothing bad though.”
His father’s faint praise brought a smile to his mouth. “Well, I’ve messed up my relationship with Heidi. How is it my fault she turned out to be my mate? I never wanted to get so attached to her.”
“You think that way because you’re a smart man… ouch, Mari. I wasn’t talking about me and you,” his father protested, rubbing the back of his head where his mother had smacked him.
Their mock fighting brought on a real smile. Ryan sighed as he laughed. “I have to share Heidi with her work. Is that enough torture?”
“Torture? Her work is very important, Ryan. A healer like Heidi is a very worthy mate to care for,” his mother said.
Ryan nodded. “True, but Heidi would be a worthy mate for me even if she was nothing more than a store clerk. The healing will always put a demand on her time and energy that I won’t be able to fight against. The best I can say is that it truly brings her joy to help people. I just sometimes wish she was like a regular werewolf female. I hate having no idea where I stand.”
“You’re a worthy mate too, Ryan. I can see why you waited for her to come along before dating again. I think that was a smart move for you,” his father said.
The unexpected comment caught him off-guard. Ryan nodded. “Heidi is the first woman to interest me since Claire died. If I get lucky, Heidi will be my last woman. Thanks for saying that though, Dad. It means a lot to me. I never planned on wanting to take a mate again at all.”
“You’re a good man and a good wolf—all your mother and I could have asked you to grow up to be. Now your brothers… Dillon and Carson still need a bit more work. All we can do is pray the right females come along.”
Brandi panted from exertion as she turned her face from where it was hidden in the pillow. It had almos
t smothered her, but it had kept her from screaming. Gareth had been in rare form this evening. His rumbling soft growl as he reluctantly slid out of her from behind was just more solid proof. In certain moods, the man was nearly insatiable.
She stretched and gathered her pillow into her arms, sighing and getting comfortable. Gareth wrapped an arm around her and then slid one muscular thigh over the back of her legs.
He idly rubbed her butt with interest, which sent her giggling. “Aren’t you supposed to be an old man?”
It was all she could do to stifle her response as Gareth nipped her shoulder sharply. He’d been a gentle, thorough lover during her burning time. He’d been an aggressive, demanding lover when she’d rejected him. Now he could turn that aggressive side on and off at will, and did so just to mess with her. She’d bet money on it.
She rolled her head and smiled at the low-lidded, lust-filled look he gave her. “I’m not complaining, just curious.”
“You’ve been very introspective lately. What’s that about?” Gareth demanded softly.
Brandi held his gaze as he idly rubbed his fingers over her rounded, but very toned ass. Muscle tone without workouts was one of just many werewolf perks to her way of thinking.
“I don’t think I’ve ever been introspective in my life,” she answered.
“Well, you are now,” Gareth said. “Out with whatever it is you’re brooding about. Don’t make me get rough with you. The kids have gotten used to you yelling at me, but we have a house guest. Heidi might actually come investigate if we start fighting.”
Another giggle escaped before she could stifle it. Damn the man. “The three hoodlums we’re raising nearly set the house on fire this afternoon. You watch your cattle getting it on all day and come home to me horny as hell, which I have to deal with no matter how tired I am. And now I’ve got a depressed pack mate bunking in my guest room. What kind of problems could I possibly have to be introspective about, Gareth?”
“Are you whining about getting laid so well? Or just mad I didn’t give you that fourth orgasm you were straining after?” Gareth demanded.
Brandi raised up on her arms, whipped her pillow out from under her head, and smacked it over Gareth’s face. Leaning over him, she put her weight into it, pretending to smother him just to prove she could. His laughter used up a lot of his air, and before too long she found herself flat on her back. Now Gareth was the one panting as he glared down at her.
She arched an eyebrow. “Let’s get something straight, Longfeather. I do not whine. I inform you of my emotional status. You need to make me feel better like you promised. My life is hard and it sucks to be me right now.”
Gareth sputtered with laughter as his head fell to his mate’s breasts. “I swear I love you like no other. This is about Heidi, isn’t it? Because if it’s about the kids, you’re shit out of luck. They’re getting smarter, bigger, and stronger every blessed day. I can’t stop that process. They’re thriving here.”
Brandi snorted and ran a hand through Gareth’s hair. “I can handle the kids, but I have no idea what to say to Heidi. She seems so confused.”
Gareth moved down and kissed Brandi’s stomach. “You say nothing. You hug. You pat. You stand by until she figures it out. There is nothing to do but stand guard.”
“Is that official Pack Beta advice?” Brandi asked.
Gareth nodded against the soft skin under his cheek. “Yes. It’s also friend advice. You can’t make her decisions for her. All you can do is stand by her side while she comes to terms with her own power. Heidi is undergoing an evolution within herself—something you and Ariel breezed through without even realizing it was happening.”
Brandi’s sigh filled their silent bedroom. “Okay,” she said at last. “Any chance I could get that fourth orgasm? I could use the distraction.”
Gareth laughed softly as he kissed his way down.
4
She wasn’t finding anything critical, so Heidi let her mind drift around while her hands looked for answers. Direct touch told the best story of a person’s body, and she was grateful to have gained permission for this check.
The woman on the table lay very still as her hands moved gently from spot to spot, but Heidi could practically see the wheels in Katarina’s mind turning and turning. The Russian Alpha’s energy was driven to act, to solve, to do something.
Lying still must be a strenuous exercise in control for her. Ariel’s energy looked very similar to Katarina’s. Come to think of it, Reed’s energy did as well.
She smiled over the realization that it must be an alpha thing. Her life seemed full of Alphas needing her care.
“My body hurts, but is not important. I make big problem between Ariel and handsome Matt. They fight over me.”
Heidi snickered. “I’ll let you in on a little secret, Katarina. Matt is trying to get Ariel pregnant. That’s what’s causing their problems. You’re just a safer thing for them to argue about in front of people.”
Katarina laughed softly. “Is good to hear,” she said.
Heidi smiled and nodded. “Don’t worry. They’ll be fine.”
“You have good soul, Heidi the Healer.”
“Thank you,” Heidi said, warming to the woman. She smiled down at her and this time held the Russian Alpha’s gaze. “So do you. Your energy is very clear. I’ve found that usually matches a person’s conscience.”
“Spasibo. Life hard, but I not become bitter. Very proud of that.”
Heidi walked around the examining table. Katarina watched her with curious eyes.
“Why Ariel not want babies of sexy Gray Wolf Alpha?”
Heidi laughed softly and shrugged. “I have no idea. I’m sure they’d both make great parents.”
“So we gamble over it, yes? I put money on Matt.”
Heidi laughed for real, the loudness of it surprising her. “You’d bet on Matt? Don’t tell Ariel. She’d get mad at you.”
Katarina nodded. “Why? Must bet to win. He has starry eyes for her.”
“Starry eyes, huh?” Heidi repeated, grinning at the description. “Yes, I suppose he does.”
Katarina nodded. “Like your sexy wolf have for you.”
“My wolf? I don’t have a wolf,” Heidi denied.
Katarina touched her nose. “No can lie to this. You smell like him. He smell like you.”
“Thanks,” Heidi said with an eye roll. A sigh of resignation slipped out after. It irritated her into frowning. “Ryan is just a…” She went silent looking for a way to describe their relationship.
“Mistake?” Katarina suggested.
“No,” Heidi admitted, feeling instantly chastised. “Ryan was not a mistake. I like him just fine. He’s just… pushy.”
Katarina laughed and it too echoed in the room. “Your wolf has dick. All dicks like that. Push is good sometimes, yes?”
Heidi rolled her eyes, but grinned. “Yes. Push is good sometimes.” She stepped away from the she-wolf. “Okay, Katarina. Your insides are still bruised in your human form, so take it easy for a few more days.”
“Nothing easy for me,” Katarina declared, scooting off the table. “But you help me buy food for stomach, yes?”
Heidi laughed at the question that really was more of an order. Ariel was the least demanding Alpha she’d met so far, including Reed, who routinely told her what to feel. “I guess I could do that. I have to catch a ride home with Brandi’s mate in an hour though.”
“Spasibo.”
“Does that mean thank you?” Heidi asked. She hung up the white lab coat stolen from Feldspar and pulled on the jacket she’d worn to work that morning
“Yes… and is polite,” Katarina added.
Heidi nodded as they headed out the door.
Wasilla had two food stores. One was mostly dry goods and dried food that would last for months. The other was a combination of bait shop and refrigerated storage, but it was the only one where you could buy something frozen you could warm up in a microwave.
Ceiling height refrigeration units lined the store walls broken only by a freezer or two. Aquariums full of feeder fish and other forms of bait ran down the middle.
Heidi wrinkled her nose at the fishy smell and now understood completely why Gareth insisted on going to Anchorage to shop. Feeling like the most squeamish werewolf who ever lived, she put her eyes on the ceiling as the store owner scooped two feeder fish out of a tank and handed them over to a couple of older male werewolves as a snack.
Though she heard the bell above it sounding, Heidi didn’t look at the door when it opened. Instead, she turned and walked back to where Katarina peered into a refrigeration unit with a frown.
“Need some help?” Heidi asked.
Katarina shrugged. “English is hard and I need practice. I read slow.”
“Tell me what you want and I’ll help you find it.”
Before Katarina could answer, someone said her name.
“Heidi? Is that really you?”
Heidi turned and met the startled gazes of two of her former escort customers. Her wolf squirmed in her gut, uncomfortable around the predatory males. She rubbed her stomach in a warning for her animal to stay out of sight.
“Erwin… Larry. How are you?” she asked, not knowing what else to say.
This was a situation she’d feared happening, but at least she did have a strategy for it. It was the same one she’d used on all the customers she hadn’t wanted to be too friendly with as a working girl.
“Everyone thinks you died in the fire at that science lab place,” Erwin said.
Heidi shrugged. “I did. Can’t you tell?”
Both men laughed at her flippant answer. Katarina mumbled something ominous in Russian and started forward until Heidi yanked her back. Her hands shook at the amount of courage it cost her to restrain the Russian Alpha.
“No, Katarina. Please. I… got this. Trust me.”
Katarina crossed her arms as she backed away, but continued to glare at the men and her. Great. Now she had a pissed off Alpha to deal with as well. Her hands shook a little harder at the thought, but she made fists until the quivering eased up.
Heidi: Nano Wolves 3 Page 3