“Shit. I have to get in the shower.” I pulled out my chair. “I don’t want to be late or my oh-so-pleasant officemate will make passive aggressive comments about it all day.” I turned to leave.
“Not going well?”
“She’s not the worst, I guess. Have a good day. I’ll see you…”
Greer sat at the table, holding her mug. “I’m not sure. The contract issue has me working non-stop. Maybe tomorrow night.”
I smiled. “Sounds good.”
I walked in my room and started my morning ritual.
***
Addie beat me to the office. She was on the phone when I walked in. I set up my laptop and scrolled through my schedule for today. I had a meeting with Max Harrison. It was the first of several mentor check-ins for the year.
The entire process was one giant interview. I knew when I made it to the end I could interview at other places. I didn’t have to stay at American. I didn’t have to put in for one of the teaching positions. I was trying to get my footing. I didn’t want to think about what happened ten months from now.
The reason I moved to D.C. was to give myself options. To explore something new. I didn’t like that somewhere in the back of my head I had the idea that staying at American would be better if I wanted some kind of future with Vaughn.
It was still too early to try to call Garrett. He hadn’t texted or called last night. I felt guilt worm through me. I hadn’t thought about him until now. The desperation I had felt vanished when Vaughn came over.
Did that make me a terrible sister? Did it make me heartless and cold? Was I so used to Garrett’s threats and wild ideas that I could ignore them for a night when he may have needed me most? Who was more selfish?
I twisted my hands together. I no longer saw the images on my screen. I was lost. I needed more coffee—or air. I needed space away from the incessant clicking that came from Addie’s tongue when she spoke.
I mouthed to her that I’d be back in a few minutes. I pushed through the lobby, ignoring the long faces of the women already lined up for the morning. Meg looked confused.
“Be right back,” I explained.
There was a small campus store a few minutes from our building. I headed that direction. At least if I returned with a fresh cup it will have looked like I accomplished something.
I stood in line to fill a cardboard cup, reading the headlines of the newspapers and magazines while I waited. Students talked about classes. I overheard someone mention plans for fall break. That was next month.
I paid for my coffee and stepped into the sunlight. D.C. had already said goodbye to the sweltering summer. There was a new coolness in the air.
My phone vibrated and I awkwardly reached in my bag to grab it without spilling my coffee.
“Good morning,” Vaughn spoke before I could say hi.
“Good morning.” I stopped by a tree, holding the cup close to my chest.
“Get my notes?”
“I did. I liked the second one.”
“Both of them are true. I just got out of my first meeting.”
Students walked past me. “I’m headed into one now. I stopped to get more coffee.”
“Tired?”
I pinched my lips together. “Maybe. You’re not?”
“Exhausted.” His voice almost made me tremble.
I smiled. I liked knowing I was the reason he was tired. That every time he yawned or his eyes burned today it would be because we had spent the night together. He felt everything I felt.
I leaned against the bark. “Thanks for coming over last night.”
“Sounded like you needed a friend.”
“I did.” I hadn’t told Vaughn anything about Garrett. In fact, we never talked about why he showed up. I had greedily soaked up an excuse to focus on something else.
“And tonight? Does dinner work for you?”
This was the part where I could have played hard-to-get. I could have told him I needed a few nights before I was free.
“Yes.”
“I’ll pick you up at seven.”
“Where are we going?” I asked.
“There’s this Italian place in Georgetown where the women roll the pasta by hand. You’ll like it.”
“How do you know I like Italian?” I teased, stalling to keep him on the phone. I liked the sound of his voice too much.
“See you then.”
“Bye.”
I let my eyes close for only a second. But it was a beautiful second.
I straightened my back and walked toward the building.
***
Max Harrison’s office smelled like the back of the collections section of the library. Books were piled on every surface. There were leather-bound law volumes from every state. Some appeared to never have been opened.
I sat in a chair facing Max’s desk, while he searched for his evaluation form with my name on it.
“Found it!” he held it up.
I smiled.
“So tell me, Emily, how would you describe your first weeks at American?”
“Good. It’s been great. Everyone has been fantastic to work with.” I pinned on another grin.
“And your classes? How are those going?”
I nodded. “My students are great. I have no complaints.”
“And clinic? You’re in women’s issues. How is that going?”
Before I spit out “great” again, I paused. “Challenging,” I answered.
Max looked up. “Explain. What do you mean?”
“I don’t want this to sound like a complaint, but the clinic is severely understaffed. We can’t help everyone who needs it.”
“I see. And?” He pulled the tip of his goatee.
“Some days are more frustrating than others,” I admitted. “I might see five new clients, only to leave the office with ten who are waiting when we lock the office. Sometimes I don’t think I can make a dent. We need more help. More people are needed to help at the women’s clinic.”
“Have you visited any of the other clinics we run?” he asked.
“No. I’m embarrassed to say I haven’t made the time.”
“Don’t be embarrassed. I was asking out of curiosity.” He leaned forward. “They’re all like that. All of them.”
“All?”
He nodded. “We’re offering free legal services. All our clinics have record numbers of clients. And yes, we offer something special to a population of people who wouldn’t have help otherwise, but we’re overrun with a lot of cases that take up our time that maybe shouldn’t.”
I shook my head. “I haven’t found that to be true. All the women I’ve seen have needed help.”
He smiled. “I’m glad to hear that, Emily. Truly.” He scribbled something on my form and I wondered if it was “sucker.” “Do you have any questions for me? Need anything other than more attorneys at your disposal?” He made a jab at my expense.
“No. I’m fine. Thank you.”
“All right. I’ll see you for our next meeting.”
I stood to leave. I didn’t feel as if I had impressed Max Harrison or learned anything valuable for the program. I should have said something about how much I loved what I did. That I loved my class and the mentees. That working in the clinic was the most rewarding experience of my life. That I was preparing a huge case because of Lana Foley and what she had been through. But instead, I waited for Max to dismiss me.
“Bye.” I waved and closed the door behind me.
Maybe next month. I could always say more next month.
Chapter Eleven
I held Vaughn’s hand as he led me down a narrow staircase to a green door that was below street level. I was careful not to tip forward on my pointy heels. His fingers rubbed against mine and I shivered remembering how intimately we had touched last night. How I had given myself to him in a way that still made me feel raw and vulnerable. He touched the inside of my wrist with his thumb and I realized how much I liked the feelings.
T
he vulnerability somehow made me trust him more. I couldn’t explain it. I was in his hands in every sense of the word.
The hostess smiled when Vaughn gave his name for the reservation. She guided us through tables until we were seated in a back corner. It was dark and private.
“How was your day?” he asked.
He had dressed in simple charcoal pants and a white shirt. He still had a tan even though it was fall.
“I added eight clients to my caseload.”
“Is that a good thing for you? Sorry, I don’t know much about what it is you do.”
“It’s a little overwhelming,” I admitted. “I didn’t get eight new cases a week back home. This is a different world.” I paused. “But it does mean eight women who need help will get it. And the more cases I take, the more it adds to my portfolio at the clinic. All good things.” I smiled.
“Is that your end game? To build up your resume here?”
“Yes and no.”
He held the wine list close to the candle in the center of the table.
I continued, “When I moved here, it was with every intention to get one of the open spots.”
“And now?” He closed the wine book and looked at me.
“The last few weeks have opened my eyes. I’m embarrassed to say that.”
“What embarrasses you?”
“Thinking about where I started in law school and where I ended up.”
He cocked his head sideways. “I don’t follow.”
“I’ve spent the last few years doing the most boring type of law on the planet. Not following my true interests. Settling for less than what I saw for myself.” I didn’t know where the confession had come from. “And even though I’m helping people now, I realize I wasted time not doing it. I stuck my head in the sand and let other things distract me. I was so naïve.”
“But you’re here now.”
“Yes. I am.”
We sat back in our chairs when the waiter came to take our order. Vaughn ordered a bottle of red wine and dismissed him quickly.
“Any regrets about moving?” he asked.
I shook my head. “No.” It was the first time I was confident in my answer since I moved. “I think this is where I’m supposed to be.”
“D.C. has a way of growing on people.”
“What about you? How long have you been here?”
He ran his thumb over his bottom lip and moved his elbows when the waiter returned with our wine.
“Five years. I moved for the job and haven’t thought about going anywhere else.”
I reached for my glass of wine.
“There’s something to be said for finding a place you like.”
He nodded. “If my job moves me, then I’ll worry about that then.”
“Is that a possibility?” There was a needle of fear with that idea. Even if it was too soon to have that feeling.
“In my line of work it’s always a possibility.”
“You make it sound like you could get a transfer at any point.”
“No. It’s not that serious. I shouldn’t have made it sound like that. I just know not to get too attached. Guys in this business move a lot. I’m one of the lucky ones to have been in the same place for so long.”
“Lending sounds unpredictable.” I gulped the wine.
He smirked. “Different from day to day.”
“And you like it? It’s what you want to do?” I remembered the night we first met he had told me he used to be in the Navy.
“Does anyone really want the job they have? Present company excluded, of course.” He winked. “It’s interesting. I make plenty of money. I’m not out saving the world like you, and I’m ok with that.”
I giggled slightly. “I never said I was saving the world.”
“Just take the compliment.”
I blushed. “Ok. I save the world.”
“That’s better.”
We ate by candlelight. Somewhere in the front of the restaurant was the sound of an accordion. Vaughn was right about how authentic it was. The food was delicious—so was my date.
I thought we would take a car back to my place after dinner but Vaughn wanted to walk. Sometimes I got the feeling he had a restless side. He liked being outside more than in.
“Are you cold?” he asked.
“A little.” I rubbed my arms.
“Here.” He took his jacket off and draped it around my shoulders. His body heat the jacket held was warm against my skin. It smelled distinctly like him. I inhaled.
“Thank you.”
We strolled along the sidewalk. I held my clutch in one palm as Vaughn took my other hand in his. I felt the fire as our hands touched and our fingers mingled.
I struggled for something to say. Vaughn seemed comfortable not saying much. That’s what the silent broody types did. They wallowed in the silence. I studied his profile as we walked. It was half-clipped in shadows.
I measured time by the click-clack of my heels.
Vaughn stopped. “Want to try this place?”
I looked at the bar he nodded toward. It wasn’t very busy.
“Sure. A night cap sounds good.”
He held the door for me as he ushered me inside. There was a baseball game on one of the overhead screens.
“I’ll order for us.” He squeezed me into a booth with leather seats. “Do you want another glass of wine?”
I ran my tongue over my teeth. “Surprise me.”
“I’ll see what I can do.” He turned for the bar and I watched as he ordered. He placed a handful of bills on the counter and returned with the two drinks.
“Here’s your surprise.”
I looked suspiciously at the dark liquid. “Is it bourbon?”
“You’ll have to try it.” He took a swallow.
I followed his lead. The initial sip was strong at first. My throat burned, but then I tasted the sweetness. My limbs started to warm.
I flinched when I heard my phone vibrate through my purse. I peeked inside the bag to see who it was.
Garrett had sent a text.
Stop worrying. I had a great day. I’ll call you soon.
It was the first time I had heard from my brother since the call yesterday. I tucked the bag in the corner of the booth.
“Something wrong?” Vaughn pried.
I shook my head, but suddenly changed my mind. “Actually, yes.”
“What’s going on?” It was a simple gesture, but his hand slid to my knee and closed over my leg. There was more heat in his touch.
“Remember when you called last night and I wasn’t quite myself?”
“Yes. I was worried about you.”
I looked at the brim of the glass as my finger made a circle around it. “It was because of my brother.”
“Is he ok?” Vaughn’s brow furrowed together.
“It’s just if I tell you, I’m worried you’ll think differently about me.”
“Why would I do that? It’s about your brother.”
“Because it’s not the kind of thing you talk about with someone you’re casually seeing.” Shit. I didn’t mean to drop our status into the middle of this. “It’s not that—I—”
His fingers dug into my thigh. “Emily, I’m not going to change my mind about you.”
My chest seized. It was the way he looked at me with those piercing eyes. Or how his gaze drifted to my lips. Or how with his hand on my leg I felt almost as connected to him as I did in bed.
“He, umm, he … Garrett has bipolar disorder.” I waited for Vaughn’s expression to change, but it didn’t. “And right now he’s going off his meds voluntarily. It’s one of his protests. He moved out without talking to my mother and is trying to be part of a start-up business at the beach.”
“Doesn’t sound like a good situation for anyone.”
“It’s not. My mom has tried. I’ve tried.” I looked at Vaughn. “We’re twins. Garrett and I are twins. And it makes me feel like I should be able to help more—do more for him t
han anyone else.”
“You know that’s not actually true? As his sister, you’re the same as everyone else in this puzzle. Did he just call or text or something?”
I nodded. “He did. It’s been over twenty-four hours since I last heard from him. I think he’s fine for now. Until he hits one of his peaks and crashes. He can’t just go cold turkey off the medication like this.”
“Sounds like hell.”
“I used to feel so bad for him. I used to worry about how he felt. How hard it was for him to go up and down all the time. What his body had to go through just so he could function. And then somewhere along the way I stopped feeling so bad for him and started getting angry at him. And I think that’s what eats away at me the most. I’m a terrible sister.”
“For not wanting to be jerked around by someone else? That doesn’t make you terrible. That makes you human.”
I sniffed. “And consumed with enough guilt to fill this bar.”
“I have brothers and sisters.”
“You do?” I asked.
“There are five of us total. I’m in the middle. And although I’ve never had to deal with mental health problems with them, there have been other things. Families deal with shit. And what I do, what they do—it’s unrelated. I’m not responsible for their lives and they sure as hell aren’t responsible for mine.”
My stomach twisted in knots. “You can just make that distinction and you’re ok with it?”
“Yeah, I am. Doesn’t mean I don’t care. But I have to live my life, and I think you know you have to live yours too.”
“I do know that. It’s why I moved. Part of the reason.”
My hand rested on top of his. I needed more of his reassurance. More of his touch.
“I wanted to get away from him and the problems that came along with the decisions he and my mom made. That and Greer said she desperately needed a roommate.” I smiled.
“The roommate who is never home?”
“Yes, that one. I think she really just needed someone to act as an apartment sitter. It was just a ploy to get me here.”
“Not a bad plan.” He winked and my insides melted.
Our glasses were empty. The baseball game was in the ninth inning. I hadn’t seen anyone walk through the door in a while.
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