“Please don’t be this way, Leigh. It’s not you. If you love me at all, and want a future together, you won’t threaten me. I know you don’t mean it. You’re saying what will hurt me the most.”
“No. I’m saying what will happen if you run back to Jamie. Whatever you felt for her, it’s over as of this minute. We’re getting married. We’re buying that house and moving out of this town. Do you hear me? I won’t let you ruin what we have over some old fling.”
I start searching for a solution. If I stay for now and let the pregnancy progress she won’t be able to abort. How long does that usually take? A few months, right? If she doesn’t want to raise the baby on her own I’ll take custody and figure it out. I’m sure my family will help. This woman I care about is delusional. I doubt she’s being truthful, but for the sake of my unborn kid I need to be careful. This is no longer about love. It’s about saving a life.
I throw up my hands. “What do you expect from me, Leigh? You want me to pretend this conversation never happened? You just threatened me in the worst way? How do you expect me to get over it? Do you think I’ll want to share a bed with someone who makes me miserable?”
“We were happy before she came back.”
“We weren’t perfect.”
“We were to me. Brant, please.”
My head feels like it’s about to explode. “I won’t be taken advantage of. Your threats can’t hold me here. I said I needed time. I’ll be in touch.”
When I step out of the house I hear glass crashing from inside. She’s unhinged. There’s no telling how ugly it’s about to get. Now that she knows the truth, I regret the whole ordeal. This could be bad for Jamie, so even though I know we promised to stay away, I at least want to warn her. Then I’ll head to Oyster Cove drink myself into a stupor so I can forget I’ve totally fucked up my entire future all because I let my heart lead the way.
Chapter 19
Jamie
I know I need to get out of bed, but I can’t physically move, not since I watched Brant pull away. I deserve this punishment. He’s practically married and I went ahead and slept with him anyway. It serves me right. Brant isn’t mine to have, not that it stopped me from taking what I wanted from him. Now I’m broken hearted, but that’s not even what’s causing the depression. It’s knowing how much more I want him.
A couple hours have passed and I’m no closer to calming down. When I hear a loud exhaust outside my heart begins to flutter. Knowing it’s probably another truck, I remain under my covers, determined to let the day slip away from me, and possibly the next. It’s the weekend. Unless an emergency arises, I have no reason to get out of bed. Stale chicken and fries still sit on the nightstand where Brant put them. If I’m desperate I’ll chew on some of it, but for now my stomach is upset.
The sound of the front door opening causes me to sit straight up in my bed. At first I assume he’s forgotten something. I listen carefully, determined to keep my distance. I can’t let him see me this way, because he’ll feel obligated to comfort me. It’s wrong to want his arms around me. I promised I wouldn’t do this. Maybe it’s because we made love all night. It’s still fresh in my head. I need a bit of time to pass so I can go back to living normally without the thought of wanting Brant Wallace.
There is a knock on my bedroom door. Frantic, and knowing he’s on the other side, I pull the sheets up to cover my still naked frame. “Brant? Is that you?” I act like I don’t already know.
“Can I come in?”
“Can’t you say it from out there?”
The door creaks open anyway. His head pops in first. “You have another man in here already?”
I wipe my face. “Don’t joke. I’m having a rough morning.”
He doesn’t stop moving until he’s sitting at the bottom of the bed. “I thought I had a plan when I left. I was determined to do the right thing, even if it hurt me deep inside. I’ve gotten over you before, and back then I knew how we both felt. Now though, somehow it’s harder.”
“Did you make it back to the apartment?”
“Yeah. Twice. I only went in once.” I hear sniffling and shift in the bed. He’s hiding his face from me, so I know he’s ashamed of me seeing him this way. I’ve heard Brant cry before when his mother died. We’d talked on the phone, but it didn’t make it any easier. I hurt with him, for him and his whole family.
I crawl in his direction, placing my hands on either shoulder, but I don’t lean forward. I’m not sure if he wants this kind of comfort, plus I’m still naked from our all-night romping. “I’m sorry, Brant.”
Now I really hear him breaking down. “This shit is so fucked up, Jamie. I hate hurting people.”
Maybe he regrets what we did, even though he promised he wouldn’t. Before I’m able to respond he’s twisting around and falling into my chest. My arms tie together at his back as I hold him tightly, allowing him to lose it. His sniffle take a while to settle. I’ve been playing with the back of his hair, brushing my fingers through it, while staying completely silent. There’s nothing I can say to make this better. I’m the culprit. All of this is because of me. He has a life and I screwed it up. “I did this to you. I’ll never forgive myself.”
He peers up at me with bloodshot eyes, wet cheeks, and a frown. “Please don’t ever say that. Just don’t say it. You didn’t do this to me. I did it to myself years ago. I pushed you out of my life when I needed you the most. That’s what I do. I walk away from what’s right and do the opposite because it’s easier.”
“Did you speak to Leigh?” Immediately after asking I decided it’s not my business. “Never mind. Don’t tell me.”
“I talked to her,” he tells me anyway. “I shouldn’t have expected it would go well, not when I said I needed more time apart.”
As much as I want to be happy, a part of me knows this isn’t over. He’s not saying it’s because of me. They have their own issues, even before I was added to the mix. “I’m sure she wasn’t happy.”
He sniffles again, then reaches up to touch my face. His fingers course over my cheek until they rest near my chin. “She said things to hurt me. Threats mostly.”
“People say things they don’t mean in the heat of the moment.”
“That’s just it, Jamie. She meant them. I see it in her eyes. She’d rather burn me then allow me to take some time and make the right choices about my future. It’s always about her. Leigh’s been good to me, but she’s also a monster when she doesn’t get her way. She told me she’d abort the baby if I didn’t stay.”
“And you left anyway?” I’m somewhat shocked. There is a little life at stake.
“I think guilt was blinding what was really going on after her visit last night. I kept worrying about hurting her. I don’t like failing.”
“That’s understandable. You have history.”
He lets out a laugh amidst his turmoil. “History. History came back and bit me in the ass the moment I saw you again.” He closes his eyes again, his face squinting. A single tear falls down his cheek. “Leaving you this morning hurt worse than pushing you away ten years ago. I can’t stand it, hurting you again and pretending I wasn’t falling apart inside.” He pulls me into a hug. I reciprocate as he continues. “I can’t do this to you anymore. I refuse to hold it in.”
“It’ll be okay, Brant. Everything will work out.”
He pulls away and stares me in the eyes. “I need to tell you something before I screw something up worse.”
“Okay. I’m here for you. You can tell me anything.”
He doesn’t stutter, pause, or look away from my gaze when he does it. “I love you. I’ve loved you since we were sixteen years old, that first summer we spent together. I’ve loved you for all these years, dreamt of having another chance, but too ashamed to reach out and look for you. Now you’re back. The moment I saw you again I think I knew everything was going to change. I tried to fight the way it made me feel to see you, to know you were living here at the same house I came to pick you
up on our first date.” He laughs a little. “I took you to that haunted trailer park and tried to get you to hold my hand, remember?”
“I remember. We rode on your moped that you had to hide a block away so my uncle wouldn’t know.”
“You wouldn’t kiss me.”
“It was my first date.” I’m stalling from replying to his statement, because it’s still sinking in, the depth of the words, the meaning of it all. “I was nervous and shy.”
He cups my face in his hands. “I’m done pretending I can do this without you. I’m sick of lying to myself, but mostly to you. I don’t care if you don’t feel the same about me. I need you to hear it. I’ve lived with the guilt and regret for my whole adult life. I should have said it back then. I should have told you how important you were to me. I should have talked about our future, and done everything in my power to make things work. You were the best thing about me. I thought I’d gotten over you, but it was a façade. I don’t want to be with someone I can’t trust, someone I fight with constantly. Leigh kept me interested, but the moment I had you in my arms again I knew it wasn’t the same kind of love.”
I’m starting to bawl. I can’t hold it in. He’s saying all the right words. He’s pouring his heart out to me. “It was real? What we had back then? All of it? It wasn’t puppy love?” I’m saying it like I need him to repeat it.
“It was real. All of it, babe. It still is.”
My arms come around his neck and I pull him close, holding him tight while we both get a good cry in. “I love you too,” I manage. “I love you so much that I wasn’t sure I’d be able to ever get out of this bed.”
Then it hits me. “What about the baby, Brant? What are you going to do?”
“The law says I don’t have a choice. I can’t make her keep the baby, and I refuse to let her hold that over my head. I won’t stay with someone because we have a kid together.”
He kisses my forehead but keeps my body against his. “Why was I so afraid of that? It’s probably the easiest thing I’ve ever done.”
I cackle. “Better late than never.”
I watch his grin turn serious. He squints and looks away.
“What’s wrong?”
“I don’t want to rush this. Leigh’s going to declare war on us, whether she holds the pregnancy over my head or not. I don’t want her making trouble for you.”
“I can handle your...” I pause. “What is she to you?”
“After today, my ex for sure. There’s no going back.”
I sigh heavily. “Brant, you say that now because you’re mad. Last night you mentioned having feelings for her. I don’t want you to get too caught up in us to overlook something else. We need to have clear consciences going into this. We’re adults now. It’s important to me to do this right.” I sit on my feet to appear taller in the bed. “Take my situation for instance. I signed and send my divorce papers away this week. It’s a done deal. My marriage will finally be over.”
“Well that’s good news, right?”
I throw up my hands to Jesus. “I’m forever grateful to be out of that relationship.”
He takes hand and traces his fingers over mine. “And this one with us?”
“I agree about taking it one step at a time. With that being said, it’s probably better if you don’t move your things back across the hall.”
“Want them in here?” He teases.
“Ha ha. You’re so funny. No. I think it’s best if we live separately, especially with the Leigh situation. If we don’t give her a reason to think we’re together maybe she’ll leave us alone.”
I’m too interested in this being able to work out to weigh other options. For now we’ll be discreet. I have no reason not to trust that this will blow over. If Brant wants to see where this goes I’m on board. I just need to be aware of trouble before it finds it’s way into my life. The Wallace family is well known. I’m sure the end of an engagement is going to cause a fuss for a few weeks. Once that dies down we’ll see about making it publicly official.
“I’m probably going to have to speak to her on occasion, at least to find out what’s going on with the pregnancy. She’s desperate right now. She thinks I’ll come back.”
This is where my mind tells me to be careful. I’ve been burned before. I was married to a man I thought I knew well. Come to find out he was a terrible person; someone I couldn’t spend another minute with. That being said, I’m on the other side of the fence when it comes to Leigh and her pregnancy. Truth be told, I don’t know her personally, but I have heard things, mostly from Brant. She’s desperate right now, and if I were in her shoes I think I’d be acting the same way. Brant’s a good man. He’s worth fighting for. I have to keep that in mind when or if something happens.
“I know you will. I’m not going to throw myself in your business, Brant. We’re both adults. You have your personal business and I have mine. Of course, most of my friends have four legs, so there is that.”
He falls down on the bed with his arms above his head. I let my body slip beside him with my head turned to look into his eyes. “So this is it, huh? You’re really here and we’re going to do this?”
“After last night there’s no where else I’d rather be, Jamie. We have something. We’d be stupid not to see it through.”
“I agree. I have to admit, I’m not sure how long I could have stood to be away from you. Two hours and I was dying inside. I hoped that it would get better, but I couldn’t stop thinking about you. Everything has changed. We talked about so much last night.”
He plays with a few strands of my hair. He’s studying me, particularly my face as I speak. The unselfish part of me worries about him. It’s not healthy to go from one relationship to another. I know our situation is quite different, but statistics are normally right. I just hope this isn’t some crazy infatuation. We’re high on the prospect of having what we lost, but we’re both two different people now. I fear it could either make or break us.
“We should take the boat out tomorrow,” he suggests out of nowhere.
“To our spot?”
His laughter fills the room. “Too soon?”
I shrug. “I don’t know. I’d kind of like a do-over from the last visit.”
He rolls on top of me but doesn’t react the way I expect. He simply stares into my eyes and speaks softly. “If I seem out of sorts, or upset, just ignore me. It’ll pass. I know change is inevitable, but it’s going to take me some time to get used to things. I don’t want to mess up and lose you over something stupid.”
“I’ll be mindful.”
He kisses me once and falls back down, closing his eyes with his arm coming around the front of my body. “Can we just sleep for a couple hours? I’ve already had a hell of a day.”
I don’t fall asleep at first. I’m filled with concern, and know only time will comfort my fears. For right now I don’t have to panic. There won’t be anymore tears from me today, because all my pain subsided the moment he stepped back into my room. I just have to pray we’re making the right choices.
Chapter 20
Brant
When I wake the following morning my head is spinning. Jamie is still nestled in the bed next to me, so at least I know that wasn’t a dream. I intended on leaving and staying at Oyster Cove, but couldn’t imagine spending the night without her after everything we’d gone through.
Now I’m stuck wondering how deep of a mess I’ve made. I didn’t exactly end things permanently with Leigh, so that’s got to be the first on my agenda. It will be ugly. My heart breaks when I think about her terminating the pregnancy. I’d never condone an abortion. My parents could have aborted me. They were young, without a pot to piss in, but they managed. I’d like to think I’m a good guy. I make mistakes. Terrible ones at that, but I’m human. I have values, and respect. I’ve learned from my past mistakes, and hope to one day be considered a respectable man, much like my own father.
While Jamie remains cozied up and sleeping, I slip from t
he bed and head downstairs. My phone is still sitting by the front door. I’d been getting call after call from Leigh, so I shut it off, because I didn’t want to deal with it. I left things in a bad way, because I had no intentions of literally pouring my heart out to Jamie the same day I told my dad I wasn’t sure how I felt. It seems that following my heart led to the emotional breakdown, and confession of my feelings. Low and behold, Jamie feels the same way. Now we need to figure out if we’re both experiencing an amazing case of lust, or has our love literally stood the test of time?
How I’m feeling right now, the knots in my gut, they’re telling me this is real. I’d do anything to protect her, and keep her close. In fact, in the past twenty four hours I’ve lost all respect for Leigh. Her antics have left a bitter taste in my mouth. It’s wrong to dangle a life over someone’s head. Her threats aren’t going to fly with me.
I know I’m the reason she’s losing her shit, but the bottom line is that this all happened because she lied. Her actions following that lie have forced me to look at the big picture of what we called a loving relationship. It was based on sex from the beginning. She’s good at it, and she uses it to keep me wanting more. She’s young and beautiful, so I’ve always been complimented from others about making a great catch. A part of me does love her, but it’s not deep and forever. I know that now. I see the difference of loving someone and being in love. I would have married Leigh and we would have made it work. We’d probably fight so much she’d end up cheating on me with someone younger, who enjoys the party life and putting her on a pedestal. She’s high maintenance, and I’m just a laid back country boy at heart.
Maybe I’m making reasons to sever ties with her. It’s not like I left her last night for the first time. I left her weeks ago. We haven’t spoken at all, and to be honest, I didn’t miss her that much, at least not like it was with Jamie last night. I had to drive right back and hold her in my arms. I needed to comfort her and promise that I never wanted to leave.
Half Shelled Heart (Oyster Cove, #2) Page 13