by Laura Hilton
With the stables mucked, Grossdaedi declared he needed a nap, and since Daniel had disappeared from the blacksmith shop, Jacob hurried up to the house. He walked into the empty kitchen. Bread cooled on the counter, a plate of iced heart-shaped cookies sat on the table, and a full cup of coffee had been abandoned near a half-eaten cookie. The cradle in the corner was empty, except for a pink blanket carelessly tossed over the edge, the only evidence that Becky had returned.
Silence filled the house. Jacob went into the room next to the kitchen, where some chairs were arranged and the big family Bible rested on an end table. Macintosh apple-scented candles were the only decoration in the room, aside from a cabinet full of quilts that stood in one corner. Its doors were open, and colorful material spilled out from the overstuffed shelves. A couple of books and The Budget, the Amish newspaper, lay on another end table under a gas lamp.
A seed catalog was open on one of the chairs, with notepaper and a pen beside it. Some notations were visible on the paper.
A creaking sound came from the stairs, and Jacob turned to see the youngest girl coming toward him, clutching a faceless doll. “Katie?” He made a guess at the name. “Where’s your daed?”
“Daed wanted to talk to Mamm, and I’m Mary. M-A-R-Y. I’m four. My birthday is in two days.” She held up five fingers.
“Danki, Mary. Um, where is….” Jacob hesitated, not sure whom to ask for next.
“Abbie won’t play with me.” The child gave a small huff. “She’s making a quilt for her doll.”
“I’m sorry. Perhaps she’ll play with you later. What about your other sisters?”
“Ruthie is reading, Katie went to visit a friend, and Becky is feeding Emma.”
Jacob nodded. “Danki.” His family always took a brief quiet time during the afternoon, too, and again in the evening when the work was done, so they could relax before bed. Daed always claimed he could work better if he took several breaks throughout the day. “I guess I’ll, uh….”
“Have a cookie? That’s what Mamm told me to do. She said that Becky brought them home from Annie’s.”
“A cookie sounds ser gut.” With a cup of coffee, especially.
Mary nodded, her braids bouncing against her shoulders. “My dolly is going to have one, too. Her name is Rachel, the same as my friend. And my friend named her dolly Mary, like me.”
Jacob smiled. “That’s nice.” He glanced up the stairs again, willing someone else to come, but no one made an appearance. “Let’s go get that cookie, then. Would you like a glass of milk with it?”
“Jah, and one for my dolly, too.”
Jacob blinked, not quite sure how to handle that one. But maybe by the time he was ready to pour the milk, someone else would have come downstairs. He followed Mary into the kitchen and headed for the refrigerator. He took out the milk, then turned and saw Mary place two little cups on the table. Little toy dishes, really, like his sister had played with when she was little. “Does your dolly want her milk in this?” he asked.
Mary nodded. “Jah. And me, too.” She plopped herself down in a chair. “Why’d you kum here?”
Jacob shrugged, not sure what to tell a four-year-old. How much had she heard, anyway? He seemed to remember her being in the kitchen during the initial conversation, but she might not remember any of it. And even if she remembered, she probably had not understood.
“My daed said I had to kum.” He filled the two little cups with milk and then returned the milk jug to the refrigerator.
“Are you sad?” Mary asked.
Jacob smiled. “I miss my home. But your home is nice.” He moved over to the stove and poured some coffee into a mug. When he heard a swish of a skirt, he turned to see Becky step into the room without Emma. His heart rate increased.
“We’re having cookies, Becky.” Mary bounced on the chair. “And Jacob poured me and my dolly some milk.”
“Jah. I see that.” Becky nodded, and her gaze briefly landed on Jacob. “Make yourself at home.”
Was that a bit of sarcasm he sensed in her voice? He quirked an eyebrow. “Want to join us, Bex? I’ll pour you some coffee.” He didn’t know whether to hope she would accept or decline. Honestly, this woman seemed to tie his brain up in knots. It’d be good to get back to Susie and their comfortable romance, where the only knots were caused by Daed’s refusal to accept Jacob’s decision.
A look of discomfort flitted across her face, and she glanced toward the door she’d just come through, as if she was trying to think of a reason to leave. Maybe a chore she had to do. Or maybe she listened for Emma.
He poured another mug of coffee and set it down on the other side of the table, deciding he’d rather she stayed. “There you go.” He dared to wink when she looked back at him.
She blushed, hot red flooding her checks. Twisting her skirt with her hands, she lowered herself into the chair. “Danki.”
“No problem. Care for a cookie?” He pushed the plate toward her.
“Nein.”
“I want one. And so does my dolly.” Mary reached out and snagged two. Jacob grinned at her.
“So, you must miss your sweetie, jah?” Becky asked in a tight voice. “Tell me about her.” Her face turned an even brighter shade of red, and she dropped her gaze to the table.
His sweetie? It took him a moment to realize she meant Susie.
***
Becky didn’t want to hear a word about Jacob’s girl, not a single word. But if she had to be in the same room with him, with no family but Mary between them, then it seemed better to bring up the person he loved, helping herself to remember that someone else had a prior claim on him.
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Jacob reach out and take a cookie. He remained silent for a time that seemed to stretch by endlessly but might have been only a minute. Finally, he sucked in a deep breath. “Look at me, Bex.”
She looked up, and he grinned. “I don’t like talking to the top of a head. I want to see your beautiful face when I talk to you.”
Ach! A smooth talker, for sure. He’d probably upset all the girls back home when he’d picked one to settle down with. The type of guy who would leave a chain of broken hearts here in Missouri when he boarded the bus to return to Pennsylvania.
Hers would not be one of them.
She had to get away from him. But, incredibly, she couldn’t think of a single reason to call her away.
What chores had she done already? She tried to reverse the list to see what she’d have to undo. The laundry could be checked, since it was hanging out on the line. It would probably be frozen solid by now, cold as it was. Or maybe, she could…um….
She glanced around frantically.
“Am I so terrible to look at, Bex?”
“What?” She jerked her attention back to him.
“That’s better.” His grin deepened, causing a dimple to appear on his left cheek. Ach, he was so cute.
“Your girlfriend?” She prompted him when he seemed to be content sitting there gazing into her eyes.
“My girlfriend? Ach, Susie Chupp.” He reached for another cookie. “She’s pretty, with strawberry blonde hair and brown eyes. Lives down the road a bit.”
He took a bite of the sweet.
“Her daed will be planting lots of celery this year, jah?” She thought of the long rows of the traditional wedding food that would never be planted for her. That was like a knife to the heart.
Jacob squirmed a little, discomfort crossing his face. He frowned. “Jah, that was the plan.”
Becky doubted she’d get any more information from him. Amish were, by nature, closemouthed, and sharing details about courting was verboden, even though most people could figure them out. She searched for something else to say. Before she could come up with anything, though, a puddle of milk flowed toward her.
Becky jumped to her feet and hurried around the table to grab a rag.
Mary frowned at her doll. “You need to be more careful. Now I need to change your clothes.” She stood and darted
from the room.
Becky ran the rag over the spill, quickly wiping it up. Jacob reached out and put his hand over hers, stilling it. Shock waves raced to her heart. Her gaze jumped up to meet his.
“You’ll go with me to the singing tomorrow night, jah? For moral support?”
Like he’d need moral support.
“Introduce me around?”
That would be the polite thing to do. Daed and Mamm would want her to. But still, she’d been serious when she’d said she’d never go to another one. She started to say “Nein,” but the grip of his hand tightened.
“Please? You’d have fun.”
She’d have fun. Right. What had happened at the last singing had not been her idea of a good time.
Becky swallowed hard. “Nein.” It came out harsher than she’d intended it to. Yet, not feeling inclined to apologize, she jerked her hand from under his and turned, dashing from the room after her sister.
***
Ach, she was stubborn.
Jacob frowned, staring at the doorway she’d disappeared through.
She would go with him. If not tomorrow, then the next time. Or the time after that. He had to get her out around people, although if her own family wasn’t enough to make her smile, then he didn’t know how being around her peers would. But that just seemed to be the next natural step—forcing Becky out of her comfort zone so she could meet other men. Surely, Leah would babysit her granddaughter while Becky went out and had fun.
He figured he should check on that before assuming anything, though. Somehow, he had to get everything worked out so that she’d have a hard time saying no.
For her own good.
And maybe his. This sequence of rejections was beginning to wear on him.
He forced himself to calm down as he reminded himself of reasons why she’d refused so quickly.
She didn’t know him. Didn’t trust him. And he’d expected her to warm up to him quickly? Plus, he had a girl back home.
Ach, he was befuddled. Besides, Becky needed time.
Time, he had plenty of.
Maybe he should back off some and let her get to know him. To learn to trust him and realize he would not hurt her. And maybe then she’d agree to go.
Jacob drained his coffee and moved to put both his mug and Becky’s in the sink. He picked up Mary’s two tiny play cups and set them there, as well, then wiped the table.
If it would help Becky thaw out a bit, he’d willingly do women’s work.
He laid the damp rag on the edge of the sink, then straightened, turning back around as Daniel and Leah came into the room, talking quietly.
Hearing the sound of an engine, Jacob glanced out the window. A black car came to a stop in front of the shop.
Daniel grimaced. “Ach, Jacob. Ready to get to work?”
Chapter 9
Usually, Becky enjoyed Sundays. The quiet afternoons were filled on alternating weeks with long church services where they sang from the Ausbund, their hymnal, and visiting relatives. This Sunday would be a time for visiting folk, and she hoped Jacob would find someone to be friends with, even a girl, so he’d leave her alone. She didn’t want him to hang around Seymour, though. Nein, the faster he returned to Pennsylvania and his Susie, the better.
At least, the better for her state of mind.
Her heart might tell a different tale.
She shook her head. She’d never been so befuddled before Jacob had arrived, and she didn’t like it one bit.
Jacob had even intruded on the nightly devotions, when Grossdaedi read from the big Bible right before they retired. If only her grandparents didn’t spend so much time with the family. Maybe if they had their own private devotions, she could go to bed without her final thoughts being on Jacob instead of on God. Jacob disrupted and invaded her sleep. God generally didn’t.
Last night, she’d tried to pray before falling asleep, but even then, her prayers had been mostly for Jacob.
Or maybe for herself.
And her dreams…ach! How could one man affect her so? Even Kent, with his smooth, cajoling ways, hadn’t captivated her thoughts like this Jacob.
It just wasn’t right.
But today would be good. She would get away from him and spend time gossiping with the women. It was a sin, for sure, but one that didn’t seem to stop anybody. She would enjoy it as long as they didn’t talk about her.
But that was almost always how it went.
She usually tried to stay in the shadows so that she could escape notice. And eavesdrop.
And Jacob, well, he could hang out with the buwe, or maybe with her onkel and the older men.
Anywhere he wanted to, as long as it was far away from her.
Jah, it would be a good day.
She carefully twisted her hair and pinned it up, then secured her white prayer kapp over it. Grabbing her apron, she tied it over her dress and hurried downstairs. Emma still slept. Becky would listen for her to wake up while she helped get breakfast on the table.
Thankfully, the men were still in the barn when she made her way into the kitchen. While she sliced the bread, Katie laid out the butter, jams, and jellies, and Mamm scrambled eggs and fried bacon. Ruthie set the table, laying out the plates and the eating utensils and placing the salt and pepper shakers in the center, while Grossmammi supervised from a nearby chair. Breakfast was ready when Daed, Grossdaedi, and Jacob came in and washed up.
“Gut morning, Bex.” Jacob’s deep voice held a teasing note.
Why did he have to target her? Becky’s stomach clenched. “Morning.” She avoided Jacob’s gaze, turning instead to see if anything else needed to be placed on the table. There was nothing left to do. Head lowered, she silently slid into her place.
At least she hadn’t been outright rude.
She swallowed hard and tried to focus her attention on the silent prayer. God, why did You send Jacob here to torment me?
***
Jacob climbed out of the buggy at the home of Daniel’s brother, Onkel David, as Ruthie called him.
Children were already running around, the little ones playing what appeared to be a game of tag. Several young girls sat in the dirt near the big barn doors, playing with kittens. And a group of teenagers and young adults were engaged in a game of volleyball.
Katie went to join in the game, while Becky disappeared into the house with her mamm.
Becky needed to be outside, playing.
Jacob eyed the house for a moment, frowning. But then he turned to join the game. Maybe she’d come out later.
He’d be surprised if she did.
Jacob merged into the game on the right side of the net. He nodded to the young man next to him, then fixed his eyes on the ball. The temperature had risen to almost fifty, at his best guess. The ice had melted, so the ground was soft and muddy, but he didn’t care. Clothes could be washed.
Though Becky would probably be the one washing them. He hated to create more work for her, and he hesitated for a second. But as the ball came toward him, he reined in his thoughts and prepared to play.
Sometime later, the ringing dinner bell interrupted the game. Jacob followed the others to the pump to wash up before going to the table loaded with fresh-baked bread, cold cuts, and other sandwich makings. With his plate loaded, he found a place to sit on the porch with some of the other young men his age.
A man who had introduced himself as Ben turned toward Jacob. “You’re staying with Onkel Daniel, ain’t so?”
“Jah.” Jacob took a bite of his sandwich.
“How long are you here for?” Ben asked.
Jacob shrugged. “Until—Daniel and I haven’t agreed on a date.” Daniel had said when he was ready to go. And, at some moments, asking for a ticket home seemed very appealing. But then, there was Becky.
“Are you one of those who came down here looking for a frau?” Ben snickered and nudged the boy next to him.
Jacob furrowed his brow and took another bite, not saying one way or the other.
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“Just stay away from Daniel’s Becky.” Ben gave a sage nod.
The words caught Jacob by surprise. He frowned and looked up, noticing all the other men on the porch nodding in agreement. So much for any of these guys being talked into courting Becky. Wouldn’t happen. Her future husband would have to be one of the men in the exchange. “Was ist letz?” He knew that he shouldn’t encourage gossip, but perhaps this would be a chance for him to offer a positive comment on Becky’s behalf. Other than her unhappiness, and the boppli, he saw nothing but good in her. And the boppli wasn’t bad. Just a little off-putting. How many men wanted to be an instant daed?
Though, to gain Becky….
Ben shook his head. “I shouldn’t talk. She did confess, and her sins were forgiven. But….”
Jacob studied a crack in the porch floor, then cast a sidelong glance at Ben. “Her beau jumped the fence, ain’t so?” Leaving her in disgrace. He struggled not to grind his teeth.
“Nein.” Ben leaned closer but didn’t lower his voice. “Englisch. And Kent says that the kid isn’t his, that she’s loose.”
“But the Englisch have some sort of test they do to verify parentage,” Jacob protested. But it was weak. Of course, Becky wouldn’t have agreed to that. It wasn’t the Amish way, even if the alternative meant ruining her reputation.
Sadly, there was usually some truth in rumors.
Jacob turned his attention to his sandwich, confusion clouding his thoughts, his emotions warring.
If only he could pull Becky away and find out the truth so that he could know how to defend her better. How to reach her.
If only she’d trust him enough to tell him.
If only he understood the need he felt to fix everything for her.
It didn’t make sense. She meant nothing to him. Right?
***
Becky managed to stay out of the way of the ladies all morning, hiding in the corner of the big room with all the married women and young children and listening in on the conversations. She didn’t really fit in anywhere. Not being married, she had nothing in common with those who were, and the girls her age…well, she had zero things in common with them. So, she felt like what Kent had called her once—a wallflower. She hadn’t been sure what that meant, and he hadn’t explained it to her, but the description hurt. That same pain ate at her now. If only she could fit in somewhere.