by Laura Hilton
Might be better that he keep their time apart as just that. Apart. And communicate only by mail. He’d keep his prayer time unhampered. Maybe, if he asked her, she’d pray about them, too.
Jah, he’d apologize by letter and wait.
He’d write her every day. Okay, that might be too much. Twice a week, at least.
He turned his pen to the paper.
Dear Bex,….
Chapter 33
Becky lifted open the freshly washed window and peeked out at the long driveway curving toward the road for what must have been the hundredth time since she’d arrived at Naomi Joy’s. Her shoulders slumped. Still no car. Every night for a week, she’d dreamed of seeing a vehicle pull into Naomi Joy’s long drive—a driver, with some of her family (okay, mostly she dreamed that it would be Jacob) come to check on her. But there was no reason why any of them should. She’d told them where she’d gone, and they knew why. Rather, she assumed they did. Naomi Joy needed help. She was being the good, dutiful sister here.
No one would guess that she’d left in order to heal from a broken heart.
And so no one came.
Not even Jacob. But, of course, he would be busy with Susie.
Her eyes welled with tears. It’d be so nice if she were actually missed. She turned away from the window and went to the stove to check the meat, hoping Naomi Joy didn’t notice her tears.
Naomi Joy balanced Emma in one arm and Regina in the other as she used her bare foot to straighten the colorful patchwork quilt on the floor. “Can’t believe I tripped over that thing.”
Becky set the hamburgers they’d prepared on the table, followed by a small plate of sliced onion, just as Samuel came through the door and went over to the inside pump to wash up. She wiped the moisture from her face, and Samuel gave her an odd look she couldn’t translate, but she hoped he would attribute her watering eyes to the sliced onions.
He wouldn’t have reason to guess about Jacob, either.
How smoothly was the household running now that she was gone? Was Mamm enlisting Katie’s help in the kitchen more often? Did they even miss her?
With a sigh, she reminded herself that no matter what happened with her family, with Jacob, she belonged to God. And He wouldn’t turn His back on her.
That was almost enough to make her smile.
Naomi Joy put both babies back down on the quilt, then poured lemonade from a pitcher into three glasses.
Becky picked up the plateful of ginger cookies she’d arranged for dessert. Her heart clenched to remember how much Jacob had seemed to enjoy her cookies. Too bad she hadn’t been able to bake her way to his heart.
Becky still couldn’t believe that Jacob had asked Cathy home from the singing. It seemed unfair that he hadn’t sat at home in misery like she had. Obviously, he wanted to get on with his life. If only she could regroup as fast.
Why hadn’t she guarded her heart against Jacob? She’d wanted to. She’d warned herself not to let him in, that he’d reject her when he learned her horrible secret.
And he had.
How long did a broken heart take to heal?
***
Right after lunch, Jacob escaped Susie’s watchful eye long enough to run his letter to Becky out to the mailbox. It had ended up being four pages long, front and back. And it had taken him a whole week to put what he wanted to say into words. He hoped he hadn’t rambled too much, but he did want to share his heart and apologize completely for everything. And to ask Becky to pray with him regarding their future.
That request would surely make his intentions clear enough. She would know that he was thinking about marriage.
He realized that he probably should have mentioned how Susie’s visit was going so that she wouldn’t get the news secondhand.
Too late now. He’d mention that in his next letter.
He shut the lid of the mailbox and eased the wiggly red flag into the upright position, then turned around when he heard the sound of wagon wheels crunching over the gravel.
“Hi, Jacob.”
He looked up into brown eyes, the only obvious difference he could see between Cathy and Annie, whose eyes were a greenish hazel. He inwardly groaned. “Hi, Cathy.”
“Are you writing a letter home, Jacob? You must be so homesick for your friends.” She fluttered her eyelashes rapidly, as if she had something stuck in them.
Ach, that reminded him. He needed to write to his parents. No doubt they’d heard that Susie had come to Missouri. He needed to set their minds at ease. He’d do that tonight.
“Nein. Writing to Bex—Becky. She went to visit her sister for a while.”
“Will she be gone long?”
Jacob shrugged. “I don’t know. I hope not. The haus seems to have a big, empty spot with her gone.” Not to mention his heart. “Things just aren’t the same. I plan to write her a couple of times a week. Let her know she’s missed.” He hoped that would get the message across to Cathy that his interests lay elsewhere.
“I imagine. I know she’s a ser gut cook. Her baked goods and jams always place at the county fair. Care to take a ride with me, Jacob?” She shook the reins. “I’ll let you drive. We can talk….”
Jacob’s eyes widened. “Nein, but danki for asking. I need to get back to the shop.”
“Maybe tonight, then, Jacob? You could kum by after chores, and we’ll visit. I could get out the checkerboard, ain’t so?”
Her boldness rivaled Susie’s. Didn’t she know that men preferred to do the chasing?
“Nein, can’t tonight. Have a friend visiting from Pennsylvania.”
Cathy’s eyes sparkled with curiosity. “Bring him along.”
Jacob shook his head. “Ach, not a ‘him,’ but thanks for the offer.” He turned to jog down the drive.
He didn’t get but a few feet from the mailbox when Susie dashed toward him. “Where’d you slip off to so fast? I’ve been hunting all over for you. I just heard there’s going to be a party in Judah Swartz’s back field. You’ll take me, of course.” She put her hand on Jacob’s arm and glanced at Cathy, still sitting there in the buggy. “Hi. I’m Susie.”
“You’ll have to find your own way.” Jacob shook off her hand. “I need to get back to work.” He looked back when he reached the shop.
Odd how Susie stood there in the road, talking to Cathy. He couldn’t imagine what they might have to say to each other. They were still chatting when Jacob went inside the shop.
***
Four weeks later, Becky had settled into her new routine at Naomi Joy’s. Another older man with a family had shown more than a passing interest in her, but she’d declined when he’d asked if he could call on her some evening.
Naomi Joy had told her she’d made a mistake in rejecting him outright. After all, she’d said, everyone knew that since she already had a daughter, her only hope would be to marry a widower.
Becky had shrugged off the hurtful comment, saying something about not being ready.
And she wasn’t, really. She spent hours in prayer, pleading with God to rid her heart of love for Jacob. Until she healed from this broken relationship, she needed to avoid beginning another.
But in four weeks, it seemed strange that no one in her family had contacted her. No phone calls—though that would be hard to do with Naomi Joy not owning a phone. And no letters, either. Not one single letter.
Except from Annie. Becky reached under her pillow and pulled out the letter she’d received a couple of days ago.
She’d thought that Mamm would have written to her, at least. Hadn’t she written Naomi Joy twice a week when she’d first married and moved away? Mamm might have begun writing letters for Becky and Naomi Joy both, but Becky supposed not, since Naomi Joy shared excerpts aloud but never gave her the letters. If Mamm had included Becky’s name in the salutations, then surely Naomi Joy would have handed her the letter to read.
Annie wrote about all the local news, telling Becky how much she missed having her around and spending time w
ith her, and that Susie was still visiting.
At least it seemed that Jacob wasn’t courting Cathy.
Becky refolded the letter and slid it back beneath her pillow, trying to bat back the tears. Only Annie missed her. Not Mamm, not Daed, and certainly not Jacob. Nein, and his former girlfriend had come back into the picture so quickly, it set her mind to spinning.
Hours later, Becky watched through the window as the red pickup truck that carried the rural mail stopped down by the road. She got up and looked for Naomi Joy. She found her in the kitchen, wiping down the pantry shelves.
“Mail’s here.”
“I’ll get it today. I need the exercise. Maybe I’ll feel better.”
Becky nodded. Naomi Joy said that every day. Those same exact words. Maybe she’d walk out to the box with her sister today. Maybe she’d have some mail, too. Nein. She would be heartbroken if there wasn’t anything, and if she received a letter, Naomi Joy would give it to her. She’d do some more baking, instead. They were almost out of bread. And she hadn’t made an apple pie yet for Naomi Joy.
Fifteen minutes later, her sister came back inside and sat down heavily in a chair. “Getting hot out there. Here, you have a package from Annie. And Mamm wants to know why you aren’t answering any of their letters. Strange. I don’t remember you getting any mail. Except from Annie.”
“I haven’t.” Becky poured her sister a glass of water from the pump.
Naomi Joy peered down at the pages she held. “Mamm says that Daed’s been writing to you. Wow, he never writes me. But you were always his favorite. Wonder where the letters have been going?”
Her family had been writing to her? Becky stood in stunned silence. And her heart asked the same question. Where had the letters been going?
Chapter 34
Jacob shoved the end of a piece of metal into the roaring fire. How long did Becky expect him to wait? Another week had gone by with no mail for him, except a note from Mamm expressing concern that Susie was still in Seymour. Jah, Jacob was about ready to put her back on the bus, himself.
Susie had lapsed into her old ways. Jacob thought he’d seen Kent’s red car picking her up down the lane one evening. He’d tried to warn her about Kent, but it had only given rise to another fight between him and Susie.
Probably just as well. He yanked the metal out of the fire and surveyed it, then put it on the anvil, picked up the hammer, and started pounding it.
Susie needed to go home.
And he needed to end this ongoing silence between him and Becky. It had gone on long enough. She must be getting his letters, and unless his love meant nothing to her, she should have written back by now.
Daniel came over and caught Jacob’s arm in mid-swing. “Getting a bit carried away there, son. Want to talk about what’s bothering you?”
Ach, an open invitation. But what did he have to say to the father of the woman ripping his heart to shreds?
Nothing. He had to work this out on his own.
“Need a glass of water,” he mumbled, then shoved past Daniel, avoiding his too-knowing gaze. But Jacob didn’t go to the house. Becky wasn’t there. The outside pump would be good enough.
He splashed water on his face and let it run down his arms, soaking his shirt. Then, he stuck his head under the cold flow, trying to drown his wayward thoughts.
It didn’t work.
With water still pouring over his head, Jacob peered at a pair of blue sneakers that stopped beside him, clear of the water. One of the sneakers rose and then came down in what Jacob could only call a stomp.
He straightened and shook his head to get some of the water off, then wiped his face with the bottom of his shirt.
Susie stomped her foot again. “I’ve had it, Jacob. I’m tired of living with this family. Your cousin Daniel has given me a week’s eviction notice. He told me to go home! Can you believe this?”
Relief washed over him. Daniel had handled it. Or, maybe he’d done it to throw down the gauntlet and force Jacob to decide between Susie and Becky. But there really was no decision to make. “I’m not leaving with you.”
“Of course, you’re not. You’re still pining over your Becky. Get over it, Jacob. If she loved you, she’d be here.”
“She’s helping her sister.”
“If you loved her, you’d be going over there every chance you had. Get over her, Jacob. You don’t love her. Last chance. Kum home with me. Saturday. We’ll get published and marry as planned.”
Jacob heaved a sigh. “You’re right. This has gone on long enough. I’ll settle it.”
He should have done that in the first place instead of relying on letters alone to communicate with Becky.
He wouldn’t write to tell her he was coming. The element of surprise had to work in his favor.
He turned away from the pump and headed back toward the blacksmith shop with Susie on his tail, talking away, though her words sounded like gibberish. Didn’t matter. Jacob was done listening. He’d arrange for some time off tomorrow. That would be a good time to visit Becky. And, one way or another, he would speak with her, even if he had to shout at her back as she retreated. It made no difference whether her sister and brother-in-law were present. He needed to tell her how he felt. She would hear him out, one way or another.
Then, he would know whether he should stay in Missouri or give up and go home to Pennsylvania.
But not to marry Susie.
He turned to face her. “Susie, we’ve got to talk.”
***
“I have an idea.” Naomi Joy pushed her coffee mug away. “Let’s go home tomorrow and visit Mamm and Daed. They’ll see how you are doing, and you can explain that you’ve not been getting any mail. Besides, I’m feeling a little better, so I can give you confidently back to Daed. School’s out now, so Katie can kum for a while.”
“Tired of me, Naomi Joy?” Going home wouldn’t be a good idea. Not good at all.
“Nein. I think you are fattening Samuel up. He says if he has much more of your gut cooking, I’ll have to let his pants out.” Naomi Joy laughed. “Maybe it’d be better for him to not have such gut cooking so he’ll appreciate me more. Besides, Katie needs the practice. Someday, as a frau, she’ll be expected to run a haus. And Mamm says you can practically run theirs single-handedly. She didn’t worry a bit about things getting done when you were there. I think Mamm’s missing you.”
“Too bad I’ll never be a frau.” Becky punched her fist into the bread dough she was kneading. “Really no point in my going home, Naomi Joy.”
“Mamm says that there’s a certain Jacob Miller moping around the farm,” Naomi Joy said with a wink.
Becky shrugged. “His former sweetheart came to visit. As far as I know, she’s still here.” She tried not to sound as bitter as she felt.
Naomi Joy’s mouth dropped open. She shook her head. “Rebekah Troyer. Are you saying you used me as an excuse to run away from your problems? Not that I don’t appreciate your help; I never would have survived this month without you. But I think you need to get home now and resolve your unsettled issues. Besides, much more of your cooking, and Samuel will send me home to Daed and keep you here, instead. I just can’t risk that.” She grinned at Becky. “That’s settled, then. I’ll have Samuel call for a driver, and we’ll go home tomorrow.”
Becky frowned at the table and considered throwing herself into Naomi Joy’s arms and begging to stay.
Instead, she set the dough off to the side to rise.
“Hmm, that’s interesting,” her sister continued, skimming a letter she’d opened. “Mamm says that Daed talked to the bishop about you and what happened with that Englischer. She said that the bishop decided to just tell a few choice people what happened and let the truth get out that way. I guess that would be gossips at their best, ain’t so? They didn’t want to rehash the whole unpleasant situation by bringing it up in a meeting. Can’t really blame them there.”
Becky shrugged, not really sure how she felt. She didn’t want
the whole issue dragged into the mud, that much was certain. Wouldn’t it have been better to simply forget it? Telling the gossips meant she’d be a choice topic of conversation again.
Becky sighed as she scrubbed her hands at the sink. Then, she returned to the table and tore into Annie’s package.
Out fell five letters bound with a rubber band. A note was clipped to the top.
Dear Becky,
Guess what I found when I put some of Cathy’s clothes away?
Love always,
Annie
Relief and anger warred within her. Cathy had stolen letters addressed to her? She thumbed through the envelopes. Daed’s name was scrawled in the top corner of each one.
Why would Cathy steal Daed’s letters? It made no sense. She flipped through the envelopes again. They had all been opened. Opened! Becky blinked, trying to control the sudden rage that boiled within her. How dare Cathy invade her privacy? She’d have a thing or two to tell her when she returned home.
Then, another thought occurred. Had Cathy stolen Jacob’s letters, too? Or had he been too busy entertaining Susie to write?
Since there was nothing she could do about it now, Becky swallowed her anger and turned her attention back to the letters. With no postmarks for reference, she didn’t know where to start reading. She hoped Cathy had kept them in order.
She glanced at her sister. “Jah, tomorrow sounds ser gut.” Then, she picked up the letters and went upstairs to read them in the privacy of her room.
***
The next morning, Jacob settled into the backseat of the driver’s car. They hadn’t even started the trip, and already he felt skittish and sick to his stomach.
Nerves. All nerves.
Lord, let her listen to me, please.
He hoped God wouldn’t find that sort of prayer disrespectful.
But it seemed the whole courtship had been fraught with failure to communicate. He wished he knew how to have a conversation when the other person wouldn’t listen. And he was just as guilty of that as Becky.