I wanted everything to be perfect. I looked over the dock, mentally checking off a list of things I’d set out, trying to calm my nerves.
The plush blanket lay out with small citronella candles around it to keep the summer bugs away. I had Abby’s favorite pizza—pepperoni with extra mushrooms—set out on paper plates and orange soda chilling in a cooler. For dessert, I had chocolate-covered strawberries.
“Wow!” I turned when I heard her voice, watching as she approached. Every time I saw her, I was reminded of how beautiful she was. The girl had captured my heart years ago, and I had been too chicken to tell her how I felt—afraid to risk our friendship. Now we were on borrowed time, with her leaving for college in South Carolina in just weeks.
I handed her a plate as she sat cross-legged on the blanket. “This is perfect, Jay.” She grinned, taking a bite of the pizza.
We ate, and then settled on our sides facing each other. “I’m going to miss you so freaking much, Abby.” I pulled her into my arms and kissed her softly. “I love you so much.”
“You could always come with me.”
There wasn’t a day in the last four years that went by where I hadn’t wished I’d done just that. If I had just agreed, and followed my heart, maybe she wouldn’t have left me.
Dinner was a whirlwind of activity with the dining room bustling, food coming and going. I was so focused on Abby and the uncomfortable looks she was giving me, I hardly even tasted my meal. Her eyes bore through me with unanswered questions. It didn’t help that Mellie, the old lady at our table, caught on that Abby and I weren’t strangers after all, and kept asking if I was the one who left her at the altar.
By the time the desserts were cleared, Abby excused herself and tried to make a swift exit, but I wasn’t about to let her shake me that easily. Not this time, dammit. We were on a freaking boat, and she was stuck with me for the next five days, whether she liked it or not.
“Abby, please wait.” I dodged through people, trying to catch her.
I followed her out onto the deck, where she finally stopped and leaned on the rail, looking over the vast water as it rippled and lapped against the massive ship. I could see her chest rise and fall quickly as she stood there looking everywhere but at me.
“What are you doing here, Jay?” Her voice sounded so small, and I nearly forgot everything I’d meant to say to her, just wanting to wrap her in my arms and hold her.
Ignoring her question, I moved around her, to the rail, looking over at the darkening sea as well. I had some questions of my own, and I wasn’t sure I could get them out while I was looking directly at her.
My shallow breathing matched hers. “I will answer that, Abby, but first I have a question of my own. Why did you leave without saying goodbye?” I felt her move next to me, and even though we weren’t touching, I could feel the heat from her body, I could smell her lotion—the same scent I had always associated with her. It was like a field of flowers—soft, subtle, home. I closed my eyes and inhaled.
“I did come to say goodbye,” she whispered.
I couldn’t hide my shock as I turned toward her. I was sure I heard her wrong. “What are you talking about? You left, Abby. I called you, and you didn’t answer. I called you for months.” The words caught in my throat, barely making it out, bringing back the hurt I felt when she’d left, like it was only yesterday. I had almost gone mad trying to get a hold of her. Her mom had been nice enough to give me bits and pieces of information, unaware that Abby wasn’t answering my calls, but it wasn’t enough.
“I came to see you that night—to say goodbye and more.” I couldn’t wrap my brain around what she was even saying.
“Wait, what? You were at the party?” I tried to remember back to that night. If she had been there, I never saw her. “Why didn’t you find me?”
“I did.” She turned and leaned against the rail, regarding me. “I did find you, Jay. You were with Jenna in the garden.” It scared me at how she looked right at me and how calm her voice was, and then the memory hit me like a ton of bricks.
“Jenna, I need to wait in here in case Abby comes,” I protested as she pulled me through the house and out the back door.
“We’ll just be out here for a minute. I just want to talk to you.” Jenna batted her eyelashes at me, and I had to keep myself from rolling my eyes at her pathetic attempt at flirting.
“Fine, just stop here. What do you want to talk about?”
Jenna smiled as she looked over my shoulder, and the next thing I knew she was pressing against me, kissing me like her life depended on it. The initial shock wore off quickly, and I pushed her away.
“Why did you do that?” I frowned, taking a step back. “I’m with Abby now.”
“But she’s leaving soon.” Jenna crossed her arms and tilted her head.
“That doesn’t matter, Jenna. I will still be with her.”
She shrugged. “We’ll see.” I watched, shaking my head, as she walked back into the house. What had I ever seen in her?
Fuck me.
“You saw Jenna kiss me.” It was a statement, not a question.
“Yes,” she whispered, and I felt myself start to get angry. All this time? All these years apart because of one stupid kiss? A kiss that I hadn’t even reciprocated.
“That’s why you left like you did? That’s why you didn’t talk to me for four fucking years, Abby? Because of a kiss that meant nothing to me?” I could feel my hands shaking as I paced a couple feet behind her. I had spent so many nights practically dead inside after she left. In one moment I lost my best friend and the only girl I’d ever loved, and she didn’t even give me a chance to explain.
“That kiss almost fucking destroyed me, Jay.” She shook her head and looked back over the ocean. I wanted her to yell, to fight—something—but she was so calm, and it unnerved me. She had given up, and that alone scared the shit out of me.
“I don’t understand. It didn't mean anything.” I ran my hands over my face, completely frustrated.
“It meant everything to me.” Her voice barely carried with her back turned to me.
“Why? I don’t understand.” I placed my hand on her shoulder. “Why?” I urged again.
“Because I was pregnant, Jay.”
“What?” I gasped, pulling my hand back, almost as if it had been burned. I felt like I was going to pass out. My ears rang, and my heart was fluttering, and the gourmet dinner that I had barely tasted in the first place threatened to come back up.
“Damn it, Jay!” She turned to face me, tears rolling down her cheeks. “Leaving you nearly destroyed me, but staying and seeing you with someone else ... well, that would have fucking killed me. I’m sorry, I can't do this with you, Jay. Not again.”
Chapter 3
Abby
I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. The initial shock of seeing Jay again had worn off, and in its place was an open wound. I couldn’t remember where my room was with my mind going the way it was, so I ended up on the top deck huddled on a lounge chair, praying that nobody would find me. I scrambled through my purse looking for my phone so I could call Matt, but quickly realized that I had left it in the room. The breeze flowed through my hair as people walked past me holding hands and laughing. The lights of the ship twinkled in the darkness of the endless water.
I was sure if my mind was somewhere else, I would have appreciated the beauty of it all, but right at the moment, I couldn’t muster up an ounce of give-a-shit. I was utterly empty.
I never expected to have to tell him, but damn him, he was always so stubborn. He never knew when to stop, always pressing me until he got what he wanted out of me. That was why I made a clean break when I left. I knew I would be weak if he pressed me for answers. Back then, the hurt was still too fresh. I had needed to get away to try to figure out how to deal with everything. The problem was that I never really figured that out.
A hysterical laugh escaped as I remembered the look on his face when I’d blurted out that
I had been pregnant. I saw the shock mixed with the hurt. A hurt that I’d never wanted for him. Which was why I’d kept it to myself all this time. That was why Matt was still the only person who knew about what happened. Until now.
“Abby?” I shuffled to the door, groaning as the cramping seemed to get worse.
“Holy shit, Abby! What happened?” Matt rushed forward and pulled me into his arms.
“I think I need a doctor.” I looked up at him, and he sprang into action. After wrapping me in my coat and slipping on a pair of my shoes, he lifted me up and carried me to his car. The drive was short, thank God, as every bump caused pain.
Matt got me into the emergency room and helped answer any questions he could. An IV was started, and doctors and nurses came in and out of the room.
“Are you feeling any better?” Matt asked, holding my hand and watching me closely.
“Yes, I just want to know what is going on,” I admitted just as the doctor walked into the room, closing the door behind him.
“Miss Bradshaw, I’m so sorry, but you lost the baby.”
“No. Please no.” I began to sob, and Matt wrapped his arms around me. “It was all I had left of him,” I whispered as I let the sadness engulf me.
I stayed up on the deck for several hours, replaying the events of the past. Matt had taken on more of me than he had ever planned that night, but that situation had solidified our friendship. It was built on the need to keep secrets, and that was something we could give each other. It was our bond.
I began to shiver in the evening summer air and decided it was a good time to head inside and find my room, now that I had a much clearer mind. By the time I reached my cabin, I was completely spent, only taking the time to wash my face and use the bathroom before climbing into bed and pulling the covers over my head.
I had no idea what I was going to do about Jay, but after what he’d learned tonight, I was pretty sure he wasn’t going to speak to me again anyway. It was better that way. Too much time had separated us.
Chapter 4
Jay
I watched her walk away, literally stuck in the spot where I stood. Every muscle in my body felt like it was mush. I couldn't move, couldn't breathe, couldn't hear anything except for the words she spoke before leaving: ‘I was pregnant.’ Was. What did that even mean?
I must have stood there next to the rail for nearly an hour, just trying to understand what had happened. Couples walked by, laughing and talking, completely unaware that I was close to losing it. I was just about to go back to my cabin when I felt someone come stand next to me. The hint of spicy perfume assaulted my senses, tickling my nostrils, almost causing me to sneeze, and I knew it had to be the little old lady from dinner.
“Hiya, handsome.”
“Hi, Mellie.” I turned to face her. “Please call me Jay.” I did my best to smile, even though my world was falling apart. My reunion with Abby hadn’t gone at all like I’d hoped. I had played different versions of this moment through my mind so many times. I knew there was a chance she wouldn’t react well to me, but I’d hoped ... fuck. The bombshell she just dropped on me was nowhere in any of my outcomes.
“Do you have a last name, Jay, or are you like those famous people with only one name, like Madonna or Prince or that P. Diddy? Wait, I guess that last one is technically two words, right?” She continued to ramble as her hands moved wildly, and I couldn’t help but chuckle.
“No ma’am, I have a last name. My full name is Jayson Anderson.”
“Well, that certainly is better. A good strong name if I do say so myself.” She nodded. “Where is your fiancée, Jayson?”
“Ma’am?”
“The sweet little gal from dinner. The one you left at the altar.” It didn’t take me long to realize that she still believed her own story to be true.
“Oh, Abby?” She nodded. “Well, Mellie, I can assure you if I had gotten as far as the altar with Abby, she would never get away, and I sure as hell would have never left without making her mine.”
“You love her?”
“Yes, ma’am.” There was no hesitation.
“Well, snap out of it!” She smacked me on the arm, shocking the hell out of me. “You ain’t gonna win her back by sulking out here alone. You need a plan to woo her, son. You have four more days to court her. Don’t muck it up!” She nodded, turned, and shuffled off, leaving me to marvel at just how right she was.
***
I woke feeling drained. Sleep hadn't come easy last night, as the thoughts of the past—of everything I thought I knew to be true—played through my mind. For the first time I could understand the desperation Abby must have felt when she’d left. It would have killed me to see her in the arms of someone else back then. Fuck me!
Throwing the covers off, I moved around the small cabin, getting cleaned up and dressed. I was going to find Abby. A long talk was well overdue, and it was going to happen one way or another, whether she liked it or not. She wasn’t going to run from me. Not again.
I stopped in front of Abby's room, pausing to take a deep breath before tapping softly on the door. After no answer, I headed up to the buffet to grab some breakfast before I set out to find her. With a loaded plate of comfort foods, I glanced around the dining room for a seat, not surprised one bit when my eyes were immediately drawn to the beautiful dark-haired woman. She was imbedded in my brain, and it was almost as if my eyes could find her anywhere. I was drawn to her; I always had been.
She sat alone, looking out the window over the vast water as we moved through it, surprisingly fluid, on the large floating hotel. My feet automatically moved in her direction without my consent. I slipped into the seat across from her, obviously startling her out of her thoughts when she jumped. Her eyes went wide for a moment, and I was sure I saw a bit of relief in them before the wall went back up.
"Good morning, Abby." I picked up a piece of bacon and started munching as she brought her cup of coffee to her lips, sipping slowly. My eyes never left her. I wanted to take in every aspect of the woman before me. In the last few years she had changed very little. She was still as beautiful as she had always been, but the light in her eyes that had been there when we were teenagers was gone. I cringed inwardly, knowing that I was the cause for the darkness that had taken up residence in her.
"I didn't think you would want to speak to me after last night." She set her cup down, watching me closely.
I swallowed the bite I had taken and leaned forward. "On the contrary, Abby. I think a talk is long overdue. Don’t you?" My voice was calm and low.
She sighed and sat back, looking out the window briefly before turning back and nodding. "You're probably right. What do you want to know?"
“Why don't you start at the beginning, from when you left.”
She sighed. “Well, after I saw you ... after that night, I made the decision to just go the next day instead of waiting. I told my parents that I was anxious to get there, and they didn’t even question it. I drove the eight hours straight through. When I arrived at my dorm, I got settled and just tried to start over.” She shrugged as if there was no more to it, but I knew differently. I knew Abby and how deeply she felt things. A nonchalant shrug couldn’t mask that.
“Did your parents know you were pregnant?”
She shook her head. “I didn’t tell anyone. I figured that I would get the first semester over with, and when I came home for Thanksgiving, I would tell my parents and make plans to transfer to the community college at home.”
“But you didn't come home at Thanksgiving.”
“No, I didn't.” She looked up at me, and I could see that her eyes were glassy. “I lost the baby at the beginning of November.” She looked down, and I couldn't keep myself from covering her hand with mine, thankful when she didn’t pull away.
Part of me was grateful for just a brief moment to hear that she had lost the baby rather than terminating the pregnancy. It was a thought that had crossed my mind the previous night several times, and
that thought alone crushed me. I hated that she’d dealt with all of that alone, without me or her family. Her parents would’ve had a hard time with all of this. They were super nice people, just oblivious to anything that was going on with their daughter. They never had any idea that we were more than friends, and they never knew that she stayed away because of me. They just kept telling me about her and what she was doing over the last few years any time I ran into them. That, I actually had appreciated.
“Oh, Abby,” I whispered. “You should have called me. I would have come.”
“That's what Matt said, but you stopped calling in October, so I figured you gave up on me. I knew I screwed up by ignoring you for so long, you have to know that, Jay, but I didn't know how to fix it.” Tears flowed down her cheeks, and I could see how fresh all of this still was. “I was so hurt when I left that I wasn’t even thinking rationally, but when I lost our baby, I figured there wasn’t any other reason to try anymore.”
“Matt was your boyfriend?” I hated the pang of jealousy I still felt, even knowing they weren't together anymore. She nodded. “Why would your boyfriend tell you to call? I would think he would want you to stay away from me.”
Abby sighed. “It wasn’t like that. Matt knew I was still in love with you. He wanted me to be happy.”
If that was the case, Matt was a much better man than I was, because I would’ve never been cool with that.
Chapter 5
Abby
I wasn't sure how to explain things with Matt. I should just tell it like it was. “Matt and I met at the beginning of my freshman year when my roommate insisted I come to a party with her. It was all too much for me, with the drinking and everything, so I was sitting on the steps in the back of the building when Matt sat next to me.” I took another sip of my coffee before continuing.
An Unexpected Journey: A Second Chance Novella Page 2