“I don’t want him near you,” Seth said. “He’s not to be trusted.”
“He’s dying.” She squeezed his hand.
Without emotions, he couldn’t sense what she meant to convey, so he had to listen to her words. “You don’t want me to kill him.”
“Seth, your task is finished.” The phoenix appeared as an incandescent white raven in the middle of the courtyard.
The ahuizotl tore itself from Seth’s hold and ran for it. So, not all fantastical creatures viewed the phoenix positively. Seth had time for one wry thought, then everything happened at once. First, the remaining fantastical creatures vanished; teleported out. Then the same force gripped him and Vanessa, and as the compound vanished behind them, he glimpsed the phoenix exploding with fire and magic, becoming an inferno that would incinerate the Hunters Lab and all that it held.
Josh was dead, but not at his hand. He wouldn’t have minded, but Vanessa would have, and it would be harder to keep her safe if she distrusted him. As it was, he felt her hand tighten around his during the brief period of translocation, only for her to release her grip as they landed outside the cabin she’d rented in the Rocky Mountains.
She flung her arms around him and burst into loud tears, accompanied by a pathetic attempt to hit him.
He held her and waited for her emotions to ease. He held her because she needed it, but for himself, he felt nothing.
Chapter 11
Vanessa couldn’t decide how she felt. She and Seth were safe at the rented cabin, but safe for a questionable definition of safety. The wind direction had changed since they’d left it hours ago and fire now raced through the valley below them. She didn’t care. She clutched onto Seth with all the desperation of the last terrifying moments.
“You nearly died! How could you? You’re mine! You’re not meant to fight monsters and madmen.” She tried to hit him and he let her. She hated that. She hated that she was crying and stupid with emotion and irrational. “We should go. The fire…”
“We have time to outrun it. We have my car.”
She looked at him then, rather than just existing on the feel and reassurance of his warm, strong body against hers. She wiped the tears from her eyes and struggled to accept what she saw.
He wasn’t even looking at her. He was looking across the valley, probably assessing the progress of the wildfire as it burned brightly in the darkness. A pine tree blazed up like a fire cracker. He was expressionless, remote. All emotion erased.
She swallowed a panicked, instinctual fear. The man holding her was Seth. His body, his scent, the decisive line of his mouth, they were all him. But the lack of emotion made him a dangerous stranger; the man who’d survived the bloodbath at the Hunters Lab. She’d wanted him safe, but at what price had he won his, and her, survival?
A softer, purple-tinged light caught the edge of Vanessa’s vision. She turned to it.
Seth moved at the same time, placing himself between the phoenix and Vanessa. “What do you want?”
The phoenix had the form of a giant parrot. Perhaps it should have been humorous to see it resplendent in purple, gold and white plumage. Vanessa only saw the implacable intelligence in the phoenix’s glowing eyes. It knew what it had cost Seth to free the fantastical creatures, and it had repaid his unspoken bargain. She was safe. It was Seth—the essence of the man—that was lost.
Seth didn’t even realize there was something wrong. He acted on the basis of reason and training. By experience, he knew what to do next. If anything, without emotion, he acted faster and with unclouded decisiveness.
But the lack of emotion would destroy him. The Void was a desert of desolation. People needed relationships to sustain them. Without ties to other people, loneliness became a crushing force. The ties didn’t have to be close personal ones of family or friends, or of lovers, but a person had to care. Caring broke the crushing, centrifugal force of isolation.
And caring was the core of who Seth was.
The care he’d given her from the moment he found her on the hiking trail had blinded her to the truth of him. She’d let the giving be one-sided. Yes, she’d saved him from Andrew that first time; trailing him through the night to find him prisoner of the former, now-dead wizard. But mostly she’d let him keep her safe. Seth was a protector, a defender of justice and of those who couldn’t defend themselves. He never asked for anything for himself.
He didn’t expect anyone to do anything for him.
She had a flashback to the last time she’d seen him three years ago. It had been at her old condo. He’d arrived on crutches for official Stag liaison duty. There’d been lines of pain on his face and a grim control to his expression. He’d been in pain, but hiding it.
She hadn’t hesitated. She’d bullied him out of her office and into her living room—and he’d let her. She’d settled him in her most comfortable chair and fussed around him, and she’d liked the tentative way he’d slowly relaxed and accepted her care. His uncertain delight, something he’d tried to hide, had beguiled her.
Then Frank had arrived. Frank had been a good boyfriend, even if not, ultimately, the right man for her. He’d accepted finding an injured man sitting in her condo. But Seth hadn’t liked being found there.
Why didn’t I see it, then?
She’d felt betrayed and aggrieved, when her next contact with the Stag agency had revealed that Seth was no longer her liaison. Without a warning or good-bye, he’d vanished from her life.
Because he cared too much, she belatedly realized. She’d been with Frank, and so, Seth had left her to her life.
But I don’t want him to leave now! Physically, he was with her. However, emotionally, he couldn’t connect to anyone. Activating null-space to take out a ward that even a phoenix had been unable to break had burned out his emotions, and now the Void continued to siphon all of his emotional energy.
He’d warned her. He’d told her that he was scared that in that barren state, he’d suck dry the relationship between them. He’d wanted to protect her by putting her at a distance. She’d been the one to deny his self-sacrifice.
And I was right. Seth was here with her, stripped of all emotion, yet he still held back the Void from reaching to the bond between him and her. She felt no drain on her emotions. If anything, she was on emotional overload. Too much had happened in too short a time, and without anyone else to rely on. It was just her and Seth.
His uncle, Callum Arkwright, had thought that she could save Seth. Somehow she could rescue him from the Void.
How? Seth himself had shut down the bond between them to save her from the draw of the Void.
She thought back to three years ago and his response to her fussing over him. A strong, independent man could be seduced by tenderness.
The phoenix turned away from them. It spread its purple wings. Fire danced over its feathers and, as it took flight, blasted from the phoenix to burn the hillside below the cabin.
The phoenix’s magical fire burned against the strength of the wind, racing down to meet the wildfire that crawled up from the valley floor. The phoenix was fighting fire with fire, ensuring that the cabin—and Seth and Vanessa—were safe. Where the air had previously reeked of smoke and tasted of ash, it was now as clear as the plateau where the phoenix had held court. The freshness of sandalwood carried on a swirling wind.
The phoenix, itself, swooped on down the valley before flying along it and vanishing.
It was truly gone, Vanessa realized. It had fulfilled its bargain. She was safe. Seth was—
“You should phone your father,” he said.
Guilt rose in her instantly. Her dad mightn’t know about the magical dangers she’d wandered into, but the wildfire raging over the mountains would be in the news. “I need to let him know I’m okay.” She hurried to the cabin. It was a problem she could fix.
Seth beat her to the door, unlocking it.
She rested her hand on his back for the few seconds it took him to get the key in the lock. “How did
you know to think of Dad?” Hope was a tiny, excited pulsation in her blood. To worry about someone else’s feeling, Seth would have to feel something himself.
He dashed her hope. “Stag does significant business with your father. We’re still rebuilding his confidence in us after the failed rescue attempt.”
“And knowing that I’m safe with you is part of that.”
“Yes.”
She shouldn’t blame Seth for his lack of emotion, but it hurt.
He entered the cabin before her, scanning for danger.
Everything was as they’d left it. She glanced at the sofa, and flinched from the memory of how she and Seth had cuddled there; how confidently she’d told him that the Void couldn’t defeat love.
She scooped up the satellite phone abandoned on the coffee table and entered her dad’s private number. His voice made her wobbly with relief. “I’m okay, Dad. The fire isn’t threatening us. Yeah…us.”
Seth prowled through the cabin. In the small space he couldn’t avoid hearing Vanessa’s conversation with her father; nor did he want to. Scott Araya needed to know that Vanessa was safe and that Seth would keep her that way.
He checked the fridge. There was food still. Enough till tomorrow. It would be stupid to risk the rough tracks through the mountains at night when they could stay in the cabin. He climbed the stairs to the loft, checking that nothing lurked under the large bed with its covers thrown back, nor in the marble tiled bathroom. He checked that the water ran, and ran hot. Vanessa needed a shower.
He returned to the living area as she finished her brief conversation with Scott. “I really am fine, Dad. Yes, Seth is keeping me safe. I trust him. I—I love you, Dad. ’Bye.”
Seth took the phone from her. “I need to report events to Uncle Callum. You should have a shower.”
“Are you saying I stink?” She smiled.
He ignored her smile. He hadn’t meant either criticism or compliment, just a statement of fact. “You’ll want to sleep after you’ve eaten. You’ll be more comfortable if you’re clean.”
“I guess.” She touched his arm.
He wasn’t sure why, so he waited in case she needed something.
She didn’t. She bit her bottom lip, blinked rapidly, then retreated upstairs to the bathroom.
He phoned Callum, ignoring his uncle’s question as to whether Seth knew what time of night it was. “There was a lab containing fantastical creatures somewhere in Kansas. The phoenix likely translocated all of them out.
“The phoenix?” Callum spluttered. “What have you gotten involved in? Start at the beginning.”
Where was the beginning? Seth started from the phoenix’s demand on the plateau that he free the fantastical creatures.
“You did everything you could,” Callum said finally. “I’ll send a team to check out the situation.”
“Covertly,” Seth said. “I don’t want this blowing back on Stag. I took out their security system. I doubt there’s anyone left alive who could identify me as the intruder.”
“All right. Seth?” But Callum didn’t continue. “Can you put Vanessa on the phone, please.”
She was out of the bathroom and walking down the stairs. Even at a distance, Callum’s timing was spot on.
“Why do you want to talk to Vanessa?” Seth asked.
She raised her eyebrows and walked to him. She smelled of soap and shampoo. She’d also dressed in a sweat top and yoga pants instead of pajamas.
He disapproved. She ought to be ready to sleep.
“Standard practice, Seth,” Callum said. “A report from a second person fills in gaps you’re not aware of.”
It was standard practice—for Stag. “Vanessa isn’t an agent.”
“If he wants to talk to me, I’ll talk to him.” She waggled her hand, requesting the phone.
“Fine.”
She put the phone to her ear. “Have your shower, Seth.”
That would be more practical than him hovering to hear what she told Callum. He could trust Vanessa and his uncle. He nodded abruptly and ran upstairs for a quick shower. A final glance over the railing showed her sitting down on the sofa.
“The phoenix needed Seth and his ability with null-space…” she began.
When he jogged downstairs ten minutes later, he caught the tail end of their conversation. He could hear Callum through the phone, although he didn’t understand what the older man meant with his final instruction to Vanessa.
“He fought for you. You must fight for him.”
She looked at Seth with wide eyes, set in a face pale with tiredness although now shiny clean after her shower. “…and for our happiness.” She switched off the phone and put it down on the coffee table.
“Problems?” he asked as he moved to the kitchen.
“When aren’t there?” Her laugh was wry rather than amused. “This isn’t something you can fix, Seth. It’s up to me.” She stood and changed the subject. “I’m hungry.”
He pulled frozen meals out of the freezer. “Goulash?” It was a fancy name for stew, and stew would be easy to eat. Even before she agreed, he was opening the first container to pop it in the microwave. “You should sit, rest,” he added as she entered the kitchen.
She touched his waist as she slid around him to open a cupboard and grab two mugs. “I’m making hot chocolate. The instant kind, but still comforting.”
He’d rather have had bourbon, but he stepped aside to let her fuss around.
Vanessa closed her eyes for an instant at the agony of being so near to Seth that she could feel his body heat, but knowing that emotionally he was a galaxy away. The Void had him.
While the meals heated in the microwave, she thought of what Callum had told her. Stag had tested Seth’s response once the Void held him. “Anger and fear don’t work. They’re not sufficient to fill the Void. Fortunately, the other times he’s burned out using null-space he was able to naturally recover. But those times didn’t involve taking out an energy anchor that had tapped a leyline. Damn it.”
Callum Arkwright wasn’t a man who panicked easily, but his concern and near despair for his nephew was obvious..
Vanessa ate the spicy goulash with utter disregard for its flavor. All that mattered was that it was hot and filled her stomach. But as it did so, some of her tiredness eased. Apparently, hunger had been a contributing factor to her exhaustion. She sipped her hot chocolate as she watched Seth fill in the gaps left by the frozen meal with toast, and then, with cookies.
He ate with the determination of a man refueling, and without conversation between them.
In equal silence, he cleared the table and tidied the kitchen.
She helped, but mostly she observed him.
“Is there something you want to ask me?” He dried his hands as she put the last of the dishes away.
“I’m not sure if it’s a question so much as an issue I think we need to discuss.” She looked at the shiny stove and the quietly humming fridge. “And the kitchen isn’t the place for it.” She clasped his hand and felt encouraged when he returned the grip. She led him to the long sofa and sat. “The last time we were here, you told me about the Void.”
He nodded. “I’m aware that I’m experiencing emotional burnout and that it may be irreparable. But you’re safe. The Void isn’t siphoning your emotions through me.”
“No. You shut down the bond between us.”
He sat and looked to where she still stood. “I don’t know what I did, but using null-space the way I did was my choice and it is right that I endure the consequences.”
“But you broke the ward to free me from the phoenix. That was the deal you struck with her.”
“Yes.”
“Damn you,” she swore in sudden frustration, and kissed him. “The Void can’t have you.”
Seth understood what the Void was. He didn’t understand why Vanessa was so upset. For now, he’d achieved his primary mission: her safety. He accepted that the emotionless state he existed in was the price of ac
tivating null-space to destabilize the ward around the Hunters Lab. Although he no longer had an emotional commitment to the mission of keeping Vanessa safe, it existed as the primary purpose in his life.
As her soft mouth explored his, he considered what the mission required. Keeping Vanessa safe meant keeping her with him.
Her touches suggested she wanted intimacy.
He was willing to give it to her. Sex would release the tension in both of them, and it would tie her to him. She was his to protect. She needed to stay close.
He pulled her over him, positioning her knees either side of his hips. He caressed the curve of her spine as she continued their kiss. She tasted of hot chocolate. Her warm hands smoothed down his chest, tugged up his shirt and slid under it to touch his skin.
Skin contact was pleasurable. He pulled up her sweat top and she helped him strip it off her. She was braless beneath it, her nipples tautening in the cool air of the mountains, or perhaps, in arousal. He could ask her if her breasts were sensitive, or discover it for himself.
He licked her left nipple, swirled his tongue around it, then sucked gently.
She whimpered and her nails scraped his scalp gently. “Yes, Seth. Oh yes. But I should be—”
“Tell me what else you like. My hands are free.”
She laughed on a gasp of breath. “Hardly free. You’re squeezing my butt.”
He was, but… “I take orders.”
She slid down, taking her breasts out of reach, but claiming his mouth with her own, and settling her heat over his arousal.
“Do women like giving lap dances? Do you?”
“Seth!” She blushed, but then she pulled at his shirt. “Take it off.”
He shrugged out of the shirt and dropped it on the floor. She rode against him as he did.
“You like that.” She smiled at him.
Fire Fall (Old School Book 4) Page 16