“You don’t have to thank me.”
Our gazes clashed and held, and truthfully, I saw his warning in them.
I knew what he was saying.
Man the fuck up.
Take her.
Claim her.
Make her yours at long fucking last, but Rex didn’t know what it was like to be me.
He didn’t know what it was like to have the weight on your soul like I did.
I averted my eyes and just stared at some stuffing that was popping out of the red vinyl seating beside me.
Thankfully, Sin, being the good brother he was, picked up on the fact that I wasn’t necessarily agreeing with Rex, and started a conversation that I didn’t bother to focus on.
We were minutes away from the hospital we’d figured the ambulance would take Stone to, and ironically enough, we’d got it wrong.
In about twenty minutes, though, Indy would be there.
My woman wouldn’t be alone anymore, and only that would ease the panic that was growing inside me. It was unfurling wide open, making me realize that shit was changing, whether I wanted it to or not.
I was like ice where Stone was concerned. I had to be.
If I wasn’t, I’d relent, and I couldn’t do that, and that was what was happening here.
I’d already started calling her fucking ‘baby doll,’ and the next thing I knew, I’d be kissing her the second that I caught a glimpse of her.
My nostrils flared as I burst upright into a standing position. The brothers looked at me like I’d lost my fucking mind, and I had. Maybe I fucking had.
“I’m going back to the compound.”
Rex’s mouth worked noiselessly for a second, then rage filtered into his expression. “You’re fucking not,” he grated out, slamming his fists onto the table, making all the dishes rattle, and a hush overcome the diner. The waitress even braked on her heels, squeaking to a halt before shuffling away from our table.
“Don’t be a dick,” Nyx argued, but I shook my head.
“I need to get out of here.”
“Fuck this bullshit,” Rex snarled. “She needs you. That’s exactly what she needs. We couldn’t let her have you until she was discharged from the hospital, but the second she’s out, you could help her get back on her feet. She has to be shaky.”
“I can’t.”
Two words, and I hated them.
My grandmother used to say that those two words didn’t exist, but it was bullshit.
They did.
I couldn’t go to her, I couldn’t be there for her, I couldn’t wait on her to come out of the hospital.
I needed to go home.
I needed to build up my walls, and I needed to make sure she couldn’t get inside them, because if she did, she was lost.
Before they could stop me, I surged out of the booth and strolled down the linoleum-lined corridor that Indy had just hurried down.
When I made it outside, I ignored my brothers who’d followed me and were hollering at me from the diner’s doorway, headed for my bike, and climbed on.
The second the beast was rumbling beneath me, I could feel the air fill my lungs a lot easier.
Freedom.
This beast gave me freedom like nothing else could.
I sighed as I rolled back out of the parking spaces we’d taken up with our cluster of bikes, and then I began to merge onto the street the second the ignition was rumbling.
As I maneuvered through busy morning rush hour traffic, I felt the distance I was putting between us pinging away inside me like I had my own personal Google Maps syncing with each mile I traveled, warning me just how far I was pushing it. Just how much space there was between us.
But I had to ignore it.
I had to.
I leaned over the handlebars, pushing shit so much that I knew I could get a traffic violation for how fast I was going, but I didn’t give a fuck.
I didn’t.
Right until I was stopped.
Not by a cop, not even by a traffic jam.
By a fucking bullet.
Right to the goddamn shoulder.
It shot through me, tearing the fucker up as it went, and I had to withhold a groan as the agony ripped through my body.
Sucking in a sharp breath, I focused on not crashing my bike, on not losing control of the hog, because that would fuck me over royally. I could skid under any of the massive trucks I was riding between.
As close to the Lincoln Tunnel as it was, I had to figure this was a chance shot by one of the Famiglia who’d maybe spotted my cut.
My teeth clenched as I thought about my next move.
I could already feel the damage it’d done, so did I stop now and roll back to another hospital, or did I—
Another bullet
Fuck.
This time, I had no choice about maintaining control of my bike.
Control was ripped out from under me as I slammed to the ground as if the momentum of it had shoved me off the seat and onto the asphalt.
There was nothing I could do to stop my hog from being eaten up by a Mac truck ahead of me, nothing I could do to ease the collision of my body into the pavement.
As my bones settled on the ground, I just waited to be run over, and all I could think was…if this was death, did that mean my vow to Stone was over?
Maybe.
Nine
Stone
Before
I watched as Mom was lowered into the earth, the casket covering her far grander than anything she’d had in this life.
In death, she was having more spent on her than she’d had while living. Mostly because what she’d earned on her back had granted her a basic income. She’d begun whoring herself out when she couldn’t get my father to take her on as an Old Lady, and when she became too old for that, she’d never had all that much to spare.
I’d been working two jobs since I was old enough to get a position at the diner in the next town over, Verona, and the local store, and I was used to giving her half of my money.
With her dying, and I knew this was a horrible thing to say, but I’d be better off financially. My half went to drink and cigs…not exactly staples, but she paid the rent and I lived there, eating food she bought. I figured that was the least I could do.
Still, as much as I’d loved my mom, I hadn’t liked her. She’d been cruel, dismissive, and had I been prettier, I wasn’t too sure whether or not she’d have pimped me out.
That thought flashed through my mind, washed away by the shame of thinking so badly of her when she was dead, but still sort of stuck in place with Gorilla Glue since I knew she was exactly that type of person.
Always on the lookout for what she could get. Always seeking the best way to hurt people. Never thinking about anyone other than herself. Money-grubbing…
Wow.
The bitterness was definitely new, and funny how it only spewed out of me now.
When she was dead.
And when I couldn’t say anything to her.
I pursed my lips at that, then jerked when someone’s hand slipped into mine. I hoped it was Steel, but I knew from the scent alone that it wasn’t.
I cut Mav a look, surprised to see him, surprised because he wasn’t supposed to be on leave for at least another two months. I turned into him, pressing my face into the cut he only wore when he was back home, and whispered, “You didn’t have to come.”
“Course I did.”
I squeezed him tightly, hugging him like I’d never let myself before because the men were all men’s men, and I didn’t like to remind them I was a girl. If I did, then they’d probably stop hanging around me, and they were my lifeline.
In the limited time I had to myself, I wanted to be with them.
They were my friends, sure, but they were my family, and I’d missed Mav ever since he’d enlisted.
He was buffer than before, and when I peered up at him, staring into the eyes that had always seen far too much, I noticed they were harder.
A little fiercer.
I wasn’t sure I wanted to know what had done that to him, not when he’d been reared in the life and had already seen too much shit for someone his age, but I didn’t think about that. Just carried on hugging him.
“Where’s Steel?”
That the question came from him and not from me had me stunned.
“You don’t know? Isn’t he at the clubhouse?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. I just rolled in. But I thought he’d be here.”
“You did? Why?”
His smile was slow, but when he hit me with it, damn, I had to admit to myself, if no one else, he was pretty.
Not just pretty, but fine.
Except he’d never been mine. That was Steel. Who was just as pretty, but in a different way.
Steel looked like he could roll down a catwalk. His features were interesting. All high cheekbones and wide, clear eyes. His face was made up of angles, from the goatee he had now, to the sharp uptick of his brows.
His lips, the Cupid’s bow, was sharply delineated too, and throw in the almond-shaped eyes and he was just one big pi lover’s wet dream.
Mav, on the other hand, reminded me of Brad Pitt. Except he was cuter. And with his shaved head, he looked like a bruiser, but in my world, being a bruiser wasn’t a bad thing.
If a man could protect you, that was something to celebrate, not hate.
I rubbed my cheek against his cut, wishing like hell he was Steel, even while I was so glad that Mav was back.
“I think he’s mad at me,” I muttered softly, unsure what else to say, but somehow blurting the words out made me feel better.
The MC was at the funeral, as well as a few of Mom’s other friends from around town, but it was a pretty informal event. That was how we rolled in these parts, so my talking to Maverick while being in his arms didn’t raise any eyebrows.
It would have if Steel had claimed me, of course, and that was what Mav was implying.
My heart raced as I stared up at him, hoping beyond hope that was Steel’s intention.
“How long have you known?”
He hummed, pushed his cheek to my hair, then asked, “That you’ve loved him, little bit?” When I nodded, he laughed. “Since forever.”
Embarrassment made my stomach feel like a million butterflies had started dancing in there. I clenched my eyes closed as I whispered, “You guys all knew, didn’t you?”
“That you loved him?” He snorted. “Yeah. But I wouldn’t worry. We also knew that he loved you.”
My whole body clenched at that. “Don’t say shit like that when it isn’t true.”
“Isn’t true?” He pshawed. “We ribbed him about it for years. Figured he was waiting on your sixteenth birthday to make shit permanent.”
I bit my lip. “So why isn’t he here?”
“Don’t have an answer for that.”
“I do.” Nyx’s voice sounded grim, so I looked up at him, surprised to see his usually expressionless face was loaded with irritation.
“What’s wrong?”
“He’s at the hospital. Rex just called. He tried to get him here in time, but he fuc—”
Mav bit off, “Watch your mouth, Nyx.”
He rolled his eyes. “Stone’s used to hearing me curse.”
My lips quirked because that was an understatement. Yeah, I was definitely used to hearing him swear.
“Not next to her momma’s dead body she ain’t.”
Nyx grunted. “Now who reminded her that her momma’s dead?”
Even though the situation wasn’t supposed to be amusing, it actually was. I snickered a little, muttering, “Look, don’t worry about it. Why’s Steel at the hospital?”
Just the thought made the bubble of amusement I’d felt seem treacherous. I needed to get to him and fast if he was sick.
“Dumb fuck drank too much or something. Had to have his stomach pumped.”
My brow furrowed. “Huh? Steel? He never drinks.”
“Well, he decided to do it with a bang.”
I scrubbed a hand over my face as I pulled away from Mav.
I hadn’t seen him for ten days, not since that kiss. Mom had died the next day, and things had been crazy in the aftermath.
I’d been hurt at his absence, confused, and when I’d tried to call him, the line had always gone to his voicemail.
“How long has he been in the hospital?”
Nyx and Mav were bickering now, like only true brothers could. “Huh?” Nyx asked.
I sighed. “How long has he been in the hospital for?”
“Overnight, right? That’s how long it takes to get your stomach pumped?”
I elbowed Mav in the stomach. “Don’t put words in his mouth.”
I knew how these guys worked. They were surprisingly open with me, but at the same time, they had the bro code thing going down.
Something about how Mav had spoken up just before Nyx could say a word told me he was giving Nyx an out.
“How long?”
“Rex didn’t say,” Nyx hedged.
Steel had gone from kissing me like we were in a romance movie, where at the end, the hero finally got his girl, to walking away from me without a backward glance while looking like he’d been sucker punched.
I’d figured Mom had said something to him, but what that was specifically, I didn’t know.
She was very good with her words, capable of using them like they were a weapon, and she’d honed that skill like I figured the army was honing Maverick—making him one of the fiercest fighters around.
She’d done something to break the moment I’d been dreaming about since I’d learned what it meant when boys and girls kissed.
I just knew she’d wrecked it for me.
She’d known how I felt about Steel, had mocked me for my crush for years, and even though she couldn’t have seen us kiss, not when she was stuck in bed and we’d been in the hall, maybe she’d heard something?
Had I moaned?
I couldn’t remember, but just thinking about that kiss had been enough to make me slip my hand between my legs to get myself off that night. So I had to figure that during it, I’d been pretty turned on too. Maybe I had moaned, or made a noise. Something that had clued her in. Sex had been her business for most of her adult life, if anyone would recognize the signs, it was her.
What had she said to him?
It had been enough to make him turn from me, for him to…what? Make himself sick by drinking?
Steel didn’t drink.
Whatever she’d told him, it had fucked with his head to the point where he’d made himself sick with it.
“I need to see him,” I stated decisively.
“Honey, the funeral’s still going on.”
I didn’t care about any of that.
I’d paid my respects to the mom I wished I’d had, and now that my duty was done, I had other duties to attend to.
The people around us wouldn’t care if I stood here until the rest of the crowd had tossed dirt on her coffin, but I cared about being away from Steel.
Nyx shook his head though. “Rex wouldn’t let you in. He’s in a bad way, Stone.”
“And I’m not?” I murmured, my throat suddenly feeling thick with an onset of tears.
My world just collapsed around me, and the one man who could make it better had suddenly gone AWOL…
I blew out a breath. “I should be used to people letting me down,” I rasped, including him and Mav in that look as I shoved myself away from them and retreated to the car where my mom’s friend, Maria, was going to take me home.
I heard Mav call after me, but I didn’t glance back. I should have known they’d stand with Rex and Steel over me.
They always did, and always would. That’s what brothers did. And being a brother was something I’d never, could never be. So being reminded that I was an outsider, at this particular moment, was just the stab to the heart I didn’t need.
As much of a family
as they were to me, they’d always take Steel’s side over mine. And that realization hurt.
Badly.
Ten
Lily
My stomach was twisting and my nerves wouldn’t let up as I watched Tiff.
The pair of us were a little battered and a lot broken, with casts here and there and bandages still covering the worst of our injuries, and I knew she was taking meds for the concussion headaches she had while I was trying not to.
I was still in pain now whenever I turned my head to the side, and I was just dealing with it because I had a nasty feeling that if I took some of the meds the doctors had prescribed, I’d get hooked.
Maybe that was a stupid thing to think, a little irrational, but I needed control right now.
I needed it more than ever.
So, I sat there, in pain, quiet as I processed it, and watched her pretty much do the same thing.
We’d both been quieter since the accident, quieter and more thoughtful, like we were taking the time to register just how fucking lucky we were.
But I didn’t feel lucky.
I felt like I had a burden on my shoulders that wasn’t going anywhere.
“What do you think’s going on?” Tiff asked, her fingers swirling around the pattern on the armrest of the chair she was sitting on. “Why do you think they cut out of here so fast, so soon after they brought…you know who home?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. Link wouldn’t tell me.”
“Sin wouldn’t tell me either. They just rolled on out and haven’t messaged since.”
I hummed. “Link hasn’t either, and you know we text all the time.”
She bit her lip. “Christ.”
“What is it?” I pressed, concerned for her.
She shrugged. “I don’t know.”
My lips twitched. “Bullshit. You and I both know that you know exactly what you’re thinking.”
Her nose crinkled. “What are you? A mind reader?”
“Pretty much where you’re concerned. You might as well spill it. After all, you’ll tell me eventually.”
She blew a raspberry at me. “I was just thinking that I’d love some of those OxyContin right now.”
Steel: A Dark MC Romance (A Dark and Dirty Sinners’ MC Book 4) Page 11