by K Larsen
Later
Sweet dreams slut
XXX
* * * * *
Gavin’s message makes me smile. I relish our time together when he’s around and it’s always nice to hear from him.:
What are you up to?
Bringing Claire to Trent in an hour
Want company?
Sure
Can we hit Freeport after?
Yes!
“Trent seems to have toned it down,” Gavin says as we exit the Gap.
“Thank god. For a while there I was worried he’d never leave me alone,” I confide. He chuckles at me, loops an arm through mine, and leads us towards Banana Republic.
“When do you head home?” I ask.
“Wednesday afternoon.”
“Time to face the music, Gavvy,” I tease.
“I suppose,” he says nonchalantly.
“You know, you don't seem too broken up about all this. What’s up?” I ask.
“Why didn't we ever hook up, Laney?” He evades the question.
“What?! Stop being melodramatic. We were never interested in each other like that. Right?”
He tugs me to a stop and wraps his arms around me. His eyes are burning holes into mine.
“We weren't?” he asks. The look he’s giving me is serious but he’s a prankster so I know he’s kidding. Still, the moment seems too intense and his face is dangerously close to mine.
“Very funny,” I say dryly and push out of his embrace. He stands unmoving for a moment before turning his lips up into a smile.
“I am, aren't I?” he retorts, but suddenly I’m unsure of Gavin. I’ve never been unsure with Gavin, not in twenty years. I brush off the feeling and usher him into the store for some more shopping.
“How about this?” I ask and step out of the dressing room. Gavin grabs my arms, twirls me around, and whistles at me.
“That’s hot. Get it,” he encourages.
“Yeah?” I ask and check myself out from all angles in the mirror.
“Definitely. You can wear it Monday night,” he says.
“What’s Monday night?” I ask curiously.
“Dad’s throwing a BBQ for me before I leave.”
“Oh! Fun, I haven't seen your dad in forever.” I walk back into the dressing room and shut the door.
“Good, so you’ll come?” he asks through the door as I strip off the sapphire-colored sundress and place it back on its hanger.
“If Mom will watch Claire, I’ll be there.” I tug my jeans and tank top back on and take the dress to the register. He’s right. It does look good on me, plus it’s on sale. I pay the sales clerk for the dress and my stomach gurgles loudly.
“Hungry, Princess?” he teases me.
“Starved!” I laugh.
“Lunch it is then,” he says and laces his fingers through mine as we search out a good place to eat. For the second time ever, having Gavin’s hand in mine feels…wrong. Thirteen years ago it happened when John and I were together but I was in love with him. We were crazy about each other and I had only craved his touch. Gavin had understood when I’d become slightly distant from him, obviously, having set us up. But why the unease at his touch now? I glance at him from the corner of my eye. He’s all smiles. I tamp down the ridiculous feelings I’m having and slap a smile on my face. This is just how we are, how we’ve always been.
Jake
“What do you want to do tonight?” Owen calls over his shoulder from the fridge. I watch him look for a moment before pulling out two beers before collapsing onto the couch next to me. I take the beer from him and pop the top.
“I don't really feel like playing wingman tonight,” I tell him honestly.
“What’s with you? You never want to go out with me anymore. I think this Laney chick is twat blocking you.”
I choke on my beer mid-swallow.
“What? Twat what?” I stammer.
“Twat blocking you…you’re so wrapped up in her you don't even look at anyone else.”
My stomach hurts from laughing so hard. Only Owen.
“Maybe I’m enjoying being twat blocked.” I tell him. He snorts in disgust at me, ever the bachelor.
“Whatever, man. You used to be fun. One date with twat blocker and you’re a lost cause,” he teases.
“I really like her, O. This could definitely go somewhere...I’m not trying to mess that up.”
“Yeah?” Owen asks.
“Yeah.”
Since our date, I can’t get Laney off my mind. It’s sick, actually. I act and feel like a randy teen again. Her lips are so kissable. I want to kiss them all the time and her skin. Shit. Her skin is soft and smooth and warm. I honestly have no idea how I managed to show any restraint, especially when she whined about it and was so ready for me. I feel an indefinable connection to her though and I’m not taking any chances so I’m playing it slow and safe.
Delaney
Saturday
The waiter sets our drinks on the table and immediately the hen party begins. “Sooo…spill it, Laney,” Ginny urges.
“I don't even know where to begin,” I say, lost in memories of Jake’s amazing kisses.
“The beginning usually works well,” Ellie chimes in. My four best friends are staring intently at me, waiting.
“He brought me flowers…not crap carnations either, beautiful peonies. Then takes me to his ah-maz-ing house on the water and cooks me dinner, which, by the way, was actually delicious, and then took me out on his boat,” I abbreviate the evening for them.
The girls are all leaning in, listening carefully. “Um…and?” Molly asks.
“Oh! And he danced with me in the kitchen. Totally, completely, romantic,” I say dreamily but avoiding the boat ride details.
“You’re leaving out important facts,” Becca states.
“I am?”
“Yeah, none of that adds up to Magic Mouth status.”
I blush and stare into my martini for a minute.
“Um, we made out on the boat and it got pretty hot and heavy but he stopped us from going any further. I kinda yelled at him about it because I was so worked up,” I give up.
“And…you slut…you totally banged him on the first date!” Ginny all but screams in excitement.
“Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, Ginny, no. He refused.” Four sets of eyes go wide and wait. “He um, you know, said he could help without sleeping together...and he did... with his mouth,” I manage.
“Holy shit! He totally went down on you on a boat?!” Ellie squeals.
“Yeah. He did, and it was…” I stare off into space thinking about it. “I don't even have words. I feel bad because, you know, he didn't get off, but he said ‘tonight was about me, not him.’” I glance around the table to see four smiles plastered on four faces.
“What?” I ask sheepishly. All four girls bust out laughing.
“Laney, I swear to god if you mess this up, I’ll personally kill you,” Molly laughs. “He sounds too good to be true.”
“I hope not!” I squawk at her. “I hope he’s just good enough to be true. You should have seen the way his face went all warm and soft when he walked me to the door and kissed me last night. It was…my belly fluttered,” I let out dreamily and four girls sigh at me.
Finally the chatter about my date dies down and we move on to more comfortable topics, like planning the Fourth of July party, who hates their job this week, and how we will find a sitter for, like, ten kids for the rest of the evening.
* * * * *
Sunday, after picking up Claire, I tried to write but I found that Jake had set up his place in my thoughts, moved in, and made my thinking crowded. I slammed the lid of the laptop closed in irritation and pushed out of my chair. I really needed to finish this book soon but my brain wasn't cooperating with me lately. I switched on the radio and called to Claire.
“Yeah?” she says.
“I’m bored. Let’s do something,” I tell her.
“Let’s swing!” she squeals at
me. Her enthusiasm is endearing and I can't help but grin at her. It sounds like a good enough option to kill some time so I head out back to the big weeping tree that we’d hung three swings on and started a how-high-can-you-go contest with Claire. Her squeals of laughter peeling through the yard distracted me long enough to clear my head of all things Jake and relax a bit.
The text from Trent pisses me off and yet makes me smile at the same time. He’s so predictable in his interactions.:
Hey loser.
Always such a joy to hear from you
I want to take Claire for my week
When?
4th of July week.
what about my birthday week?
Can't -work.
SIGH. Fine
You know it’s queer to write out sigh right?
Whatever Trent. Don't you have someone to tase?
We don't carry Tasers asshole
Bye.
Bye
* * * * *
Monday
“Okay, Claire, be good for Nanny tonight,” I tell her and she nods her head furiously at me. I chuckle and look to my mom. “Please put her to bed on time tonight...” I plead with my mom.
“Of course!” she says sarcastically.
“Seriously, Mom, on time,” I say flatly.
“Poo, you’re no fun…she’s no fun, is she Claire?”
I shake my head at both of them and head out to Gavin’s waiting car.
The text between Jake and I feels tense. I can’t tell if he’s really bothered by Gavin or if I’m just reading into things to much.:
Plans tonight?
BBQ for Gavin...why?
I was thinking of my plans for you...
In that case I'll be right over.
No No. I won't interrupt your evening.
Boo. Alright. Gotta go- driving now.
Be safe
“Glad you’re here, Princess,” Gavin says as we fold out of his car.
“I wouldn't miss it, you know that.”
“Damn, Laney, you’re smokin’ hot in that dress.” He waggles his eyebrows at me as I smooth the skirt down.
“You’re such a charmer, Gav.” The sarcasm in my voice blatant.
“Aww you love me.” He pulls me into his arms and holds me tight to his chest.
“Unfortunately, you’re right,” I joke. He tilts my chin up to his face, which has gone soft. “Laney, I don't know what I’d do without you.”
I stare at him a moment too long, then shrug and laugh it off.
“Yeah, who else would give you great girl advice or put up with your shenanigans?” I tease. He takes a step back, eyeing me, but apparently decides to let whatever he’s thinking go. He grabs my hand and we walk to the backyard to join the party.
It’s nice to see his family again. I’d missed them. A few cousins and old co-workers were in attendance too and so far the evening was great. Throughout dinner we’d laughed and reminisced about all the ridiculous adventures we’d had over the last twenty years together.
“Holy crap, Laney! I totally forgot about that.” Gavin’s doubled over with laughter.
“Yeah, well, my foot didn't,” I chuckle. Our senior year of high school we’d been decorating a friend’s truck with Christmas crap and when Gavin had moved to get out of the cab he somehow managed to pop the e-brake. The truck had started rolling down the hill it was parked on as well as rolling over my foot. I had squealed so loud that instead of stopping the truck, Gavin had ducked behind a bush and hidden. From what, we’ll never know, but he insists he thought he heard gunfire.
The food was to die for. After loading my plate with a little of everything possible and wolfing it all down in record time, I stood to carry my paper plate to the trash. As I turned around from depositing my plate into said trash can, I found myself face to face with the one person I’d never thought I’d see again. John. Don't get me wrong, over the past thirteen years I had imagined this scene a million times, of course: the one where he reappears in my life and declares his undying love for me. I’d take one look at him and my soul would magically mend. I’d feel his presence and his love for me oozing from him. I run willingly into his arms and his kiss would sweep me off my feet.
“Laney.” His tone is surprised. I stand shocked and unmoving. I don't feel anything but heartache looking into eyes that I know so well but at the same time don’t recognize at all.
“Uh. Hi,” I say. Thirteen years and that’s all I come up with?
“It’s so good to see you. You look great.” He reaches out and takes one of my hands in his. I wait to feel the shock from his touch, to feel the spike in my heart rate that he used to cause, but it never comes. This is totally confusing. Mind boggling.
“Thanks. You too, I guess,” I say. He glances at Gavin then back to me and looks pained for a moment.
“I’m ah, I’m glad you and Gavin worked out,” he says quietly. My lungs stop pumping air in and out of my body as I try and process the words he’s just said. What the hell is he talking about?
“What?” I croak.
“You and Gavin.” He nods in Gavin’s direction.
“What about us?” I manage.
“I’m happy to see you’re finally together.”
Confusion rocks my body.
“We’re not, John...come on, you know better than anyone, we’re just friends,” I muster.
“But…” He shakes his head at me and suddenly pain washes out his features. He’s hiding something from me.
“But what?” I cut him off. He stares at the ground between us.
“I stepped aside for him,” he whispers and shock engulfs me.
“I don't know what you mean. I don’t understand what you’re telling me,” I rasp.
“He wanted to be with you, Laney, he asked me to step aside. I thought…I thought with your history, you’d want to explore the option,” he admits.
“You dumped me because of HIM?” I shout and point at Gavin.
“I loved you so much, Laney. I thought it was the right thing to do, for you. I didn’t want you to have any what-ifs and...and Gavin made it sound like you were on board with it,” he laments.
My whole world spins out of control at that moment as the information I’ve just been given sinks in. I’ve spent thirteen years failing at relationships because I thought John broke me. But it wasn't John, not really, it was Gavin. The same Gavin who swooped in to pick up the pieces when I shattered. The same one who openly hated every person I’d been with before and since. John and I never stood a chance. If Gavin hadn't interfered, maybe the relationship would have played out and ended differently and I’d not be scared shitless to give one hundred percent of myself to another man afterwards. Maybe I’d be a different person altogether. Hurt and betrayal and sorrow swirl around, turning my stomach. I need to get out of here. I stare up disbelievingly into John’s eyes. It felt like a knife had ripped through my chest and all my insides were pooling out around me. I rip my hand out of John’s and storm past Gavin on my way out front. I needed to leave. Tears are already rolling down my cheeks and I don’t want anyone to see. I yank my phone out of my purse to text…who? Any of the girls would cause a scene, and Amelia would be relentless with the questions. I just need time to process.
I pull up Jake’s name, type my address, “911,” and hit send. A nanosecond later it rings.
“Jake?” my voice is unsteady.
“Laney? What's wrong?” He sounds worried.
“Please can you just come get me? Now?” I beg, trying to keep my voice steady.
“I’m on my way,” he clips and hangs up. I hang up and shove it back into my purse. My hurt shifts to anger and it’s bubbling to the surface now. Rage washes over me that Gavin did this to me…to John and me. How could this have happened? I trusted Gav with all my secrets. I trusted him to keep me safe.
“Princess!” Gavin calls out to me as he trots around the front of the house. I whip around and stalk over to him.
“You,”
I say and poke his chest hard. “Don't,” I poke again, “get to,” another poke, “call me THAT!” I scream at him with a final push to his chest.
“Let me explain, Laney, please,” he begs. His eyes are wildly searching my face for that part of me that will give into him like always, but he won't find it this time. How could he even think that part of me exists anymore?
“How could you?” I cry. “FUCK YOU, GAVIN!” I’m belligerent now. “You!? You told him you wanted me. You made him break up with me! You knew how much I LOVED him and you purposely broke my heart! And for what?!” I rant on. “You never professed your undying love for me! You never made a move to be with me! You just…you didn't want someone else getting all of my affection! Ha! That’s it, isn't it? You couldn't stand the fact that when I was with John there was nothing left over for you?!” I suck in a deep breath and vaguely notice the sound of tires screeching to a halt behind me but I’m so lost in the moment I don't stop. “I can't fucking believe that I’ve trusted you for twenty years. I can't believe you’d stand by, watch and let me struggle the way I have for the last thirteen years! If you feel too much, do you start to panic? No? Oh, right. That’s just my cross to carry. One you gave me--NOT John. You, Gavin, are the biggest ass eater I have ever met!” I’m screeching.
“Laney, Please! Let me explain,” Gavin begs but I don't want an explanation from the pathetic asshole standing in front of me. Never in my life have I punched someone but right now it’s the only logical thing my brain comes up with. I lunge forward, cocking my fist back, and pop him in the face. His head snaps back and his hand comes to his jaw.