by Amy Miles
TWENTY-SIX
An eerie calm greets me when I begin to rouse. My head feels like a spear has been shoved right through my left eye so I remain motionless apart from breathing. It feels better that way.
I can no longer hear the whipping winds or crashing of trees. Warm sunlight beats down on me from above. Everything appears to be back to normal.
“Illyria,” Bastien whispers in my ear. “Can you hear me?”
“Give him room, Bastien.” Toren’s voice is tense, edged with anger.
I feel Kyan’s chilled hands press against my temples and warmth rushes through my body. My fingers and toes tingle and the headache recedes, but I keep the mental block firmly fixed in my mind so Kyan can’t pry further should he so choose.
“She will be fine. Her mind appears to have gone into some sort of lockdown,” Kyan replies. “I think I might be able to get around it.”
Toren shifts beside me. “Are you sure you want to do that?”
Bastien whirls around. “Are you serious?”
“Yeah I am,” Toren snaps back. “You weren’t here for the whole show, Bastien. She completely lost it, no thanks to you.”
“It wasn’t her,” Bastien insisted.
“Maybe not, but what happens the next time you decide to leave? Imagine what would’ve happened if she’d been at the camp,” Toren said, waving his arms around at the destruction.
Bastien hangs his head and his voice drops to barely above a strained whisper. “I won’t leave her again.”
“Someday you will have to,” Kyan reminds him.
“I won’t leave unless she’s ready to say goodbye,” Bastien amends.
“And you think she will be?” Kyan asks, cocking his head to the side.
“Yes. I know Illyria. She’ll do whatever it takes to save her friends, even if that means marrying that King.”
“And will you let her go?”
Bastien gulps loudly before answering. “I wouldn’t love her if she did anything else. She was destined to save our people. I don’t have a choice. I have to let her go.”
Kyan clasps Bastien on the arm. “You know what it means to truly love her,” he says proudly. “I’m just sorry you both have to sacrifice so much.”
“I’m doing it for her.”
“She knows that,” Kyan assures him.
“How do you know?”
“Because she’s been listening to every word you said.”
Bastien rears back, staring down at me in amazement as he notices my open eyes for the first time. “Oh, thank god!”
He pulls me into his arms, cradling me to his chest. I sink into his embrace, wishing this moment could last forever.
Kyan rises to his feet, tugging Toren back. “Let’s give them some time. I need to patch Eamon up anyways.”
A gust of wind buffets against Bastien and me but we hardly notice. I lay there, silently wrapped in his arms for a long time.
I sit up, wiping away my tears. “I’m sorry about what happened. I didn’t…you know I’d never…”
“I know,” he soothes, pulling my hands into his lap. “I shouldn’t have left like that. I was hurting, angry. I needed to sort things out, but I didn’t go far.”
He rubs his hands along my arms, caressing me with a tenderness I still find completely unexpected from him. “How did you know to come back?”
Bastien points to sky above. “I don’t remember thunderstorms being a part of today’s weather forecast.”
I laugh and shake my head. “Why is it you can always make me smile when I should be groveling for everyone’s forgiveness?”
He leans in close. “Because I know you. The good within you will win out in the end.”
“And until then?” I press.
He grins and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. “Kyan might need to smuggle out some of those hard hats they use on the building site in the City.”
His hand cups my face, his eyes captivating me. Never before have I known what it meant when my mother said the window to a person’s soul is through their eyes, but now I do. Staring at Bastien, I can see nothing but love in its purest form. He doesn’t want to change me.
“You are the Shadow Walker. It is a part of you, Illyria.” He brushes his thumb along my cheek and I lean into his touch. “I could never truly love you unless I accepted every bit of you.”
“But look what I did…”
He pulls my face back from the destruction. “I will be here to help you, no matter what.”
I pull away, withdrawing into myself. “But you can’t. You’re not supposed to.”
Bastien sighs and leans back. I bite my lip, already feeling him retreating. “No matter what happens between us, I will always be here if you need me.”
His voice is thick with emotion. I tuck my legs into my chest and bury my head in my knees. “I don’t know if I can do this. I can’t walk away from you.”
“Eamon will be with you,” he whispers hoarsely.
“He’s not you!” I cry out. “He could never take your place.”
He smiles weakly. “I wish I didn’t love to hear you say that.”
A sob rises in my throat as I close the gap between us, clinging to him. “I think I’ve fallen in love with you, Bastien.”
He sucks in a haggard breath and turns his face away. “Now you tell me.”
“No,” I pull his face back and wait until he looks at me. “You need to know that. I will never stop loving you. Not when I’m with Eamon, or Aloysius.”
I place his hand over my heart. “You will always be here.”
He swallows roughly. “But you love Eamon, too.”
“It’s not the same,” I protest.
He pulls his hand away, curling it into his lap. “Someday it will be.”
“Kyan may think I was created to be with Eamon, and maybe on his world I was, but I know what my heart tells me. I’m meant to be with you.”
“That just makes this that much harder.” His voice cracks.
I sink back onto my knees, knowing that this is the moment I will regret for the rest of my life. Fate is cruel to let me fall in love and then force us to go our separate ways.
Bastien grasps my arms and crushes me to his chest. He presses his lips to the top of my head, breathing in deeply. “I’ll miss this.”
“Me too,” I sob, clinging to him. I close my eyes and try to burn this moment into my memory, something to hold on to when life seems bleak. “I don’t want to let go.”
Bastien sighs. “I wish you didn’t have to.”
I lean back, noticing his vacant gaze has shifted away from me to the charred woods. He has already begun to lock down on his emotions. He’s good at that.
“Kiss me,” I whisper. Bastien’s eyes close as he shakes his head. “Please.”
He growls and throws himself away from me. “I can’t.”
“I won’t be able to let you go if you don’t.” I hate myself for asking, for being weak, but I don’t care. I can’t bear to leave him without one last kiss.
When he turns back toward me, I see his lips are trembling, pleading with me to understand. “And I won’t let you go if I do. Please just go, before I stop you.”
I rise unsteadily to my feet. His shattered heart is all I can see in his eyes now. His shoulders slump as he turns and walks away.
“No!” I cry, racing after him. Bastien pauses but doesn’t turn. I rush around to face him, staring up at him through tear-filled eyes. Cupping his face in my hands, I lean up onto my tiptoes and kiss just to the side of his lips. I whimper as my tears curve down my cheeks. Without another word, I turn and run.
Bastien is gone.