“Really?” Madison sized Hannah up. “How come we haven’t seen you in school?”
“I start Monday,” Hannah said. Her gaze drifted to me again. “I’m glad I’ll know a couple people going in.”
“Maybe.” Madison shrugged, turning to glance at Wyatt. He had his arm around Genny’s shoulders and they were laughing as they held each other up. Madison hurried around the table to put herself between them.
“Don’t worry about Madison, she can be a bitch.” Tommy put an arm across Hannah’s shoulders. “You’ll know me.”
“Awesome.” Hannah shrugged his arm off her shoulders.
I smirked, watching Madison light into Wyatt. He took it like a champ, dropping his head and nodding in somber regret. A tentative hand touched mine and I jumped at the contact. Hannah pulled her hand away, smiling softly.
“Help me find a drink?” she asked.
“Sure.” I smiled far too eagerly. The touch had set my heart racing in anticipation of more. I really needed to chill out.
“Thanks for finding me some girls to hang out with.” Hannah dismissed Tommy as she linked her arm through mine and we slipped away into the crowd.
For the first time in a long time, I didn’t care what anyone thought. I wasn’t worried that Madison would be pissed at me for leaving her with a drunk Wyatt and Genny, or that people would talk about me walking with my arm through Hannah’s. All I was thinking about was how good the press of her arm to mine felt, how easily her hand slipped into mine as we squeezed through a tight circle of people around the drinks.
Hannah and I filled red plastic cups with Zeke’s famous lemonade. One cup of it already had my head buzzing. We shoved our way free of the throng around the drinks and found an empty bit of space to call our own in the library. We slipped into the dark room. I fumbled along the wall until I found the light switch.
“I can’t believe there is a library in the house.” Hannah took a sip of the lemonade before running her fingers across the spines of the books. “You think they read all these books?”
“No way.” I sank into a wide arm chair. “Zeke’s parents aren’t really the literary type. They just like to look the part of rich and sophisticated.”
Hannah laughed. I smiled, wanting to make her laugh again just to hear it. Outside the library, music throbbed like the heartbeat of the house. The thick oak doors to the library kept the music, laughter, and shouting to a dull roar.
“Think we will get in trouble for being in here?” Hannah turned back to the door.
“Do you want to go?” I asked, hoping she wouldn’t say yes.
“No.” Hannah glanced back at me, smiling. I took another sip of my drink, trying to hide my smile. “I was just thinking maybe we shouldn’t be found in here.” She took two steps and flicked off the light, plunging the room into darkness.
I let out a surprised squeak. For a moment, I was blind, but my eyes adjusted to the semi-darkness enough to see her working her way back to me. Big windows lined the wall behind my chair, but they overlooked the woods so the only light that worked its way in was from the moon. For half a second, I thought Hannah was going to sit in the chair with me, but she passed me to look out the window.
“So, are these kids pretty cool?”
I stood up and went to join her at the window. Together we watched a mass of kids on the lawn that sloped down from the house. Hannah leaned forward and blew a hot puff of air on the window, fogging it so she could draw a smiley face with her finger.
“They think they are.” I was surprised at the honesty of my answer.
Hannah smirked. “Tommy’s pretty much a giant tool, isn’t he?”
I let out a sigh of relief. “Thank God you noticed. Everyone else thinks he’s perfect.”
“He’s smarmy.”
“Right?” I grinned. Hannah grinned back, her eyes lit by the moonlight. I shook my head, looking away before I wanted to. “Anyway, most of them are okay.”
Hannah sank down to sit on the wide windowsill. “Well, you seem pretty cool.”
I laughed. “You don’t even know me.”
“I will after tonight.” Hannah’s eyes dared me to argue. I swallowed hard and hesitated a moment before sitting beside her. I sat closer than I needed to. She turned toward me, the side of her knee pressing to mine. “Tell me a secret.” She lifted her cup to her mouth, raising her eyebrows at me as she drank.
“What?” I laughed nervously, all too aware of the feel of her jean-clad knee against my bare knee. “What kind of secret?” I took a long chug of the lemonade for bravery.
“Something you’ve never told anyone.”
I thought a moment before answering. “I hate monkeys.”
“No way.” Hannah laughed. “No one hates monkeys.”
I grinned, shrugging. “They weird me out. They’re kind of human but mostly not.”
“Okay, officially strange.” Hannah took another sip of her drink, wiping her mouth. “I used to pretend I was one of Will and Jada Smith’s kids.”
“Really?” I couldn’t hide my grin.
“Oh yeah, I would talk to them like imaginary friends.”
“My imaginary friend was named Friendbert.” I barely remembered it until the words were out of my mouth.
“I hid my vegetables under my potatoes to get out of eating them.”
“I threw away all the frozen vegetables one day.” I laughed, getting into the rhythm of sharing secrets with her.
“I don’t like chocolate.”
“And you said I was weird for hating monkeys!”
“It doesn’t do it for me.” Hannah grinned. “Your turn.”
“Um, I used to hide my dad’s car keys so he wouldn’t be able to go anywhere and we could stay home all day. It pretty much never worked.”
“I was kicked out of kindergarten for refusing to nap.” Hannah laughed, leaning her shoulder into mine.
“I stole the hamster from my first grade classroom.” I grinned at the memory, taking a sip of lemonade. It was going right to my head.
“I was hamster kryptonite as I child. They didn’t last more than a month in my house for some reason.” Hannah shook her head and finished her drink. She frowned and looked at the empty cup. “All gone.”
“We can go get more.” I could use it.
“Or you could give me some of yours.” She raised an eyebrow.
“No way.” I grinned, standing and holding the cup up out of reach.
“Going to make me chase you?” She stood.
I backed away from the window as she advanced. My butt hit the wide desk and I let out a yelp of surprise before giggling. I really didn’t need any more to drink, I already wasn’t thinking clearly.
“No where to go now.” Hannah was close enough that only a few inches separated us.
She reached for my cup and I lifted it higher out of reach, enjoying the game. She grinned wickedly at me and closed the space between us, her body pressing against me as she pulled the cup from my loose hand and took a victorious sip without stepping back, her eyes on mine the whole time. She lowered the cup and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, setting the cup on the desk and pressing herself closer to me in the process.
“I wanted to kiss you the moment I saw you,” she whispered. Her eyes searched mine for a reaction almost before I had a chance to process what she said. When I didn’t pull away from her, a half-smile formed on her lips and she leaned in.
Her lips met mine and my hands went to her waist automatically. I pulled her closer, as if that was possible. Her lips parted and our tongues touched briefly, teasing, doubling the taste of lemonade. One minute, I was focused on how crazy she was making me feel, the next I wondered if anyone outside could see us. Her hand came up to rest lightly on my neck and I forgot about everything else.
Chapter Six
What felt like a millennium later, I was pulled from my memories by the sound of the bell. I slipped out of class, avoiding Mr. Bradson and joining the throng o
f students exploding into the hallway. Out of habit, I pulled my phone from my bag as I headed for lunch. Silently, I prayed that there would be a call or text from Hannah. No such luck. With a sigh, I slipped the phone back in my bag and hurried to catch up with Nick.
“She call?” Nick glanced at me as he moved with the herd toward the cafeteria.
I shook my head. The mutter of the hallway seemed to grow around us. With so many people all talking at once I got a little claustrophobic. Life just kept moving forward and I wanted to scream for it to stop, for everyone to look for Hannah.
“Sorry.” Nick winced. “I’m sure she’s fine. Probably off somewhere blowing off steam.”
“I hope so.” I really did. Even though it might mean we were over at least I would know she was okay.
“‘Sup, streak?” Tommy slapped the back of Nick’s head, knocking off his baseball cap. Nick didn’t even flinch as he bent to scoop up his hat, teeth clenched tightly.
I wondered how Tommy or any of the others could still find that name so funny. If one of them had streaked that night they would have been legends. If only Nick hadn’t been crying. Or maybe if he’d managed to laugh the first few times people teased him about it. Instead, he’d gotten angrier and angrier. Behind us, Tommy’s friends laughed and high fived him as if he’d just come up with the world’s best insult.
What made it worse was that they were all guys I’d been friends with up until mid-summer. Seeing them now, I felt like I’d wasted my high school years. Those guys were just like Madison and Genny, too caught up with themselves to ever be a real friend to anyone else. I’d stood alongside them every day, laughing at their jokes. I never thought they would turn on me.
“Aww man, Alissa’s gay must be rubbing off on Nick, look at him all bent over and ready to take in the ass!” The guys busted into a new round of laughter. I gripped Nick’s arm, pulling him toward lunch.
We sat at a long table in the cafeteria with a half-dozen other kids Nick was friendly with. Most of them only put up with me. I didn’t blame them. Unlike my old friends, none of them cared if I was a lesbian, they just remembered what a jerk I’d been when I was friends with Madison and Genny.
“Did you do the history homework?” Nick asked over the ringing noise of the room.
I nodded, thankful once again that he’d made the effort to renew our friendship. “Yeah, not sure if any of it is right though.”
“Old batty Barber doesn’t even read it anyway,” Nick said. Most of the table laughed at that.
I managed a small smile and slipped my phone out to check it again. Still nothing. I ran my fingers over the edge of my phone, wondering if I should send her yet another text.
“She’s fine,” Nick assured me, knowing exactly what I was thinking. “Like I said, she probably headed back to Chicago. She probably had a fight with her parents.”
“Yeah,” I said absently as I typed a short text.
Sorry. Call me.
I’d been too embarrassed to admit to Nick that I’d fought with Hannah the last time I saw her. If she was in Chicago, it was probably my fault. I set my phone down and thought back to the fight, wondering if it would tell me where she had gone. I’d honestly believed we would talk the next day and everything would be fine. Around me, the noise in the cafeteria droned on.
Our fight had been so stupid. Of course she didn’t like knowing how I’d hurt Lana. I didn’t like knowing it. But instead of talking about it honestly I’d made a dozen excuses and tried to turn it back around on her. I needed to talk to her, apologize and make things right.
“Earth to Alissa.”
I blinked as Nick snapped his fingers in front of my face. He was standing beside the table, peering at me with concern.
“Huh?” I glanced around the cafeteria. Only a few other kids remained, gathering up their trays.
“Everyone else just headed out. I was halfway to the door before I realized you weren’t behind me. What were you thinking about? You looked a million miles away.”
“Nothing.” I muttered, gathering up my tray with my half-eaten lunch. “Just zoning out.”
“That was a pretty deep zone.” We headed for the door. I dumped my trash and we left the cafeteria. “Are you sleeping okay? Want me to steal a couple of my mom’s sleeping pills?” He grinned and elbowed me.
I frowned and shook my head. “I’ll be fine once I talk to Hannah.”
“That again?” Nick rolled his eyes. “Seriously, she’s just blowing off steam. Probably out partying in Chicago.”
“That really doesn’t make me feel better.” I eyed him. “If she is doing that and isn’t getting ahold of me, then we’re probably over.” Just saying the words made my heart ache.
“Would that really be so bad?” Nick asked.
I stopped, shocked he even had to ask. “Yes, it would be horrible.” I shook my head and started walking again. “Hannah is the best thing that ever happened to me.”
“If you say so.” Nick shook his head and I knew he didn’t believe me. “I need to get to class. See you in History?”
“Yeah.”
We parted ways at the corner and I hurried to my locker before gym class. We were swimming this month and I needed to grab my suit and towel. I froze when I pulled open the door. A thin, blue hoodie hung on the hook inside. Haltingly, I reached in and pulled it out. Our school name was written across the front. I recognized it immediately. Hannah had been wearing it the last time I saw her. I pressed it to my nose and inhaled, taking in the subtle smell of her, like citrus and spring.
Hannah had been here. I glanced up and down the hall, thinking I might see her peering out from the doorway of a classroom with a smile on her face. She’d apologize for avoiding my texts and tell me she’d just needed time to think. Things would go back to normal.
She wasn’t in the hall. I hesitated and then folded up the hoodie. Something crinkled in the pocket. I frowned and pulled out a small slip of paper. The words typed on it started a cold feeling growing in the pit of my stomach.
You took me to a dead girl’s place?
Chapter Seven
Six Months Ago
“Hey.” Fingers dug into my sides, tickling and sending me squealing around. Hannah stood smiling behind me. She wore short jean shorts and a white button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled to her elbows. Her dark curls hung just past her shoulders. The sight of her sent my heart thundering in my chest.
“Hey.” I smiled, breathless and unsure what else to say. “You scared me.”
“Sorry. It was beginning to feel like you might be avoiding me so I thought I would get the drop on you.”
I turned to walk away, flushed with embarrassment as I thought about kissing her in Zeke’s parents’ library. “Yeah, sorry about that. I’ve been really busy today.”
Fingers hooked in her backpack straps, Hannah followed me. We walked silently through the crush of students eager to leave for the day. I glanced sideways at her, taking in her long bare legs and the soft curve of her jaw. I wanted to kiss her again.
She caught me looking and grinned. I turned away, even more embarrassed. I hadn’t expected her to ever talk to me again. I’d woken up at Madison’s with a raging headache and a blurry memory of lying on the rug in the library, my legs twined with Hannah’s, her warm body pressed against mine, and our tongues dueling. I barely remembered stumbling home with Madison and Genny. I walked downstairs expecting them to know all about it. Amazingly, they didn’t.
I’d spent all Sunday trying to figure out what to do. I was undeniably attracted to Hannah, but the last time I’d let things get out of hand with a girl it had ended badly. Finally, I’d convinced myself that Hannah wasn’t going to want everyone thinking she was a lesbian the moment she started school and she’d ignore me and it would all go away. Clearly, I was wrong.
“You want a ride home?” Hannah asked as we pushed out into the parking lot. Late April sunshine warmed me through my thin sleeves and the sudden giddy happines
s of spring filled me.
“That would be great.” I’d put off buying a car for another summer since I couldn’t afford anything more than a junker. I figured her car was the only place we could really talk about what happened. I certainly didn’t want her bringing it up in school.
Hannah led the way to a blue Mini Cooper, smiling at me across the roof as she unlocked the door. I couldn’t help but smile back; her grin was infectious. She tossed her bag into the back and I did the same before climbing in.
“Where to?” Hannah started the car and then looked at me for directions.
In a sudden burst of spontaneity, I knew where we should go. “Wanna see something cool?” I asked.
*
I led Hannah down the path into the gully, hoping it would be as empty as it always had been when Lana brought me down. Sunlight speckled the path, fighting its way through the new leaves. Luckily, the spring hadn’t been very wet so the path wasn’t muddy.
“So how did you find this place?” She almost slipped and I caught her hand. Her body pressed to mine a moment as she caught her balance. She smiled. “Thanks.”
Blushing, I stepped back. “No problem. A friend showed me how to get here.” The thought of Lana sent a pang of guilt shooting through me. I probably should have taken Hannah somewhere else.
“This is so cool,” Hannah said as we reached the creek bed. “There’s nothing like this in Chicago.”
“Yeah, but I bet you have a ton of cooler things to do.” I picked up a stone and failed to skip it across the creek.
“I guess.” Hannah shrugged and settled down on the stones. I hesitated a moment before sitting beside her. She hugged her knees, looking out over the creek. “So are we going to talk about Saturday night?”
I squinted in the sunlight, looking across the creek as well. “Yeah, I guess.” I pulled my hair forward, focusing on looking for split ends instead of looking at her.
“Was that your first time kissing a girl?”
18 Months Page 3