by Stacey Nash
Then Nik and Xane disappear.
Chapter Fifteen
Mae
That can’t have been Nik out in public in my city, the same place as my friends. At the Parkside Diner when it’s not even a Collective attack. It all seems way too coincidental. Is nowhere safe anymore? Don’t answer that, Mae. He needs to be stopped before he hurts one of my friends. Another friend . . .
“Let me go.” I push against Will’s chest, but his arms only grow tighter. “He’s got Xane, let me go.”
“It’s too late, they’re gone,” Lilly says.
I shove again. How did Nik even know we’d be here? He said, I knew you’d be in on this too. So, he definitely knew Xane was helping us and that’s bad. All the anger and fight rushes out of me, replaced with sudden exhaustion. I choke out a single sob, resting my weight against Will. This is my fault. Xane’s about to land in a bucketload of trouble and we can’t help. His dad had better know he was here in the diner. Someone needs to notice Xane’s missing, because if this is all Manvyke . . .
“Ah, guys . . .” Lilly says.
A voice, firm and filled with authority, says, “Unless you want to explain your behavior to the police, I suggest you leave my diner right now.”
I pull away from Will and the waitress from earlier glares at us with her arms crossed over her chest and her mouth stretched tight.
“We’re sorry.” Will reaches into his pocket and pulls a fifty out of his wallet, slaps it down on the table then grabs my hand. He leads me out of the diner and into the street.
Nik was there, right in front of me. That insane gleam in his eyes and I wanted to kill him. For all the times he lied, called me Princess, threatened my life. Anger pulses through me, together with something else. Something that makes my insides turn to liquid, sloshing them around like they need to get out. That could have been me he grabbed. I could be his prisoner again right now. Or even worse, Lilly. He’s such a misogynistic pig.
Instead it was Xane.
Blinking to try and force Nik out of mind, I catch my reflection in the glass opposite me, lights zooming past the darkened window. The subway? Already? I don’t remember walking through the street or down to the station. I’m slumped against Will as if my back can’t hold me straight or upright. I drag my head up, off his shoulder and lean back against the seat to at least give the appearance of strength.
I’ve never actually wanted to kill someone before. It was like a craving spreading through every fiber of my body—a need. It’s not a good thing to feel that way about anybody. Heck, it makes me just as bad as him, or his father: a killer, a psychopath, a would-be murderer. I don’t want to be that person.
Jammed between Will and Lilly, their warmth on either side of me, provides some comfort, not that I let it show. Thankfully, they can’t read my thoughts though or I’d be here alone. Nobody wants to be friends with a would-be-murderer.
I didn’t think seeing Nik again would affect me, but I was wrong. This whole night has felt off, and everything that could go amiss, has. I should’ve heeded the warning fate was trying to send, but I didn’t, and now Nik’s sure to hurt Xane and that makes me feel like puking. My head spins and, Xane, oh my gosh, what will Nik do to him?
Will pulls me against his side.
“This is us,” Lilly says.
The train squeals to a stop and we file out. I step onto the platform, and warmth brushes against my palm as Will takes my hand again, lacing his fingers through mine. “You all right?” he asks.
We continue walking, climbing the stairs up to the street.
I take a deep breath. “Nik will kill Xane.”
“I know,” Will says, “but Xane seems like the sort of guy who can look after himself.”
“Nik broke his arm. How’s Xane going to get away from him like that?”
“It sounded more like he dislocated the shoulder.”
“Like the difference matters. He’s not going to be able to get away with only one working arm.”
A tug on my hand indicates Will has stopped. He looks up at me from the step below. “This is not your fault. I know he’s your friend and you care deeply about anyone, heck, everyone who’s in trouble. You care what happens to every single person who ever crosses your path. But this one . . . you have to let it go, Mae. You can’t help him and it sucks. Right now we need to concentrate on your mom, and the information we have. Xane has people who care about him. I promise you that they’ll look out for him and he’ll get away from that scum.”
“Cynnie . . . she’s his partner. Maybe I can get word to her somehow.”
“Will’s right, you have to let this one go.” Lilly peers down from the top of the stairs that lead onto the street. “There’s no way to get word to someone on the inside of the Collective. Besides, that whole thing could have been a set up.”
I loosen my grip on Will’s hand, but he tightens his and takes the next step. Together we resume climbing. At the top, I say to Lilly, “It was for real. Xane wouldn’t do that—wouldn’t let Nik practically break his arm. He was just as surprised as us.”
Will sighs. “I know it doesn’t matter what I say, because you’re going to beat yourself up over this, but Mae, it is not your fault. Xane knew the risks and I’m sure he’s got himself covered.”
For Xane’s sake, I hope Will’s right. He squeezes my hand for support, and I pull mine away. He doesn’t need to think I’m weak and can’t handle this. As we turn into the next street Beau’s truck is back, sitting right where it should be as if it never left. Lilly doesn’t miss a beat, just keeps walking like she doesn’t notice. I trade glances with Will who raises an eyebrow. Yeah, I’d also like to know is who took the truck at midnight and where. Beau and Charlie were inside, Martha would have been asleep . . . so that doesn’t leave any of the people I’d expect to be driving it. It could have been anyone, really, but that it was in the middle of the night, is odd.
We continue along, following Lilly into the dingy back alley.
All those months while I was with the Collective I didn’t know who I was Nik manipulated every thought and memory I had. He told me I was one of them, pretended to be my friend. When I started challenging him, the mind games began. He’s certainly capable of hurting Xane.
“Mae,” Will’s voice breaks through my thoughts. “Are you with me?”
Blinking away the memories, I say, “Yeah. I’m sorry, I was just . . .”
A shiver ripples through me, centering itself in my lower back. I hadn’t felt the cold before, but now that we’ve slowed, I’m suddenly freezing. Goosebumps cover my arms and Lilly’s no longer here. She must have gone on ahead, through the fire escape without us. Will watches me like he’s waiting, with that expression he always has when he knows something’s eating me up inside. So much for the guise of strength.
He climbs the steps, tugging me along behind. A swift kick knocks the brick out from holding open the door and I let my hand slip out of his, then push through the door and inside. Light shines in the deserted corridor and this is it; past time I told him about Nik. We usually talk about everything, but I’ve kept this from Will because I just haven’t wanted to talk about it. Plus I’ve had Jax to talk to. He was there; he knew almost everything that happened without me having to relive it through words. Only now he’s not and I should have told Will about this ages ago.
The end of the corridor looms ahead already. I’ve got to stop daydreaming and keep my head in the here and now. Just before we reach the staircase leading up, I turn around to face him. “I don’t feel like sleeping yet. Want to hang for a bit and . . . you know . . . chat?”
“Of course.”
No light shines out of the rec room up ahead—the one with the pool table—which means it should be empty. It seems like a nice quiet place, somewhere we can talk without being overheard. Not that anyone would be awake at almost three in the morning, but with the twenty-hour shift rotation it’s impossible to know.
I don’t bother turning
the light on, just head to the spot where the couch lives. It’s easy to find in the muted glow from the streetlight that is falling through the window, making the room somewhere between fully dark and slightly light. The springs give with a squeak when I drop on the couch. Will slumps onto it beside me, his back in the corner and his long legs stretched out in front of him so he’s half-sprawled diagonally across the couch and taking up far more than his share of space. I pull my legs underneath me, settling back in the other corner, still as still, while the night seeps into me. Something about the dark makes it a safe place to open up and spill one’s heart and soul.
“I woke up in a place like a hospital. I didn’t know how I got there.” My fingers slip around my pendant, finding comfort in the smooth metal. “I didn’t even know my own name . . . then Nik came along. He told me that I was a promising trainee from another base; that I’d been transferred for elite training, and I’d been hurt in that training. Hence the ‘amnesia’. After that he took me home to his house.”
I close my eyes and lean my head back, letting the pendant fall against the hollow in my throat. The memories sure aren’t pleasant—feelings are confused and I’m scared—but letting them out, somehow feels good.
Will growls. “You lived in their house?”
“Manvyke said I was a guest, but I was more like a prisoner. At first, the only time I left my room was when Nik escorted me somewhere. He was nice, courteous, I guess, but that was only until I started remembering. Well, not actually remembering, more like feeling off—this nagging that something wasn’t quite right.”
I let my mind take me back, but it’s impossible to pin down when that feeling of things being off first started. That time we climbed through the barrier, for sure, but was it before that? Maybe. Those days were possibly one of the worst moments of my life and I sure as heck don’t want to relive them, but I’ve committed now so I need to tell him the full story.
“I guess the first time I saw Jax is when it started—except he was going by his real name, Joshua. They’d done the same thing to him. Anyway . . . once I questioned Nik’s explanations, he started with the mind games. I swear he knew that I knew and he was goading me into admitting I could remember. He played with me, constantly testing, and it was absolutely awful, Will.” I drop my head back against the couch, laying my cheek against the dark corduroy. “Nik was an absolute ass, and it scared me. If I never see him again it will be too soon, but Xane . . .”
Will doesn’t speak, but he’s still awake and listening. I can tell by the dim light reflected off his eyes. Finally, when I don’t speak for a while, he makes a small noise, like an acknowledgement of what I’ve said.
I let out a long sigh. “And then I saw you . . .”
Now he perks up. “At Prometheus Pioneering.”
“Yeah.” I can’t look at him anymore with the memory of that night, and his kiss, making my ears burn. It’s been hanging between us ever since, the unspoken question lingering. I turn around on the couch, drop my hands to my lap and twist them together. “What you did . . .”
Silence stretches between us and I feel the lounge move with his fidgeting.
My next words come out a whisper, “It was almost like you reset me. And what you said . . .” You’re not one of them, Mae. You’re a good person . . . I pull my legs up again, propping my feet on the edge of the couch and my chin rests on my knees, my arms wrap around them. Once again, I’m grateful for the cover of darkness that hides the emotion from my face. Pity I can’t hide it from my voice as well. I’m going to cry if I’m not careful. He knew just what to say, what to do to bring me back. What does that mean? That I feel the same?
He said he loves me.
His arm falls over my shoulders and his hand rests against my bicep.
“After that things got really bad with Nik. I was scared, Will, I thought he was going to . . .” I gulp, remembering the sexual innuendo, the threatened violence, the actual violence. He damn well could have raped me, god knows I thought he was going to. “I can’t . . . I can’t—”
“Shh,” Will says, pulling me into him. I turn, throwing my arms around his neck and cling to him like I’m lost again. In some ways I feel like I’ve still been lost all this time.
“Shh. You don’t have to, Mae. You don’t have to.” He presses a kiss to my forehead. “You’re here now. Home with me.”
I pull back so I can look at him. “Yeah, I’m home, thanks to you.”
The dull light we’re sitting in barely shows up the bookcase across the room, but I still notice the blue of his eyes darken. Maybe because I know them so well, I can see it from memory. I know the way they squint at the corners when he smiles, the vibrant blue when he’s happy, the dull washed-out blue when he’s sad. Right now, it’s his clear, steady gaze; it’s Will being the rock he’s always been for me.
His hands fall from my shoulders to my waist. His stare drops with them, from my eyes to my mouth and the desperation in his voice at the science lab screams in my memory;
I love you, Mae.
I love him too, but is it the same?
Somehow the distance between us closes. Will’s lips touch mine and my stomach takes up a tickle-like flutter. On an inhalation, my eyes close. His lips rest soft against mine, gentle, as he’s always been with me, all the times he comforted me when we were younger. All the times he protected me from nasty kids at school, from my own sorrow at losing my mother. At first neither of us moves at all, we’re like statues breathing against each other, joined at the mouth. But then his lips move against mine and he kisses me like we have all the time in the world. Like the sun isn’t going to rise, and the room won’t fill with people. Like we’ll be suspended in this moment, in this dark room, forever. Which might not be a bad thing. Will’s a good guy, he knows me inside and out in ways no one else ever can. The beat of his heart keeps a steady rhythm beneath my palm. The pressure of his kiss increases and I’m not sure if it’s me or him, but both our lips part in a natural progression. His strong arms wrap around my back and pull me up onto his lap as he deepens our kiss, brushing his tongue against mine.
My heart beats in time with our movements; slow, gentle, rhythmic.
This is a completely different feeling from when Jax kisses me.
I pull back just a fraction. “Will . . .”
“Shh,” he says for the third time in a row, then, “I know.”
Chapter Sixteen
Jax
Something inside me feels like it’s broken and needs fixing. But then I’ve always been a little broken and I’m not sure how to fix it. Makes me all kinds of jittery.
Like Johnny.
Cynnie’s been here a few days now and the reaction to her hasn’t improved, so it’s probably just that. And the fact I can’t sneak away to follow Nik, because something might happen to her when I’m not here. There hasn’t been another direct threat, but they all watch her like she might zap out an unknown type of tech and destroy the entire base in one shot. It’s not like Cynnie’s not strong enough to take care of herself, because she certainly has the knowhow, but she’s not used to this world or this lifestyle. And she sure as hell doesn’t know who to trust. Besides, I feel almost responsible for her. Yup, that’s it.
But damn, I should be out there chasing Nik down, securing the keys.
I drop my head and link my fingers behind my neck. It’s such a waste of time sitting by this scanner, waiting for nothing to happen, when I could be out there deciphering Nik’s plan, beating him to the keys and keeping him away from Mae.
“What’s wrong?” Cynnie asks.
I snatch my blade off the cement floor and lay my ankle across my knee, then pick the stones out of my boots with the blade’s tip. “Nothing.”
“Yes, there is. You just don’t want to talk about it. I can tell.”
This chick is as bad as Lilly. I lift my eyes to meet hers, deliberately narrowing them. “It’s Spinner.” I tip my head toward him. “Can’t stand the clatter every
time he drops that damn knife.”
“What? He never drops—”
As if on cue, Spinner lets the knife fall from his fingers. I can’t stop the tug at the corner of my mouth. That’ll shut her up, hopefully.
I still haven’t managed to find a few minutes alone to ask her why she’s here and find out what’s going on inside. Finding a little privacy is impossible. As we settle into silence, I watch her from the corner of my eye. The swelling on her face isn’t as bad as it was, but the bruising around her eye and on her cheek is now in full bloom; a deep blue with yellow edges. My brother’s a monster.
The last half hour drags and it’s near impossible to stay still. It’s like something got under my skin and made me all fidgety. Harris is on a break from active duty until his arm’s healed, so when he strolls over smiling, I jump to my feet, eager to get away from another pointless shift. I shake my head as I take in today’s shirt; the stick figure on the right holding a straight line and the one on the left missing the parallel line down its center. The words ‘I got your back’ printed underneath.
“You guys hungry?” he asks. “I thought we might get out for a bit.”
“Mm, I don’t think—”
“Yes,” Cynnie says, “that would be awesome.”
Great. The last thing I feel like doing is tramping into town and not talking, again, because we have company. She and I need to be alone. She rolls back on her heels, an eager smile spread across her face. “Come on, Jax. You need this.”
How the hell does she know what I need? What I need is to ditch this stupid farce so I can continue on with why I came here. I raise an eyebrow at her. “Maybe I’m not the one who needs this.”