by Lisa Hobman
But more specifically in Scourie.
Once the water turned cold, she stepped out of the bath and into the shower cubicle to wash her hair. But all the while images of Bess and Lachy whirred around her mind and the hope that he would be the one that arrived at eight took up roots in her heart. Please let it be him…
She remembered the business card Lachy had given her. Maybe she should just bite the bullet and call him? Or at the least send him a text. That way, depending on his response, she would be put out of her misery… or maybe not, but at least she’d know. She rifled through her backpack but there was no sign of the card. Realising she had put it in her pocket with the gift he had given her, she looked there but it was gone. Shit. It must have fallen out when she took the gift out to open it. With no way to contact him, she resigned herself to the fact she would just have to wait and see if he showed up.
Thankfully the hairdryer in the room was better than the one she owned at home so once she had finished drying her hair and getting dressed, she looked almost like herself once more. She brushed lip gloss over her lips and checked the clock on her phone. It was almost time. She grabbed her wallet and key card, slipped into her new ballet pumps and left the room.
The dining room was as luxurious as the rest of the place only this time the decoration was burgundy and gold. The setting, with its subdued lighting and candles, was very romantic – striking Noah out of the equation completely. He would have booked her a youth hostel and taken her to a vegan restaurant probably. This place just wasn’t his style.
The maître d’ showed her to a table for two but no one else was there yet. Other couples were seated enjoying the atmosphere, holding hands across the linen tablecloths as piano music floated through the air from hidden speakers. A waiter smiled as he carried an ice bucket towards her complete with a bottle of what looked like champagne. She presumed he would bypass her and deliver it to one of the other sickeningly happy couples, but instead he placed the bucket on its stand right by her table.
‘Oh, I think you must have the wrong—’
‘It’s okay, madam. This was pre-ordered and paid for.’ She thanked him and he walked away.
She sat twisting her fingers in her lap and trying to discreetly look at the clock situated on the wall above a loved-up couple. But the woman seemed to think she was trying to flirt with her man and kept scowling at her, so she stopped. He was late. Whoever he was. Maybe Lachy had second thoughts? Maybe it’s not Lachy? Maybe it’s a bloody prank by Marco and Shelley? Oh, God, that would be awful – surely they wouldn’t do that? Maybe it is Noah after all. He isn’t known for his timekeeping. If her so-called guest didn’t arrive in the next five minutes—
She was planning her exit strategy when a large hand rested on her shoulder and squeezed as someone bent to kiss her neck.
‘God, I’ve missed you, Zara, so, so much,’ he whispered and her stomach leapt.
‘Josh? What the hell are you doing here?’
27
Josh took the seat opposite her and smoothed down his tie. He looked handsome in a suit, but she had no clue what to say to him or why he had done this after their last phone conversation.
He glanced round and lowered his voice. ‘Look, I know this is all a bit…’
‘Weird? Stalkery? You pick an adjective,’ she hissed. ‘Why the hell didn’t you let me know this was all your doing? Instead of all the ridiculous cloak and dagger stuff.’
He held out his hands and shrugged. ‘But who else could it have been, Zara? Unless you’ve met someone else in the last… what… week?’
Uncomfortable at his words and unwilling to address them, she simply replied, ‘You didn’t answer my question.’
He sighed and pleaded with her with his eyes. ‘Because I knew you wouldn’t come, Zara. Not after we spoke on the phone.’
‘Well, if that was the case, why go to all this trouble?’
He reached across the table and tried to take her hand, but she angrily snatched it away and he balked at her reaction. ‘Like I said on the phone, I’m not ready to let you go.’
Exasperated, she huffed air through puffed cheeks. ‘But you did let me go, Josh. You slept with your ex. I caught you kissing her, for goodness’ sake. So what’s changed?’ It was a rhetorical question, seeing as she knew nothing had.
‘I just want you in my life. I can’t stop thinking about you. About us and what we had together.’
This was not how she’d expected her night to go. She inwardly rolled her eyes at herself for even hoping that it might be Lachy that arrived. Disappointment tugged at her insides, knotting around the poor excited butterflies that had danced there only minutes before. ‘Josh, I loved you. I did. But you made your choice and I’ve had to deal with the aftermath of that. And now I’m trying to move on. You just have to let me. And, anyway, what about Caleb? And what about Katie? What the hell would she think if she knew you were here? I’m presuming she has no clue.’ Her voice was a little louder and a little wobblier than she intended.
Josh glanced round the room again with a fake smile plastered on his face. ‘Look, let’s go up to the room and talk properly, eh? We can order room service. Take the champers with us.’
She was happy to leave the dining room now that people were staring. But she wasn’t sure that she wanted to be in a bedroom with Josh. But the alternative was the bar and more observers.
She stood and glared down at him. ‘Well, I’m not sleeping with you, in case that’s what you were planning,’ she spat before turning and stomping away.
Once inside the suite she slumped onto the sofa and Josh followed her in, carrying the champagne and two glasses.
‘Here, this’ll help.’ He smiled as he handed her a glass that was half liquid, half bubbles.
She took it but didn’t drink any; instead she placed it on the floor. ‘Josh, why are you here? Just tell me the truth. Is it for sex?’
His brow crumpled. ‘No, Zara. I’m not that kind of man. I thought you knew me better. I wanted to spoil you. I felt that you deserved this after what you’d been through. The accident and everything. Slumming it in some grotty farmhouse while you got over a concussion. And don’t worry, I’ll send a thank you in some form to the bloke who rescued my girl.’ He grinned as he took a sip of his drink.
‘How do you know about all that?’ And why the hell are you still calling me your girl when you cheated on me? And how dare you presume that Lachy’s house was a slum? In spite of her anger, none of the internal conversation manifested in reality.
He swallowed, placed his drink on the little side table beside the sofa and sat. ‘Your flatmate, Marcus? I called at your place and asked after you. I thought you’d be home but—’
‘You know very well his name is Marco. And why the hell were you at my flat?’
He rolled his eyes, but the smile remained in place. ‘Like I said, I wasn’t ready to let you go. Zara, we had something special. I loved what we had and I don’t want to lose that,’ he whispered as he leaned closer and she caught the scent of that delicious aftershave he wore. He moved towards her until his lips were almost touching hers…
She pulled back. ‘Whoa! Hang on a damned minute, Josh. I asked you about Katie and Caleb. I want the truth.’
He sighed and rubbed his hands over his face. ‘Caleb is awesome. He’s such a bright kid. I can’t wait to get to know him even better.’ He lowered his chin and brushed an imaginary thread off his trousers. ‘Me and Katie… that was just a silly mistake. I think I got caught up in the past for a while. But… I realised the past is the past for a reason. I realised on that day that you witnessed… well, me being a total prick, that it’s you. You’re the one I want, Zara. You’re the one I care about.’ He reached out and took her hand and sincerity shone from his eyes. ‘It’s you that I love.’
She gasped. He’d said it. He’d said the words she’d been desperate to hear for the longest time. Tears of confusion prickled at her eyes. What the hell did she do now? Pe
ople make mistakes, she told herself. She’d made a huge one herself with Lachy – although it hadn’t felt that way at the time. But Lachy hadn’t done all the things that Josh had done to welcome her back from her journey. He hadn’t been the one to surprise her with a lavish hotel. And he hadn’t been the one to tell her he loved her.
‘Zara, please.’ Josh squeezed her hand, bringing her back to the present. ‘Please say you’ll at least think about us. I can’t imagine not having you in my life. You have to admit that, before my idiotic regression to seventeen, we were so good together.’
She shook her head. ‘But, Josh—’
‘Don’t say no. Not now. Look, I’ll leave. I’ll give you space. I know that’s what you need. And I’ll do anything I can to make things right.’ He stood from the sofa. ‘Enjoy being here. Relax. I’ll go and find somewhere else to stay but please say you’ll think about what I’ve said, okay? Because I meant every word. I love you.’
She gazed up at him as he spoke. She wanted to believe his words. She wanted to trust him, but he would have to earn that trust again, if she decided to give him another chance. And it was still a big if.
‘So will you think about it, Zara?’ he asked again. His eyes were clouded with worry, sadness and regret.
She closed her eyes and thought back to some of the fun times they had shared. The laughs, the silly little fights followed by incredible make-up sex. But then the image of him kissing Katie appeared to assault her frontal lobe and she snapped her eyes open.
‘I know I’ll have to earn your trust again. And we can take things slow. I just… I can’t lose you.’ His voice cracked and his lip trembled. She’d never seen him like this and it knotted her insides.
She nodded as she wiped away the stray tears that had sneakily escaped her eyes. ‘Look, Josh, I’ll think about it. But know that I’m making no promises. You hurt me so much and it will take me a long time to recover from that. But I did love you. So, yes, I’ll think about things and I’ll see you back in London.’
A huge handsome grin spread across his face and he bent to place a chaste kiss on her lips. ‘Thank you. Thank you so much. Now enjoy your last night in the country that you hate and then come home where you belong.’
He turned and left her sitting there wondering if she’d completely lost her mind.
*
Twenty minutes later she had drunk half the bottle of champagne and was sitting alone on the luxurious bed explaining to a panicked Noah why she had thanked him for a hotel room he hadn’t booked. After that she had the same conversation with Shelley and Marco on speakerphone, seeing as Noah had contacted them amid worries Zara had been kidnapped by some pervy millionaire to be used as a sex slave. And she thought she had a vivid imagination.
Once she had finished her calls and everyone was calm again, she began to look through the photos she’d taken during her trip. She’d caught some sneaky, candid ones of Lachy and Bess and seeing them made her heart twinge with sadness all over again. She closed the album on her phone and flicked to the contacts list. Had she by some miracle saved Lachlan’s number there without remembering? Or had he maybe input it for her? She scrolled but there was nothing. She frantically searched her possessions again but there was definitely no sign of his card.
She wondered if hearing his voice again might help in the huge decision she had to make about her future with Josh. But it was a moot point. She could scramble around the Internet, searching for him there. But what was the point? That one night had been amazing. Why not just keep it as a fond memory? File it away under the heading ‘lovely things to think about when I’m low’ and just move on.
She clicked back on the photos and looked at the one of Lachy crouching down on the beach with Bess that she had taken when he hadn’t realised. His smile lit up his already handsome face. His hair was all tousled with the breeze coming in off the water. Behind him the distant hills arched towards a vivid blue sky. It was a picture of something close to perfection. She felt a pang she could only assimilate with homesickness, yet it wasn’t for London. Realising she was being utterly ridiculous, she threw the phone down on the bed and flicked on the TV.
Hours later she awoke to see some bizarre film on the screen that she had no interest in, so she switched it off, stripped out of her clothes and climbed under the heavy, sumptuous duvet. But as soon as she drifted off she returned, in her dreams, to the little stone croft with the beautiful black and white dog and her handsome, kind human…
28
After breakfast Zara made her way into town and purchased some comfy clothes to travel home in. Noah was going to have a field day when he got her expenses bill. She changed in the fitting room with the permission of the shop staff and immediately felt better. Linen trousers and a T-shirt were better for travelling in than cycling leggings and a base layer. She also purchased some slip-on trainer shoes that she could easily take off on the train seeing as she was booked into first class and had more room to herself.
The railway station was buzzing with business people and holiday-makers alike as she boarded the train for Euston. She had already messaged her family and best friends over breakfast to let them know she would be home around seven that evening and expected the same group would be there to welcome her.
Home. That special four-letter word. She should be feeling excited and relieved about the journey, so why did she feel so deflated and sad instead? She took her seat in first class and pulled out the novel she had purchased in the station, knowing full well that she probably wouldn’t be able to concentrate. It was going to be a very long day and she figured she might as well try to sleep at some point. Although, knowing how tired she was from all the fresh air, she doubted it would take much effort to drift off.
Various people embarked and disembarked the train during the journey and the scenery changed before her very eyes. Gone were the mountains and lochs and instead were industrial towns, factories and houses. Zara kept on checking her phone. No messages. Well, except for the silly ones she kept receiving from Shelley and Marco. Shelley was dress shopping for the reunion and Marco was joining in. In one of the messages he had offered to be her date for the school event as Shelley was taking Jake. She’d accepted on the proviso that he didn’t wear a dress and upstage her – his legs were far better. And at least if it was awful she and Marco could just escape and go home.
The event was in three days and she hadn’t a clue what she would wear or if she even wanted to go. The previous eleven days had been tough but enlightening in ways she’d simply never expected and the desire to brag about her wonderful life seemed less important. She was definitely changed now. She felt stronger; more empowered. She didn’t need anyone’s approval any more. Not after what she had achieved. But perhaps she’d feel differently when she arrived home back to her real life? She certainly hoped this bizarre heaviness inside her would lift.
Just before seven in the evening her final train pulled into Euston and she gathered her belongings. As she was walking towards the exit her phone pinged. Eagerly she took it out but once again her hopes were dashed.
It was Josh.
Hi Zara. I hope you slept well in your fancy hotel room. There was nothing I wanted more than to climb into that bed with you and show you how much you mean to me and how sorry I am for what I put you through. But I’m trying hard to give you the space I know you need. I hope you’re still thinking about us and remembering the good times. And I hope I can see you when you arrive home. Even if it’s just for a drink and a chat. Remember I love you. J xx
She closed her eyes and remembered how emotional he had been when he had apologised. He wasn’t the type of man to show such strong feelings, so he must have been sincere. She had a lot more thinking to do, but she knew she missed him like crazy even though he’d trampled on her heart and her trust.
Pretty soon all thoughts of Josh and Lachlan were shoved to the back of her mind as she was enveloped in a familiar group hug. Her parents, brothers and best friends
were there just as she’d expected. For some reason being surrounded by so much love brought her emotions bubbling to the surface and she sobbed into whoever was closest.
‘Aww, bless her. Poor darlin’s all tired out, aren’t you, petal?’ her mum said as she kissed the side of her head.
Zara nodded. ‘Yeah, I think that’s it,’ she lied. She knew very well what the problem was. And it wasn’t to do with tiredness. Not really.
Marco grabbed her tight. ‘I’ve missed you and your inability to make decent coffee. Oh, and I have a nice bottle of Pinot Noir breathing at home for us. Shells and Jake are coming too, aren’t you, Shells?’
Shelley was next to grapple her into a bear hug. ‘Don’t listen to him. Your coffee’s not that bad. And, yes, Jake will be there when we get to yours.’ She pulled away and peered into Zara’s eyes. ‘That’s if you’re up for company? I know you’ve been stressed on that awful trip.’
Zara sniffed and smiled. ‘It really hasn’t been awful. And I’m happy to have company, it’s fine. Although I may need to crash early. I’m bushed.’
She glanced up and spotted her dad waiting patiently to hug her. She walked over to him and he pulled her close. ‘How you doing, Princess? Do I need to duff anyone up?’
She frowned. ‘I’m fine, Dad. Why would you think you need to hit someone?’
He tilted her chin up. ‘You’re crying. But it’s not tiredness. I know you. Something or someone has hurt you.’
She shook her head and buried her face in his shoulder. ‘No, it’s nothing like that, Dad. I think I really am just tired and glad to be home.’