“He might have killed Ethan.” She shuddered at the idea. “They’re friends, but Brandon is so protective of me, and he has a bit of a temper. As for Mother, she has so much to do around the farm and with the extra baking. She never would have missed me. She’ll be glad to welcome Ethan to the family. As will Brandon, once we’re wed.”
“Oh, my dear.” Sophia hugged her. “You’re so wrong. You have no idea how much a mother dreams and waits for her daughter’s wedding. I think it might be a way for them to relive their own. With your father gone especially, your mother would love to be there to help you when you’re getting married. And think of Mrs. Dennehy. If you consider that your brother would be hard to face, imagine Mrs. Dennehy feeling her trust had been betrayed. She’s formidable.”
“You might be right.”
“I am. Is losing your family a chance you want to take for a boy you hardly know? It will take some weeks to publish the banns. Have the two of you money to last that long?”
“I love him, Lady Averford. He said when his uncle gets back, he will take us in. He’ll give Ethan a job on one of his ships.”
“On a ship? Ethan will be away a lot of the time and you’ll be on your own. Are you prepared for that?”
Anna stopped pacing and turned to face Sophia. “I hadn’t thought of it. We can deal with it when the time comes.”
“You. You will be the one to deal with it while he’s off working on his uncle’s ship. What then? You could have a child, maybe more than one. What if you don’t even like his uncle’s family? Ethan barely knows the man, from what I understand. It’s possible that he won’t take you in and he won’t give Ethan a job. You’re both supposing an awful lot.”
“But Ethan is so handsome. And he kisses so…” She broke off in a sigh.
“Kissing can be wonderful.” Sophia understood how a girl could be swayed by a kiss.
“He knows how to kiss. And I like him. I do. He’s sweet, and he’s funny, and he’s very protective of me. He wouldn’t let anything bad happen to us.”
“Unfortunately, sometimes things happen whether we want them to or not. Though I’m sure he has every intention of doing his best. And who knows, maybe his father will welcome him back as long as Ethan’s willing to do as he says.”
She grimaced. “Ethan will never do what his father wants. His father wants him to study theology and take a living in the church. We should have gone to Gretna Green. He said we couldn’t get married in London, and I said that I knew. But I’d always wanted to come back to London, and it would give us more time to get to know one another. If we’d gone to Gretna Green, we would be married by now.”
“A good point, to get to know one another,” Sophia said. “I notice that you said you like him. You didn’t mention love. You should know each other as well as you could possibly imagine to get married. What if you find out more about each other and decide that you jumped into things too quickly? Marriage is a commitment that you make for life. It’s not always easy. There’s no harm in a long courtship. Or a slightly longer one.”
She paused a moment to consider. A girl growing up on a farm couldn’t do much better than to marry the son of a duke. In the past, she might have encouraged Anna. Now she knew better. In the end, the girl would have to make up her own mind. Sophia only hoped to provide sound advice and encouragement.
“No. Ethan wants to start our lives together now. He doesn’t like work on the farm and he wants to see the world, and he thinks he can make a lot of money working for his uncle. His uncle has made a successful business all on his own, with no help from his family. It has inspired Ethan to do the same.”
“I imagine it takes hard work and a long time to build a successful business, especially without much help. And taking care of a wife and family requires some sacrifice. What if Ethan comes to resent you? He won’t see much of the world if he has to keep coming back for you.”
Tears glimmered in Anna’s eyes. “It all seemed so clear when he laid out his plans, but now—”
“Isn’t it better that he has a chance to develop his business without encumbrances? Then one day you can find each other again. Once you’re both mature and ready. You know how much work it is to take care of a family and run a household. You’ve been such a big help to your mother on the farm. But I had the impression that it wasn’t the life you wanted, taking care of people. When I hired you, I thought you wanted independence and the chance to learn.”
“I do. The last thing I wanted was to be cooking and cleaning and putting breakfast on the table every morning. I imagined that Ethan would go to work, and I would go to work, and we would come home to enjoy each other’s company every night. But if he’s away on a ship and I’m the one left to work and keep house…”
“You’ll have a hard time finding work in London without experience.”
“I don’t know what to do.” Anna sighed. “Ethan loves me. I know he does. I see it in his eyes, and I feel it. He says it has to be now, but…I wanted to wait. I’ve been trying to imagine what my life will be like with Ethan, and I have no idea what to expect. It frightens me. It excited me at first, when we were only planning to get away. But once we did…”
“Let me tell you my concern, Anna.” Sophia kept her voice gentle, trying not alarm the girl. “You’re a young woman, and you’ve run away with a man. No matter what happened between you, and I don’t need to know, people will make assumptions about you. If you come home with me now, I think we can put any rumors to rest by assuring everyone that we found you before it was too late. And we did, didn’t we?”
“I need to speak to Ethan. We’ll figure this out together.”
“I think you need to know your own mind first. I would be more comfortable knowing that you made such a big decision on your own without any influence from him or from me. Think about your family. Think about your future. Decide what you really want. I’m going to leave you alone just long enough to go get Ethan and Gabriel. Then I think you should come back to Averford House with me. It will give you time to make a responsible decision. You don’t need to rush into anything.”
Sophia had known that feeling of indecision all too well. On her wedding day, halfway down the aisle, she’d thought her knees would buckle and she wouldn’t make it. When she did make it all the way down, before she’d had to speak any words, she’d thought about running the other way. She’d looked at Gabriel and suddenly hadn’t been sure. Until that gold gleam lit up his eyes and reassured her. This was the man she wanted to be with for her entire life.
“Thank you, Lady Averford. You’ve been so kind. I’m sorry to have been such a disappointment.”
“Not at all. I would only be disappointed if you went ahead and got married to a man when you weren’t sure. I want you to feel confident about your decision, whatever it will be.”
Twenty-one
“Are you certain they aren’t running out a back way? Attempting to make it to Gretna Green after all?” Gabriel asked. They waited outside the guesthouse for Ethan and Anna to talk and come to a decision.
“I doubt it. I think I gave Anna plenty of things to consider.”
“I’m sure you did.” He slipped his arm around her waist.
“She might decide to marry him after all, but at least I’ll know that she took time to consider. We’ll have to help them out, of course. I’ll stay with Anna at Averford House until we can get her family here. We can at least make sure they keep up appearances before the wedding. No living alone with the boy in a guesthouse.”
“I think we have to call him a man, darling. He has made the decision to take a wife.”
She laughed. “Oh, is that all it takes to make a man, a good woman at his side?”
“It worked for me.” He dropped a kiss on her head. “But we’ll have to see about Ethan Nash.”
With tearstained cheeks, Anna made her appearance in the doorway, fo
llowed by Ethan holding a bag. “I’m coming with you, Lady Averford. Please help me to get back home. There will be no wedding.”
“No wedding. I see,” Sophia said. Ethan Nash shot her a dark look. Clearly, she had become the villain in all this, in his mind anyway. “Of course you can spend the night with us and we’ll return you home tomorrow.”
“You’re making a mistake, Anna,” Ethan said, handing her bag to Gabriel. “We could have a fine life together.”
“We still can. I just need more time,” Anna said. “If it’s really right between us, why the sneaking off? Why can’t we take the time to do things right?”
“You mean to follow convention? You know how I feel. I refuse to bend to society’s demands.” Ethan puffed his chest out, full of the pride and ignorance of youth. So he fancied himself a rebel then? Anna seemed to be making the right choice. Sophia didn’t imagine that the girl had the stamina or desire to be a rebel’s wife.
“But what about my feelings? You’re not even considering me. I have a family that I do care about, and all I want is some time to allow them to accept us together.”
“Time is what I don’t have. As soon as my uncle comes back, I’ll be starting my new life. I’d hoped it would be with you, but it will be alone. So be it. I’ll always love you, Anna.”
“I’m sorry.” Anna reached out to take his hand. “I’m just not ready.”
“I trust you’ll take good care of her, Lord Averford.” Ethan turned to Gabriel but ignored Sophia. “My biggest regret is that you found us. Things might have turned out differently if only we’d been left alone.”
* * *
Gabriel was in the drawing room sipping a brandy when Sophia returned from showing Anna her room at Averford House. The brandy heated his blood and perhaps loosened his tongue a little. It was his second glass.
“How is she?” he asked.
“She’s stronger than she knows. Thankfully, she realized that she was making a mistake in time. She spent some time alone with the young man, but not enough for anyone to call her into question as long as she returns with us before much is discovered about her disappearance. She doesn’t even want her mother to know.”
“Can we keep it from her?” he asked. “Shouldn’t we mention it?”
“I think we have to leave it up to Anna. As long as she’s safe and back home with us, I think we’ve done our part.”
“I see. All’s well for her now, I suppose. She can go back home and no one will be any the wiser, or not much the wiser. Will she stay on as your secretary?”
Sophia shrugged. “We’ll give her a chance to figure it all out. I wish we knew where Lord Markham and Aunt Agatha ended up, so that we could tell them to give up the search and come home.”
“I’m guessing Agatha already knows.” He spread his fingers and waved them in the air. “The spirits are active.”
Sophia laughed and became serious again. She went to stand next to Gabriel, where he leaned against the mantel. “Earlier, I was about to tell you something.”
He shook his head. “I think I would rather not hear it. Sophia, I’ve loved you from the moment I first saw you. I gave you reason to doubt me, and I’m so sorry for it. We’ve lost so much time due to my own foolishness. I went to Italy because I couldn’t simply tell you how I felt. That I was torn apart to see you in the arms of Ralston, but I knew that it was my fault. I stopped letting you know how much I loved you.”
“Gabriel, please. I—”
“Let me finish. I thought that I could become a better man, a man that you would love. I learned to play the guitar. I perfected my singing. I painted landscapes.”
“You paint?” It was the first she’d heard of it, and she was obviously surprised at the news.
He nodded. “I’m terrible at painting portraits, but my landscapes are passable. It’s about layering textures with the paint. Suddenly, I understood that it’s what I needed to do to win you back as well, to layer textures. To present a more well-rounded man with an understanding of the arts and artists and love. I wanted to be a better lover.”
“So that I wouldn’t turn to other men? I never did, Gabriel. Not really. It was one minute of foolishness, followed by a world of regret. I’m so sorry that you had to see me in another man’s arms. It should never have happened, and I have only myself to blame. Not you. Not really. I know that now.”
“I’ve tried to change for you, Sophia. I’ve done all that I can. I know I’m not perfect, far from it, but I hope that you can find some comfort with me, enough to stay with me and raise our son, and be together no matter what comes.”
“So cryptic again.” She shook her head. “‘Find some comfort’? And still so sure of yourself. You’ve never wanted for confidence, Lord Averford.”
“What do you mean?” He sought her gaze, desperate to see some glimmer of understanding in her eyes, some hope that she could stay with him even if she didn’t love him beyond sharing a familiar warmth in each other. Anything just to be with her. “I’m humbling myself before you.”
She laughed. Laughed! And smiled a genuine smile. He did not understand. She placed a hand on his cheek. “You’re so sure you know what I’m feeling or what I’m about to say that you’ve prepared this whole speech. I know you love me, Gabriel. Deep down, I’ve always known. Before we even married, you swore a love to me so complete that it would never die. And it hasn’t. If anything, it has flourished, no matter how vain or insensitive or hopeless I can be.”
“You’re not any of those things.”
She tipped her head in the way that made his heart turn to lava.
“But I did you the great disservice of not declaring myself in the same way. I’ve loved you from the start in a way that frightened me with how overwhelming it felt. Better not to express it then. To keep it hidden. To play it safe. Well, I’m done with all that. I love you with every fiber of my being, Gabriel Thorne. I always have, and I always will. You pretend to be humble, but you’re truly self-assured. So self-assured that you have ignored every sign that I’m honestly, quite desperately in love with you.”
“You love me?” He couldn’t help but smile. “You truly do.” She loved him. His heart raced. His nerves danced. For a second, he felt every aching bit of joy that it was possible for any man to ever feel, building up in his veins until he feared he would explode.
In his profound happiness, he must have looked addlepated, because she took his face in her delicate hands and forced him to look at her. “Do you understand, Gabriel? You never had to change, not one thing, for me to fall in love with you. I love the man you are, the man you’ve always been. I’ve loved you all along.”
He couldn’t hold off any longer. He kissed her madly, deeply, as long as he possibly could before both of them were in danger of losing consciousness for lack of oxygen.
“Then let’s go to bed, my love,” he said. “Together. It has been an impossibly long and torturous day.”
Twenty-two
Lady Averford woke up in a bed beside her husband. In his arms, she’d slept more soundly than she’d ever thought possible, certainly better than she had ever slept before. The only thing that could convince her to open her eyes and prepare to get out of bed the next morning was the memory of the little face that she had waiting for her back home—their son, Theodore. Theodore Neville.
“It has to be Neville.” She sat up suddenly, looking back at her husband, sprawled naked across the bed. She laughed. “Darling, aren’t you cold without even a bedsheet over you?”
He didn’t look cold. He looked magnificent, his body tanned and hard and rippled with muscle in all the right places. Her eyes were drawn to the golden thatch of hair that ran in a thin line down his abdomen, and spread to a thicker patch just over his… Well, well. She’d thought that part of him had certainly gotten enough attention last night, but there it stood tall and thick and ready for h
er this morning.
Suddenly, he gripped her around the waist and pulled her back down to the bed with him. “You took all the sheets. I don’t mind entirely, but let’s pretend that I’m about to make you pay for it.” He kissed her behind the ear and lower, on the tender spot on her neck that made her toes curl. And lower. His hands slid over her breasts, catching a nipple between his fingers.
“What’s that you were saying about Neville?”
She took a minute to catch her breath. She’d nearly forgotten. “Teddy’s full name. For his christening. We’ll need to give him a middle name. Neville.”
“But that’s Mother’s family name. Before she married Father, she was Lady Teresa Neville.”
“I know. That’s why it has to be Neville. Teddy will be named after both of our mothers. Theodore, for my mother, Theodora. And Neville for yours.”
“Theodore Neville Thorne. I like it. Now can we stop talking about our mothers? This is hardly an appropriate time.”
“I like it when you’re inappropriate,” she said.
For the next hour, he proceeded to show her just how inappropriate he could be.
* * *
Back at Thornbrook Park, Sophia was all too happy to hold her son in her arms again.
“Teddy! How I’ve missed you. Mummie missed you.” She dropped kisses all over his chubby cheeks and tiny nose until he laughed out loud, the most adorable sound she’d ever heard in her life. “Thank you, Teresa. You’ve done a wonderful job with him.”
“It was only one night. Try letting me have him for a week next time. He’s a complete joy.”
“We’ll have to hire a nanny. Someone who can help out with him occasionally, as needed.”
“I suppose so,” Teresa said. “The Waldens have left the Dower House, and Mr. Grant tells me that I’m free to move back in. All of the other reservations canceled. You must have developed a reputation of being inhospitable.”
The Great Estate Page 26