Emotions that he hadn’t felt in weeks poured through him. Fear. Worry. Shame. Hatred. All swirled into a torrent of frustration. Each time Javier thought he’d found the right thing to say, his mouth went dry and the words failed him.
What could he say to Thalia for attacking her? What could he say to his mate, unconscious in his arms? Nothing seemed right. All he knew was that he needed to stop the enchantress. She was a threat to not only him, but everyone who surrounded him. He’d thought to protect his family from the woman and only ended up endangering them.
He should have known the danger of shifting. As much as his body begged for the natural shift, the beast inside him was susceptible to the enchantress’s words. It was nothing more than a force of instinct driven by anger. So long as the enchantress held his soul, the other half of him would always be compromised. He could not ask Nora to babysit him each time he shifted.
What did that leave Javier?
“You’re still the brother I loved before you left, you know.” Thalia’s voice was a surprise after the hours of silence.
He glanced over his shoulder at her, her arms now crossed over her chest. She was defiant to the very end. He was sure it’d taken everything she had to pry the words out of herself.
“Thank you.” The truth was, he didn’t feel like her brother anymore. Javier didn’t feel like much. He didn’t feel like Thalia’s brother or Nora’s mate.
“Are you listening to me? What happened back there wasn’t your fault. The witch used you and you found a way to fight back. I don’t think just anyone could do that. You’re the son of an Alpha.”
“What does any of that matter if you or Nora dies? What then?”
“I sure don’t know, but I do know we aren’t going to die by your hands.”
“Don’t be so sure of that.”
“Oh, stuff it. You could barely land a hit on me and you know it.” Thalia’s eyes sparkled with humor when he looked back at her.
“You were very fast on your feet. I will give you that.”
The mood sank again. Javier couldn’t find a way to bring the humor back while he held Nora in his arms. If she hadn’t traded her power, she could have stopped him before he hurt her. But, that would have only caused her harm, too. She confessed that the power drew upon her own soul. Either way, Javier hurt her.
When they arrived back at the Lodge lot, the entire pack waited for them. Rhylan threw the door open, falling into his role as a doctor the same way some would don a hat. He directed Javier to place Nora on the bed. Jax clapped a hand on Javier’s shoulder after he released his mate. A growl escaped him, but the dark-skinned man wasn’t perturbed.
Not long ago, Jax’s mate had lain in a similar position. From what Javier heard, it had taken the bond of a pack to push Sydney toward the change. Nora didn’t have that option. Javier hadn’t bit her, only opened her skin with his claws.
Rhylan hissed when he peeled back Nora’s shirt. Her skin, stained red by her own blood, was a mess of gashes. Javier’s stomach turned. A distant voice repeated the same words over and over.
His fault. This was his fault, because he could not be strong enough for her. He could have fought harder against his beast or the witch, but he’d let both lead him astray. Strength was the only thing that would save them from the witch and Javier needed to be the strongest of them all.
“Is she…” Thalia made a choked sound, unable to finish her thought.
Was she what? Dying? Changed?
It was unlikely that she’d begun the change. Javier hadn’t bitten her. Still, he feared the first. If he’d had a soul, it would have fractured right then and there. Nora lay across the bed, breathing shallowly and growing increasingly pale. Rhylan darted around the room, mumbling to himself and gathering supplies.
“I can’t wait to start work again,” the shifter grumbled as he passed by Javier. “Being around shifters all the time has made me too lazy.”
Javier’s hand darted out. He caught Rhylan by the front of his shirt and yanked him off his feet. Javier’s lips curled back from his teeth, the beast growling through him. “She’s not a shifter. Don’t you dare be lazy with her.”
Rhylan only gripped Javier’s wrist as their eyes connected. “I promise you, I will do my best.”
“Do better than that,” Javier commanded as he released the shifter. His voice was woven with a power that uncoiled from inside him. It slithered through his throat and into his words to wrap around Rhylan.
Rhylan seemed to stagger into motion, the power from Javier’s voice forcing him. Jax’s eyes went wide and flicked to Javier. The dark-skinned man looked Javier up and down appraisingly.
“What?” Javier snapped. He was split in half, trying to keep his attention on Nora and Rhylan while holding Jax’s gaze.
Jax seemed to weigh his words. He took his time to find exactly the right ones before he spoke. “I’ve only ever seen Alphas use that power before.”
“He is the son of an Alpha,” Thalia chimed in.
“No, you don’t get it. That power only works on your own, on those who claim you as their leader.”
Javier looked to Rhylan. The shifter was quickly sorting through the tools he had, sanitizing needles and laying out bandages with Thalia working as his impromptu nurse. His sister’s mate said nothing about the way Javier had treated him. He only listened.
Why had the man already accepted him as an Alpha? Was it because the newly changed man only thought of Javier as stronger, placing Javier above himself without thought? Or, did Rhylan see something about Javier that he didn’t see himself?
Javier shook his head. He shoved past Jax as the door opened and Sydney appeared. She clasped her hand over her mouth to smother the sound she made when she saw the state of Nora. On the other side of the bed, Javier took Nora’s hand. This was his fault. He was no Alpha. No one should look to him as a protector or a leader.
“You’re all foolish if you think of me as a leader. I’m a broken man with no soul to guide me. I can do nothing for you. This should prove that to you.”
The room was silent for a long moment. No one wanted to say what was on their minds and Javier was alright with that. He wished the silence would fill him, too. He waited for the part of him that could feel, to sink like a stone to the bottom of a pool, but it didn’t. The longer he watched Nora, the louder it grew. He gripped her hand in his and prayed. He didn’t quite know who he was praying to, but it gave him somewhere to channel the frustration and fear that gnawed at him.
Finally, it was Rhylan who broke the silence. His voice was calm and even, his eyes still on the task at hand. “I acknowledge you as an Alpha perhaps because we don’t have one, but also because I know your first priority was ensuring our safety last night. You didn’t stay to fight Cordelia and her hunters. You ran to us to make sure we were alright. That is why I acknowledge you as an Alpha. Hell, I’d take you as my Alpha.”
The words sunk in slowly, worming their way through Javier’s mind. They were hard to take in. For the past year, he’d lost sight of what a good man was. Slowly and inevitably, he’d turned into the monster Cordelia wanted. Javier raged and roared against Cordelia’s control, but that anger only fed into her plans.
Being a good man or even a man at all, had disappeared from his mind. It evaporated under the pressure of being nothing more than a monster, or at least that was what he’d thought.
“But I left Nora behind.” His voice was small, smaller than he would have liked. Javier did not want to show these people, shifters he thought he barely knew, any kind of weakness.
Jax took a step closer and laid a hand on his shoulder. “Your mate is a strong woman and you knew her own family wouldn’t kill her. While Cordelia is twisted, she values human life.”
Javier’s grip on his mate’s hand tightened. Nora was still unconscious, barely moving while Rhylan worked to stitch her wounds back together.
Thalia stood up, hands on her hips and lips pursed as she looked down at No
ra. “You know, I bet she wouldn’t be out like this if she hadn’t pushed herself to the brink of exhaustion. Her wounds aren’t even that deep. Hell, they’re just skin.”
“What do you mean?”
Thalia met her brother’s eye but could only hold his gaze for a moment. He swallowed and pulled back on the power rising through him. He recognized it for what it was, a power his own father used with his old pack.
“She ran here barefoot from your date last night, thinking she might find you here, and immediately set out into those mountains to track you once she realized you weren’t here. The human was on her feet for probably twenty hours straight.”
His stomach flipped. Nora had done that for… for him. The realization struck him. When he’d been freed from Cordelia’s captivity, he hadn’t trusted Nora. Not completely, anyway. There’d been no denying the bond that pulled them together, but he’d wanted to explain it away. He’d been ready to call it a hoax and sought to find her lying.
Yet, Nora had never given up on him. It started with bartering a part of herself, striking a deal with a woman who Javier would have gladly called the devil. Then, she’d exhausted herself to find him before he hurt anyone. Which, Cordelia would have done with him. She’d slipped into his mind and twisted the beast into her own monster.
“Thank you,” he whispered to both Nora and Thalia before bringing his mate’s hand to his lips. He laid a soft kiss upon her skin.
Nora didn’t wake once while Rhylan stitched her wounds. She stirred, but her eyes never opened. When Rhylan stood back, finished, Thalia tapped his shoulder.
“We, uh, don’t we have houses to look at today?”
Javier glanced up to see Rhylan’s face twist with confusion. Thalia gave him a pointed look. Her brows rose, and her lips tightened. Javier snorted at his sister’s attempt at conveying what she really meant. It took Rhylan a moment to catch up. His lips formed a wide O before he nodded and rushed to clean up.
They left their room to Javier and Nora. Jax and Sydney decided to stand outside, should Cordelia attempt another trick. With the room empty, Javier climbed atop the bed and curled around his mate’s body, careful of her new stiches. If she’d been a shifter, they would have healed. He wondered if she could have used her magic to heal, had she still had it.
Over and over, he was reminded of how this was his fault.
***
Her dreams spun out of control. They were all blinding colors, blurred scenes. Walter’s face bled into Javier’s. Her heart would leap once she saw the glittering soul in his eyes. Nora would throw herself into his arms only to have him disappear in the blink of an eye.
Over and over, she relived this. She lost him the same way she lost Walter. Nora could do nothing to save him. Her body held no power. Her hands did nothing to hold him in place. Each time, he slipped away and a part of her broke once more.
Finally, the dream broke, and her eyes snapped open. Soft light filtered through the window, bathing the room in an orange glow. Nora tried to sit up and take stock of her surroundings, but her stomach stung, and the pain forced her back down. The pain flared hot. It rushed up her stomach and across her chest and back.
Hissing, she fell back. Her heart thumped until the form beside her jumped up. Careful hands reached for her face. They were warm and helped her forget about the pain in her stomach.
“Javier,” she breathed.
“I’m here.”
She gripped the hand at the side of her face, turning into it. He would not leave her. She would not lose him. No matter what her dreams threatened, he was there.
“How are you feeling,” she asked him.
“Are you kidding me? I’m the one who tore you open and you’re asking me how I feel?”
She laughed. There was no way she could forget what happened in the mountains. He’d been lost inside himself, another force pulling the reins. It didn’t take a scientist to figure out what’d happened. Her mother had struck again.
“I hope she saw what she did,” Nora said through her teeth. “I hope she knows how she hurt me.”
Javier fell silent beside her. She paused, a chill sweeping through her. Nora knew what it meant. The words passed between them without needing voice. Her mother had abandoned her. All this talk of becoming a family again was a farce. Her throat tried to tighten, to cut off her air, but she fought it back by searching for his hand.
When their fingers twined together, her heart settled. Javier was her family. This pack was her family, even if she wasn’t a shifter. They were there for her, if the stitches in her stomach were any indication.
Finally, Nora let her head fall back. She groaned, the throbbing pain in her stomach slowly taking over. It was exhausting, and she wished for the healing of a shifter. Not even her magic could have sped the process. All she could do was lay there and watch as Javier ran his thumb over the mound of her palm.
Her breath caught, and her eyes roved over his body. She wanted to fall into him. Her hands ached to feel the planes of his body, but she knew the wounds in her stomach would impede on any sexual activities. The thought brought a scowl to her lips. Javier reached to wipe it away with his thumb, but she turned it into a pout.
“What is it?”
Nora grabbed the hand near her face and brought it to her lips. A shudder passed through Javier when she kissed him. It only served to further warm her core.
“I’m mad at you,” she whispered. His brows furrowed apologetically, and he opened his mouth to speak, but she cut him off. “If it weren’t for these stitches, I’d be all over you.”
His brows rose from their furrow and shot toward the sky. She watched his eyes glitter with fragments of what could only be a soul. How did he get those pieces back? How could she give him more? He wasn’t as far gone as he wanted to believe. Even though her mother corrupted him into a monster, his willpower had overturned it before he could do any lasting damage.
As it was, Nora would heal and resume her old life. Soon, she would have to go back to answering calls and monitoring the radio at the station. Sydney had gone through the change and never missed a day of work. Nora, on the other hand, had been so lost in her turmoil that she couldn’t fathom the idea of working. Even now, she would rather be right where she was, her mate laying along her body, than behind a desk.
How did Sydney manage it when her own mate waited for her?
Javier’s knuckles trailed down her cheek, neck, and over her collarbone. His hands unfolded so that his fingers could make concentric circles around her breast, rising to her nipples. She groaned, aching for more. Like muscle memory, she could almost feel him inside her.
Outside the door, Sydney’s voice rose and became pointed. “We’ll just head inside for a drink. Right, Jax?”
Nora stifled the embarrassed laugh that bubbled inside her while Javier didn’t cease his exploring. His fingers still travelled across her skin. They ran down the space between her small breasts. They trailed beneath her breasts and pushed her to arch into his touch. Her body rebelled at the movement. When Javier reached her stomach, his touch faltered. His hand shook.
“I’m fine,” Nora whispered. “I’m not a porcelain doll, no matter how much my skin looks it. Wounds heal.”
“You wouldn’t have been hurt to begin with if I weren’t here.”
She gripped his wrist. “Don’t say things like that.”
He jerked away from her. She wanted to hold on, to yank him closer and tell him the ways she needed him with her kiss. His guilt nearly pushed him away, but she held his gaze. She held tight to the knowledge that there was the beginning of a soul inside the man she was falling for.
Javier had started as her mate. They’d discovered the unbreakable bond at the worst of times, both on either side of a dangerous fence. She had been uncertain about how she might feel about him. The urge to protect him, to touch him, to be near him had been overwhelming, but Nora hadn’t been convinced she could love him. Not like she’d loved Walter.
&n
bsp; Yet, now she could see that she’d loved Walter only because he reminded her of what it was like to live outside her family. Walter was normal and sweet and everything she’d missed out on. Her love for him had been shallow and imperfect. He’d been a good man, but the man she’d found after taught Nora what love should feel like.
Even without most of his soul, Javier was a strong man. It wasn’t his physical strength that she admired. It was the strength of his will, of his love. It pushed him to be better for those around him. He wanted to give everyone what they needed, things like protection or even happiness. It made her cling to him.
“My life is nothing without you.” Tears burned her eyes when the confession slipped into the world. “I would still be in the process of destroying myself if I hadn’t found you.”
Javier said nothing. She watched as his face tightened, as emotion swelled and threatened to pull him under. Instead, she took control of the situation and pulled his hand lower along her body. They would not fall prey to sadness.
Not right now.
Javier watched the direction of his hand with growing hunger. She placed it between her legs and turned a questioning—no, a begging look to him. He answered with a teasing graze. His fingertips ran along the seam of her womanhood, two layers of fabric between their skin.
She sucked in a breath and immediately regretted it as pain flared across her stomach. Javier tried pulling back, but she shook her head. Nora would just have to be more careful. The need to be with her mate was overwhelming. It made her skin feel alive with electricity. She was an open circuit and Javier closed it.
Nora smiled as she guided his hand beneath the waistband of her pants. The sensation of his skin along hers drove her wild. She wanted to writhe and push into him, but carefully held still.
“Are you sure I won’t hurt you?”
Nora swallowed. If anything, she would hurt herself. If she wasn’t careful, she could pull a stitch. Instead of telling him, she met his eye and said she would be fine. The need to be near her mate after nearly losing him overwhelmed any fear of pain. Rhylan could fix whatever she broke later.
Outcast BoxSet Page 76