by Lois Richer
Sam guessed Kelly was making the tale up as she went, drawing from her own travels to bring the story to life, and he was at least as curious about the next chapter as Sadie and Emma.
“Auntie Kel said bedtime,” he reminded softly when Sadie began to argue. He wanted to scoop her in his arms and assure her they’d have tomorrow, and tomorrow after that. But he couldn’t do that because he wasn’t sure how long Kelly would stay. Sadie gave him a mutinous look, but Sam didn’t budge. “Bedtime.”
“Okay.” With a huge sigh Sadie slid off the sofa, grabbed Emma’s hand and walked with her down the hall to their room. After a glance at him, Kelly followed.
Sam went, too, his heart tight in his chest at what was to come. Emma and Sadie knelt by their beds. Since Sam had already put Jacob Samuel down, he had no excuse when Sadie patted the top of her bed, indicating he should sit there. He felt Kelly watching, waiting for his lead. Swallowing his discomfort at this brush with God, Sam sat down on Sadie’s bed while Kelly sat on Emma’s.
“We gotta pray now,” Emma told her aunt in her whisper-quiet voice.
Kelly obediently bowed her head and closed her eyes. A swath of dark hair flopped down to caress each molded cheekbone. When his bossy niece cleared her throat, Sam reluctantly stopped staring at his beautiful sister-in-law, bowed his own head and closed his eyes.
“Hi, God. It’s me, Sadie. Thanks for bringing our aunt Kelly here. We like her lots. And Uncle Sam is the bestest.” Sadie sighed. Surprised by her silence, Sam opened his eyes. Sadie’s face was scrunched up in thought. “I sure do wish You didn’t take my mommy and daddy away, though. Will You tell them I’m trying to be good? It’s hard.” She paused as if she wasn’t sure how to continue.
Sam was about to intervene when Emma urged, “Say the God-blesses, Sadie.”
“I know how to pray.” Sadie glared at her sister then caught Sam with his eyes open, watching Kelly. She frowned, waited till he’d closed them again then continued. “God bless Gran and Grandpa, Grannybell and Grandpa Neil, Jacob Samuel and Uncle Sam and Auntie Kelly. And Emma,” she added as if it was an afterthought. “And God bless me. Amen.”
Emma’s prayer was much shorter but just as heartfelt, though barely audible. Sam wasn’t even certain she’d said amen until Kelly rose.
“I love you, Sadie Lady.” He bent and hugged the little girl, inhaling the soft fragrance of her shampoo. His heart stopped for a minute when she squeezed her arms around his neck and held on tight, as if she was afraid to let go in case he disappeared. “Sleep tight, darlin’.” He kissed her forehead.
“Love you, Uncle Sam,” she murmured on the back side of a yawn and let go.
“Good night, Emma, my gem.” The child’s frequent silences worried him, but for now Sam stuffed that away to give her an extralong hug. “I love you, sweetheart. Sleep well.”
“G’night, Uncle Sam,” she breathed.
He waited at the door while Kelly said her good-nights, noting the affection in her voice and how her brown eyes softened as she touched each girl’s cheek with her lips. His heart breathed a sigh of relief that the three had bonded so quickly. If only he could persuade Kelly to stick around...
With one last good-night, Sam flicked on a night-light, ushered Kelly into the hallway and eased the door almost closed. He followed Kelly to the empty living room and sat opposite her in his brother’s recliner, glad that both their parents had gone elsewhere. He was too tired to play mediator tonight.
“You’re worried about something, Sam.” Kelly studied him with a grave look marring her lovely face. “Can I help?”
“I’m concerned about Emma,” he confessed, liking that she cared enough to ask.
“She’s a very quiet child,” Kelly agreed thoughtfully.
“Too quiet. She wasn’t always, though. It’s only since Marina and Jake died that she’s started this—I don’t know what to call it. Whispering?” He rubbed the cord in his neck that was painfully tight. “I have a hunch it has to do with something she’s worried about but since—well, lately she hasn’t been confiding like she used to.” He had a sudden thought. “You’ve already built a rapport with the girls. Maybe you could find out.”
“You think Emma will confide in me, a stranger, when she doesn’t tell you or her grandparents what’s bothering her?” Kelly’s face revealed her skepticism.
“You and Marina were twins. Jake and I were, too.” Sam remembered times when Jake had dashed into something when Sam himself would have thought about it more carefully before acting. “You and I know there’s usually one twin who’s more dominant.”
“And that’s Sadie, obviously.” Kelly frowned. “Are you suggesting that if I spent some time with Emma away from Sadie, she might talk?” He nodded. “I can give it a try.”
“Thanks.” Sam couldn’t shake the question hanging in the air so he faced it head-on. “What’s the deal between you and your mother?” From the way Kelly flushed and avoided his gaze, he knew she didn’t want to discuss it.
“I’m so sorry you had to witness that.” Shame colored her voice, showed in the slump of her shoulders. “I guess she’s still angry with me.”
“Why?” Sam waited, wondering at the myriad emotions that stormed across Kelly’s face. “You can tell me, Kelly. I won’t judge. But I won’t pry, either.”
“Actually, I don’t want to talk about it,” she murmured, avoiding his gaze. “Suffice it to say I was never the daughter she wanted.”
“What’s that mean?” Confused by her words, Sam wanted to know more, but the pain on Kelly’s face told him that whatever had happened so long ago still hurt her.
“My mother has some strict beliefs about parenting and especially obedience.” Kelly summoned a smile but there was no mirth in it. “Marina managed to heed her orders, but I always wanted to know why.” She made a face. “I guess I’m a late bloomer, because it’s only lately that I’ve begun to accept that I can’t always know the why of things.”
“Actually, you and Marina sound a lot like Sadie and Emma.” Sam smiled at her surprise.
“I guess we were.” Kelly sighed. “You have to know that I loved my sister very much. She was everything I wanted to be. Only I couldn’t be her, and that caused problems so I stayed away.”
Sam heard a finality in that response, so he didn’t press for answers. There would be time for that later. Instead, he asked a question he’d carried for almost ten years. “How did you happen to fall for my brother?”
Kelly’s head jerked up. She gaped at him. “You knew?”
“Those puppy-dog looks you shot his way when you thought I wasn’t looking sort of gave it away. To me,” he added on seeing her worried look. “If it makes you feel better, I doubt anyone else guessed you loved Jake back then.”
Odd, Sam thought, how that old tickle of envy for his brother’s easy draw of females ruffled his feelings even now, and he barely knew Kelly, especially after ten years.
“Jake was a friend when I really needed one.” Kelly’s smile chased away the sorrow that lingered and emphasized her loveliness. Sam’s heart gave a bump of admiration that he quickly stifled. “We were both young, away from home for the first time and mixed up about our faith. We were in the same classes at Bible school, and we helped each other sort out what we believed. We had fun together.”
“And you fell in love with him,” Sam reminded.
“Yes. Or I persuaded myself that I did.”
Why did Kelly’s words send a flush of relief through him? Sam didn’t pause to examine that now. “So you didn’t love Jake?”
“I don’t know. I’d never been in love before.” Kelly’s forehead furrowed as she thought over her answer. “My mother was pushing me hard to become a missionary, and Jake helped me see that giving in to her wasn’t necessarily what God wanted for me.” She shot him a rueful smile
. “Sometimes I think Jake’s major attraction back then was that I believed he’d help me escape those arguments with my mom.”
“Instead, he fell for your sister.” Relieved to note Kelly’s simple nod, Sam decided she didn’t seem to be nursing any lingering feelings. “So if you weren’t still mooning over Jake, why not come back earlier?”
“I can’t talk about it now.” Her voice tightened as she said, “All I can say is that I stayed away because that’s what my mother wanted.” Her eyes suddenly welled with tears. “But Marina was my sister. I had to come now.”
“Of course you did,” Sam soothed, deeply moved by her distress. “I’m glad you’re here, Kelly. We need you here. All of us.”
“You’re a really nice man, Sam. Thank you for saying that.” She dashed away the tears. “I’ll try to help however I can. I want to ensure Marina’s kids end up with you as their father.”
“But you hardly know me,” he protested, though flattered by her words.
“I think I know you very well.” Kelly studied him, a faint smile tugging at her mobile lips. “Working on a cruise ship, you learn to sum up people pretty quickly. I can see you’ll be an amazing father. It’s obvious you love the kids, so I know your concern will be for them first, last and always.”
“How do you know that?” Sam asked curiously, though pleased by her flattering assessment.
“It’s there for anyone to see in everything you do with them,” Kelly said. “You’ve sensed that Emma isn’t herself so you’re trying to figure out what’s troubling her. I’ve watched you give Jacob Samuel extra cosseting when he’s fussing, seen you rein in headstrong Sadie in a gentle but firm way.” She leaned forward, utterly serious. “You don’t see their individual traits as problems but as wonderful parts of their personality to be enhanced and explored. You are their father now, Sam, in every way that counts.”
“Thank you.” Sam’s throat jammed at her generous words.
“This is where you belong, caring for them,” Kelly said. “But I don’t. I’ll stay for six months. Then I have to go.”
“Have to?” he asked softly.
“Yes.” She sounded sad. “You have the ranch, your parents, the kids. They’re an integral part of your world. They define you.”
“What defines you?” he asked.
“My career. Without that, I have nothing.” Kelly rose regally, like the princess in her story.
Sam’s heart ached for her as she walked toward the door, a solitary figure. She stopped there and turned around.
“Until I leave, I’ll do everything I can to help you. You only have to ask.” Her brown eyes narrowed, held him. “I have just one request.”
“Name it.” Sam would have promised anything, that was how relieved he was that Kelly was staying. At least for now.
“Don’t tell my mother I intend to leave. Not yet. Let her think I’m here for good.” A painful smile barely lifted Kelly’s wide mouth. “Maybe over the next few months she’ll begin to see who I am.” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “Don’t let her control you, Sam. I couldn’t bear for her to make Sadie as unhappy as I once was.”
Kelly left, her tread soundless down the hallway. Sam mulled over the little bit she’d told him and realized that all he’d learned was that there was a vast chasm between mother and daughter. For the next six months he would accept whatever help Kelly offered. But he was also going to try to help her rebuild her relationship with her mom. Maybe if he did that, maybe if he could make her feel she was a necessary and integral part of this new family they were forging, then she wouldn’t want to leave. Maybe Kelly would make a new life here.
It seemed important to help Kelly, though Sam was doing it for the kids’ sake. He liked his sister-in-law and wanted her to be happy. She was also one of the most beautiful women he’d ever known. He enjoyed having someone his age to talk to and share his world. Yet he could picture Kelly in twenty years, still here on the ranch. Of course, that could be just his lonely imagination.
Kelly would make a wonderful mother for the kids. But she could never be more than his sister-in-law because Sam wasn’t going to let romance into his life again. He wasn’t going to make himself that vulnerable, and he sure wasn’t going to give God another chance to ignore him.
In truth, Sam’s dream of sharing the future with a woman was as dead as his dream of travel. But he could be, would be, a father to Jake’s kids. To do that, he’d take every bit of help Kelly offered.
Chapter Three
It seemed the entire town of Buffalo Gap turned out for the joint funeral of Marina and Jake Denver. For Kelly, busy preparing the kids and answering their many questions, the full impact of this final goodbye finally hit on Saturday afternoon as she sat in a pew next to Sam, listening to Pastor Don speak of the couple with love.
“We can’t wish them back, though we miss them terribly,” he said. “They’re in a much better place, with their heavenly Father, at peace in His presence. We must trust Him to help us look past our own grief to help the family they’ve left behind. The children Jake and Marina loved so much will need us to be there, to listen, to comfort and to support. So will their families. It’s time to show our love, people.”
There was more, but the rest of the words flew over Kelly’s head as her gaze meshed with Sam’s. He looked utterly bereft, so terribly sad that it hurt to look at him. She had to do something. Kelly slipped her hand into his and squeezed. He turned his head and studied her for a long moment before he returned the squeeze. A very faint smile tilted his lips before his attention slid to the front of the church and settled on the large photo of Jake and Marina laughing at some shared joke. Sam had told her this morning that he’d taken that picture, snapped it the day Marina had learned she was pregnant with Jacob Samuel.
Oh, Marina.
Emotions of all descriptions tore through Kelly; loss, grief, guilt, pain—but most of all a question. Why? She wanted so badly to understand why God had chosen this way and yet, hadn’t she learned not to question His will? She kept her head bowed to hide her expression from the kids until Sam’s fingers, still holding hers, returned the squeeze a second time. He leaned toward her.
“She’s happy,” he murmured in her ear. “We have to remember that.”
Kelly nodded, surprised by how easily his soft words and gentle touch soothed her sore heart. Finally, the service was over. They filed out of the church and into limos that took them to the graveyard. Kelly heard her mother’s sobs but kept her focus on the kids, watching for signs that she was needed, stuffing down the grief that waited to overwhelm her.
She and Sam had carefully explained every step to the twins, who stood clinging to each other, silenced by the somber occasion, though their big blue eyes took in every detail. Jacob Samuel slept quietly in his uncle’s arms, his thumb shoved between his lips.
Once everyone was gathered in the graveyard with the chilly wind tugging at their garments, Pastor Don spoke about the resurrection when they would see Jake and Marina again. After a gentle prayer, the matching caskets were lowered into the cold ground.
“Ashes to ashes...” The familiar words took on new meaning as Pastor Don tossed a handful of dirt over the caskets and then led them in reciting the Lord’s Prayer. Then it was over, the sad celebration for two vibrant lives.
It was over but Kelly couldn’t move. Time seemed to freeze. It isn’t enough, she wanted to yell. There should be something more to leave the mark of two wonderful people. But she couldn’t dwell on that. Her job was to ensure the twins were all right. She glanced sideways at the two small girls who, hand in hand, stepped to the edge of the grave. They hadn’t discussed this. Kelly glanced at Sam, knew he was about to restrain them until Sadie spoke.
“Bye, Mommy and Daddy. We love you.”
Emma simply whispered, “Bye.” Then after a moment she a
dded, “We’ll look after Jacob Samuel.”
Kelly could no more have stopped her tears than stopped breathing. A quick check told her Sam’s eyes were also moist. He handed Jacob Samuel to his mother then drew Kelly with him to stand beside the girls. Then he hunkered down and wrapped an arm around each of them.
“I’m very proud of you two,” he said, his voice cracked and broken with love. “I love you very much. I always will.”
“We love you, too, Uncle Sam.” Sadie, always the most verbal, kissed him on one cheek, and Emma kissed him on the other before drawing Kelly into their circle.
“Sadie says you’re going to be our mommy and daddy now.” Emma’s whisper barely penetrated the hushed conversations of friends and neighbors around the gravesite. “She said we’re still a family. Is that right?”
Kelly didn’t know what to say. How could she give them hope when they didn’t know what was going to happen with the adoptions? But Sam had no such compunction.
“Auntie Kel and I are going to look after you the very best we can,” he assured them. “Don’t you worry about that.” He rose, his big strong hands around the girls’ tiny ones. “We’re going to go back to the church now.”
“For lunch.” Sadie nodded wisely. “I hope they have cupcakes. I love cupcakes.”
“Me, too.” Emma slipped her free hand into Kelly’s. “But I love Mommy and Daddy better,” she murmured in a sad, forlorn voice that brought a lump to Kelly’s throat.
“Me, too, Emma,” was all she could say.
The girls sat uncharacteristically silent on the ride back to the church. Once there, their grandparents took charge of them while Sam’s friends and neighbors offered their condolences and help with whatever he needed. He thanked them then scrupulously introduced Kelly. The names blurred in Kelly’s brain. Until he introduced Abby Lebret.
“You’re the woman from the adoption agency,” Kelly remembered. “Family Ties, right? You found the twins for Marina and Jake.” It hurt to say her name, knowing her sister was forever gone.