by Lois Richer
That troublesome thought wouldn’t leave her for the rest of the day.
* * *
Sam loved Kelly’s video nights. Ever since she’d discovered Marina’s massive collection of recorded events, Kelly had spent painstaking hours organizing them chronologically. As March gave way to spring’s tentative arrival, she would insist they gather periodically for an evening or an inclement afternoon to view some particular family event Marina had proudly recorded.
For those few moments Sam could sit back, savor the sound of Jake’s hearty laugh and his overwhelming love for his wife and pretend everything was all right in his world. For a few moments he could let go of the mind-numbing fear that he was going to lose the twins.
Sam worried at first that these times might become maudlin. Instead, the short segments were now happily anticipated events when the girls remembered their parents, mostly with giggles and joy. It was the only time when Emma seemed to truly relax, and Sam kept hoping that small sign of progress would increase. If he could just be patient.
“That’s when we first came to live here. I look funny, don’t I?” Sadie tilted her head to one side, studying her on-screen image.
“Your hair does look a bit odd.” Kelly compared the video to the wild disarray of curls on Sadie’s head. “You cut it, didn’t you?” Sadie nodded. “By yourself?”
“Uh-huh. A boy, Thomas, said my hair made me blind like that guy in the Bible. Bart—somebody. So I cutted it.” Sadie shrugged. “Thomas laughed at me.”
“You didn’t mind him laughing at you?” Sam glanced from her to Emma, noting the quick look between them and the smug smile on Emma’s face. “How come?”
“’Cause Emma fixed him.” Sadie’s grin spread across her entire face.
“Emma fixed him?” Sam sat up, suddenly alert, hoping this was only another of the fantastic stories Sadie had recently begun concocting. He glanced at Kelly but her face reflected her puzzlement. “How did Emma fix him, Sadie Lady?”
“Socked him.” Emma’s plain two-word answer shocked Sam. Apparently, it had the same effect on Kelly. After a moment of silence she licked her lips.
“Uh, you hit—?” She stopped, frowned then glanced at him, a question in her eyes.
Sam knew exactly what she was thinking. How exactly did one reprimand a child for defending her twin? He noticed Emma shifting nearer to Sadie.
“With your fist?” Why hadn’t he heard anything about this?
“With a puppet. It had a hard head.” Sadie looked at Emma. “Thomas cried.”
Sam felt struck dumb. Sweet little Emma?
“Sweetie, where did this happen?” Kelly asked in a careful voice.
“At Sunday school.” Both twins nodded. “That boy’s mommy said we were—” Sadie frowned then shrugged. “I dunno. But it wasn’t nice so we didn’t go no more.”
“But honey,” Kelly said with a frown, “you go to Sunday school every week.”
“I tole you.” Sadie sighed. “That was before we came here. When we lived at ’nother house.”
“A different Sunday school,” Emma clarified in her soft voice. “It wasn’t nice like ours.”
“I see.” Sam looked at Kelly, hoping she had some notion of how to deal with this information, because he certainly didn’t.
“Girls, um, it’s not nice to hit people because they laugh at you.” Kelly waited then lifted an eyebrow at Sam as if she expected him to add something.
“Don’t do it again, okay?” He couldn’t compute the image of Emma doffing some older kid.
“That’s what our mommy said.” Sadie glanced at the screen, which had gone blank, then to the window. “It’s raining again.”
“April showers bring May flowers,” Emma parroted.
“Your birthdays are in May.” The sudden memory made Sam tense, even more at Sadie’s next question.
“When are we gonna have our party?” She turned to Emma. “I’ll be five, so I can invite five people. So can Emma.”
Ten kids racing around, wanting to be entertained? Sam struggled to breathe and wondered if this nauseous feeling was the start of a heart attack. He glanced at Kelly, who didn’t look worried at all. In fact, she was smiling.
“Let’s make a list.” She got a pad of paper and a pen and kneeled so she could use the coffee table to write on. The twins plopped down on either side of her. “What kind of birthday cake would you like?”
“Pink.” Sadie threw Emma a look. “Right?”
Emma shook her head, curls bobbling. “Choc’late,” she whispered.
Sam couldn’t tear his gaze from Kelly, marveling at her easy approach to something he’d been dreading. Was his mother right? Had God played a part in leading her here?
“That means two cakes, or at least two layers. What would you like to do for your birthday?” She caught him studying her and tilted her head to one side as she asked, “What do kids do for parties in Buffalo Gap, Sam?”
As if he knew.
“I want a treasure hunt an’ a gold chest with money candy.” Sadie inhaled then added, “And balloons.”
“Hm. A treasure hunt could be fun.” Kelly looked at Emma. “What would you like to do on your birthday, sweetie?”
“Fishin’.” Emma stuffed her knuckles into her mouth and hung her head.
“Anything else?” Kelly prodded, but Emma only shook her head and remained silent.
Sam tried to catch Kelly’s eye and when he did, he shook his head vehemently. No way was he taking ten, no, twelve kids down by the river with spring runoff so high. Kelly ignored him.
“When are your birthdays?” she asked. When neither child answered, she glanced at him. “Sam?”
Now she wanted to hear from him? “May 15th.”
“We’re havin’ a treasure hunt.” Sadie danced from one foot to the other.
“No, fishin’,” Emma said then fell silent at Sadie’s glare.
“Uncle Sam and I need some time to think about it, okay?” Kelly rose. “It’s bedtime now, girls.”
Sadie started to groan until Kelly tapped her birthday list with her pen. The little girl swallowed, turned and headed for the bathroom, Emma trailing behind.
“I wish I’d said their birthdays were in November,” Sam grumbled, trying to smother his laughter. “Could have enjoyed early bedtime for months while they hoped for their party.” He rose and picked up the baby from his swing chair. “By the way, there will be no fishing.”
Kelly turned away, saying merely, “We’ll see.”
“No, Kelly, I mean it,” he said more sternly. “The water’s running fast and it’s high. It would be crazy to take little kids near it. They’d drown.”
“Oh, good grief.” Kelly whirled around, brown eyes snapping. Sam automatically took a step back at the anger she radiated, but she moved forward and stood toe-to-toe. “I never took you for a wet blanket, Sam.”
That made him mad.
“Maybe you don’t understand,” he snapped, juggling Jacob Samuel from one hip to the other while he strove to keep his voice even. “I’m responsible for the twins and him. I can’t let them be in danger for a mere birthday party.”
“A mere birthday party.” Her brown eyes sparked as she glared at him. “It’s their fifth birthday, Sam, and the first one without their parents.”
“So we’ll celebrate with something other than fishing. Emma will understand.” Frustration nipped him when Kelly’s jaw tightened.
“I don’t want that sweet little girl to understand,” she said, enunciating each word in a harsh yet soft voice. “I want her to laugh so hard she can’t stop. I want her to forget whatever’s bothering her and speak clearly and plainly. I want Sadie to shiver with excitement when she goes on her treasure hunt. Don’t you?”
“I don’t want th
em hurt.” He stood firm.
“And I do?” Kelly studied him for a long time before she finally sighed. “There are ways to have a fishing pond that won’t hurt anyone.” She shook her head when he didn’t speak. “It’s always black-and-white with you, isn’t it, Sam?”
“I don’t know what you mean.” But he thought from the way Kelly was glaring at him that he was going to find out.
“God’s bad because Naomi died. He must be insensitive and cruel to have allowed such a thing. Emma can’t possibly fish on her birthday because someone’s sure to fall in the river and drown and you’ll be blamed. You can’t adopt the twins because there’s a great-aunt with a sterling reputation who wants them and so, of course, she’ll win custody.” Her voice dropped at the sounds of the twins returning. “Where’s your faith, Sam? Why can’t you open your heart and mind so God can fill it with possibilities?”
“Because every time I do, I get slapped down,” he snapped in a low voice.
“Everybody has problems. But we get up, dust ourselves off and try again.” She reached up and cupped his cheek. “It’s called life, and you can’t ever, ever give up.” Her eyes had lost their fire now, and something soft and warm filled them. “Live in the possibilities, Sam. Let go of the past.”
Jacob Samuel wiggled in Sam’s arms, but he couldn’t move. For a moment, a fraction of a nanosecond, as Kelly’s gaze held his, Sam thought he glimpsed the future. The kids were there. So was Kelly.
And then reality intruded.
“Are we havin’ a story?” Sadie asked.
“Of course we are.” Kelly’s hand slid from his face. She turned away, sat on the sofa so the twins could hug near her on either side. “Tonight the princess’s lovely boat lands in a new place.”
“What’s it called?” Emma whispered.
“The Town of Possibility.” Kelly lifted her head and stared at him. “It’s called Possibility because no one can even imagine the wonderful things that are waiting there.”
Before Sam got caught in the fantasy world, he left. He changed Jacob Samuel one last time then snuggled him into his crib and set the musical mobile moving. He stood there, watching the little boy settle to sleep. His gaze fell on the picture on the far wall.
Three things endure. Faith, hope and love.
Sam loved the kids, no question. What he lacked was faith and hope for their futures. Or rather, he was losing it because of all the problems that kept piling on, not the least of which were the income tax papers he still hadn’t filed.
Kelly was right. He had stopped dreaming, stopped imagining, stopped hoping, not just for the kids but for himself and his future. He couldn’t see past the obstacles in his life to the possibilities.
“I can’t see You anymore, God. I can’t feel You. I don’t even know if You’re there.” He stopped, feeling a bit silly for saying it out loud. But the questions pressed on his heart. “Are You there? Why don’t You help?”
Long seconds passed. He almost thought he could hear a still small voice in the depths of his soul whispering something. Then it was gone, and all Sam could feel was the same heart-rending disappointment he’d felt when God hadn’t answered his prayers for Naomi.
“Sam?” Kelly’s whispered voice chased away the last fragment of hope. “The girls are waiting for you to kiss them good-night.”
“Coming.” He tucked the blanket around the sleeping child in the crib then left the room.
“Sam?” Kelly’s fingers curled around his sleeve, stopping him. “I’m going to help you with those papers tonight. Abby said we need to have everything in order so there’s nothing for anyone to question.”
“Yeah, okay.” He raked a hand through his hair, wishing he could ignore his duty and escape for a horseback ride. It’s just a few papers, something inside him reminded. Possibility. He inhaled fresh energy. “I’ll meet you in the office in ten minutes.”
“Okay.” She smiled at him, that wide, generous smile that offered friendship and help and encouragement. She was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen.
Maybe it was time to let go of the past, Sam mused as he walked to the girls’ rooms. He’d loved Naomi, but she was gone and there was nothing he could do about it.
Kelly was here, till August anyway, and she was waiting to help him manage whatever obstacles they met. He’d be a fool not to accept her help.
Because Kelly personified possibility.
Chapter Eight
Though Sam tried everything to dissuade her, Kelly insisted on sitting beside him in the tiny room that housed his office.
She whistled at the stacks of papers covering its surface. “You do need help.”
“I was always more of a hands-on guy. After Dad got sick, Jake took over most of the bookwork. But now it’s a mess,” he defended. “Apparently, things lagged a bit after Jacob Samuel’s birth, though Jake never said anything. Then he and Marina—” He shrugged, his eyes misty as he stared at the littered desk.
Kelly’s heart pinched with compassion. Without even thinking, she reached out and slid her hand into his to share his pain. Sam’s fingers curled around hers automatically. He glanced down at their entwined hands then lifted his gaze to hers, his green eyes dark as the forests outside.
“It’s okay,” she murmured. “We’ll handle it, Sam.”
“That’s your motto, isn’t it? We’ll handle it.” His faint smile gently teased. “I imagine you’re great at your job. There must be tons of things that come up, yet I can just see you calmly handling them all with a cheery smile.”
“Let’s hope that works here,” she said as she slid her hand from his to break the rush of sensations his touch brought. She bent over to study the array before her as she listened to his explanation about how the books were organized. “Okay. Got it. So let’s see what we have.”
Too aware of Sam’s scrutiny as she sifted through the papers and organized them in several piles, Kelly kept her head down as she worked and ordered her brain to concentrate instead of reacting to his closeness.
“You’re putting this all on a spreadsheet program, so why do you need so many paper copies?” she asked after finding a third series of duplicate medical bills.
“I’m worried I’ll miss something,” Sam admitted. “It’s been years since I trained in this program, and I haven’t used it for ages. I’m sure Jake’s updated it many times. He—” He stopped, swallowed then shrugged. “I told you I’m the hands-on part of this operation. Paperwork isn’t my forte.”
“A bonus about my cruise line is their technical side.” Sam’s blank look told Kelly his ineptitude had nothing to do with ability. It was probably like his fear of cooking; he’d simply never learned how.
“Kelly?”
“Sorry. Daydreaming.” She summoned a smile while trying to get back her focus.
“Of traveling.” Sam nodded. “I don’t blame you.”
“Actually, that wasn’t it but never mind,” she said, unwilling to explain she’d been dreaming about him. “Anyway, the cruise line always has updated computers and on days at sea, staff offers guests classes to learn the latest versions of programs. I’ve trained on this program. I’ll give you a refresher.”
Sam grumbled about having to sit when he could be out riding. He grumbled about following her detailed instructions and about his many mistakes. But when he finally caught on, his appreciation warmed her heart.
“This isn’t as bad as I thought.” He beamed with accomplishment.
“Of course it isn’t.” Too conscious of the current of attraction running between them, Kelly grabbed a file folder from the pile on the corner of his desk. “Now let’s get this one sorted. Medical Bills,” she read and flipped it open. She reached for the triplicate invoices she’d seen earlier, but he lifted them out of her hands.
“Uh, I can
handle that.” Why was Sam acting as if he didn’t want her to see them?
“You sure?” Kelly waited for his nod. “Okay. Keep inputting that data while I go check on the kids.”
“I didn’t hear anything.” He leaned toward the baby monitors.
“Neither did I. That’s why I’m checking.” As Kelly hurried away, she puzzled over the medical invoices she’d glimpsed. The amounts were staggering. The tiny bit of information she’d seen showed the bill had to do with Marina’s attempts to have a baby. What was Sam hiding?
Sadie and Emma lay fast asleep in their beds, their cherubic faces precious in the soft glow of the night-light. Kelly straightened their blankets, pressed a kiss to their foreheads and moved on to Jacob Samuel’s room. He was awake, kicking his legs and drooling.
“Hey, sweetie. You’re supposed to be asleep.” A rush of love swept over Kelly. She scooped him into her arms and pressed a kiss against his velvety cheek. What a precious baby he was. She quickly changed him. In the middle of that, she happened to glance up at the picture over the baby’s crib. Marina gazed at them with a sweet smile.
“I wish you were here to guide him,” Kelly whispered, suddenly overwhelmed by the thought that her sister would never kiss this precious boy again. “It should have been me who died. I wish you were here instead of me.”
“Don’t say that.” Sam stood in the doorway, his face tight with anger. “Don’t ever say that, Kelly.”
“I’m sorry.” She finished sliding on Jacob Samuel’s fresh night suit then tucked him back in his crib. “Good night, sweetie.” Kelly left the room after one last glance at her sister’s face.
“Why did you say that, Kelly?” Sam had closed the door behind her. Now he was studying her, his gaze stern.
“Sometimes I feel like an interloper, like I’ve done exactly what my mother accuses me of and stepped into my sister’s life. It feels wrong. Jacob Samuel is so sweet, and Marina’s not here to see and...” She gulped, wishing she could control her tears better. “She should be. I miss her so much. If I could just have said goodbye—”