The anarchic and satirical puppet show Spitting Image first aired in 1984 on ITV and featured a host of well-known politicians and celebrities caricatured as rubber puppets. Much of the show focused on Margaret Thatcher, Ronald Reagan and the British royal family, with Mrs T portrayed as a bullying macho tyrant who dressed as a man and used the male urinals. John Major’s puppet was always dressed in different shades of grey, skin included; Douglas Hurd had a Dalek-style voice with a Mr Whippy haircut; and the Queen Mum was usually shown holding a bottle of gin, a copy of the Racing Post and talking with a Beryl Reid voice.
In addition to the satirical sketches, Spitting Image produced a number of musical parodies, the most notable being The Chicken Song, which surprisingly made it to number one in the charts for three weeks and was a parody of the Black Lace song Agadoo. I can still remember most of the words to The Chicken Song thanks to its incessant repetition on the radio, in the school playground and at home on the record player:
Hold a chicken in the air,
Stick a deckchair up your nose,
Buy a jumbo jet,
And then bury all your clothes,
Paint your left knee green,
Then extract your wisdom teeth,
Form a string quartet,
And pretend your name is Keith.
Having been one of the numerous people who bought the vinyl record of The Chicken Song, I can tell you that the B side was an even more amusing, though highly offensive, song entitled I’ve Never Met a Nice South African, which was a savage indictment of the apartheid-ridden country.
The A-Team
In 1972, a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn’t commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire … The A-Team.
I certainly could have used the help of the A-Team on a number of occasions but I could never find them, despite their distinctive black GMC Vandura van.
The A-Team is undoubtedly one of the most iconic television shows of the 1980s, telling the story of four Vietnam veterans who escape from prison after being wrongly accused of robbing a bank. The team was led by John Hannibal Smith, played by George Peppard, and included Templeton ‘Face’ Peck, the ladies’ man, ‘Howling Mad’ Murdoch, the insane team pilot, and strongman B.A. Baracus, played by Mr T. Every episode featured gun fights, explosions and lots of exciting and violent action, but somehow people rarely got hurt, even the bad guys. The A-Team would often get captured by their enemies and end up fashioning an improbable weapon from whatever was lying around to help them make their escape, and Face would inevitably become attracted to whoever the female lead was in that episode.
The show became so popular that by the fourth season guest stars, including Boy George and Hulk Hogan, appeared as themselves and the numerous catchphrases used by the A-Team made their way into popular culture, such as ‘I love it when a plan comes together’ and ‘I ain’t gettin’ on no plane!’
John Craven’s Newsround
I remember feeling very grown up watching John Craven’s Newsround since the news was something that adults watched. The ten-minute news programme presented by John Craven was aimed at 6- to 12-year-olds and comprised a brief, palatable summary of current affairs and world news. Most memorably, Newsround was the first programme in Britain to report the loss of the Space Shuttle Challenger, with dramatic images of the disintegrating spacecraft shown during the opening titles.
The Two Ronnies
Ronnie Corbett and Ronnie Barker were, without a doubt, one of the funniest and most popular comedy double acts of all time, following closely on the heels of Morecambe and Wise. Their BBC1 sketch show, The Two Ronnies, attracted viewing figures of 20 million at its peak and ran for sixteen years over twelve series; it attracted numerous guest stars including Elkie Brooks, Elton John, Elaine Paige and Phil Collins, among others. The opening credits would feature the familiar theme music and a picture of two pairs of spectacles, representing those of Ronnie B and Ronnie C, before cutting to the ‘newsdesk’ where the Ronnies would take it in turns to read spoof news stories.
Perhaps the most famous Two Ronnies sketch is ‘Four Candles’ written by Ronnie Barker, who had a talent for wordplay humour. Ronnie Barker plays a customer in a hardware store with a shopping list; he asks for what sounds like ‘four candles’ but, after being given the candles, corrects the shopkeeper by explaining that he meant ‘fork ’andles, for garden forks’. The list continues with numerous other confusing items before the shopkeeper gives up when he is asked for ‘billhooks’, at which point you need to use your imagination to understand how that could be humorously mispronounced.
Both Ronnies seemed to enjoy dressing up in outlandish costumes for their characters, particularly Ronnie B, who spent a lot of time wearing ladies’ clothes, and the sketches sometimes turned into elaborate musical productions. Ronnie Corbett would always have a monologue at some point in the show when he would sit in a chair facing the camera attempting to tell a simple joke but continually getting sidetracked by other humorous reflections. The show closed with the ‘newsdesk’ again and a rapid fire of spoof news, before the Ronnies signed off with their catchphrase:
Corbett: So it’s ‘Goodnight’ from me.
Barker: And it’s ‘Goodnight’ from him.
Both: Goodnight!
Television Adverts
Do you remember George the Hofmeister bear? He was the football-playing, beer-drinking, laddish equivalent of the Honey Monster. Well, my parents picked up a t-shirt at a jumble sale for me with a message on the front that read, ‘I’ve got a bear behind’, and on the back was a picture of George the Hofmeister bear, grinning, winking and giving a thumbs-up. I was 9. What were they thinking?
George the bear was just one of many characters created for television advertising purposes, and the next one that springs to mind is British Telecom’s Buzby, the fat yellow bird voiced by Bernard Cribbins who told us to ‘Make someone happy with a phone call’. Smash had the aliens, Sugar Puffs had the Honey Monster and Frosties had Tony the Tiger, but Hamlet cigars had Gregor Fisher with a dodgy comb-over. In each instalment of the Hamlet cigar ads, some calamity would befall the lead character who would immediately light up a cigar as consolation while the ‘Hamlet song’ was played on the piano. Gregor Fisher, better known as ‘that bloke who played Rab C. Nesbitt’, featured in one of the best-remembered Hamlet ads, taking the role of an overweight and unattractive middle-aged man with a Bobby Charlton comb-over. He takes a seat in a photo booth and arranges his wisp of hair to perfection, then he sits back and waits for the photo. Nothing happens so he leans forward to look at the machine; at that exact moment the flash goes off taking a picture of the top of his head. He tries again and the same thing happens, and on the third and final attempt the chair suddenly drops just before the photograph is taken. Cue the Hamlet music and a puff of smoke from a smiling Rab C. Nesbitt.
Perhaps my favourite advert of the 1980s is the famous Heineken ‘water in Majorca’ ad. A well-spoken young Sloane Ranger visits the School of Street Credibility, where Bryan Pringle plays a frustrated voice coach trying to teach his pupil how to speak in a cockney accent. After several posh-sounding attempts at reciting ‘The water in Majorca don’t taste like what it ought to’, an assistant brings the young lady a can of Heineken, and says, ‘Get yer larfin’ gear around that.’ After a sip of the beer the lady tries again and this time recites the words in a strong cockney accent, which gets even stronger after a second mouthful of the drink. The advert finishes with the slogan ‘Heineken refreshes the parts wot other beers cannot reach’.
Can you believe it’s time to leave the TV section already and move on to some of the movies of the eighties? Hey, there’s no need to yell at me, I know that I’ve barely scratched the surface of the TV shows b
ut there really was so much good stuff in the eighties that it’s impossible to fit even a fraction of it in here. If you want to see a full list of my favourite TV shows from the eighties, skip straight to the end of the chapter. OK, ready to move on? Lights, cameras, action …
Back to the Future
Michael J. Fox stars as teenager Marty McFly whose eccentric friend Doc Emmett Brown (Christopher Lloyd) invents a time machine which he installs in a DeLorean car. The famous flux capacitor is at the heart of the machine and is activated when the car reaches 88mph, sending the occupant through time to the date entered in the console. In this case, Marty is sent back to 1955 where he visits his home town of Hill Valley and meets his parents as teenagers.
Marty’s young mother Lorraine rather disturbingly develops a crush on him, which leads to the possibility that she won’t fall in love with his father at the Enchantment Under the Sea dance where they are supposed to share their first kiss. Marty tries to matchmake his mother and father George while also trying to persuade the young Doc Brown to help him get back to the future that he belongs to: 1985.
Marty hatches a plan to make George look like a hero to Lorraine by staging a confrontation in the school parking lot. However, the plan goes awry when Biff Tannen, the school bully, makes an unexpected appearance and tries to force himself on Lorraine in the car. Marty’s dad George, not knowing it is Biff in the car and thinking it is part of the plan, confronts the assailant and, after some abuse, decides that he has finally put up with enough from the bully and punches him out cold.
Back to the Future (1985), starring Michael J. Fox and Christopher Lloyd. (Universal)
George’s assertiveness makes Lorraine fall in love with him and secures a happy future for the McFly family. Doc Brown, in the meantime, figures out an elaborate scheme to harness the energy from a lightning bolt to send the DeLorean and Marty back to 1985.
Not only does the film have the perfect mix of comedy, action, drama and romance, but there are some great skateboarding sequences, an unforgettable soundtrack and some memorable acting from Michael J. Fox. Two sequels were made a few years later where Marty travels into the grim future of 2015 and then back to an 1885 cowboy town.
Police Academy
Steve Guttenberg stars as Cadet Carey Mahoney in this classic comedy set in a police training academy. Mahoney is a repeat offender sentenced to join the academy as punishment under a new scheme proposed by the mayor, whereby the police department must accept all willing recruits. Mahoney is joined by an assortment of misfits, including gun-loving Eugene Tackleberry, superhuman ex-florist Hightower and sound-effects specialist Larvell Jones, among others.
Cadet Mahoney tries his best to get himself expelled from the academy through a series of pranks aimed at Captain Harris, his superior, but under the terms of his punishment he is compelled to stay and serve his time. As it happens, he ends up enjoying his time at the police academy thanks, in part, to the presence of sexy female cadet Karen Thompson, played by Kim Cattrall.
Of all the characters in the seven Police Academy films that were made, my favourite character was that of Tackleberry whose profound love of firearms often led to his naive overuse of weaponry to solve simple problems; for example, he helps an old lady who has lost her coin in a payphone by shooting it open, holding out a handful of coins and asking, ‘Can you identify your quarter, ma’am?’
Ghostbusters
Bill Murray (Venkman), Dan Ackroyd (Stantz) and Harold Ramis (Spengler) star in this 1984 supernatural comedy about three parapsychologists who set up a business in New York to catch ghosts in a similar manner to pest controllers. After catching and containing their first ghosts, the team become celebrities and are hired to clean up the city from the increasing number of ghosts, eventually hiring a fourth Ghostbuster, Winston (Ernie Hudson), to assist them. Everything seems to be going pretty well until the Ghostbusters are called to investigate a demonic spirit called Zuul which appears to be living in Sigourney Weaver’s fridge. As it turns out, the fridge is a portal to a spiritual realm where the demigod Gozer the Gozerian lives, who is planning to visit New York and bring about the end of the world.
As the Ghostbusters plan their strategy for preventing the appearance of Gozer, a visit from the US Environmental Protection Agency, who suspect the use of dangerous chemicals, leads to the Ghostbusters’ facilities being shut down. The ghost containment machine is deactivated which releases all the ghosts back into the city, causing mayhem, and the Ghostbusters are arrested for operating an unlicensed nuclear device in their basement.
With the Ghostbusters in captivity, Gozer appears, and the mayor has to release the men when he realises they are the only people who can prevent the impending disaster. Gozer arrives in the form of a woman and declares that the ‘destructor’ will follow and he will take the form of whatever the Ghostbusters first think of. Unable to keep his mind blank, Stantz tries to think of ‘something that could never, ever possibly destroy us’, whereupon the ‘destructor’ emerges as a giant Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. The giant Marshmallow Man starts to destroy the city but is eventually stopped by the Ghostbusters, who dangerously cross their energy streams in order to blow him up.
After watching this film, my friends and I decided to become Ghostbusters ourselves and spent many playtimes on the hunt for ghosts in the school playground. My best friend at the time tried to convince me that he had actually seen a ghost at home and had even collected some of its ectoplasm. The next day he brought in a little bottle with some green slime in it that looked convincing but smelled of shampoo.
Big
In the 1988 romantic comedy Big, Tom Hanks plays a young boy, Josh Baskin, who is magically aged to adulthood overnight. After being refused entry to a fairground ride for being too short, 13-year-old Josh tries his luck with the Zoltar Speaks fortune-telling machine and makes a wish to be big. The machine magically responds, despite not being plugged in, and Josh backs away.
The next morning, Josh awakes to discover, to his horror, that he has become an adult overnight and is now a 30-year-old man, terrifying his mother who thinks that he is a crazed kidnapper that has abducted her son. Josh flees and with the help of his best friend Billy gets himself a data entry job at the MacMillan Toy Company. Josh’s childlike enthusiasm for the toys they produce results in his promotion to a dream job which involves testing toys all day long and getting paid for it. It’s not long before Josh attracts the attention of the beautiful 27-year-old Susan and a romance begins to develop. As Josh becomes increasingly involved in his adult lifestyle, he begins to forget his friend Billy and tensions mount between the pair. Eventually, Josh concludes that he would prefer to revert to his childhood life and returns to the Zoltar machine where he makes a wish to be a child once more.
There are plenty of gags to be had in this movie and many memorable scenes, including Hanks playing Chopsticks on the giant foot-operated keyboard in the toy store, and singing the secret ‘shimmy shimmy cocoa pop’ song to his best friend to convince him that he really is who he says he is. The very same year Big was released, the film Vice Versa also appeared in cinemas, bearing an uncanny similarity, with a young boy and his father magically trading bodies so that the child becomes an adult and ‘vice versa’.
Dirty Dancing
Everybody knows the catchphrase ‘Nobody puts Baby in a corner’ and everyone remembers that dance move where Baby jumps up above Patrick Swayze’s head, arms outstretched. In fact, you still hear the catchphrase in use today and you still see people attempting the dance move in countless wedding dance videos on the internet. Released in 1987, Dirty Dancing was the last of the big eighties’ dance movies, following on from the likes of Fame (1980), Flashdance (1983) and Footloose (1984). Patrick Swayze played resident dance instructor Johnny Castle at the Kellerman’s holiday resort in the Catskill Mountains and Jennifer Grey played Frances ‘Baby’ Houseman, the 17-year-old New Yorker who falls in love with Johnny while vacationing with her well-to-do family. The film
is essentially a coming-of-age drama, with Baby secretly dating the working-class dancer while learning to dance herself so that she can be a substitute dancer at the annual performance. Despite opposition from her parents, she continues her relationship and ultimately performs an impromptu final dance of the season with Johnny in front of her parents, climaxing with the famous dance lift move to the music of (I’ve Had) The Time of My Life. To this day, every time I hear that song, I grab the nearest woman I can find and lift them up over my head.
Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
If you had to choose the best film of the 1980s, chances are you would pick this one. Matthew Broderick plays the cooler-than-cool Ferris Bueller, the popular kid you always wanted to be, who fakes illness to take a day off school with his highly strung friend Cameron and his beautiful girlfriend Sloane.
Ferris and his friends enjoy the illicit freedom from school, enhanced by ‘borrowing’ Cameron’s father’s Ferrari 250 GT California for the day. But not everyone is convinced by Ferris’s fake illness; his jealous sister Jeanie uncovers the deception and sets out to blow his cover, while the evil school dean of students, Edward Rooney, also believes Ferris to be a truant and attempts to catch him out. Everyone else thinks Ferris is unwell and since he is so popular, he gains a huge amount of sympathy and attention, much to the annoyance of his sister.
Matthew Broderick starred as Ferris Bueller in this 1986 classic movie. (Paramount)
Mr Rooney visits Ferris at home but is greeted by a recorded message when pushing the intercom button. Smelling a rat, Rooney tries to break into the house, losing a shoe in the mud in the process, and is met by Jeanie who high-kicks him in the face and runs upstairs to call the police. Later at the police station, Jeanie ends up making out with Charlie Sheen who plays an arrested drug addict.
A 1980s Childhood Page 5