by Toni Blake
“All right, honey. Be careful,” Sue Ann called, then turned back to Jenny, lowering her voice. “And that goes for you, too. Be careful with this, Jen.”
Jenny bit her lip. She’d been turning it over and over in her head. “How do I not tell my father? I mean, he would be so deeply disappointed in me if he knew I was keeping something like this from him.”
Sue Ann watched Sophie climb up a ladder, then disappear into a small towerlike structure, and Jenny could almost feel her friend’s maternal instincts kicking into high gear. “Maybe you should tell him, Jen,” she said, turning back to face her and looking much more serious than usual. “I mean, he’s a freaking escaped convict.”
“Who’s not hurting anybody,” Jenny couldn’t help pointing out. “He’s just…dying here.”
“That doesn’t make breaking out of prison any less against the law. This is…big, Jen. Like you said, serious shit. And your father is the chief of police. I think that really obligates you to tell him.”
Jenny let out a huge, draining sigh. “I know. That’s what’s killing me. It was one thing to keep quiet when I didn’t know Mick’s secret, but now that I know, it feels like I’m…breaking a sacred trust not to tell my dad.”
“That seals it then. If it feels wrong not to tell him, then you should tell him.”
“Yet in another way, it feels just as wrong to tell him. I mean, all my life, I’ve had a pretty clear understanding of right and wrong—my parents made sure of that. But this, Sue Ann, this straddles the line for me. And…this isn’t just about Wayne. If I tell, Mick might go to jail, too.”
“Well, yeah,” Sue Ann said, eyes wide. “He’s harboring a fugitive!”
Despite Sue Ann’s theatrics, Jenny only swallowed, trying to get rid of the lump in her throat. “Wayne didn’t look much like a fugitive lying in that bed.”
Sue Ann sighed in return, as if seeing Jenny’s point, but then she simply shook her head. “This is bad, Jenny—really bad. I don’t like it. I don’t like you being in the middle of this.”
She tried to play it off a little. “Well, I don’t know if I’m in the middle, exactly. Just sort of…on the side.”
“Still, this is your dad you’re not telling. Your father. If he knew you were hanging out with someone who’s harboring a fugitive, he’d have a heart attack. And if he knew you were having sex with the guy…and protecting him from the law…oh my God. You really have to tell.”
Yeah, she knew that. She’d already told herself the same thing. “Except that…I can’t see what good it serves. And…then there’s Mick.”
“Who is sounding like a very scary guy the more I hear about him. He robbed a liquor store, for God’s sake.”
“A long time ago. And he’s changed since then.”
Sue Ann’s eyes flew wide once more. “Would you listen to yourself! Justifying it!”
Wow. At that moment, Jenny suddenly realized how awful it all sounded, like she was some dumb, enabling sort of woman—but for some reason, after last night, she really believed Mick, deep down inside. She really believed he wasn’t that guy anymore. “I just…don’t want to get him in trouble,” she tried to explain.
“Why?”
Good question. “Well, we…have sex. We…had sex last night.”
Sue Ann’s jaw dropped. “You know, I keep thinking I’m going to quit being surprised, but congratulations, you got me again. You had sex with him after the whole Wayne thing?”
Another sigh left her. “Guilty as charged, officer.”
“Um, outside again?”
It was almost a relief to get Sue Ann on a topic that held more prurient interest for her. “You got it. Standing up. Against a tree.”
“Holy God,” Sue Anne breathed.
“I really didn’t mean to. I know it was a bad idea under the circumstances, but when he starts kissing me and touching me, Sue Ann, what can I say—I turn to putty in his hands. Complete putty! And you should also probably know—” She stopped, swallowed. Crap. “There was no condom.”
Sue Ann slapped her hand against her forehead. “All right, that’s it. I’m driving you to Crestview myself tomorrow to get that damn test.”
“Fine, you’re right, I’ll go—I know I need to do that.” Since I still really don’t know him very well, after all. But she kept that part inside, given that she felt more on the defensive with Sue Ann here than she ever had in all their years of friendship. They were usually like-minded on important things, but maybe it was hard to make anyone understand who hadn’t seen the expression on Mick’s face last night.
“So, wanting to protect him,” Sue Ann began, her voice a little softer. “Is this about sex, or is it about…something more with Mick?”
Jenny took a deep breath, trying to think through her reasoning. “I just…hate that he’s going through this.”
“He chose to.”
“He felt he couldn’t say no,” Jenny countered. “He loves his brother. If you could have seen the pain in his eyes, Sue Ann…”
But Sue Ann was having none of it. “They’re criminals, Jenny. Crim-i-nals. They break laws. They’re bad dudes, scary guys. You can’t go on like this, having sex with him, and protecting him.”
“You thought it was fine a few days ago. You said good sex was worth a lot.”
“Well, that was before I knew for sure he was breaking a law. Before, it was all…mysterious and sexy. Now, it’s just…illegal.”
“You can’t tell anyone,” Jenny felt the need to remind her, then let out a sigh. “I’m really starting to think I shouldn’t have told you.”
Then Sue Ann looked wounded. “I’m just scared for you, Jen. You’re my best friend.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I’m a little stressed-out right now.”
“So what are you going to do about this?”
“I don’t know. Think, I guess. And try to figure it out.”
Sue Ann took back on a scolding look. “And in the meantime, wait for him and his penis to return your telescope? I sure hope that penis is worth it, Jen.”
But Jenny didn’t answer. How could she make Sue Ann understand that it wasn’t just the penis—it was the whole darn scary guy. The truth was, despite believing all he’d told her, she did remain a little afraid of him—maybe more now than she’d been yesterday.
Yet the really scary thing here was that she wanted him more than she feared him.
Jenny poured iced tea into two glasses on the picnic table in the backyard, the scent of the pork chops her father grilled nearby making her hungry. Other than the heat, which seemed to grow worse every day, it was a lovely evening—birds chirped, flowers bloomed, and butterflies fluttered their way across the expanse of lawn that stretched between her place and Miss Ellie’s. It could have been a scene from Snow White. A shame her hands were shaking when she poured the tea.
“D’you hear about the big housing development going in on the old Ashcraft farm?” her dad asked, spatula in hand, eyes on the grill.
Jenny sat down at the picnic table, trying to calm herself. Relax. It’s not really a lie unless he asks you a question and you don’t tell the truth, right? “Um, no, Dad, I didn’t.” Then suddenly focusing on what he’d said, she felt confused. “A housing development? Here?” Things like that didn’t happen in Destiny.
“Yep, sure enough. And even though it’s not right in town, or near the lake here, sure is apt to change things a lot.”
Oh, of course it was still a lie. Everyone knew lies of omission were just as bad—sometimes worse—than regular lies. But stop this! Focus on the conversation. “So who are they building these houses for?” Destiny’s population had held almost steady her whole life, and the only new housing had been three or four homes built by individual families and a nice apartment building near the railroad tracks that ran parallel to Main Street
.
Her father looked just as baffled. “Who knows? But according to Johnny Fulks, the developer thinks folks’ll buy, and the town co
uncil thinks it’ll draw new business.” Johnny Fulks had been the head of the Destiny Town Council for twenty years.
Jenny tried to wrap her mind around that, but it was difficult since her mind remained wrapped around Mick Brody’s secret and how awful she felt not telling her dad.
“Hard to imagine that much change comin’ to town,” her father said. “Not sure I care for it much.”
She nodded, looked down at the wood grain in the table, and wished she didn’t know Wayne Brody was lying across the lake waiting to die right now.
“But I reckon you can’t stop such a thing,” he went on. “Towns change. They sort of…grow up, I guess. I just thought that sort of change had passed Destiny by, and I liked it fine.”
She barely heard him. Don’t feel so guilty. You’re doing what you think is right, aren’t you? The fact was, from the moment Mick had told her, she’d known she couldn’t rat him out. She knew she couldn’t make a man’s death harder than it already was.
But she’d never kept anything of any magnitude from her father—ever. He was a good man, and she’d always felt comfortable telling him things going on in her life. Even when she’d had to suffer the shame and embarrassment of Terrence cheating on her—although she’d first called Sue Ann, she’d phoned her dad right after. Now Mick Brody had her keeping all sorts of secrets from her dad. Secrets about what she did at night. Secrets about who she was seeing. Secrets about escaped convicts, for heaven’s sake.
Just then, she looked up to see her dad arriving at the table with a platter of pork chops and ears of corn that had come straight from his friend Ed’s corn patch. He lowered it onto the table next to the baked beans she’d whipped up and took a seat. “Honey, are you feeling okay? Is something wrong?”
She swallowed nervously. Oh crap, she’d let her worries show. “I’m fine, Dad.”
He looked unconvinced, his mustache twitching uncertainly. “Are you thinking about Terrence—is that it?”
“Um…”
“You can tell me—it’s only natural he’d still be on your mind.”
She hated to give Terrence the Rat Bastard credit for her mood, but it was a good excuse. “All right then, yeah—I guess I’m thinking about Terrence.” Oh hell, another lie. This one straight out and verbal. It hurt. To lie to her dad. But she could see no other way.
“Well, I can’t pretend to know how you feel, but my only advice is that you gotta keep busy and think toward the future. What’d you do today?”
Went to Crestview with Sue Ann and took an HIV test. Which had come back blessedly negative, hallelujah. “Sue Ann and I…hung out a while.” Good, not a lie. Well, except by omission. She was still trying to make herself believe those didn’t count.
Her father smiled. Poor guy, if he only knew. “It’s nice, you girls getting to spend so much time together again.”
She couldn’t argue that—it really was. Without Sue Ann, she wasn’t sure how she’d be getting through this. And thankfully, Sue Ann had been more relaxed and fun today, in spite of why they were driving to Crestview, and she’d even made a point of digging for more dirt about sex with Mick.
“What else ya been up to?” her dad asked as he forked a chop onto her plate, then another onto his.
She could only sigh. Having sex with Mick Brody. Finding out his escaped convict brother is living right across the lake from us. Or…would that be dying right across the lake? “Um, well…I’ve been doing some reading. And I tidied up that old perennial bed on the side of the house. The dianthus will have more room to spread, and I bet the gladiolus will come up better next year.”
Her dad nodded, smiled some more. She tried to focus on peeling back the husk on her corn and running a small slab of butter over it. “Things are lookin’ real nice in the yard,” he said. “I meant to comment. I noticed you’ve been doin’ some work on the place.”
“Well, Mom always did like a nice yard.” Mom? What the heck was she doing bringing up Mom? That was her dad’s department, and she was usually the one trying to lead him down a different path. Of course, maybe it was that nearly large-as-life reminder in the living room, looking down on her day and night. It made her feel stuck somewhere between the ages of five and thirty-one at any given moment, on an unpredictable sliding scale. “And I figured it would help you out,” she added, not wanting to get stuck on the subject of Mom.
“Well, only if you want to. You know I generally hire Adam Becker’s landscaping outfit to do the upkeep on the place in summer. Just haven’t called ’em lately since we haven’t had enough rain to make the grass grow—no need to mow.”
She smiled. “They can mow, whenever it rains—I’ll do the flowers.”
He grinned in return. “Sounds like a fair deal.” Then he raised his eyebrows. “Have you seen Adam since you’ve been back in town?”
Adam, the boy who stood next to her wearing a crown in that picture on the living room wall. “No, can’t say that I have. He’s married now, right?”
“Recently got divorced,” her dad replied matter-of-factly. Hmm, maybe divorce wasn’t quite the dirty word in Destiny that she’d feared. “Real shame, too, cause him and Sheila have the cutest little twin boys, and I hear it’s been rough on ’em.”
“That is a shame.”
“Maybe you oughta…call him up or somethin’. Just for old times’ sake.”
She smiled knowingly. “Dad, it’s too soon. Probably for him, too.” And besides, I’m having heated sex with Mick Brody in the woods. And in your house.
Her father shrugged. “Figured it was worth a try. And he’s a decent enough fella, in case you change your mind.”
She got back to eating. There for a minute, she’d had Mick off her mind—but now he was back, and she was feeling guilty again.
“By the way,” her dad said, “Stan Goodman from the school board stopped by the department the other day. He heard you were in town and wanted to know if it was true.”
Okay, now she stopped eating, corncob balanced between her fingertips. “Uh…why?” She knew Stan Goodman, had all her life, but not in any close way.
“There’s a teaching job open at the high school. In the science department. One of the teachers had a baby and decided not to come back. Stan wondered if you’d be interested.”
Her first thought? No way. She hadn’t come home to stay home—she’d just come back to figure out her next move. She had no intention of settling here.
But she bit her tongue, flattered that they would seek her out. And she did need a job.
And she could see the stars here a lot better than in Columbus.
Well, sometimes. At least when she had the Brody property at her disposal.
Oh hell, she clearly couldn’t think straight about a job right now. So she said the only sensible thing. “I’ll…keep it in mind, Dad. I, uh, don’t know if I want to make a decision this fast.”
“Well, fall’s right around the corner—but you take your time. I know all this change hasn’t been easy on you.”
Yeah, she’d thought the divorce and quitting her job and leaving her house had been hard—she’d had no idea what other bizarre ways her life would change by coming home. A vision of her and Mick, beneath the stars, moving together like animals, filled her head. Then came another much worse vision, one that seemed to be haunting her the past couple of days—Wayne Brody in that bed. She closed her eyes to shut it out.
“What’s wrong, honey? You okay?”
Damn it, snap out of it already. Get hold of yourself. “I think it’s just the heat getting to me—giving me a headache is all. Nothing to worry about.”
Her father reached out to touch her hand. “You sure? You’d tell me if it was something worse than that?”
Oh God, he was concerned about her health. Because she was lying, making stuff up to protect herself. And her lover. Oh Lord, she had a lover. A law-breaking one. She couldn’t quite stop being shocked over it, no matter how much she thought about it.
She took
a deep breath, reminded herself to be cool. “I’m fine, Dad, I promise. It’s just…the stress of it all getting to me, I guess.”
“Well, you’re home now,” he said, patting her hand across the table. “Safe at home where nothing can hurt you anymore.”
Oh Dad, if you only knew.
Later that night, Jenny stood in the living room, staring at the shrine to her mother. And even as guilt ate at her, she walked slowly to the wall, closed her hands around the edges of the large frame, and carefully lifted the picture from the screws it hung upon. Carrying it to the steps, she maneuvered it upstairs and into the spare bedroom which had once been hers—she’d been sleeping in her parents’ old room since coming home because it looked the least like it had when she was a girl.
Walking back down the steps, she couldn’t deny that the wall looked positively empty—a big, blank space staring at her, a tidy square of blue paint, darker than the rest of the room—but she wasn’t going to be deterred. If she wanted to take a picture down, she could. If she wanted to keep something from her father, she could. She was an adult and had a right to make her own decisions.
Even if they hurt someone? she asked inside as she carefully gathered the smaller pictures below in her arms, one by one. Taking the pictures down was going to hurt her dad whenever he noticed it. And the fact that she was keeping Mick’s secret would probably kill her father if he ever found out.
But she had to do these things, both of them. Because her heart and her gut told her they were right. And that was all she had to rely on right now. And getting tougher about it—not getting sad or distraught-looking every time she saw her dad—would be necessary. This was the first step toward feeling like the thirty-one-year-old woman she was, not the little girl who had once lived here.
After stowing the rest of the shrine upstairs in her old room, she went into her parents’ room—no, her new bedroom—and with much pushing and pulling and grunting, rearranged the furniture. She put the bed against a different wall, trading spots with the chest of drawers. Then she tossed a sheer, colored scarf over the lampshade. Tomorrow she would buy a new comforter for the bed, and maybe some new curtains, too. Even if she was only here for the summer, she needed to make this place her own. She had to. Or she would drown here.