“Duly noted.” I drank the perfect brew as a truce, hoping she would continue talking, but she fell silent. “Have I missed much in the first lecture?” I asked eventually.
“Not really. It was an impromptu panel discussion to compare notes. Those represented included: America, minus you of course, but your colleague and the California team were spot on; representatives from Germany, Sweden, the UK, and the Netherlands all had a lot to add. It was interesting.”
“I’m sorry I missed it,” I said. The silence fell upon us again, and the longer it lasted, the more I couldn’t resist my desire to keep her near me and away from the pawing woman of the day before.
“Where is the woman you were chatting up last night?” I hadn’t meant to sound snotty but tossing and turning all night had taken its toll.
Of all the bad luck! Ms. Touchy-feely sauntered over. Did she have to walk like ‘provocative’ was her middle name?
“There you are,” she gushed at Robin. Her accent was indeed Nordic. “Care to join me for dinner tonight?”
She hadn’t even given me a glance sideways as she towered over us, all six feet tall, blond, fair skinned and blue eyed, like she knew she was gorgeous and didn’t care whose space she invaded. If she stood any closer to Robin, she could have crawled into her pants and taken up permanent residence. This pissed me off to no end.
I didn’t know what to expect, but Robin shot me an apologetic look. Was that a question in her eyes? I read it that way.
“Thanks for the invite, Lena.”
So, they were on a first-name basis. I wonder what else Robin knew about her.
“Why don’t you join us, Jan, and bring Deborah along too,” Robin said.
Lena looked like she choked on a hairball. I know the look of a possessive dyke, and Lena sported it in spades. Exactly how much claim did Lena have staked on Robin?
I faltered, but managed to say, “I’ll see what Deborah, I mean, she prefers Debs, has in mind later and let you know.”
Did I really want to watch Lena play the mating game with Robin? I should think not, but really, didn’t I make it clear that I was not in Robin’s market when she was obviously on the make?
I worked my way through the crowd and spotted Debs deep in discussion with Kirk. They made a lovely couple. It seemed sparks were flying there, and I didn’t want to get in the way, so I went back and accepted Lena’s invite. I couldn’t let Robin go unescorted, now could I?
The day was flying by. I was passionate about all the topics covered. It was encouraging how well the delegates were getting along. Just before my own presentation was due, I thought I’d empty the entire contents of my nervous stomach one way or the other. But I couldn’t very well spend too much time in the ladies’ room with Debs knocking on the stall every five seconds. The thought of Robin sitting in the audience gave new meaning to stage fright.
“Okay,” Debs said, trying her best to reassure me. “You’ve got this memorized, polished, and you’re going to be great. Hear me?”
“I can’t.”
“You can and you will.” She massaged the tight knot between my shoulder blades, slapped me on the shoulder. “Let’s go!”
With her hand tightly gripping mine, I had no choice but to follow. Robin looked up at me and smiled. I took a last deep breath and turned to my first slide. Quite miraculously, once I started speaking at the podium, I was able to relax. By then, I had spoken privately with many who were seated in front of me. By the very last slide, I did myself, Debs and Scott Spencer Enterprises proud. There was applause. I was floored. It wasn’t unusual for Robin to receive such appreciation, but I was just a representative from New York without a doctorate and a loyal following. Apparently those in the audience who clapped knew something I didn’t. Debs shot me two thumbs up, and I mouthed thank you.
During the question-and-answer session, it was Robin who publicly thanked me for the impressive outline for planning the strategies I hoped to put in place with everyone on board. My heart rate sped up when Robin held her arm high in a sea of raised hands. Naturally, I called on her first.
“I’d like to volunteer for the task force you’ve designed. To do what I can from this end.”
I was truly touched, if she meant what she said. Maybe my voice squeaked a little, but I was able to reply, “That would be perfect,” before fielding more questions. I was immensely relieved when it was over and definitely pleased with my performance. I intended to thank Fern for coaching me when I got back to the office. Not that I was in any hurry to head home.
The moment I stepped down Debs gave my arm a tight squeeze. “You got the big Dr. Robin Wright’s seal of approval. Good work!”
“Thanks, Debs. You deserve credit too, you know.”
“Let’s hope the rest of what we have to present goes as well. I’m so proud of you Miss Jacobs. So damn proud.”
“And I you.”
I could just imagine Patrick coming up behind us saying something like, “okay you two, enough with the love fest.” I couldn’t wait to e-mail him and everyone back home my report.
“If Marcus were here,” Debs said, “he’d give you a raise.”
“Stop. Let’s get to the next meeting.”
The topics throughout the rest of the day held my undivided attention, but the moment we were in between sessions, I was forced to watch Lena sweet-talk Robin until I thought I’d go into diabetic ketoacidosis. I tried not to let it spoil my good mood after a successful first presentation, but the distraction of Lena coming on to Robin during each break got so bad that Debs had to repeat what she said three times, and I still couldn’t recall one thing I’d heard the entire time. She finally gave up on me as we entered the Torbay Suite meeting room. It was the last talk of the day, the wrap up, and interested or not, it was getting harder for most of us to maintain peak concentration levels. I suspected many were already wondering what they were eating for dinner and where they wanted to spend their evening off.
“Don’t you think the schedule is one hour too long for one day?” I overheard someone say. I was about to say I couldn’t agree more, but I was caught off guard when I got to the only empty seat left and saw that Robin was to sit between me and that bimbo Lena! I blamed Debs, who gave up her seat to be with Kirk.
Lena leaned over Robin, practically sitting in her lap, with her hand firmly planted on a well-muscled thigh, when she asked me, “What is Jan short for, Janet?”
“Janalyn.” If I had said it any more pointedly, I might have gotten in trouble for carrying a dangerous weapon on the premises.
“I knew a Czech girl named Janalyn. Never an American.”
“I’m named after a beloved aunt on my mom’s side. That side of the family lived in Poland before the war.”
Why did this Lena have to be nice to me when I had my heart set on hating her? Especially when it was obvious she was only getting friendly with me to lean on Robin? Maybe I could stab her with the point of my pen.
“I have family in Sweden and Poland too.”
Did I look like someone who cared about her ancestry? It was impossible to deny that she was very nice to look at, but each time Robin appeared to be lost in her glacial blue eyes, I worried that I’d do something totally stupid. It irked me to be behaving so badly, but something about Robin had me out of character. This sucked. I needed air. Without warning, I bumped my way out of the long row of seats, causing a domino effect of attendees to stand in order to let me pass before I reached the terrace doors totally winded.
I pushed the handle on the glass door so swiftly it clanged. The door swooshed open too fast for me to maintain my footing. Robin caught me with a strong arm around my waist, literally saving me from ending up on the floor. I hadn’t even realized that she had followed me up out of my chair. It was a pleasant surprise, but her embrace was so intimat
e, I couldn’t stop wanting to kiss her again.
“You seem tense today? Anything I can do to relieve it?” Robin said.
I had to shake her off or I’d kiss her right there. “Are you always this, this, this…rude?” I said.
“How do you mean?”
“Don’t play innocent with me, Robin. You’ve wanted to get into my pants from the moment we shared a scone.”
“I thought the feeling was mutual.”
“It was, is, but that’s beside the point.”
“What is the problem then?”
“Who is this ‘Lena’ to you, huh?”
“Who?”
“Don’t act all innocent.”
“She’s nobody to me, but Jan, I would like you to be.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. We don’t know each other. We have nothing in common. For God’s sakes, I live much too far away.”
Oh God, I regretted every word I said. Here Robin was being honest, laying it all on the table, and I really wanted to accept it at face value. But I’d spent every moment since I’d come downstairs being completely jealous of Lena and Robin. What was wrong with me? If I was over Faith, then why would I still be affected by the scars she left when she ripped out my heart? It made no sense. I tried to reason with myself, to accept that while I might get hurt again, it would be okay to take another chance on love. I was stronger now. No matter how frightened I was to take the plunge, being a wimp wasn’t really my style.
“But we’re both here now—” Robin was pleading. I could see it in her eyes. I couldn’t believe she’d ever be reduced to begging. It broke my heart to deny her, but I had self-preservation to think about. I didn’t want the first woman I slept with in so many years to be just for sex. Despite all my sexual attraction to Robin, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.
“I don’t want a fling, not here, not with you.” My words were harsh, but it seemed the only way to make her stop tempting me until I had no choice but to give in.
She looked as if I had struck her. I thought I’d be sick; what had I just done? I’d driven her away. And indeed, she turned to leave. But this was for the best, I told myself.
Right?
CHAPTER 10
After the confrontation with Robin, I decided a drink was in order. I needed something to calm my nerves. I wasn’t a big drinker, but a glass of white sure sounded good right now.
I brushed by Debs’s elbow as I headed toward the bar. “Debs, when you get a minute, may I have a word please?”
She was at my side in an instant. “Hey girlie, what’s up?”
“Why did you give out our room number?” I fixed my gaze on the bartender. He was busy pouring liquors into tall glasses, immediately making me think of Long Island Iced Teas, and I debated whether or not to have one of those instead. But then it seemed so wrong to drink cold tea in England even if the alcoholic version only resembled tea in color and flavor and didn’t have a drop of tea in it.
Debs knew instantly what my question really meant. “She’s into you, Janalyn. Why not go with the flow?”
“To what end?” I turned toward Debs, trying to keep my voice calm. “It’s not like I’ll ever see her again after the conference.”
“Big deal. It’s time you lightened up and lived a little. Too much work and no play make for a miserable Janalyn. Time to get back in the saddle. Sow your wild oats—”
“Stop with the cheesy metaphors already!” What was the use explaining how I felt when I couldn’t fathom my reluctance either? I sighed. “Are we getting a drink or not?” I signaled the bartender. “What do you want?” I asked Debs.
“Sex on the beach.”
“Oh brother.”
The bartender focused on the next patron, making Debs impatient. “Forget the drinks. Listen, I’m staying the night in Kirk’s room, soooooo…”
“So what?”
“So, you’ll have the room to yourself, is all I’m saying.” Debs winked, to which I just rolled my eyes.
“Is this Kirk worth it?”
“Oh yeah, and if it doesn’t lead to something more permanent, c’est la vie! See you later, alligator.”
“Wait, what are you and Kirk doing tonight? A bunch of us are going for a curry—” I still couldn’t believe I’d accepted the invitation for dinner, but I couldn’t let Robin go off alone with that woman, now could I?
“We’re ordering room service.” Her naughty smile said it all.
Envious of her carefree attitude, I watched as she walked off in search of her latest Prince Charming. Maybe she had a point. Hooking up with Robin would add a saucy tale to this trip.
Although people lingered in the hotel lobby after the day’s sessions ended, Robin and I did not cross paths. I know I was certainly avoiding her after our confrontation earlier. So, naturally, I was surprised when, eventually, I felt her voice was in my ear. “Be out front at seven.”
“Excuse me?”
“You agreed to a curry.”
“Oh, yes, okay. Seven.”
Without another word, we both strolled off in opposite directions. Once back in my room, I chucked off my clothes and hit the shower that I hoped would wash off a truckload of conflicting emotions roiling up in my stomach. I hated to go along, but I would suffer worse being out of the loop. It was a no-win situation, but I distracted myself by focusing on what the heck to wear. I doubted anyone was dressing up for curry, so I chose a baby blue polo shirt with cap sleeves, a short denim skirt, and blue-jean colored canvas peep-toed wedge heels that offered a sporty comfort and were my second all-time favorite when I couldn’t get away with wearing sneakers.
I had another hour to kill, so I decided to check with the desk clerk about renting a car. It turned out the cars available even had GPS navigators they called Sat Nav. Maybe I would go back to the spot Robin and I had visited and see the nightjars once more before I left. I decided that it really wasn’t that scary being there at dusk after all. It would be cool to use the recording device on my phone to monitor the nightjars’ calls as a keepsake.
As the clerk drew up the car rental contract, I spotted Robin chatting up yet another woman. Didn’t she ever take a time-out? What an insufferable flirt that woman was! Well, fuck her, I wouldn’t mind a curry, and perhaps I’d chat up a fine woman myself while I was there. I quickly squared up the rental details for the next day and headed back up to my room in a huff not only to grab a sweater but to take a time out.
When I returned to the lobby, there was no sign of Robin, but Lena assembled me and two others for a short trip to a nearby Indian restaurant that turned out to be within walking distance to the hotel and overlooked the harbor. A long scalloped string of lights lined the sky above the sidewalks, illuminating the bay in a wash of color. Even the drawbridge, streetlamps, and Ferris wheel were illuminated.
Someone asked where the infamous Dr. Wright was. Lena informed us only that Robin would be detained, and I was dying to ask what the emergency was without letting on that I cared.
Lena made the intros, and I added very little to the small talk, all the time fuming that Robin wasn’t there and was probably off with the woman I saw earlier. She had some nerve trying to get me into the sack while fucking every other skirt in town.
After a small bite of poppadum I hardly tasted, all the main dishes arrived steaming hot, and otherwise flavorful and enticing, but my appetite had simply vanished. The tikka masalas, rice biryanis and rogan joshes blended into one big mishmash before my eyes. I lost track of the conversation so often the others just forgot I was there. When the check arrived, I threw a twenty pound note into the pile and mumbled farewell, preferring to walk back on my own. They were whispering about me, no doubt about that, but I couldn’t care less.
If there was a moon, it went unnoticed, because the air was misty and t
he sky dark, but the hotel was all aglow with enough lights for a Christmas celebration. Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a woman all wet and muddy. She wore clunky work boots that swished as she scurried out from the shadows and scooted onto the doormat. She wiped her feet before entering the lobby, and when I caught a glimpse of her profile, I realized it was Robin! That did it! I bet she took that woman I saw her with earlier and fucked her brains out in the wilderness by some lake. My mind conjured up every naughty scenario, but one thing was crystal clear: she was a player of the worst kind. How lucky for me that she hadn’t shown up tonight, because I was falling for her, and I really didn’t want to land in a pile of shit.
Stopping where I stood, I waited for her to leave my line of vision before making my way back to my lonely hotel room. I wouldn’t even have Debs to talk to, which sucked, since wallowing in self-pity was not what I needed before sleep. A good movie would take my mind off her and soothe my hurt ego, maybe.
I couldn’t believe she stood me up. And it was not just me but Lena and the others too. Maybe Robin was only as good as her latest conquest. If someone better came along, she just grabbed the chance without as much as a thought about anything but her own satisfaction. I pulled out my diary, the soft Moleskine all rolled up from being shoved in pockets and the pages tattered with details in shorthand. The calendar revealed that I had five more days of seeing Robin around and not being able to act on my true feelings, and then I could go home and get back to my life. Five more days.
CHAPTER 11
Later that evening, I was flipping through the TV channels, cursing that there was nothing worth watching besides a Criminal Minds episode I’d already seen when Debs popped back into the room, dressed all sparkly to match her cheery disposition.
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