Kale couldn’t argue. Jason had given him everything. Kale wouldn’t deny him this. Although it would have been easier if he’d wanted to simply take Kale. A quick, hard fuck. Fucking would even take his mind off his situation. But Jason would never consent to having sex if Kale weren’t visibly aroused, and try as he might, nothing stirred within him. Kale flirted with the idea of trying to fake it, but it would be worse to act interested in sex and then have Jason stop. It would bring back all of Jason’s insecurities. For too long, Kale had let Jason believe he was a rapist, and the scars from those thoughts ran deep. The remembrance of the pain he’d caused Jason added another layer to his shame. Kale could never apologize enough for it, even though he had tried on countless occasions to undo the damage.
Kale nodded his consent to the cuddling, and Jason settled into a more comfortable position for the night, holding Kale against him in a grip that seemed unbreakable.
* * *
The touch of Jason’s bare skin was as comfortable as any blanket. Kale smelled the sweet scent of Jason surrounding him. He could never make out exactly what it was—only that it was uniquely Jason—and it never changed no matter what soap he used or where he was. Kale’s limbs stretched within the confines of Jason’s embrace. He wasn’t ready to be rid of the warmth, and Jason’s grip had loosened during the night, allowing for careful movement. Muscles soft as jelly, Kale settled back into his spot. There was no need to even open his eyes, much less rouse himself from bed.
“How are you this morning, love?”
Kale had never been one for using pet names—Jason liked hearing Kale use his first name anyway—but sometimes he was glad Jason didn’t share his aversion. It was a warm, gentle reminder that he was, indeed, loved. Kale twisted around to kiss Jason. “Good. And you?”
“Happy you didn’t have any nightmares, or at least none that woke you.”
“And none that I can remember.”
“That’s good. Do you want to go down for breakfast?”
Kale didn’t think he ever wanted to move again. Life was perfect right here, but he knew it couldn’t last. “Sure.”
Jason gave him another quick kiss and then rose from the bed. The blissful spell broken, Kale stood. The weight he had avoided during sleep settled back on him.
After breakfast, they climbed in the car to visit the slavers they had heard about the previous day to see if they could find any information. It was unlikely a reputable business would discuss past sales with strangers, but it was better than sitting around the hotel waiting for a message from Martin. At least Kale had the satisfaction of driving.
* * *
“Let’s go back and get some lunch.” Jason commanded more than asked. They had started at Harrison’s and spent the rest of the morning in the area asking at the other nearby slave operations and talking to anyone they could find. Each dealer insisted all transactions were considered private, and if anyone around remembered the Monroe sale, they weren’t saying.
“No. Let’s keep asking around. Someone is bound to remember something.” If only Kale could find one person who could confirm that Monroe had even sold his slaves in the county, it would be a small victory. At the moment, he was concerned that perhaps Martin had gotten it wrong somehow and the slaves were sold elsewhere. Maybe the judge had changed his mind and insisted the slaves be sold in Malar County since that’s where the debts originated.
“You’re exhausted. Let’s take a break and see how you feel after lunch.”
“I’ve only been up for a few hours.” Kale had laid rail for as many hours as the sun shone for part of his life. A few hours walking around talking to people was hardly tiring work.
“I know, but being around all this slavery, these people who deal in humans, asking for someone to give you hope that you’ll see your family again and being subject to their whim, it’s taking a toll emotionally, and it’s manifesting itself physically.”
When Kale stopped to listen to Jason’s words, he realized they were true. Even though his body could still move, inside he felt drained, as if he was navigating an empty shell down the road on two sticks. Muscles weren’t holding his bones together, packing twine was. “You’re right. But I’m still driving. My nerves couldn’t handle you behind the wheel right now.”
Kale took momentary comfort in Jason’s laughter. Going back to the hotel would also allow them to see if Martin had left a message. As much as he wanted to be actively doing something, logically, he knew it wasn’t necessarily productive. He tried to let the air whipping through his hair calm him as he drove.
After lunch, they didn’t even make it to their room before the concierge let them know they had a message from Martin. Jason looked at Kale. “Do you want to call him back?”
“Can you handle it? I think I need to take a nap.” Truth was, Kale didn’t think he could bear hoping for good news only to get nothing from Martin. Nothing short of seeing his family would placate him at the moment, and he needed to sleep off this mood.
“Sure. I’ll be up as soon as I’m done.”
Kale trudged up the stairs to their room and collapsed on the bed as soon as the door shut behind him. He didn’t remember drifting off, but there was a line of drool on his chin when Jason entered. Kale wiped his chin and saw Jason beaming down at him.
“What?”
“He’s done it.” Jason joined Kale on the bed while Kale was still trying to sit up. “He found the name of the auction house that was used for Monroe’s slaves. It was McAllister Labor.”
Kale snatched the piece of paper Jason held with the name of the dealer on it, as if that would somehow make it more real. “How? That’s not even one of the names we gave him.”
“He and Smithson pulled a list of all the registered dealers in Shalae County. Copies of all the records are in Perdana. Then they went through and called—or apparently in some cases telegraphed—each one posing as an auditor confirming that the court-ordered sales had been completed.”
Kale shook his head. “I didn’t think Martin had it in him to be so devious.”
“The man is smarter than I think either of us knows. Finish your nap, and then we’ll go by McAllister’s. It’s not very far from here. We’ll be able to walk.”
“What? Why wait? Let’s go now.” Kale moved to get up, still looking at the paper, the proof that his hope wasn’t futile. Jason jerked Kale’s hand back down to the bed.
“You’re exhausted. It won’t do anyone any good for you to collapse. You need all of your wits for what’s coming.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Jason. This is my family we’re talking about. I’m not waiting another minute.” Kale tried to rise again, but Jason’s grip on his hand was firm.
“Kale, this is our battle, and I only want what’s best for you and your family. At this precise moment, that includes a nap.”
Kale saw in Jason’s eyes that he wasn’t going to relent. He was right. Jason had a dying father back at the ranch, but he was here with Kale. Jason had made it his battle even though he didn’t have to. “Fine.”
“I’ll wake you in an hour. I promise.”
Kale nodded and lay down. He expected to struggle with his mind, but exhaustion overwhelmed him. It seemed as if hardly a minute had passed when Jason shook him awake.
“Kale? It’s time to wake up.”
Kale’s eyes focused on the clock by the bed. It was an hour to the minute since his head had hit the pillow.
“I think you could probably do with sleeping through ‘til morning, but I promised. We can go to McAllister’s now.”
Kale’s muscles were heavy with sleep. It felt like walking through water to get ready to leave. Once outside, it didn’t take long to find themselves staring up at a large green sign with red script that spelled out “McAllister Labor.” The building housing the business was well kept. The sign stated they bought, sold, and held regular auctions.
Inside, they asked the secretary to see the proprietor. They were left waiting a f
ew minutes before the secretary returned and showed them to an office. A short, balding man sat behind a large mahogany desk. Behind him stood a slave girl dressed in a clean and revealing light blue dress. She couldn’t have been more than sixteen.
“Mr. McAllister, I’m Kale Wadsworth, and this is Jason Wadsworth.” Kale hoped they could pass as cousins. He had forgotten that it would seem strange for them to both have the same last name. Kale had been so accustomed to using Jason’s last name that it wasn’t even a thought anymore. “We were hoping for a minute of your time.”
McAllister stood and shook their hands, gesturing to the two chairs opposite his desk. “Please, have a seat. What can I do for you today?”
“We’re following up on a phone call you received from our associate, Mr. Grimlock. In order for us to clear up this business with the Monroe estate, we’ll need to see the sales records for his slaves.”
“I’m afraid you’ve wasted a trip, gentlemen. As I told Mr. Grimlock, those records are private. I can’t do anything more than confirm that the sales took place as prescribed by law. Anything more than that will require a court order.”
Jason nodded. “I understand. However, we were hoping that, in the interest of expediency, there might be a way for us to simply look at the records. We don’t require a copy of them or even to take them from the premises. Just a quick glance to make sure everything is as it should be, and we can be on our way.”
“That’s unacceptable. Our clients depend upon our discretion. Even at our auctions, we allow anonymous bidding by proxy. I can’t divulge any information other than that Mr. Monroe’s slave holdings were liquidated through this establishment.”
Tears pricked Kale’s eyes. Why couldn’t any of this be just a little easier? They weren’t talking about an estate. They were talking about his family. This one man got to decide if Kale would ever see his mother and brother again. It was wrong. Frustrating. Intolerable. “Please, sir.” Kale paused, attempting to gain more control over his voice. “We only need to see two records, for the slaves known as Adele and Thomas. Please. That’s all we need.”
“Why only those two? I thought you were settling an audit.”
Kale had nothing to lose. Desperation drove him. “They’re my mother and brother. I’m a free citizen of Naiara now, but before that I was a slave. I’m just trying to find my family so I can purchase them. That’s all.”
“I can’t help you, and I don’t appreciate being lied to. This is exactly why we don’t free slaves in this country. It causes nothing but trouble. Abigail, see these two men out.” Mr. McAllister’s gruff voice displayed the anger of a culture where the very idea of equality was offensive.
The girl stepped forward and gestured to the door. Kale couldn’t control the tears that flowed down his face. He had come so far, had fought every step of the way, and this was how it ended? All he wanted was his mama. How hard was that to understand? Why did his family not matter simply because they could be bought and sold? He allowed himself to be led out of the office and to the door. His body moved without his direction as his mind fell apart. He barely heard the whisper in his ear as the slave girl opened the door.
“I go to Cardinal Steakhouse each night at six-thirty to fetch my master’s dinner. Meet me there.”
Hope. The words were so welcome that Kale couldn’t believe she had actually said them. All he could do was stare at her in amazement. She couldn’t be real.
Jason stepped forward. “We’ll be there. Thank you.”
If Jason was replying, it must be real. Kale found his voice. “Thank you.”
Once out of the building, Kale strode quickly down the street, as if rapid movement would speed up time. It didn’t. None of the shop signs came into focus. Everything seemed to race by: people, horses, cars, window displays. It was all a blur. Jason’s hand on his arm finally stilled him.
“Kale, slow down. This is good, but you need to get control of yourself. Let’s go into the bookshop over there and look around. It’ll take your mind off the waiting.”
Kale followed Jason, trusting that he knew best. All Kale could think was that six-thirty seemed an eternity away. Inside the shop, Jason released Kale’s arm and started browsing. Kale tried to imitate him, but it was no use. Every title he scanned was just a jumble of letters. The words they formed refused to enter his mind, as if the words “Cardinal Steakhouse” and “six-thirty” took up every available space in his head.
Out of the corner of his eye, Kale noticed the shopkeeper glancing his way. When his path crossed Jason’s, he leaned in and murmured, “I think I’m making the owner nervous.”
Jason threw a glance over his shoulder. “I think you’re right.”
“This isn’t going to work. We might as well go back to the hotel.”
“All right. Let me buy something, and we’ll leave.” Jason selected a book and pulled some money out of his billfold, refusing the change.
The walk to the hotel was too short. Kale’s legs yearned to stretch, and his hands searched for activity. In the room, Kale immediately tidied all their clothes, putting everything away in its proper place. The room was a mess he could clean and make right. Retrieving a washcloth from the washbasin, he dampened it and proceeded to dust every available surface, taking great pleasure in the gleam his hand left behind.
“Kale, what are you doing?”
He didn’t even look up from his work. “Cleaning. This place is a mess.”
“No, it’s not. You’re a mess. Put the cloth down, and come here.”
“I can’t sit still.”
“Kale, stop.” Jason’s voice reached a volume Kale was not accustomed to hearing. His head snapped up at the tone, and he saw Jason had come to stand behind him. “You need to relax.” Jason’s hands on his shoulders made Kale realize just how tense he held them. With some effort, he forced them down, rolling his head to release the kinks.
“How do you expect me to relax when that girl knows something? How can I sit and do nothing as if I’m not going to finally find out where my family is after almost fourteen years in less than three hours?”
“Relaxing isn’t nothing, Kale. It’s important.” Jason’s hands began to gently massage. “You need a clear mind right now.”
Kale let Jason drag him to the bed. Pressure on his shoulders told him Jason wanted him to sit, but Kale couldn’t let his body rest.
“Sit, Kale.” It was the same tone as earlier. The same tone Jason used when defending someone he loved. It caught Kale’s attention and alerted him to the seriousness of the situation. If Jason felt Kale was in some sort of danger, then perhaps he was worse off than he’d thought.
Kale reluctantly sat. “I’m not taking another nap.”
Jason chuckled. “I wouldn’t dream of asking you to. There’s no way you’d be able to manage it.”
“As long as we’re clear on that.”
“Kale, I love you.”
It seemed to come out of nowhere, but nothing made Kale happier than hearing it. He knew Jason must derive the same pleasure from the words that he did, but Kale had a much harder time expressing such intimate feelings in such simple words. “I love you too, Jason. I just want to be useful right now.”
“Then read to me.”
“That’s not exactly useful.”
“It is to me. You know how I love hearing your voice, and it will give you something to focus on that won’t drive your body to exhaustion. Please, Kale. I hate to see you like this. We’re so close to finding what you want. You need to be able to enjoy the experience and be present in the moment.”
After all this time, the man in front of him still amazed Kale. It was so easy to fall into complacency and think he knew everything about Jason, that Jason couldn’t surprise him anymore, even when he regularly proved Kale wrong. Jason always had more depths than Kale thought possible and more heights he was willing to travel to, even if he had to drag Kale along. “What do you want me to read?”
Jason grabbed the
book they had started earlier. “You can start with this. If you finish, we have the book I just bought.”
“I don’t know if I’ll be able to comprehend the words right now.”
“That’s fine. We have the rest of our lives for you to read it. Right now, I just want you to read it to me.”
Jason curled up against Kale’s chest, and Kale read. A few paragraphs in, he realized Jason was right. Reading was incredibly soothing. While his mind wasn’t immersed in the story, it also couldn’t muster the energy to travel to anxious thoughts. Jason’s weight grounded him. Kale had done this right. He had ended up with this man, and that had to count for something. Sure, he’d messed it up royally in the beginning. He had caused so much suffering in their lives, but they had been able to come back stronger.
“That’s enough, Kale. It’s time for us to go.” Jason took the book and set it on the bedside table. Kale had become so lost in the task of forming his mouth into the words on the page that he’d lost track of time. His throat was scratchy and his mouth dry from reading. “Come on, love. Let’s go.”
Hearing Jason refer to him as love was usually too sappy for Kale’s taste, but at the moment, it reminded him that he was loved, and he needed it. It was a reminder that, regardless of what was about to happen, he still had Jason.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Jason clasped Kale’s sweaty palm in his own. It was the only way to stop his pacing in front of Cardinal Steakhouse. They didn’t need to draw any extra attention, and two men holding hands was more discreet than Kale’s frantic walking. With his free hand, Jason withdrew his pocket watch. There were still a few minutes before Abigail was due. He had made sure they were early, so there was no chance they would miss her. As he put the pocket watch away, Kale’s grip tightened on his hand. Jason followed Kale’s gaze and saw Abigail coming down the street.
Kale’s hand relaxed in an effort to pull away, but Jason held firm. If Kale confronted her, it might scare her off. It was better to let her take charge of the situation. She was the one doing them a favor.
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