“How are you doing?” Kale’s soft voice was a contrast to the steady thump of the dirt landing in the grave, the birds chirping in the trees, and the cows mooing in the distance that had lulled Jason into an almost trancelike state.
“Good. Better than I thought.” Jason looked up from the grave to show Kale his face, that he meant it. He was surprised to see that everyone else had returned indoors. “I’m glad he’s here with my mother and Lydia, that he’ll always be here on this land he loved so much.” Jason admired the memorials at the other two gravesites. Baby Wadsworth was marked with a cherub carved out of granite, little wings much too small to be of any use to the chubby baby. A tall, gorgeous angel peering down with such a look of tenderness and concern that it seemed completely lifelike stood at the head of his mother’s grave. Soon, Jason would choose a memorial to place at his father’s site.
“I heard you thinking inside. Did it help?”
“Yes. I feel like I’ve received some closure today. I can move forward.”
“I’m glad. I honestly didn’t know for a while how you would do.”
“Me either. This is such a peaceful place. The weather is perfect. It’s a beautiful day. I don’t know how this could have gone better. I was worried that I’d be so distraught that it would be difficult to visit his grave in the future. Instead, I’ll be able to remember this peaceful feeling I have right now any time I see it.”
“That’s wonderful, Jason. I couldn’t wish anything better for you.” Kale raised their joined hands to his lips for a gentle kiss.
“If only you had the same.” Kale didn’t have any place to visit to remember his mother, much less a place as nice as this. He deserved better. “When I order the memorial for my father, I want you to order one for your mother. We’ll place it here in the family plot. That way, you have a place to come to in order to reflect on her life and honor her memory.”
Kale took a deep breath, prompting Jason to look away from his family’s graves and focus on Kale. His eyes were misty. “I’m honored, Jason, and incredibly grateful for the offer and the gesture, but are you sure? This is your family’s plot.”
“And you’re my family. She brought you into the world, and I’m in her debt for it. This is the least I can do. She deserves it. She was your mother and a human being who should be respected and afforded dignity in death, even if she wasn’t in life.”
“Thank you.” Kale’s voice was husky. Jason squeezed his hand and looked into his eyes, trying to communicate as much love as he could through his gaze.
After a silent moment, Jason tugged on Kale’s hand. “Let’s go inside. Sophie and Darlene have prepared a luncheon, and I don’t want to appear ungrateful, especially when I have so much to be grateful for at the moment.” Side by side, they walked to the house. Inside his chest was a hollowness Jason knew would never go away. He would simply learn to live with it. As time marched onward, he would build new memories, share new experiences, build up his love with Kale, until the hole seemed tiny due to the sheer magnitude of what surrounded it.
Chapter Forty-Three
The smell of coffee was enough to perk Kale up after the luncheon. There had been too much food and not enough self-control on his part. His stomach was beyond full. The notion that he would need to make room for the coffee was almost unthinkable, but he needed the drink to keep him alert and free from the clutches of after-meal fatigue.
They were all together in the dining room. Kale had taken the seat on Jason’s left because he was unwilling to let go of his hand when they had come in from the gravesite. Jason’s offer to memorialize his mother had overwhelmed Kale. In all his years, he had never been more humbled. It was more than he had ever known to hope for.
“Do you have the will with you, Mr. Garrity?” Jason broke the comfortable silence that had settled over the room as everyone drank their coffee.
“Yes, sir, but we certainly don’t need to dispense with it now if you’re not up for it.”
“Thank you, but I’d like to go ahead and get it over with, if you don’t mind. There’s no sense dragging you out here again.”
Mr. Garrity rose to fetch the will from his briefcase. Demetri took the opportunity to stand as well.
“Where are you going, Demetri? I want you to stay here.”
Reluctantly, Demetri sat, trying valiantly to hide his discomfort. Poor fellow. Kale could only imagine how awkward he must feel. Thomas, who sat in Kale’s normal spot across from Jason, appeared to have accepted that his presence was desired, but that nothing was expected of him. The twinge of discomfort on his face was due to overeating. Kale wondered how long it would take him to realize he would never go without a meal again.
The will was short and straightforward. Robert had no family other than Jason. He left twenty percent of the business to John and everything else to Jason with an entreaty to care for the people who depended on the ranch. There were no surprises, though John seemed a little surprised that he had been left such a large ownership stake. Kale was amazed he hadn’t been left more, especially given the very little faith Robert placed in his son to manage the business.
“It will take some time for the will to make its way through the courts, but seeing as there are no creditors and no one who could pose any serious claim to the estate, I don’t anticipate any problems.”
“Thank you, Mr. Garrity. If I may intrude upon your time for a while longer, there’s something I wanted to discuss with all of you.” Mr. Garrity nodded, and Jason continued. “As most of you know, Kale and I are somewhat politically active in Naiara. We’ve made some good friends there, and seeing as we live right outside the capital, a good many of those friends are quite influential. The treaty regulating trade between Arine and Naiara is up for renewal soon. There is a strong movement in Naiara pushing the government to discontinue trade with Arine as long as the institution of slavery is still practiced here.”
“I didn’t think that movement was being taken very seriously.” Mr. Garrity was likely the only one besides Martin who kept up with politics.
“I wouldn’t doubt the strength of Naiaran feelings on the matter. I was raised there, and the hatred for slavery runs deep. It goes against everything the Naiarans take pride in.” Sophie turned to Jason. “Do you think anything will come of it? Are you planning on doing something?”
“Yes. They’re pushing hard for abolition, but Kale and I have been trying to persuade our friends to take a more practical approach. We know Arine won’t accept abolition right now, and we don’t want to waste this opportunity. That’s what I wanted everyone’s input on. We would like the Arinian government to adopt a law allowing a master to free his slaves, should he want to.”
“Freedom has never been a possibility for slaves. It undermines the entire institution. Owning slaves is an Arinian birthright, even for those who will never be able to afford one. It’s part of our national identity. Our forefathers went forth and conquered, bringing back slaves to build our country to greatness.” Mr. Garrity’s voice was firm with pride but not harsh.
“I’d remind you, Mr. Garrity, that there are two slaves sitting at this table and a former slave sitting at my side as my partner.”
“How slaves are treated under your roof is your business, Mr. Wadsworth. I’m simply telling you the hard truth. This is no little thing you’re proposing.”
“Couldn’t it be argued that a master has the right to do whatever he likes with his slaves? If he wants to kill a slave, he can. Why can’t he free a slave if he likes?” Kale knew from his years as a slave that perception was everything. The only way a slave could ever get what he wanted was to convince the master that it was really what the master wanted.
Mr. Garrity stayed silent a moment. “If such a bill has a chance of passing, it’d be by employing that argument.”
“John?” Jason turned to his new business partner.
“I’ve worked side by side with slaves my whole life. Never did understand what made us different. Th
e working class out here, though, they dream of the day they can own a slave. They won’t want to give up on it.”
“The working class in the city won’t feel the same way. They know they’re never going to be rich. Most of my friends feel the way I do about slavery. I think the key is knowing slaves. My friends and I have worked with slaves our whole lives, just like John. It makes it harder to look down on them.” Sophie spoke her mind with confidence, even though she sat at a table full of men. As a working-class woman, she wasn’t esteemed much higher than a slave in the eyes of the government. Perhaps it would be a wise tactic to court the support of women. As two marginalized groups, they might be able to help each other.
“What are your thoughts on the matter, Demetri?”
“Sir?”
“Come now, you must have some opinion. I’d like to hear it.”
“I think there are men who would like the opportunity to free their slaves, sir. It would solve some problems if there’s affection between a master and slave.”
“Or it would cause some,” Thomas interjected. When it was clear that was all Demetri intended to say, Kale nodded for his brother to continue. “It might not be a good thing if masters started thinking their slaves were behaving a certain way in the hopes of gaining freedom. Could cause a lot of distrust. A paranoid, jealous master is a problem for a slave.”
“From what I know of the men in Perdana, there are plenty who would like the option, who will feel it should have been their right from the beginning.” Martin offered his view. “There’s an awful lot of noble blood flowing through bastard slave children. It’s always been a problem for the aristocracy. There are quite a few nobles who don’t like the idea that their child is a slave. They’d like to be able to recognize them the same as they can their free, illegitimate children. Not to mention quite a few people found it ridiculous that you had to leave the country just so you could live with your freed slave, Jason. It caused quite a stir.”
“Really?” Kale found it hard to believe that anyone even gave it a thought.
“Oh, yes. There was talk at the time among some of the men in Perdana that Jason should have been allowed to do what he wanted with you. When I put feelers out at your request, the sentiment was still the same. It’s not unusual for men to form an attachment to a valet or other slave. That’s why there’s a law against slaves impersonating free people. It wouldn’t be necessary if there weren’t masters who wanted their slaves to behave as if they were free.”
“I never thought of it that way. I always just assumed it was to prevent slaves from thinking about revolting.” It worked. It was hard for a slave to desire freedom when even acting free meant death.
“It is, but it wouldn’t need to be put into law if men weren’t tempted to allow it.”
“Mr. Garrity, my question is: would you support such a law?” Jason turned the conversation back to the attorney.
“I suppose so. From a property law viewpoint, it makes sense for the reason that’s been discussed here. You can’t claim a slave is property if you don’t have the right to do whatever you like with it, including letting it go.”
“Thank you. We’ll count on your help when the time comes.”
“If that’s all, Mr. Wadsworth, I have a few appointments I must attend to.”
“Of course. Let me see you out.” Jason stood. Kale loosened his hand to allow him to leave, but Jason kept his grip firm. Once Kale stood, Jason let go of his hand, and they walked Mr. Garrity to the door together.
“Thank you for all your help, Mr. Garrity.” Jason shook the attorney’s hand.
“My pleasure. Your father was a good man. He’ll be missed.”
After the door shut, Kale took the opportunity to speak with Jason before they rejoined the others. “You don’t have to do this right now.”
“Yes, I do. For one thing, it’s time sensitive. We won’t get another opportunity for quite a while once the treaty is ratified.”
“We have friends who can handle this. I’m just saying that you don’t need to shoulder the responsibility. I know you, and I don’t think you should be taking on an all-consuming project right now.”
“I have to, Kale. Not just because it’s the right thing to do, but because I need it. I need the purpose. I wish I could find that purpose here, but I don’t know the first thing about running a ranch. I plan on giving John free rein. I can’t continue my father’s legacy here, but I can live up to his name by doing what I know is right.”
Kale grasped Jason’s arm. “I won’t let you follow your father into an early grave by working yourself to death.” If Kale let him, Jason would run so hard and so fast that his grief couldn’t possibly keep up. He’d seen firsthand how destructive Jason could become to himself. It wasn’t going to happen again, not on Kale’s watch, not now when they had everything they had fought so hard for in their hands.
“I know. I’m counting on you for that. I promise I’m not doing this to avoid anything. It’s quite the opposite, actually. I appreciate your concern, Kale, but this is the best thing I can do for myself right now.”
Kale searched Jason’s eyes. The shadow that had clouded them for days was still there, but a bright earnestness shone through. It worried Kale, but he was beginning to think he may always be worried, that it was his new normal. All he could do was trust Jason and be prepared to catch him if he should fall.
Chapter Forty-Four
“I’m sorry I haven’t had much time to spend with you.” Kale was out riding with Thomas. Despite his fears to the contrary, Jason appeared to be doing fine. Kale had hovered for the last two days until Jason had demanded he stop and go spend some one-on-one time with his brother. Kale had been feeling guilty for neglecting him, even though Thomas joined them for meals and occasional conversations in the sitting room.
“Don’t worry about it, Kale. You worry enough as it is. Always have.”
Kale crinkled his brow. “Have not.”
Thomas snorted. “Sure. Between you and Mama, I was more smothered than a free boy with a nanny.”
Kale chuckled. Thomas was right. Kale did have a tendency to take those he loved on as his responsibility. “There are worse things in the world.”
“Yes, there are. I love you for it. It’s nice having a big brother worry over me, but I’m not a kid anymore. I know you care. You don’t have to spend time with me for me to know that.”
“I don’t want you to ever forget how much you mean to me.”
“You left your cushy life in Naiara and risked re-enslavement by coming back here. All to save me. Yeah, it’s not likely that’s going to slip my mind any time soon.”
Kale smiled. “You never know. Anyway, any time you want to talk, you have my ear.”
“Thanks.”
Thomas didn’t appear inclined to say more. Kale wasn’t used to being the one who had to prompt conversation. “So, what do you want to do?”
“I was thinking we could head out to the western grove. You should see it. Some of the most beautiful—”
“No, I mean what do you want to do?” Kale slowed his horse and waited for Thomas to follow suit. “You have options now, Thomas. I told you I plan to free you, but I won’t force anything on you.”
Thomas’s face fell into contemplation. Kale didn’t push. It was a heavy question. “I don’t know. I like it here.”
“Well, that’s good.”
“Sure, but shouldn’t I want to be free?”
“After the scare-tales our mama told us?” Free children got fairy tales and stories of endless possibilities. Slave children got scare-tales of what happened when slaves tried to be free. Kale had told Lisa about them once, and she was horrified at the cruelty of it. She didn’t understand that stories like those kept skin on his back. Slave children were much like free children. They didn’t have an innate desire to obey. Scare-tales were a concerned mother’s way of trying to ensure her children didn’t end up beneath the whip or worse.
“It’s not t
hat. I’m not afraid of wanting freedom. I suppose it’s the unknown that worries me.”
“That’s reasonable.”
“Really?”
“Sure. Thomas, when I was freed, I already knew I’d be spending the rest of my life with Jason. There were a lot of unknowns, but I was already sure about the fundamentals. I was grounded. You’re not in that same situation. Even with all my advantages, it still took a long time for me to adjust. Even now, there are days when I feel like an impostor.”
“I think that’s how I’d feel. What do I know about being free? It would only be an act. Let’s say I decide to go to Naiara. What then? How’s it all going to work? I just cross the border, and suddenly I’m free?”
“Don’t worry yourself with the details. Jason and I will take care of those. Our home is yours, and I don’t need to tell you that money’s not an issue. There’s not a single thing you have to worry about other than knowing your own mind.”
“Thanks. I feel at home here. I like the work I’m doing. It gives me meaning.”
“Good. That’s the most important thing. Take some time to figure out who you are as a man outside of those who have owned you. Learn about yourself and what you want. When you know what that is, grab onto it. Maybe you’ll decide you want to start your own ranch or expand Wadsworth beef into Naiara. Maybe you’ll realize this is all just a nice safe place for you to heal and that there’s something else you want. Whatever it is, take your time.”
[Measure of Devotion 01.0 - 03.0] Box Set Page 75