You Loved Me At My Ugliest

by Evie Harper

  She wanted a normal teenage love story with a cute boy from school; instead, she had to hold me while I could hear Marco yelling, and Joey’s shouts turn to screams of pain.

  But my aunt never lived long enough to see me graduate, let alone have a normal relationship with a boy. She died in a hospital bed from a brain tumor when I was eighteen. For weeks I watched her slowly fade away from this life. After she took her final breaths, I swear she appeared younger, at peace. I said my goodbyes and left the hospital an orphan, once again.

  I finished high school, stayed at my aunt’s house and began college in Sacramento.

  Joey and I hadn’t talked at our fence since we were fifteen years old. When he turned fifteen, Joey started rebelling against his father, fighting back and leaving the house. Our relationship quickly went from friends to lovers without a fence between us.

  Since Joey had grown older and more muscular, his father hardly got a hit in anymore, but later, I would hear a woman’s screams, and bangs and crashes, and I knew it was because Joey was protecting his mother.

  Joey had left with his mother once when he was sixteen. He told me he would write to me and let me know where he was, but I never got that letter because a police car turned up two days later with Joey and his mother in it. Marco had found them and used his reach with the police to forcefully bring them back.

  Years passed and I graduated from medical school.

  Joey and I decided to move in together, but away from his father, so I took what I wanted from my aunt’s house, locked the doors and left. I tried to sell or rent the house, but I knew it was useless; if no one fancied living near Marco O’Connor years ago, they definitely didn’t want to now. He’d become more dangerous and was known for illegal black market trading.

  Joey and I moved to an apartment building in San Francisco. We moved his mother in with us, which I agreed to. I still hated the woman, but she was his mother. I would deal with it. She was quiet, and kind but she could never sit down and do nothing, so she cooked and cleaned. She was with us for two weeks before two massive men with guns came to our apartment to take her back to Marco. She and I were the only ones home at the time, and she told me not to make a fuss and to let Joey know she said goodbye. She was eerily calm, as if she’d known all along it was only a matter of time before she had to leave.

  Joey came home and lost it, smashed two glasses, and then stormed out, before returning a few hours later, miserable.

  I asked him what had happened, and he told me that the only way to get his mother away from his father would be one or all of them dying. And Marco also told him that if he didn’t come and work for the family business, his mother would pay the price. Joey told me he sold his soul to the devil that night, by agreeing.

  Then it was my turn to lose it. I was furious. We fought for weeks. It meant Joey would get caught up in his father’s criminal activities.

  I knew he couldn’t walk away from his mom, but it still hurt that he took the path, which would inevitably destroy him, or me, and our future. Nevertheless, I knew Joey better than anyone. He was a good man, so I stood by him.

  Two years into working with Marco, Joey told me he was going to have to move to Colombia for a short time for work.

  I followed. Joey was furious, but I refused to let him go and not know when he would be coming back. I’d lost every person I’d ever loved. Joey was the only constant throughout my life, and I believed loving someone meant for good and the bad.

  Moving to Colombia was the biggest mistake of our lives; it destroyed everything we had built together.

  Marco’s business was nothing this world had ever seen.

  Depravity.

  Broken souls.

  Greed.

  Lost lives.

  Inhuman acts.

  Then finally the death of Marco O’Connor, a death over a decade too late for so many.

  At the time of Marco’s death, I was long gone from Colombia and far away from Joey. I had been beaten badly by a guard for trying to save just a few of the many slave girls who Marco held captive.

  I never thought I would run from Joey, from the man I love, but I was angry, outraged at how I had let my life spiral so far out of control. So I decided to run and never turn back.

  I moved around Europe for two months. Each time I fled was because I sensed Joey getting close; strange men showing up and hovering around where I lived, going through my apartment building's mailboxes.

  Then out of the blue, I got a call from Emily and decided it was time to go home to America, try to make amends for my sins, to help someone who I should have tried harder to save a long time ago.

  That’s when Joey finally caught up with me.

  He promised me a future, one where he was a good man and worthy of me, as if I needed those things. I didn’t. I only wanted my Joey, the way he was, is. I only wanted to finally start a life.

  However, to do that Joey felt he must first take out another threat, his Uncle Michael, who had been asking questions about his father, Marco’s, death.

  I begged Joey not to go, to choose me this time, to start our lives. We could go anywhere in the world, have a brand-new beginning, but he didn’t pick me, so I chose to end things between us for good.

  He left that day. The instant that I realized he wasn’t going to change his mind and come back broke me possibly more than any other moment in my life.

  At thirty-two, I only wanted to be together as a couple, be happy. For the last twenty years, we have lived our lives with a black cloud over us and when it was gone, I wanted to move on, be untroubled. But Joey couldn't.

  He thinks he’s saving our future by eliminating the threats before they come to us, but he doesn’t realize the only hazard to us now is him.

  That was nine months ago. I haven’t heard from him since, but I know Jake and Kayne get updates from him and will let me know if anything is wrong. I don’t know if he’s happy. I just know he’s alive, and that’s all I need right now. I’m moving on, or trying to.

  Breathing has been a struggle since I ended things with him. Knowing he’s alive is all that’s keeping me sane and moving forward with my life. I love Joey more today than I ever have. It's something I hate, especially after everything that has happened and the distance between us, yet my love for him still grows stronger. I want it wiped out, forgotten, as if it never happened.

  My thoughts and body freeze as warm hands skim up my body. I know what he craves. I need it too, the contact, connection between a man and a woman. Nick wants more from me, and I’m trying hard to give that to him. I need time to forget Joey, time to erase what I had with him. Nick is a good man. I hope he can wipe Joey from my heart.

  Chapter Two

  Extraordinary

  Alexa

  “Lex.” Nick groans, his hands coming around and cupping my breasts. “I could get used to waking up beside you. Mornings never looked so sexy before.”

  We’ve been dating for four months, and it’s been wonderful. Nick takes me to the movies, to picnics on the river, and to fancy restaurants for dinner. He’s the perfect guy who also has a built body, short, dark blond hair and a gorgeous manly face. He is the type of guy most women would do anything for, and I hope one day that woman will be me.

  However, right now, I struggle to meet him halfway with his excitement for our growing relationship. I hate thinking I could be bringing him down. He deserves a lot more than a woman trying to care for him.

  Nick turns me onto my back and kisses me. The kiss is gentle, slow, and... I don’t know what else. This is where I need to try harder. Feel something, Lexi.

  I grasp the back of Nick's head and kiss him harder, trying to force my body to feel sensations and emotions that mean a deeper connection than just sex.

  Nick groans in reply to me being forceful.

  We release the kiss, and both take big breaths in. Nick kisses my neck while his hands stroke my breasts through my red tank top.

  “I want this every morn
ing,” Nick says, kissing his way up toward my mouth. “I think you should move in with me.”

  My body stills except my eyes, which widen in surprise. My body grows cold, and I need to get out of this bed and away from Nick as fast as possible.

  I push Nick off me, and he falls to his side with a smile on his face.

  I turn my head to him baffled and ask, “You’re joking?”

  “No, I’m laughing at your reaction. Other women are trying to move their shit into their boyfriend's house, but not you. You freeze up at the mention of going further with our relationship.”

  I jump up from the bed and try to reason with him. “You do not want a woman in your bachelor pad. I would change everything. I’d make it pretty. You’d hate me then.”

  Nick’s laughs fills the room as I grab my overnight bag and walk to the en-suite bathroom.

  I find my wipes and begin cleaning the make-up off my face from last night. Which I didn’t get a chance to do then, because Nick was on me as soon as we walked through the door.

  I watch through the mirror as Nick stands behind me and moves my long, black hair away from my neck.

  He kisses me once and then says, “I would love your pretty shit all over my house, Lex.”

  I sigh, and Nick stops what he’s doing and looks at me in the mirror.

  “It’s too soon, Nick.” My voice is soft as I try to let him down gently. “It’s only been four months.”

  “Fuck too soon, Lex. We’re both in our thirties. I don’t want to wait until I’m almost forty to have you living with me. I want marriage, a family, and I don’t want to wait around when I know what I want now.”

  “Nick,” I shout and move quickly out of his bathroom and into his bedroom, and I turn and accuse, “is that why you want to move so fast? You want a family?”

  “Yes, I want a family, and I don’t see what’s wrong with moving us forward instead of what you want, which is to keep us in the same place for God knows how long.” Nick releases a heavy sigh while rubbing the back of his neck roughly, yet it’s impossible not to hear the longing in his words.

  “Don’t put this on me, Nick. You knew I needed time and now what you’re saying is, all I get is four months?” My voice remains level, however, my pulse speeds up and I sense my face flush red with my growing anger.

  Nick takes a big breath and steps toward me. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that, Lex. I’m just frustrated. I know what I want, and I’m an impatient asshole, forgive me?” He ends with a cheeky grin.

  I nod. “I know and I’m thankful you’re so good to me. Even so, please, don’t push me, because then neither of us will have what we want.”

  Nicks face turns ashen as he realizes how serious I am. He rubs my arms with his hands. “I promise, no more pushing.”

  I give him a small smile, and he kisses my lips gently.

  “I’ll make us some breakfast. Toast or cereal?” he asks, and I can see he’s trying hard to move us on from our argument.

  “Toast, please,” I reply, and I give him a quick hug before he leaves the room.

  The air is thick and strained, but I need more time. If I pretend and move too fast, I’m afraid I’ll hurt Nick, and that’s the last thing I would ever want to do.

  I keep stumbling over life’s speed bumps. Why can’t I be the kind of person who takes them head on and conquers the problem, someone who can be sure of who she is and where she’s going.

  I spend more time than I usually would in the shower. When I hop out, I hear a voice that makes me grin. Sarah, Nick's sister. I can hear her chatting away with Nick in the kitchen. She’s funny, caring, loyal and has been an amazing friend to me these last few months. She’s the best friend I needed all these years, to kick me in the ass when I needed it.

  I quickly dress in a pair of jeans, a black V-neck and flats.

  I bounce out of the room with a smile upon my face. As soon as I hit the kitchen, I race up and give Sarah a hug from behind.

  A laugh bursts from her, and she grabs my joined hands at her chest and says, “Good morning, sunshine.”

  “Good morning,” I say with a sigh.

  I don’t know what it is, but Sarah just feels like home to me, well, as close to home as I can ever be. Joey was my home, no matter where we were, but now I guess, I might have clung to Sarah a little. She knows about my time in Colombia and how I stood by when I should have tried my hardest to stop what was happening, but she has never judged me. It feels like a link secured into place when I met her, as if she was always meant to be my best friend. We just click.

  “How was the wedding? Did you tell Lily and Jake I was sorry I couldn’t be there? ”

  I nod with a smile and reply, “It was lots of fun and, yep, I told her you got called into work for an emergency, and she said that you owed her two presents now, one for her and Jake, and one for the baby.” I stare at Sarah, waiting for my words to sink in.

  Her smile fades and her eyes widened. “Baby! Lily’s pregnant?”

  I laugh. “Yes, I’ll tell you all about it. The way Lily told Jake was magical. His reaction was priceless.”

  I looked around the rustic barn, and was amazed by the thousands of fairy lights, with white tulips, and chrysanthemums wrapped around the lights’ cords, and scattered all around the large barn, stage, and on tables and the backs of chairs. The reception room looked like a picture out of a fairy tale.

  The clinking of glass drew my attention toward the bridal table, where I found Jake and Lily standing and holding hands, ready to give a speech.

  Jake looked down at Lily, and they both smiled before Jake spoke to the room, microphone in his grip. “Lily and I just wanted to thank you all for being here with us to celebrate one of the happiest days of our lives. We’d also like to say that we’re missing three very important people today. They are Lily’s parents and her sister, Sasha.” Jake kissed the back of Lily’s hand and paused for a moment before continuing his speech. “I’d also well like to thank my mom for putting everything together for us while Lily and I went back and forth to her home in Australia completing renovations.” Jake looked down again at Lily and winked. “Hopefully, one day soon, we’ll be announcing an addition to our family, but until then, marrying the most beautiful, loyal and amazing woman will have to do.”

  The room erupted in applause and laughter.

  Jake whispered to Lily, who nodded. He then handed her the microphone.

  “I’d also like to thank everyone for being here. I do miss my family very much, more so on days like today where I wish they could be here with me, but I’m also thankful to have my friends and my new family here with me.” Lily gestures to her maid of honor, a heavily pregnant Emily, and Jake’s parents. “I know my family is in this room with me right now, smiling at how happy they are for me.”

  Wiping the tears from my eyes, I looked at Nick, who mouthed, ‘Are you okay?’

  I nodded and gave him a smile before focusing once more on Lily.

  “Today is the happiest day of my life. Not only did I bind my life and soul with the man I love, but I also”—Lily gazed up at Jake—“get to tell him he’s going to be a father in seven months’ time.”

  I gasped, but it was lost in a room full of shocked people as we held our breaths, watching and waiting for the realization to appear on Jake's face.

  He stared at Lily with a blank expression, and then finally, he spoke, “We’re having a baby?”

  Lily nodded.

  “Wahoo!” Jake shouted. He cupped Lily’s face and kissed her softly, almost delicately as if she would break.

  The room erupted in shouts of congratulations.

  Releasing Lily, Jake jumped on the spot with excitement. He turned to his groomsmen, Kayne, Nick and Dom, who all high- fived Jake one after the other. Jake then ran out from behind the bridal table, seemingly unable to contain his emotions. He ran straight up to the stage and yelled into the standing microphone, “I’m going to be a father!”

  Eve
ryone laughed and continued to clap, while friends and family yelled out how happy they were for the newlyweds.

  Jake pointed to Lily, who was laughing and still standing at her seat at the bridal table.

  "My wife, my reason for breathing. I knew you and I would have a wonderful life, but now with a baby on the way, a piece of each of us, life is about to become extraordinary.”

  The whole room erupted with applause, and Lily burst out crying.

  Running back over to her, Jake took Lily in his arms and cocooned her in a lover’s embrace. They remained silent for a moment, just holding each other, until they were called up for their first dance as husband and wife.

  “Damn,” Sarah drags out the word. “Jake the romantic. I never saw that side of him growing up.”

  Nick's cell phone rings. I search the kitchen and realize he’s not here; he must be in the shower. I let the call ring out, so whomever is calling can leave a message. His phone dings and then almost instantly, it rings again.

  I glance to Sarah, who is also looking at Nick's phone. “Should I get it?”

  Sarah shrugs. “It’s probably just work.”

  I nod in agreement, and we get back to chatting about Lily and Jake's wedding when the phone rings again, again and again. Eventually, I reach across the bench and pick it up to view who the caller is and find it’s Jake. There are two messages from him, so I open one up.

  Jake: Emily’s in labor.

  I scream excitedly and quickly open the next message.

  Jake: Emily’s in labor. Get your asses to St Paul’s Hospital. NOW!

  Sarah stands and asks, “What is it, Alexa?”

  The cell rings again and I almost drop it from surprise. I swipe to answer hastily at the same time as I say to Sarah, “Emily is having her baby.”

  Sarah screams and Nick comes rushing down the hallway in just a towel. “What the hell’s going on?”

  “Hi, Jake, got your text, telling Nick now, leaving right away.” The words speed out of my mouth.

  “Great, see you guys soon,” Jake replies and then hangs up.