by Ria Cantrell
“I dunna’ know what ye’ mean,” he lied. It was best to pretend he hadn’t done as she said.
“Liar,” she spat. “You are the liar, Rory MacCollum. Not me. Big dark warrior with a heart of stone, but with a heart so tender he would rather lie than admit the truth. I thought it was a dream that you held me while I slept, but Morag confirmed it was indeed so.”
“That woman needs to keep her nose out of my affairs,” he grumbled.” She had no right to tell you that.”
“Well she did tell me; not that she had to really. I knew deep down it was real and not a dream brought on by delirium. Ye' held me and cared for me. You wouldna' leave me. I am not fooled by yer' mask of darkness.” Brielle was not certain how she had been brave enough to say all these things to Rory, but she stood her ground. Part of her knew she was quite possibly pushing him too far, but she realized there was no turning back at this point.
“Brielle, stop. Ye’ mustn’t say another word.” The tears that had hung on tightly to her long lashes fell now and she sobbed, “Big dark warrior with a heart of stone, but a heart so tender, he never got over the loss of his lady. And in his grief, he holds that lady here, bound; never able to leave because ye canna’ let her go. For ye’ see Ruiri, she knows I love ye. She spoke to me in a dream. She begged me to unlock that heart of stone.” Rory jumped to his feet, spilling water all over the floor. That was it. He had lost his final shred of restraint. He looked murderous. Brielle’s eyes widened in panic. She backed up slowly.
“Take it back, Brielle.” This time he hadn’t raised his voice, but his tone was much more deadly.
“I will not!”
“Ye are a liar!”
“I am not!”
“Ye did not speak to her. T’is impossible.”
She continued to back away from him and she said, “I did… just last night. Ye see her in yer dreams…why is it impossible for me to?”
Brielle tried not to look at the part of him no longer hidden under the water. Hot heat flooded her face, as she could not seem to turn her gaze away. Dear God, he was huge.
She swallowed and stammered, “I…I dreamed of Caitlyn…last night.” Stepping out of the vat he started to stalk Brielle. “Dunna’ make me wreak violence on ye, Brielle. Ye need to take back yer’ lies.” His voice was lethal. It didn’t even sound like him. He sounded different. Affected and it was frightening. She swallowed down her fear. She somehow didn’t doubt he could kill her with his bare hands.
“I will not take it back. I saw her by a crystal pond. She said she was yer past and that ye keep her in the world of dreams and that…”
Rory had been backing her slowly up against the wall. His expression was more tortured and violent. Brielle felt him pin her arms over her head. She winced, more from fear than pain. He was no longer able to see her pain.
She blurted out, “She begged me to save ye.”
“I dunna' need you to save me.”
“Don't you, Rory? Caitlyn knew who I was. She wants me to help ye. Her love fer ye still exists, even though, ye hold her here, ne'er releasing her from the chains that keep her earthbound.”
“No! T’is not true!”
“It is true and you know it,” she dared. “She loves ye’ still but fears ye’ are in danger.”
At this revelation, Rory slid slowly to the floor, holding his hands over his ears as if to blot out what Brielle had said; as if he could ever blot that out. Anguish was tearing at his heart. His heart burned in his chest. His fist slammed the floor and he cried out, “No!” It was such a sound of despair; Brielle forgot her fear. She sank down next to him.
She couldn’t be telling the truth. She must be some sort of witch to invade his dreams that way, he thought.
“Get away from me, you lying wench!” Brielle almost wished he had slapped her. His words stung harder than anything his hands could have done. She persisted, gently stroking his hair.
“Nay, Ruiri, I have not lied to ye’.” She placed a kiss to the side of his face. He was in so much pain; Brielle thought she almost couldn’t bear to witness it. She touched him and tried to soothe him. His breathing was labored and she knew he was fighting a personal battle inside himself. “I have no reason to lie to you.”
With that, his restraint broke. He pushed her down beneath him and he growled down at her.
“Ye have every reason. Ye are a lying Campbell. Ye’ seek to destroy me and all that is mine as yer' brothers have before you. I am yer’ enemy.” Brielle was terrified.
“I am not yer’ enemy,” she stammered. She felt him pushing her skirts up. Dear God, he was bent on raping her.
She cried, “No, Ruiri. Not like this…”
“Why, Bitch? This is what ye’ wanted all along, trying to seduce me to draw me into yer lair.”
“Nay, dunna’ do this,” she said struggling beneath him. He was so big and strong. She knew any efforts would be futile against him. She tried to push him off, but she might as well have tried to push off the castle wall. She had wanted him, so very much, but not like this; not with rape and violence. His hands roughly handled her thighs, trying to force her legs open with his knee.
She screamed and said, “No, Please Ruiri…ye are an honorable man. I know ye live by yer honor. Please dunna’ do this thing.”
And then, as if her words hit a raw nerve, he rolled off of her, stunned. Dear God! What had gotten into him? He had never forced a lass in his entire life, that is until this moment. Brielle scrambled to her feet and stood horrified. She was shaking and crying.
Regret hit Rory like a fist. He shook off the violence and began to walk toward Brielle. He saw she was visibly shaken and terrified.
“Dunna’ come near me,” she commanded.
“Brielle…I’m so sorry. T’was just that yer lies…” Brielle’s hand, swift and stinging, slapped him hard across his face.
“I dinna’ lie. I told ye the truth but ye’ll not have it. Ye wish to live among the dead than join the living in love and life. Go ahead, then. Live with a cold corpse of a memory. Go ahead and save yourself, Ruiri MacCollum.” She fumbled with the key in her pocket and she was able to finally free herself from the solar.
Despite her injuries and painful stiffness, she ran from the solar and nearly collided with Caleb. He caught her, but she started screaming, “No…noooo…let me go. Let me go…”
“What in the hell is going on, Brielle? There, there, lassie. Calm yourself.” She was sobbing. Caleb tried to stroke her face, but she pushed him away.
“Nay, dunna’ touch me. Men and their violent ways. . . dunna' dare touch me.”
Caleb only held her tighter against his chest till she stopped struggling and fighting against him. Sobs wracked her. Her clothes were soaked and wrinkled. Her hair was tousled. “What happened, lass?”
“Ruiri…he …tried to…” She couldn’t speak the words. It was too horrible. “Did he hurt ye?” She just sobbed into Caleb’s chest and nodded.
“Where is he?”
She sobbed, “In the solar.”
Caleb called for one of the serving women and he said, “Take Lady Brielle to her chamber. See she is brought a drink. Find Morag and bring her to the lady.” The woman bobbed a curtsy and took Brielle’s arm in hers.
“Come, Miss. T’is alright, now.”
Caleb stormed into the solar, sending the door crashing on its hinges, nearly causing it to splinter. Ruiri still stood there, eyes cast down. His face was hot from where Brielle had slapped him. It was a burning reminder of what he had just done.
“What the hell happened here, Ruiri? What did ye do to her?” Rory spoke slowly, still feeling the effects of the dark rage that had shaken him.
“She was telling lies…about her…saying she spoke to her in a dream.”
“Spoke to who?”
“Her…Her! Caitlyn…” Finally he said her name. Once again, Rory was unaware that tears streaked his face. He looked up at his father. He said, “Dear God, I almost raped her.”
>
“Ruiri, no…how could ye?” Rory shook his head.
“I dunna’ know. It was like her words…her lies, just made something break inside me and I wanted to make her pay for it.”
“Did ye hurt her?” Rory looked down, not able to face his father. “Did ye hurt her,” Caleb demanded.
Rory nodded. “Aye. I think so.”
“You think so? What did ye do to her?” Rory swallowed hard.
“I…pushed her. She hit her hip against the tub. I pinned her down and I tried to force her.” Caleb was horrified.
“Did ye force her?” Rory shook his head. “No, but I am sure my body hurt her where she is already so bruised. Dear God, Da, what the hell is wrong with me?” Caleb’s eyes flashed angrily at his son.
“Grief, but it is a poison in ye. That girl would not hurt ye. She is so in love with ye. She would not lie to ye.”
“Da, she said she talked to Caitlyn.”
“Why would she lie about that?” Rory gritted his teeth. “She is a Campbell,” he spat, but even as he said the words, he remembered his own dream of Caitlyn last night. Was it possible Brielle was telling the truth?
“Campbell or no, she does not deserve to be raped. I am ashamed of you.”
“That makes two of us, Da.” Ruiri pulled on his leine and then said, “I am going to Edinburgh in a couple of weeks. Till then I will stay in the village, but first I need to apologize to Brielle.”
Caleb felt as protective of the girl as he would his own daughter and he said, “Don’t ye dare. Ye keep yer distance from her. Ye have done enough to her. The worse of those is not even the promise of rape. Ye have broken her heart. Ye dunna’ deserve her, Ruiri. She is an angel, who is pure of heart and beautiful. She is in love with ye and ye dunna’ deserve her.”
Rory looked at his father and nodded.
“Ye are right. I am sorry I hurt her, but now she knows the truth. She knows not to love a man like me and it is better to learn it sooner than later.”
“Listen, to me Son. I never loved again after yer’ mother passed. I wouldn’t allow myself to. I had five children to rear and it filled my life enough. But the loneliness has been terrible. It did not honor yer mother to remain alone.” Rory’s head was hung and he mumbled, “Ye, did not kill Mama. T’is different.”
“Ye did not kill Caitlyn, either. Nor that girl that threatened Drew and Bronwyn.”
“I may as well have. T’was my actions that lead to both their deaths.” Caleb softened his gaze.
“T’was not yer fault Caitlyn was struck. Ye have blamed yourself for too long, Ruiri. T’is time to let someone tend yer pain. Even if it isn’t Brielle, let someone ELSE in. Any one else, if need be. And I dunna’ mean the pretty lassies ye visit regularly. I mean someone into yer’ heart.” Rory mumbled, “I dunna’ want anyone else. I want…” Rory stopped abruptly. He would not admit that he did want Brielle. He could never admit such a thing. Caleb tried not to smile. So there it was.
“Ye’ are in love with her! Admit it!”
“She is a Campbell!”
“Ruiri. She is a woman. She is a victim of her birth. Not to mention those two brothers.”
“T’is no matter now. She knows me for what I am.”
Caleb approached his son and hooking his arm across his shoulders, he said, “Ye are scared to death, aren’t ye? I think this has nothing to do with her clan. Ye are afraid if you love her, she will die. Ye would rather frighten her away than let her love ye.” Rory shrugged off his father’s hold. He began fastening his plaid around him.
“She’s not going to die, Ruiri.”
“Ye dunna’ know that. Mama died and ye could do naught to prevent it.” Caleb sighed with the weight of that reality deeply.
“Nay, I could not. The fever was too much for her and she went so fast, but Brielle is thriving here. She is getting stronger and she owes that to you. I saw how ye’ tended her.”
Rory finished dressing and he began to brush past his father.
“Son, wait.”
Rory stopped but did not turn to look back at Caleb.
“Son, dunna’ make the same mistake I have made. I am now too old to find love. Forget her clan. See her as a woman first and the woman who loves ye. Tell her ye love her.” Rory didn’t answer but left the solar.
Caleb took another deep, frustrated sigh. He had not only passed the legacy of pride and stubbornness to Rory, he had passed the fear of loss to him, as well. Caleb went to talk to the girl. Upon entering her chamber, he saw Brielle lying on her side crying; Morag stroking her hair. She was speaking soft words to the girl in Gaelic. Caleb cleared his throat and said, “Morag, I need a word with the girl.”
She looked at Caleb and said, “I hope ye' gave that son of yers a sound thrashing. I’d like to take a switch to him myself.”
“I think he’d welcome a beating, for the torture he puts on himself is far worse than any physical violence I can inflict on him.” Morag “harrumphed” and left the room. Caleb sat on the bed behind Brielle.
“Come now girl, sit up a minute.” Brielle slowly sat up, hiccupping in her sobs. Caleb pulled a flask from his sporran and handed it to her. “Take a drink of that, lass.”
Brielle took a swallow of the whiskey and she sputtered, gasping.
“Easy, girl. Just let it seep down into ye. Take another sip slowly.” She obeyed. Then he handed her a handkerchief and he said, “Now blow. Good girl.”
He dabbed the tears away and he said, “Alright, lass. Are ye hurt much?”
She shook her head, no.
“Good, he didn’t force you?” Caleb asked, just to confirm his son’s story.
“Nay, he tried, but he did not.” Caleb took a deep breath and he said, “I am sorry Ruiri acted that way. I am shamed by his actions.”
Brielle shrugged and said, “Ruiri is a grown man. He knows what he is doing and has done.”
“Lassie, he is…”
“I know…he’s been damaged. He’s affected. I was wrong about him. He is no different from any other man that I have encountered. Men speak with violence and force. Ruiri is no different.”
Caleb patted her hand and he said, “Brielle, he is in love with ye’.”
She laughed bitterly and said, “Well then, he sure knows the best way to show that to a girl. Caleb, he nearly raped me.” There she said it! She did not want to speak it and attest to it, but now it was out in the open.
“I know, he told me. He regrets what he did. I know he doesna’ deserve yer love or forgiveness. He is scared to death…for loving ye threatens his tightly held resolve. If he allows himself to admit that he loves you, he is afraid you too will pass to the netherworld like Caitlyn and he cannot bear to think of enduring that loss.”
“Caleb, I was used to living a solitary life before my Granddad passed. That is better for me. I have had limited exposure to most types of relationships, but mostly I am not skilled in the relationships between a man and a woman. Perhaps it is best I leave. I have caused Ruiri enough grief.”
Caleb hugged her and he said, “Dunna’ leave us. I have grown so fond of ye’. Ye’ are like another daughter to me. And…where will ye go?”
“I don’t know, Caleb.”
He hugged her and said, “Alright, lass. Dunna’ decide now. I know ye’ need some time.” Brielle nodded sadly. Before leaving, Caleb turned back and asked, “Do ye still …?”
“Love him?” Caleb nodded. Brielle raised tearful eyes to Caleb.
“Aye, I still love him. Of course I still love him. I dunna’ know why I do, but I do. I shall probably always love him, for he is the first man I have ever truly loved, but I cannot change who I am and I cannot change who he is. He has no room for me in his heart for me to love him while I remain a Campbell. And as you told me, I cannot deny my heritage.”
“Then somehow, I know it will resolve, even if I have to beat him into accepting it.”
Brielle smiled, even as tears still dripped from her lashes, imagining Caleb
giving Rory a thrashing. She almost wished she could witness it for he surely deserved it.
Rory didn’t join them for midday meal or supper. Brielle had had a chance to cool her temper. She actually had hoped that maybe he would come and sit to have a meal and talk civilly, but he disappointed her again the following morning at breakfast and again that night. Despite what had happened, Brielle wanted to see him. She could not deny that she still loved him. She missed him and wanted to talk to him. She thought if she could only talk to him, she could get through to him. But he was being a coward, as far as she could tell. He was carefully avoiding her. It was like he was always elsewhere if she was around. Suddenly the keep seemed too big indeed.
Chapter Twelve
Rory only crept up to his room when he was sure Brielle was asleep. Then, he would spend his night tossing and turning knowing she was on the other side of the door. Even knowing she was a Campbell, he found himself wanting her and aching for her. He knew he should forget about her. There was no way that they could overcome the obstacles that were between the two of them. Rory admitted to himself that he was to blame for most of what was wrong, but they would always have the clan division between them. It was better for Rory to hold onto that reason than to acknowledge the truth. Rory just wished that he could get the girl out of his mind. He wished he could forget how she had felt in his arms. Rory wished he had not been the one to find her broken on that cold highland road. It hurt too much to want her and not have her and he could never have her. Surely she would not want any part of him now, anyway. Rory tried not to think on Caleb’s words too much. If he did, he would have to admit that he was scared; scared to love Brielle and even more terrified of losing her.
Nearly a week later, Rory had gone to retire to bed. He had been keeping away from Brielle diligently and had been keeping the time to retire perfectly to avoid Brielle. He had just snuck into his bed when he thought he heard Brielle cry out. He leapt from his bed and pressed his forehead to the door, but he realized she must have been only dreaming, as he didn’t hear another sound. He wasn’t sure how long he stood there pressed to the door, hoping beyond hope to even just hear a sigh from her. He knew he could walk through the door at any time he wished, but he kept himself in tight restraint. He did not want to frighten her again. He had given some thought about heading to Edinburgh earlier, to put miles between him and Brielle, but something he didn’t want to think about or admit held him and kept him from leaving. He didn’t want to think about how much he wanted her; how much he wanted just to kiss her and hold her. He didn’t want to think about how despite the careful prison he had created for his heart; that he had fallen in love with her. She was his enemy. Besides, he was pretty certain he had killed any chance of her caring for him anyway, when he had nearly raped her.