“And I should believe you because you’re such an upright, honest person.”
“You should believe me,” she said, “because that was the most beautiful night of my life.”
He tipped his head to one side and looked at her as though he’d never seen her before. “I don’t believe you. I think you were closing your eyes and thinking of England.”
“What?”
“Old joke,” he told her grimly. “And not funny.”
“And not correct, either.” This time, she did reach up to him but he jerked his head back before she could touch his face. “Tanner, I slept with you for one reason and one reason only.”
He backed her up against the kitchen counter until she felt the icy edge of the granite against her spine. “What are you going to tell me now, Ivy? Truth? Or another lie?”
“I won’t lie to you again, Tanner.”
“Right.”
He was waiting and he was looming and he was taking up every square inch of breathable air in the room. Her body was humming because of his closeness even while her stomach spun with nerves.
The temper building inside her was frothing, bubbling up through the thick layer of regret coating her stomach. Did he really believe she could have slept with him just to save her farm? Did he know her so little? Think so little of her? Yes, she’d lied, but that didn’t mean she was a horrible person. For God’s sake, they’d shared more than his bed. They’d spent time together, talked, laughed.
She’d fallen in love with him and all the while, he hadn’t known her at all.
What a joke on her, Ivy thought. She’d lost her first love through an accident and now she’d lost the love of her life through her own damn fault. But maybe, she decided as she watched him watching her, they never would have stood a chance anyway. Because Tanner King didn’t want to need anyone. And she needed to be needed.
She looked at him and knew it was over. Whatever they might have had was gone, blown away as completely as autumn leaves in a stiff winter wind.
There was no going back. There was no undoing what had been done. No more than she could unring a bell.
Since it was over, since she had nothing left to lose, she vowed that she would at least, leave on the truth. That much, she owed to herself.
“You know why I slept with you, Tanner?” she asked, keeping her gaze locked with his so he would read the truth of her words in her eyes. “Because I love you.”
A long moment passed before he pushed up and away from her. “Oh, please. You expect me to believe that? You love me? How convenient.”
She laughed now and the sound was harsh and brittle even to her own ears. “Convenient? Not even close.” Ivy pushed one hand through her hair. “My God, do you think loving you is something I asked for? I’ve never met a more difficult man to love.”
“Thanks very much.”
She shook her head and walked to the kitchen table, where her purse was slung over the back of one of the chairs. Picking it up, she slid it onto her shoulder then turned to look at Tanner again.
“I’m sorry I lied to you Tanner. I really am. But mostly, I’m sorry for you.”
He just stood there in a wash of golden sunlight, glaring at her as if she were an intruder. “I don’t need your sympathy. I don’t need anything from you.”
“That’s the really sad part,” she told him. “You need so much. You need someone to love you. Someone to show you how to live outside the closed-in, sealed-off palace you’ve built here.”
“And that’s you, I suppose?”
“Could’ve been,” she agreed, heart aching as she walked to the kitchen door. She turned the knob, then looked back at him over her shoulder. “I want you to remember that, Tanner. I would have loved you for the rest of my life.” She gave him a tired smile. “But that’s not your problem anymore. Oh, and one more thing. You don’t have to fire me. I quit.”
She walked outside, closed the door quietly and left the man she loved and the future they might have had together behind her.
“You’re fired.”
Mitchell Tyler laughed into the phone and Tanner gripped the receiver so tightly, he was half surprised it didn’t snap in half.
“Not funny, Mitchell,” he snarled.
“Oh, please. You can’t fire me.”
“I just did.”
Ivy had been gone for only a half hour and already, the silence in the house was beating at Tanner’s brain like a hammer wrapped in silk. Every room echoed with her memory. He could still hear her voice in his mind. See her eyes at the last moment before she left, glistening with banked tears.
He could still feel the sharp stab of betrayal. So what better time to call the friend who’d set him up.
“You rotten, no-good…” Tanner muttered darkly.
“Tanner, what the hell is going on?”
“Ivy Holloway,” he said. “Owner of Angel Christmas Tree Farm.”
“Oh.”
Tanner snatched the phone from his ear, gave it an astonished look, then slapped it back to his head again. “Oh? That’s all you’ve got to say? You lied to me, damn it.”
“Yeah, I did,” Mitchell admitted freely.
Tanner grumbled under his breath and stalked a fast circle around the kitchen. Hairy was just behind him, his nails skittering on the polished wood floor. The chocolate cake Ivy had made still sat in the middle of the table, its scent wafting to him every time he got close. And even with all that had happened, even with the rush of anger still churning inside him, he couldn’t help wishing that instead of chocolate, he could smell that flowery citrus scent of Ivy’s.
Which made him the biggest damn fool in the world.
When he thought he could speak without shouting at his longtime friend, Tanner demanded, “Aren’t you the guy who said you would always tell me the truth whether I wanted to hear or not?”
“I am.”
“Then explain this to me.”
Mitchell muttered something Tanner didn’t quite catch and then said, “I tried to tell you what I thought before and you didn’t want to hear it. You didn’t leave me much choice.”
He laughed a little at that. Both Ivy and Mitchell had somehow found a way to blame him for their lies. “How do you figure that?”
“Because you were being an ass, Tanner,” Mitchell said flatly. “Calling the damn sheriff, threatening lawsuits every day when you called me incensed over a Christmas tree farm of all things. You were making yourself insane and aggravating the ulcer you already gave me.”
True, he admitted silently. But the betrayal was still there. “I trusted you.”
“And you still should.”
He laughed shortly, without humor. “Why’s that?”
“Because I’m your friend, Tanner,” Mitchell said on a heavy sigh. “We’ve known each other forever and I still have your back.”
“You mean the one with the knife in it?”
“Jeez, you should have been an actor, not an artist,” Mitchell muttered.
“And you should have told me who she was.”
“You never would have let her in the house.”
“Exactly,” Tanner said. Then in the next moment, he realized all that he would have missed by not meeting Ivy Holloway. His mind dredged up dozens of images of her, one more haunting then the next. Ivy laughing. Ivy reaching for him. Ivy leaning over him, helping him solve the problems in the computer game. Ivy getting soaking wet while they bathed Hairy together.
Ivy.
Always Ivy.
“How’d you find out?” Mitchell asked after a long minute of silence.
Tanner stopped at the bay window in the kitchen and looked out the glass at the deepening twilight beyond. His gaze shifted unerringly to what he could see of the tree farm. The roofline of Ivy’s house stood out as a darker shadow in the gloom. He pictured her there, alone, as he was. And he told himself that he shouldn’t care where she was or what she did.
He’d trusted her and she’d lied to him.<
br />
Simple.
“I overheard her on the phone with her farm manager,” he said. “When I confronted her, she told me everything. Threw you under the bus, too, though I don’t think she meant to.”
Mitchell chuckled. “I can take care of myself.”
“Why’d you do it, Mitch?” Anger drained away now, leaving just bafflement. “Why’d you set me up? Why’d you help Ivy against me?”
“It wasn’t against you, Tanner. It was for you. I love you like a brother, but you’re shutting yourself off. Except for me and your brothers and cousins, you never see anyone anymore. You’re closing yourself off, Tanner, and I don’t like seeing it.”
His friend’s voice was serious, concerned. Tanner could admit, at least to himself, that maybe Mitch had a point. He had been more closed off in the last year or two than he used to be. He wasn’t even sure why. It had been a slow-building thing, the pulling away from the world. He’d simply turned his back on…pretty much everything, he realized.
Hell, he hadn’t been to visit any of his brothers in a couple of years. Hardly even spoke to them on the phone anymore, now that he thought about it. Working with Nathan on the game had been as close to sociable as Tanner had managed to get in longer than he cared to think about.
But that was his choice, wasn’t it?
“And this was your answer?”
“Seemed like a good idea at the time.”
Lights came on at the tree farm. Small white twinkling lights, strung between the telephone poles and wound through the branches of the trees separating the farm from his place. Had they always been there, Tanner wondered. Had he just never noticed them?
What else hadn’t he noticed?
“Tanner, don’t be so hard on Ivy.”
He laughed and rubbed his eyes, trying to ease the headache pounding behind them. “Why shouldn’t I be?”
“This whole thing was my idea, after all,” Mitchell said softly. “Look, see it from Ivy’s perspective. You were threatening her home, her livelihood. The King name carries a lot of weight in California. She knew that if you wanted to make real trouble for her or the valley that a judge would listen to you. Her life was on the line.”
“Yeah, I guess…” He turned around, pulled out a kitchen chair and dropped into it. Reaching out one hand, he dragged a finger through the frosting on the cake and brought it to his mouth. Perfect. Of course.
“Besides, what did she really do that was so awful?” Mitchell asked. “She woke you up. Introduced you to your neighbors. Showed you how to live. So she had to lie to do it. If you’d known what she was up to, you never would have gone along with it, so cut her a break.”
She had done all that. And more, Tanner thought, but didn’t say. There were some things he wouldn’t admit even to his closest friend. Things like what he’d been feeling for Ivy. Like the fact that his dreams were full of her. That his body hungered for hers. That since she walked out, he felt as though his heart had been ripped from his chest.
“Still want to fire me?”
“No,” Tanner said and leaned back in his chair, kicking his legs out in front of him. “But if you come anywhere near me in the next couple of weeks, I’ll kick your butt for you.”
“Understood. And thanks for the warning.”
When he hung up, Tanner realized that even though Mitchell had been part of the deception, that relationship was safe. He wouldn’t turn from a years-long friendship even though Mitch had been part of the lie.
So why couldn’t he forget what Ivy had done?
Because, he told himself, Ivy had betrayed him on a much deeper level.
She’d touched something in him that no one else ever had.
She had said she loved him.
And that lie he couldn’t forgive.
Eleven
Ivy missed him.
Three days after she’d left his house, with angry words ringing in her ears, she ran her hand over the orange mesh walls of the bounce house and sighed at the images rushing through her mind. The first time Tanner had touched her. The first time she’d come apart in his arms. And the moment when she knew there would be more to come. How was she expected to forget about him, when his memory was all around her?
There were a couple dozen people wandering around the farm at the moment. Families visiting their Christmas trees, others having lunch or shopping, and then there was her own crew putting the finishing touches on the setup for the wedding that was being held in the morning. There were at least a hundred things she should be doing. Instead, she was lost in her own thoughts.
She’d known it would be hard to be without Tanner. But she hadn’t realized just how empty she would feel.
She had spent the last few days like a sleepwalker. She did her job, checked final arrangements for the big wedding that weekend and tried to pretend that everything was normal.
But it wasn’t. And never would be again.
God, she thought, turning around to lean back against the inflated rubber castle, when David had died, she’d wanted to curl into a ball and cry for months. She’d thought her life was over and for a time, it had been. But she’d recovered, found her feet again and finally moved on.
Losing Tanner was so much more overwhelming. She hadn’t lost him to death, she’d just lost him. He was right next door and might as well be as far from her as David. And this time, the pain was so huge that crying didn’t help. Didn’t ease the crushing pressure in her chest. She didn’t want to cry, she wanted to fall into a hole and drag it in after her.
But once again, she couldn’t give in to her own inner turmoil. There was even more at stake now than there had been four years ago. So she would keep walking. Keep working. And keep dreaming of what might have been.
God, she was an idiot. Why had she done it? Why had she started a relationship with a lie?
“Ivy?” From a distance, Carol Sands, the local florist, shouted to her.
“Yeah! Coming!” She dragged herself out of her thoughts and headed off to solve the latest crisis. No time to feel sorry for herself. That would have to wait until night, when she lay alone in her bed trying to sleep.
She joined Carol and fell into step beside her, pitifully grateful for something to focus on besides herself and her own gloom.
“The bride’s room is ready,” Carol told her, a huge smile on her face. “I brought the flowers for the vase arrangements over now and stored them in the refrigerator. I’ll bring the bouquets in the morning.”
“That’s good. The bride should be here by eleven.” Ivy glanced at the people she passed and smiled at those she knew. Hopefully no one would notice that her smile wasn’t exactly filled with warmth.
Carol was still talking. “Dan’s got the umbrella tables set up in the meadow and the scarlet tablecloths Mrs. Miller stitched are at the gift shop in the back room.”
“Right. We’ll get everyone on it early tomorrow so it’ll be perfect by the time the bride gets here.” Bride. Wedding. Happily ever after. Well, she thought, at least someone was getting a happy ending. Her heart twisted in her chest, but she swallowed past the knot in her throat to say, “If you can be here by eight-thirty, we can get the centerpieces arranged and the crew will be here to help you out.”
“That’s great, thanks, Ivy.” Carol grinned again and shoved her bright red hair back behind her ears. “This is a real shot for me, doing the flowers for a wedding this size.”
“I know.” This, she thought, was exactly the reason she had lied to Tanner. Why she had risked so much to try to reach him.
Since Angel Christmas Tree Farm was so far from any major city, the locals had quite a hand in helping with the event weddings. Carol’s flower shop was growing by leaps and bounds. Mrs. Miller’s alteration and tailoring took care of the tablecloths and any other sewing emergency. Bill Hansen’s garden supply shop handled the tables, chairs and even the striped umbrellas that would shade wedding guests at the reception.
These events were helping an en
tire town to grow and thrive. Was it any wonder Ivy had been worried enough by Tanner’s complaints to the sheriff to risk everything? Small consolation now though, she told herself. Had she saved her town only to doom herself?
They walked into the meadow and Ivy stopped to look around. The decorative bridge across the creek was perfect, just as Dan had promised. It gleamed snow white against the lush green background of the meadow grass and surrounding trees. It would be a perfect photo spot, she thought, letting her gaze slide across the hundred round tables that were scattered in a precisely laid out arc around the main table that was for the bridal party. Everything that could be done ahead of time was ready. The rest would wait for tomorrow.
She took a breath and let it slide slowly from her lungs. “I know how much this wedding means to all of us, Carol. So we’ve got to pull this off flawlessly.”
“We will,” her friend said.
Ivy hoped so. Because God knew, she’d given up a lot for this farm and a future that didn’t look nearly as shiny as it had only two weeks ago.
Ivy was still walking his dog.
For three days he hadn’t seen her, but the signs were plain enough. Hairy was exhausted and the leash was never where Tanner had last left it. So what kind of woman, he asked himself, proclaimed her love, walked out the door and then sneaked back in to visit a dog?
He pushed one hand through his hair and then scraped that hand across his face. His eyes felt gritty and he hadn’t shaved in days.
He couldn’t sleep. Couldn’t work. Couldn’t stop thinking about Ivy.
He’d told himself to forget about her. That she was a liar. Not to be trusted. That her claim of love was just another part of the game.
“But damn it, if that’s true, then where the hell is she?” He glanced down at Hairy who looked up at him, as if trying to give his opinion.
Tanner stroked the dog’s head and told himself that Ivy wasn’t responding the way he’d expected her to. He’d seen this game played out far too often in his childhood to not know the moves.
She should be coming back to the house, trying to see him. Trying to convince him how much she loved him. She should have been there, trying to sway him, reel him in with tears and pledges of eternal devotion.
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