by K. Webster
She’s ours whether she realizes that or not.
15
Grace
“Are you sure you don’t need anything else?” Avrell hovers by my door in the sub-faction.
Had it really been weeks since I was first assigned this room after I woke up from cryosleep? It feels like years. So much has changed since then. I feel like a completely different person.
“I’m fine,” I insist.
“You should be with your mortling. She needs you.”
Apparently ever since I forgave him, Avrell now considers himself to be my personal therapist.
I sigh and shake my head as I organize my meager belongings in a small pack without looking up at him. “She has two parents who love her. She’s got everything she needs.”
“You’re telling yourself that to make it easier to make the choices you’re making. I understand. I’ve been there.”
“You can’t compare the two.” I shove a tunic and a pair of leather shoes into the pack with more force than necessary.
“My motivations were the same as yours. I thought I was doing the right thing. Saving my people. You think you’re doing the right thing by saving those girls.”
There’s nothing left to pack, so I look up. “And there’s something wrong with that?”
“Your heart is in the right place, but that doesn’t mean it’s the correct choice. Hadrian and Theron are more than capable of going to the prison and retrieving Willow and Limerick.”
“What if they get stopped by the guards? What if they get lost? I’ve studied the terrain and Exilium for months while I was preparing to transfer to the research center there. I withheld information before, with disastrous results. I don’t want to do it again. I want Sareth to be proud of me, to have a place here where she belongs.”
“She belongs with her family, with you.”
“I’ve made up my mind,” I say firmly, even though it feels like the slightest provocation will shatter what little strong will I’ve scraped together.
It’s been a few days since I brought Sareth into this world and I thought time would help ease the ache of her loss, but instead, the gaping wound seems to grow the longer I’m away from her—from them. Physically, I’m healing fine, better than fine, really. Probably because the pain in my heart hurts so much worse than childbirth ever could. My breasts are still full of milk, and up until now, I’ve been pumping to feed Sareth using Avrell’s suctionette tool. Once I leave, Emery has vowed to nurse both babies in my absence. My heart throbs constantly, but I’ve made my choice.
“I think you’re making a mistake. Listen to the advice of someone who made mistakes he sorely regrets. You shouldn’t go.”
I swallow around the lump in my throat. “I’m sorry, Avrell. But I have to. If Jareth and Sayer can understand my decision, then so can everyone else.”
In fact, they hadn’t come to me once to try and talk me out of leaving. I’ll admit I’m surprised. I kind of hoped they would try to talk me out of it. Not that it would change my mind. It would have just made me feel better—not so alone—about leaving.
Except they never came.
“I hope you’ll give it some more thought,” he says, but I can tell by the tone of his voice that he already knows I’ve made up my mind.
“Thank you for checking on me, Avrell.”
“I’ll be at the ship to see you off, even if I don’t agree with what you’re doing.”
I wipe at my nose as it begins to run. Damn postpartum hormones. I’m not sure if I’m going to make it through leaving without breaking down, but I’m going to try. I sent Jareth and Sayer a message via Uvie warning them, pleading, really, to keep Sareth away so I don’t completely lose it. I can only hope they’ll take pity on me and heed my wishes.
A knock comes and I heave a breath. “Avrell, I said I already made up my mind.” My voice breaks. “Please don’t make this harder than it has to be.”
“Is this a bad time?”
“Aria!” I try to back away from the door, but I’m right by the bed, so there’s nowhere to go. The mattress presses into the backs of my knees and they buckle. I plop down on the bed with an unladylike thump, wincing because I’m still sore from giving birth. “What are you doing here?”
“I came to check on you.”
Well, that was the last thing I expected her to say. “Why?” I ask slowly, drawing the word out.
“To make sure you were doing okay.”
“I’m fine.” I shove to my feet. All I wanted was her and Molly’s approval, but now, I need to leave before I beg her to forgive me so I can stay.
“I wouldn’t be fine.” I hear her steps come closer and my muscles clench in preparation to…I don’t know what, but having her here is making the guilt come back triple-fold. I wish they’d just let me leave so I can make it all right. “I was holding my baby boy after seeing your sweet girl and I realized what I’m asking of you, expecting of you, isn’t fair. I remember what it was like waking up in this place, wanting to leave, hating them for keeping me here. I wasn’t fair to you.”
When I look up, I find her bouncing her son as he slumbers on her chest. A wounded howl rises in my chest, but I hold it back. “You were right to say what you said. If I had any family, I would have done the same.”
She comes closer, takes my elbow, and we both sit on the bed. I don’t know if it’s the hormones or the emotions from leaving, but I swear I can smell the baby scent when she pulls me into a one-armed hug. It nearly kills what little resolve I have after Avrell. As soon as I can, I pull free and give her a quick humorless smile.
“You do have a family,” Aria says gently. “You’re part of our family. I was too angry and scared when I heard about Limerick to remember that and for that I’m sorry. As Breccan’s mate it’s my duty to be selfless to a degree, to put the humans’ needs first. And I failed you in that regard.”
“You didn’t. You were upset. I understand.”
She nods. “I was, I’ll admit, but that doesn’t give me the right to forget where you came from and the circumstances about how you got here.”
“Forget about it. I’m going to make sure we get Limerick back as soon as possible. And Willow.”
“I won’t forget about it, but I think you should. You’ve done enough, giving Breccan and Theron the notes about the prison’s layout and location. That’s more than Molly or I could ask for.”
I remember the way Molly had looked at me when she realized I betrayed her. There was no forgiving that kind of pain.
“Thank you for coming and telling me, but I really should get to the ship.” It wasn’t just about Molly, though hurting her was a huge part of it. It was also about Sayer and Jareth.
Not that I could explain that to Aria. They had a family already and now they had Sareth. They don’t need me, no matter how much they tried to convince me otherwise. No one has ever needed me. They have each other. I hadn’t belonged in my own world, so I lost myself in my work. I don’t belong here, so I am going to run.
“I wish you stayed,” Aria says again. She murmurs to the baby as he grunts in his sleep.
“Maybe, after everything is done, I’ll come back.” We aren’t sure what the climate at Exilium will be like or how much resistance we’ll face, so I don’t exactly know when I’ll be coming back.
Sareth could be a few months old, or even a few years. She grew so fast when she was inside me, I’m not sure if the same will be said now that she’s not there anymore. I know Jareth and Sayer will take great care of her. I’ve never considered myself to be the maternal type, but in the days since she was born, all I can imagine are the moments I’ll miss out with her.
Her first smile, her first word, her first steps. Things I’ve never considered to be important before I felt her move inside me for the first time. The same moments Aria and Molly are missing with their family members. Moments I can give back to them. It’s the least I can do.
“Whatever you decide, we’ll support you.
I promise,” Aria says, her expression open and serious. Maybe I’ve misjudged her. Perhaps with time, she’ll even become a friend.
“I appreciate that,” I say.
Little Sokko begins to cry and Aria hushes him, humming under her breath. “We’ll walk you. I think Breccan said Hadrian and Theron are ready whenever you are.”
There can be no more stalling. I’ve made up my mind. It’ll be better to get it over with instead of packing and repacking over and over. “Thank you,” I answer.
The walk down the corridor goes by faster than I like. Every second feels precious and now that the time for me to leave has come, they’re speeding by.
Aria is silent by my side, perhaps intuiting my need to gather myself before I see the others. My ears beat with the heavy cadence of my pulse. Everything inside me is screaming to turn around, to run back and find Jareth and Sayer and tell them I made a mistake. My leaden feet carry me resolutely toward Theron’s ship, the Mayvina, as my body goes numb.
Most of the morts and their mates are waiting at the chamber that leads outdoors to the ship. Breccan motions for Aria, who joins his side with their mortling. Emery, with Hophalix in her arms, and Calix beside her, and the single morts hover behind their commander. The only ones missing are the ones I want to see the most. Molly and my two freaks.
Perhaps it’s for the best.
“Ready to get this show on the road?” I say in a falsely upbeat tone.
“What show?” Hadrian asks curiously.
“I think she means television,” Ozias says helpfully. “Like the kind Aria used to perform on.”
“There will be no television here,” Breccan says sternly. “It attracts Kevins.”
Aria smiles indulgently. “She means it’s time to go.”
Theron nods, though he looks doubtful about the whole television business. “She’s not wrong. We need to leave soon so we’ll miss the incoming geostorms. I’d rather not be hindered by a magnastrike.”
Hadrian is uncharacteristically silent. Normally bouncy and energetic, he glowers in a corner, not looking at anyone.
“No, you wouldn’t,” says Emery, sharing a smile with Calix.
I can’t stand to watch them anymore—these people who I’ve come to love as a chaotic mish-mashed family. “Take care,” I choke out as I push into a small, sealed-off room between the corridor and the outside. I’m grateful I’m already dressed in the air-tight suit for travel. I couldn’t wait a second longer surrounded by them and being reminded of exactly what I’m giving up. Using the code Theron told me, I push the button that leads to a ramp where the Mayvina is docked and rush right into the open door.
I don’t even take notice of my surroundings as my vision is so blurred by tears. I stumble blindly through the cabin and throw myself into the first open seat. Going to the prison is the right decision…it just feels so wrong.
Squeezing my eyes closed, I listen for Theron and Hadrian. My body relaxes when I hear their footsteps on the ramp coming toward the ship. I’ll feel better once we get going.
The door opens and closes and already I can feel my muscles loosening. Soon, they’ll be starting the ship, performing their checks, setting the course, and I won’t have to feel so terrible about leaving my little family behind. Soon, there won’t be any second-guessing my choices because we’ll be too far away for me to take it back. So what if it feels like my heart has been ripped from my chest? So what if I ache for my two freaks and our sweet little baby?
“You want to know something?” a voice says, like it’s ripped straight from my dreams.
My eyes pop open and Sayer is standing there, leaning against the open doorway of the ship. All I can do is gape at him.
“A king can’t be a king without his queen.”
“I—what—how did you—”
Jareth follows close behind and seeing them after time apart is like drinking a tall, cool glass of water after being stranded in a desert. “We’ve decided we’re not going to let our queen leave us after all.”
Before I can argue, two giant morts—my morts—are dragging me out of the Mayvina and back into the facility. It’s hard to resist because they’re so strong. Or maybe because I’m not fighting it. They take me through the decontamination bay where they quickly remove our gear. I sputter and scoff, but I can’t find the words to make them stop. I don’t want them to stop. Once we’re no longer in our suits, they haul me out into the corridor.
“You guys, I have—”
“No more talking,” Sayer interrupts as Jareth disappears around the corner.
The moment Jareth returns, he brings my whole heart with him.
Now strapped to his chest is our beautiful sleeping daughter and she looks so sweet and so content, I want to explode with a myriad of emotions. My breasts leak and soak my clothing as I yearn to feed her myself.
Sayer pulls me into his strong arms and buries his face in my hair. “No more logic. No more reasoning. You belong with us. We’ve said it a thousand times.”
Jareth joins him and wraps his arms around us both, squishing Sareth against my side. She hums in her sleep as though she recognizes that I’m near. “We’ll say it a thousand more until you believe us.”
I can’t resist trying once more. “But I have to help.”
“You’ve done enough.” Molly appears in the doorway. “Theron and Hadrian are strong, capable morts. They’ll find my daughter and Aria’s sister. You’re staying here.”
“But I have to make this right.”
“Oh, little alien,” Sayer says, soothing a hand over my hair. “This was never about making things right. Molly would have forgiven you in a few days. She’s too soft-hearted to hold a grudge and she knows you’re sorry. This was because you were afraid.”
I simply can’t speak, so Sayer continues.
“You’ve been alone your whole life. You’ve only had yourself to rely on. It’s only natural you’d be scared of relying on anyone else…and here we’re asking you to trust two people instead of one.”
“We thought you’d come to your senses solars ago, but clearly our alien is stubborn.”
“Like her daughter,” Sayer says affectionately.
“But I promised I would go,” I say, though my voice lacks conviction.
“We want you to stay and we’re not taking no for an answer. You’re ours and we’re not letting you leave.”
Molly beams at us, though her eyes are noticeably misty with tears. “There’s no use arguing. Morts are pretty stubborn themselves. You’ve done enough. Willow will be coming home and that’s all that matters to me.”
A glint of hope sparks inside of me. Could I keep this happiness I’d found with my two morts? “Are you sure?” I whisper, afraid speaking too loudly will make her take it back.
“I never held you responsible. I was just angry and frustrated. I know you, the real you, and your willingness to right your wrongs is enough for me. I don’t want to steal your family away the way mine was stolen. I won’t take your daughter away and I won’t let you punish yourself—and her—by leaving. You belong here, with us, with them, and with her. Stay.”
“Not that you have a choice,” Sayer says firmly. “You’re my mate as much as Jareth.”
“And mine as well.”
“These solars without you have been the happiest and saddest of our lives. You gave us Sareth, but we lost you. Please don’t make us lose you again.”
I let them pull me into another embrace. Sayer kisses me once, hard and fast. Then Jareth spins me to him and his forked tongue conveys promises about what they both have planned for me when we’re alone.
Sareth interrupts as though she wants to make her presence known and we break apart with a laugh. And then I’m laughing through happy tears because they’re everything I’ve ever wanted but didn’t know I needed.
“Does that mean you’ll stay?” Sayer asks hopefully.
I nod. “It does.”
“Does that mean you love your morts, your
mates?” Jareth adds.
The obvious love in their expressions has my heart doing flips inside my chest. “No,” I say and lift a hand to each of their cheeks. “It means I love my freaks.”
16
Jareth
A few solars later…
I stare at Sareth’s scrunched up features as she starts to cry. So precious. I’d never admit to Sayer or Grace, but I almost find her even more adorable when our mortling is upset. Not that I want her upset, it’s just she looks like her mother when she is.
Her mother is beautiful.
And ours.
“Shh,” I coo, running a claw gently through her black hair that’s the same shade as Sayer’s. “Daddy’s here.”
It’s not a term us morts are familiar with, but the aliens like to refer to the fathers as daddies. Molly always giggles when she says the word like it has another meaning, and then all the other females laugh too. But it’s not the cruel kind of laugh. It’s the happy sort of laugh.
Our aliens are happy here on Mortuus with us. It’s something that fills every mort here with pride. Even the unpaired males.
Sareth’s features smooth out as she falls back asleep. I thought maybe she’d be hungry for the breast. With each day that passes, her appetite becomes more voracious. Sayer says she gets her appetite from me. It pleases me that they include me as a father, though I have no biological connection to the mortling.
Here, we get to make up our own families.
And these three beings are mine. I’ll never let them go.
“Mmm,” Grace utters in a groggy way. “You coming to bed, Jare?”
Now that everyone knows we’re a family, we’ve moved into the human sub-faction. It’s bigger and we use the area like a mini faction that belongs just to us. Aria says once the other girl wakes—if ever—she can take my old room. When Aria had started the sub-faction, she’d intended it as a place for the women to feel safe. But so far, the females feel safest in their mate’s rooms.