CHAPTER 45
EMILIE
As I sit down, butterflies go crazy in my stomach.
After this afternoon, I’m not sure what’s happening between Hayden and me. I know I’ve fallen in love with him, but I have no idea what he thinks of me.
Am I just a job to him?
Even if he is interested in me, it will only be a matter of time before he grows bored with me.
Hayden sits down next to me, then turns his body toward me.
“Relax, Em,” he says.
Em. No one has given me a nickname before.
I turn so I’m facing him and relax my hands in my lap.
“We’re going to try an exposure-based therapy. It’s a type of cognitive behavioral therapy which has helped me a lot. You’re going to relive what happened, but during the entire process keep in mind that I’m right here. Re-experiencing a distressing traumatic memory will help you to facilitate habituation to the point where the memory doesn’t paralyze you anymore.”
I nod, and taking a deep breath, I say, “Okay, what should I do?”
“Tell me what happened. If it gets to a point where you’re struggling, then we know to work on that specific memory.”
“Okay,” I reply, then quickly add, “Thank you for doing this for me.”
I take an anxious breath, my hands twisting together on my lap as I force myself to say the words out loud.
“I backed into their SUV. When I got out to exchange details, they grabbed me. I woke up in the room you found me in, tied up like you saw.”
Hayden places his hand on mine to stop me. “Tell me what happened, not what I saw.”
“Oh, okay.” When he doesn’t remove his hand, I take full advantage of the moment and turning my hand over, I hold onto him.
Shit, this is hard.
“When I came to, I was alone in a room. I remember being confused. Bearded-Man – that’s what I called the leader – came in alone the first time. He insisted that I look at him. I still don’t know why he did that. I just knew that they were going to kill me because I saw his face.”
Stopping for a moment, I push the fear down. They aren’t here.
Hayden’s here. My Eagle is here. I’m safe.
I take a deep breath before continuing. “When he came in the second time, he brought two masked men with him. He asked me a question about my father, and when I didn’t answer him, he instructed the masked men to untie me.”
I stare at Hayden’s hand as I remember how my shoulders ached.
“Em,” Hayden says, his voice firm and it does the trick to yank me out of my thoughts. “What happened next?”
I take a breath, but it gets stuck halfway down my throat. “He threw me on the floor and pinned me down. He covered my face with a wet rag. He…”
Pass me some water. Faster!
My heart is pounding in my chest, and I start to breathe faster. Hayden squeezes my hand which gives me the strength to go on.
“It was so cold. Every breath I tried to take burned like fire.”
“Water-boarding,” Hayden says, his deep voice laced with tension. “That’s what it’s called.”
“Before he left he said I might as well talk because everyone gives up.”
“But you didn’t give up,” Hayden says as he squeezes my hand again.
“No, I didn’t.”
“Why?”
“Stubborn pride,” I answer with a bitter smile. “I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of breaking me.”
When I look up at Hayden, and I see the proud smile on his face, it makes the nightmare lose some of its potent strength.
I beat Bearded-Man.
“What happened next?”
“He brought me a sandwich and juice,” I say, thinking I’ll never eat turkey again.
“What kind of sandwich?”
“A turkey sandwich and a small bottle of orange juice.” Yeah, I’m not having OJ ever again either.
“Tomorrow you can try having OJ. You need to work through everything you’re avoiding now because of what happened.”
I scrunch my nose at him. “Can’t promise I’ll like it,” I try to joke.
He winks at me, and for a moment I forget what I was going to say.
“What happened next, Em?” he reminds me.
“He only let me eat half of the sandwich. He wanted to make a recording but I wouldn’t repeat what he ordered me to say. They dragged me to a box. I remember saying the alphabet over and over as I tried to detach myself from what was happening.”
“Blackout box,” Hayden growls. His hostile tone catches me so off guard that my eyes snap up to his and seeing the anger on his face, I start to pull my hand back thinking that maybe he needs some space.
He lets my hand go but then takes hold of my waist and pulls me closer. When he engulfs me in a hug, I wrap my arms around his neck and hold him tight. I’m not sure which of us needs the physical contact more.
I thought it would be worse talking about it, but with Hayden here, it’s cathartic.
CHAPTER 46
HAYDEN
I should reign myself in, and let Emilie go, but I can’t. I’ve never admired a woman the way I do Emilie. She’s strong and resilient. She is beautiful and caring.
I pull slightly back so I can see her. Moving my right hand to her face, I lightly brush the pad of my thumb over her bottom lip.
I want to taste her so badly that thinking about it first is not an option.
Slowly, I lean down, giving her a chance to pull away if this is not what she wants. As I brush my lips over hers, I slip my hand behind her neck. I pull back an inch, my eyes searching her face for any sign that I should back off.
Thank God Emilie doesn’t pull away. Her eyes drop to my mouth, and grabbing hold of my shirt, she pulls me closer.
This time, I don’t hold back, and the second our mouths meet, I pull her body right against mine.
I’ve gotten to know her shy side, her guarded side, and tonight, her unbreakable spirit. When she straddles me, I have to admit that getting to know her passionate side is by far the best.
I move back against the couch and grabbing her ass with my left hand, I push her down on my cock.
Her hands move up to my shoulders and only stay there for a brief moment before she brings them to my jaw. She tilts her head, and when I feel her tongue brush over my bottom lip, I take the control back.
The kiss quickly turns desperate, filled with an insatiable hunger. Emilie doesn’t have a single submissive bone in her body as she fights me for control. Her tongue twisting with mine. Her mouth tasting, her teeth biting.
She matches me in every way.
Needing to touch her skin, I move my left hand from her ass and slip it under her shirt. Feeling her smooth, warm skin under my fingertips, a groan rumbles from my chest.
Starving for more, I break the kiss and pull her shirt over her head, dropping it next to us. My mouth finds her slender neck, and I suck on her skin with a low growl. Brushing my hands up her sides, I don’t stop until I reach her breasts.
A breathy moan drifts over Emilie’s lips as I pull her bra out of my way, taking the weight of her breasts in my hands. She’s all natural, soft and perfect.
Her hands slip into my hair as my mouth latches onto a nipple, my teeth teasing it until it’s hard.
“Hayden,” she breathes.
If I had a bed, I’d have her flat on her back. I want to fuck her so hard that she’ll know what it’s like to be taken by a real man.
The thought brings me back to my senses, and I worry that I’m moving too fast for her. She’s not just another lay, and definitely not a one-night stand.
I cover her back up, adjust her bra, and press a kiss to her parted lips. She’s just as breathless as me.
“I think I should walk you home before I lose control.”
“Yeah,” she whispers, clearing her throat as she climbs off me. She grabs her shirt and quickly pulls it on before nervously meeting m
y gaze. “Thanks for listening to me… and uhm…” Her hands flutter for a moment before she rushes to the door.
“Em,” I say, getting up and stalking toward her. There’s no way I’m letting her leave while she feels embarrassed about what just happened between us.
She stops with her hand on the door, turning back to me. When I reach her, I frame her face with my hands and kiss her until I’m sure there’s no doubt in her mind that I want more, so much more.
“I want you naked beneath me, but I think we should take it slow. There’s no rush, right?”
She nods, licking her swollen lips and it makes me claim one more kiss.
When I pull away, her eyes find mine, and I see the worry.
“Talk to me,” I say.
“I… I really suck at relationships, Hayden. You mean so much to me. I can’t risk losing you, and getting involved…” She lets out a heavy breath as she presses her forehead against my chest. “I want this so much, but with time you’ll get to know me more, and you’ll realize I’m not enough. I’ll lose you, and I’m not sure I can handle that. I’d rather have you as a friend if it means I get to have you forever.”
I close my eyes as I take a moment to sort through my thoughts. I have to remind myself that Emilie’s been hurt so many times by those who promised to love her that she’s lost all faith in people.
You can’t fix something that’s not broken. Emilie’s trust isn’t broken, it’s gone, and it’s up to me to somehow make her believe again.
“Em,” I whisper, and placing my hand behind her neck, I nudge her chin up with my thumb. When she’s looking at me, I say, “I know you’ve been hurt, and that people have disappointed you, but I’m not one of them.”
She nods. “I know. That is what’s making this so hard. You’ll end up staying out of loyalty, even if you’re not happy with me, and I can’t do that to you.”
Before I can tell her to not assume what I will feel in the future, she adds, “I’m a boring person, Hayden. I like wearing sweats and oversized t-shirts. I hate wearing makeup. I don’t spend hours blowing out my hair. I hate heels and I like feeling grass beneath my feet. I’m not cute. I don’t fuss. I don’t pretend I’m happy when I’m not. I’m too honest for my own good.”
She lets out a sigh as her shoulders slump, and in this moment, I wish I could have two minutes alone with her ex-husband because I’d beat the shit out of the fucker.
I grind my teeth as I fight to control my anger.
“Those are all good qualities, Emilie,” I growl, unable to hide what I’m feeling. “Too honest for your own good? Fuck that shit. Since when is that a bad thing? Makeup? I don’t care about shit like that. I want you to be raw and brutally honest with me. I love that you’re natural and not fake as fuck.”
The defeated look in her eyes gives way to hope, and I want to beat my chest like a fucking caveman.
She lets out a burst of laughter. “You have seen me at my worst,” she jokes.
“Yeah, I did, and I’m still standing right in front of you.
“Hayden,” she breathes, and there’s a glimmer of fear in her eyes that I don’t like at all, “am I imagining you? Did I break and you’re the safe place my mind went to?”
I rest my forehead against hers. “No, Emilie. You survived that hell.” Pressing a kiss to her lips, I admit, “And hell was the last place I expected to find an angel.”
CHAPTER 47
EMILIE
I struggle to get the ladder into the kitchen and carry it through to the living room. Even though I got to bed late, I still couldn’t sleep. I’ve been replaying the night before over and over in my mind, not able to get past the fact that Hayden is attracted to me.
After positioning the ladder against the wall, I place the gallon of paint next to it and dip the brush in.
While I paint, I try to come up with reasons I shouldn’t get involved with Hayden.
He’s such a good kisser. And his hands… damn, he has magical hands. My skin still tingles from where he touched me.
“Those are all good reasons, Emilie,” I snap at myself.
He doesn’t dismiss how I feel. He addresses every one of my concerns. What I think actually matters to him.
“I matter,” I say, as I stop painting and stare at the wet spot on the wall. “I actually matter to him.”
The realization is so overwhelming, that emotion pushes up my throat.
“Em?” I hear Hayden call from the kitchen, and I quickly blink the threatening tears away.
“In here,” I call back.
As I climb a step down, Hayden walks in. When he sees me up on the ladder, he shakes his head, takes hold of my waist, and lifts me from it.
“What?” I ask when he places me down in front of him. He takes the brush from my hand and puts it down on the newspaper I covered the floor with.
“I’ll paint. I don’t want you up on the ladder,” he says.
Before I can argue, he leans down and shuts me up with a kiss.
Just like the night before, my body trembles as his mouth claims mine. It’s surreal kissing him. He consumes my mind until there’s only him.
He pulls back and giving me a sexy grin, he says, “Morning. Did you get any sleep?”
Licking my lips so I can savor the taste of him, I shake my head. “No, did you?”
“No, I spent the night talking myself out of coming over here and stripping you naked.” he answers me with so much honesty that it leaves me blinking like an idiot.
I’m so used to people playing mind games with me that it’s going to take some time to get used to being with someone who says what they mean.
Being with someone.
Oh hell, I just went there, didn’t I?
“You look worried,” he says. “Did I say something wrong?”
“No, the opposite actually. Are you always so direct?”
“Yeah, is that going to be a problem?”
“Not at all.” Seeing as we’re open with each other, “I just need to get used to being with someone who’s straightforward.”
A slow smile spreads across his face. “Being with someone?”
“Yeah,” I say, as I close the distance between us. I wrap my arms around his neck and stand on my toes so I can reach his mouth. I only give him a quick kiss then ask, “Is it okay?”
“The kiss or us in a relationship?”
I pull back and laugh, “Now I want to hear your thoughts on both.”
“Hell yeah, to the relationship. The kiss not so much. Kiss me like you mean it,” he demands.
“You’re bossy,” I tease as I press my mouth to his. I give him what he wants, deepening the kiss until we’re both breathless. As I break the kiss, I admit, “It’s a turn on when you’re bossy.”
“Oh yeah? I’ll remember that,” he teases as he steps back and glances up at the spot I’ve painted. “I’ll take over painting.”
“What am I supposed to do then?” I ask, placing my hands on my hips.
Hayden climbs up the ladder and grins down at me. “You can sit your sexy ass down on the couch and keep me company.”
“Yes, Sir.” I even salute him, although I’m pretty sure I’m doing it wrong.
His eyes follow me as I walk to the couch.
When Hayden takes a step down the ladder, I jump up off the couch and pick up the paint so he can just dip the brush in.
“Thanks,” he says, giving me a contemplating smile.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” I ask.
“Just wondering why I couldn’t have met you sooner.”
A huge grin spreads over my face. “It’s because you had to save the world first.”
He lets out a deep chuckle. “Would’ve made my job a hell of a lot easier if I had you to come home to.”
Everything this man says makes me weak in the knees. My panties will never be dry again.
Hayden’s phone starts to ring, and he quickly climbs down.
“Hayden,” he answe
rs the call.
A smile splits across his face with a burst of laughter.
“Why won’t you just admit that you miss me?” he says.
“Max,” he mouths to me when he sees me looking at him.
I wonder if he’ll let me talk to Max. I watch Hayden, waiting for the right moment to ask him.
“Emilie really wants to talk to you,” he says. “She found out who I really am, and I’ve told her a bit about the team. She’s about to rip the phone from my hand so she can talk to you herself.”
He hands me the phone, and I can’t keep the happy shriek from escaping.
Pressing the phone to my ear, I say, “Max. It’s so good to finally talk to you. I should’ve stolen his phone and called you sooner.”
“Hi, Emilie,” Max says, a deep laugh rumbling in my ear. “It’s nice to finally talk to you too.”
“Thank you,” I blurt out before I forget to say it.
“For what? I should be thanking you for feeding my brother. He’d starve otherwise.”
“For saving my life. I didn’t get to thank you in person. I really appreciate that you rescued me.”
“Shit,” Hayden snaps, and I turn to see that he’s spilled paint on the floor.
“You’re welcome. Tell Hayden I say he better watch his language,” Max snaps.
“Max says to watch your language,” I repeat which makes Hayden laugh.
“Is that code for something?” I ask, not understanding why it’s so funny.
“Max doesn’t curse around women and children but put a gun in his hand and a target in front of him, and he’ll curse your ears on fire.”
I put the phone on speaker just as Max says, “It’s called being respectful, and no enemy of mine will be getting any respect from me.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Hayden teases him.
“Emilie, when am I meeting you in person?” Max asks.
“I’m not sure. Hopefully soon,” I reply.
“You’ll meet her at Evie’s wedding,” Hayden says as he takes the phone from me. “Can you bring me the rag from outside so I can clean this mess?”
False Perceptions Page 15