By now the tears were flowing down my cheeks as I listened to Diesel talk. I was angry and hurt that Cane blamed me for his paralysis, but I was also happy to hear he did have feelings for me. I had told myself for so long I didn’t care about him and it was just sex, but I found myself caring about him beyond that. Even though he was such an ass, he had a soft spot in his heart and when he rescued me from Shaun, he showed me that.
“He has feelings for me?” I managed to squeak out through my tears.
“Yes, he does,” he said, reaching into his leather coat to get me a handkerchief. What a gentleman. How many guys still carried those around, especially hard-ass rock stars.
I blew my nose and he shook his head. “You can keep it,” he laughed. Then he leaned into me, a serious look on his face. “Let him be right now. Later, when he’s walking again, if you want to confess your undying love to him, that’s fine. Not now. I need him pissed and determined.
“Ok,” I nodded. If I tried to push things with Cane right now, I would probably make it worse anyway. I stood up and took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. “Thanks for the talk, Diesel.”
He stood up and gave me a hug. “Any time. Now you take care and be careful. There’s a lot of jerks on that tour.” He flagged me down a cab and gave me another quick hug before I got in.
I couldn’t help but smile a little on the ride back to the hotel. Oh, I was madder than hell that Cane blamed me for his paralysis, but I was a little bit thrilled that I managed to break through that armor he wore. It made me feel better to know I wasn’t another notch on his belt too.
I was definitely looking forward to shower and bed when I got back to the hotel. I wasn’t sure if we would be stopping at any more hotels the rest of the tour so I was going to enjoy my roomy bathroom one last night. As I was fishing in my purse for my key, I bumped right into someone.
“Sorry,” I mumbled without looking up.
“Lindsey, I thought you were going to bed.”
I looked up to find Drew in front of me. His shirt was untucked and it looked like he was swaying while he stood there. He was even more fucked up than he was when I left him.
“I had to run out and get some stuff before we left,” I muttered, finding my key. “I’ll see you tomorrow Drew.” I hurried past him to the elevator.
“You really are a slut, aren’t you?” He said the words loud enough for a few people in the lobby to hear what he said. I stopped for a minute but didn’t turn around. I closed eyes and sighed. He was drunk; he didn't realize what he’s saying. I kept walking and got on the elevator. I pressed the button to close the doors and prayed he wouldn’t follow me.
I had to stop sleeping with guys I met at work. When was I ever going to learn? Sometimes I think my life would be easier if I had done what my parents had wanted and become a doctor like my brother. His life probably wasn’t as complicated.
I closed my eyes and memories of the summer’s tour flashed through my mind. There was great music and fans screaming to hear the bands they loved play. There was nothing like a live show to get your adrenaline going.
And there was Cane. My body started to tingle when I thought about the way his hands felt on my body and the way his filthy mouth would whisper things while we fucked. Sure, things were fucked up now, but no matter what happened between us, I would forever remember those passionate nights together.
The elevator arrived at my floor and I headed to my room with a smile on my face. That was why I didn’t pick a boring job despite my parents’ protests. If I did, I wouldn’t have experienced have the things I did or have the memories that would last a lifetime.
It definitely was all worth it.
18
Cane
I wait impatiently for a few weeks for Destiny to come back to Vegas with some sort of proof we were married. As each day passed, I became even surer she was full of shit. It was a relief but it also pissed me the fuck right off that the bitch would like to me like that. My whole life spiraled out of control when she showed up at my hotel room and told me she was my wife.
I eventually called our manager and had him hire a private investigator. I didn’t have much info for him other than a phone number she had given me before she left and that she was from Florida. I didn’t have high hopes he would find anything, but I had to do something; I couldn’t take the chance she would show up again and make the same claim. If she did, this time I wanted to be ready for her.
I also sent him on a mission to check with all the different wedding chapels in Vegas. I found it hard to believe no one witnessed our wedding - if there even was one - and didn’t run to the press. I couldn’t buy cigarettes at the corner gas station without it becoming national news.
Focusing on trying to find Destiny and getting this marriage thing straightened out gave me something else to think about besides the fact that we were missing the tour. I wanted them to wait for me to be up and walking again, but after a couple of weeks, the insisted they had to start up again.
Drew called a meeting with the band in my hospital room to talk about waiting or continuing on. He had found a band that could fill in for us and told us sponsors and tour organizers were losing too much money. They were pushing him to get things back on the road.
I could barely look at the fucker while he talked. I kept envisioning him on top of Lindsey, fucking her. Did she think about me while his hands were on her body? I had to keep my fists clenched during the meeting and didn’t really hear much. After he was done running off at the mouth, he kept checking his phone. Maybe he was waiting for a booty call from Lindsey. The thought made me want to puke.
Drew was lucky I couldn’t get out of bed because I seriously wanted to kick his ass. A part of me was even glad we weren’t going back on tour because I couldn’t stand being near him.
As pissed as I was at Lindsey for sleeping with Drew, I was feeling a little bit guilty about the way I reacted towards her when I woke up. I was such an asshole, even for me. I was nervous and scared by the fact I had no fucking feeling in my legs and I lashed out at her.
I thought about calling her and asking her to come see me before they took off, but what the fuck was I going to say to her? She was probably too busy with Drew’s cock in her mouth to come talk to me anyway. A small part of me had a tiny sliver of hope that she would stop to see me but I couldn’t blame her for not wanting to talk to me after treating her like shit.
“You look like you’re deep in thought,” Diesel said as he entered my room one afternoon and caught me playing with my phone. The guy had barely left my side since my accident. He sat with through every meeting with the doctor, asking good questions I would have never thought of. He kept telling me I was going to walk again. If he hadn’t been here, I would have probably given up.
I set my phone down on the tray next to me. “Not really,” I muttered, thankful he had come in before I made a fool out of myself and did something stupid.
He grinned and glanced at my phone. “You were thinking of calling her, weren't you?”
“Who?” I replied. It pissed me off sometimes how well he knew me.
“Lindsey.” He pulled up a chair next to me and sat down.
“Why would I call her? We fucked a few times but it was no big deal. She’s probably with Drew now anyway." I wasn’t sure who I was trying to convince more - him or me.
“Quit fucking lying to me,” he said with a roll of his eyes. “You don’t have to pretend with me. I know you.”
“I feel bad about the way I kicked her out of here,” I said softly, not looking at him.
“Cane Stephens was going to apologize?” He arched an eyebrow at me.
“Shut the fuck up,” I said and we watched the TV for a bit, neither of us saying anything for a while.
“She came here,” he finally said, not looking at me.
I reached for the remote and turned off the TV. “What did you say?”
He sighed and stood up, scrubbing his face with his h
and. “Lindsey came here right before the tour left.” He stopped at the foot of my bed.
“I didn’t see her,” I said.
“I know.” He leaned forward and put his hands on the rails at the foot of my bed. “I ran into her outside and told her not to come up.”
“Why?” I asked, totally confused as to why my best friend would do that to me.
He pushed off the bed and came back to the chair he had been sitting on. “You were so angry those first days. I thought I could use that anger to motivate you to walk again.”
“What the fuck man?” I muttered and leaned my head back on the bed, turning away from him. I was angry, but he had good intentions. I rolled my head over to look at him. “Do you know what she wanted?”
“I’m not sure exactly,” he shrugged. “I think she just wanted to talk.”
“What did you tell her?” I looked over at my phone and debated on whether or not I should call her. Knowing she came to see me changed everything.
“I said you were upset about not being able to walk and the tour starting again. I warned her she would get a reaction even worse than the one she got the day you kicked her out.”
I winced at his words. The hurt look on her face that day haunted my dreams.
He took a deep breath. “I may have even told her you had feelings for her.”
“What? I don’t have feelings for her!” I retorted and crossed my arms over my chest.
“Like hell you don’t,” he replied with a laugh. “I’ve never seen you so obsessed with a woman. You don’t even know the names of half the women you’ve been with but you slept with Lindsey a few times and you’re still talking about her.”
I opened my mouth to reply but I didn’t really have anything to say. He was right. As much as I hated to admit it, I did have feelings for her. I had to get my ass out of this hospital and back on that tour before it was too late.
“Have you talked to anyone on tour?” I asked nonchalantly, changing the subject.
“A few guys, why?” He asked, peering at me suspiciously.
“I was wondering about Lindsey and Drew,” I admitted.
“She slept with Drew after you, huh?” He shook his head.
“She was upset about Destiny showing up and I think he took advantage of her. Or at least that’s what I would like to believe.” I was doing a pretty good job convincing myself of that.
“So you want to know if they’re still hooking up?” He asked, getting out his phone.
“Yeah, I would.” God, I had become such a puss.
“Let me make some calls,” he nodded. “And don’t worry, I won’t say you want to know.” He winked at me. “I’m going to go have a smoke and I’ll be right back.”
“Thanks man,” I replied. My heart was racing a little bit in anticipation of what Diesel might find out about Lindsey. If she wasn’t seeing him, maybe I could get better and go to her. I didn’t know what I was going to say or what we were going to do. I’ve never had a relationship with a woman before but I could see having one with her.
While I was waiting for Diesel to get back from his information hunt, my phone rang. I looked at the screen and immediately answered when I saw it was the PI I had hired.
“Hello,” I said, my mouth going dry. If he told me I was married to Destiny, I was going to throw this phone across the room.
“Mr. Stephens?” the guy on the other end of the phone replied.
“Yes, this is him.” I wished he would cut the crap and tell me what he found out.
“This is John Douglas calling, the private investigator you hired to find out if you and Destiny were married.”
“And?” Why the hell was he drawing this out? I wanted to yell for him to cut the bullshit but I managed to contain myself.
“Well, there’s no evidence of the two of you married. I check all legal records for her and there’s every indication she’s single. I checked for aliases too and found nothing. I think you’re in the clear at least where marriage is concerned.”
I breathed out a sigh of relief. I was almost positive we weren’t married because no matter how messed up on drugs I was, that was something I would probably remember.
“What a relief! I knew she was lying.” I pounded my fist on my leg and winced a little bit. Wait. I pounded my leg again, this time harder. I could feel my legs again. I tried to wiggle my toes and saw them move a little bit at the end of the bed. Holy fuck!
“Listen, I have to go. Thanks again for you hard work. Just send a bill to the address I gave you when you were hired and someone will get it paid ASAP for you.” He started to say something but I was too busy reaching for the buzzer to call a nurse in I didn’t hear what it was before I hung up.
While I waited for a nurse to come in, I kept poking at my legs with my fingers, even reaching under the covers to pinch myself. I was probably going to have bruises from doing it so hard, but I didn’t care. I was so happy to feel anything again it would be worth it.
“How can I help you Mr. Stephens?” The nurse asked when she strolled in.
“I can fucking feel my legs again!” I shouted, causing her to jump.
“What?” She walked over closer to the bed.
I flung the covers back. “Touch them. Punch them, slap them, whatever. I can feel it.” I slapped my bare leg with my open hand and laughed hysterically when I could feel the sharp sting.
“That’s great!” She smiled at me. “I’ll go call the doctor. Don’t move.” She left and I couldn’t stop touching my legs. I was so overcome with emotion I almost had tears in my eyes.
Diesel came back in with a smile on his face. “Dude, she’s not fucking Drew.” He stopped in his tracks when he saw me. I probably looked like a crazy man with my smile and incessant slapping. “What the hell are you doing?”
I stopped and grinned at him. “I can feel my legs.”
He rushed over to the bed. “What? When?” He looked my legs up and down. “Can you stand up?”
I shook my head. “The nurse told me to stay in bed until she got the doctor here.”
“Holy shit,” he muttered, a big grin spreading across his face. “I knew it. I knew it would all be ok.”
“I know. I was talking to the PI. Turns out Destiny was lying about marriage. Anyway, I was pissed and slammed my fist down on my thigh. It took me a second, but I realized I felt it. I buzzed the nurse in and she’s going to get the doctor.”
“That’s fucking awesome, man,” he said and reached a hand out for me to clasp.
I grabbed it tight and pulled him into me for a half hug. All I could think about was getting back on my feet and back on tour. The God of Rock was coming back with a vengeance and I couldn’t wait.
19
Lindsey
Six Weeks Later
“So you won’t be home for another four weeks?” My best friend Rebecca whined into the phone.
“No, they’re extending the tour,” I replied, rolling my eyes. She always was such a drama queen.
“Because Mr. Man-Whore is coming back?”
I couldn’t help but laugh at her reference to Cane. I was both nervous and excited Hookers and Hand Grenades was coming back on the tour. I hadn’t spoken to him since he kicked me out of his hospital room. I almost called him a few times, but thought the better of it. I wanted him to get better and didn’t want to interfere with that. Diesel was kind enough to send me text messages with some updates every couple of weeks. I could still remember the day he sent me the one that said Cane had feeling back in his legs. I couldn’t stop smiling all day.
Last week we got word the tour was being extended because Hookers and Hand Grenades was coming back. I heard it around the rumor mill that Cane worked his ass off at physical therapy so he could get back on the road. We were going to go back and hit the places that we missed. I’d even heard some rumblings about taking the show to Europe for a few shows, but that wasn’t confirmed yet.
I would have asked Drew, but he wasn’t talking t
o me. Not that I was all that interested in talking to him either. Ever since I blew him off that night, he’d been giving me the cold shoulder. I was relieved but at times it made my job a little bit difficult because I had to find everything out second hand.
“Yes, his band is coming back on the tour so they added shows. We’re hitting some of the biggest cities in the country. At least I think that’s the plan.” I closed the laptop I had been working on and got up from the table in the tour bus. It was late, but I needed some air. I slipped on my sandals and walked out the door.
“Are you going to talk to him?” She asked. “Or fuck him?”
“Oh my God, Becky!” I shook my head. “I seriously doubt it. Remember what happened the last time I saw him?” I leaned against the side of the bus.
“He was just upset about his accident. He’s had time to cool off. You’re going to sleep with him again. You two are drawn to each other.”
“Whatever,” I dismissed her. It didn’t pay to argue with her when she got something into her head.
“I expect a full report when you see him again.”
“Sure,” I said and turned my head. I almost dropped the phone when I saw Diesel walking by. I didn’t see Cane with him. “Listen, I have to go. We’re about to roll out,” I lied to her. I wanted to talk to Diesel before he got away.
“Talk to you soon. Love you,” she said. “And FULL REPORT when you talk to Cane.”
“Got it. Love you too.” I ended the call and walked over to Diesel. I had to stop myself from running before he got away, but I didn’t want to look too eager.
All I Need: Hookers and Hand Grenades Book One Page 11