The woman studied the child seated obediently before her and liked what she saw. There had been competence in the way that she had handled the Heir’s rudeness and temper; there had been enough mischief there to suggest a lively sense of humor, but at the same time this child had been clever without being cruel. That boded very well indeed for her future success.
“Well, so you’re Talia. I hope you don’t mind the fact that I was eavesdropping, but I wanted to see how you’d handle her,” she said, with a hint of apology.
“With a hairbrush to her behind, if I had charge of her,” Talia replied, almost automatically. The incident and the woman’s obvious approval had put some of her fears to rest; and if Keldar exuded an air that always made Talia feel nervous and incompetent, this woman had the very opposite effect on her.
“She’s had precious little of that,” the woman sighed, “and I fear she’s overdue for a good share of it.”
She examined Talia more closely and was even more encouraged by what she read in the child’s face and manner. There was intelligence and curiosity in her large brown eyes, and her expression was that of a child blessed with an unfailingly sweet and patient nature. The woman guessed that she was probably a bit older than she appeared to be; perhaps around thirteen or fourteen. The heart-shaped face crowned by tousled brown curls was very appealing. The sturdily built, well-muscled body showed that this child was no stranger to hard work. With every observation it seemed as if Rolan had supplied the Collegium with the precise answer to all of their hopes and prayers.
“Well, that’s tomorrow’s problem,” she replied, “I am told you’re the one Rolan brought back—is that correct? Has anyone told you anything yet?”
Talia was encouraged by the understanding in the woman’s face. The encouragement she found there, and the unfeigned interest, and most of all the reassurance, caused words to boil up out of her without her even thinking about them.
“No! Everybody seems to know what’s going on but me!” she blurted, “And nobody wants to explain anything!”
The woman seated herself with a careless grace. “Well, now someone will. Why don’t you tell me about what’s happened to you—from the beginning. I’ll try to help you understand.”
Talia found herself pouring out the whole tale, from the time Keldar called her into the house till this very moment. Before she’d finished, she was fighting back tears. All the doubts that had occurred to her were coming back—she had nothing to count on except the dubious possibility of their gratitude. And she fully realized just what kind of a hopeless situation she was in if the Heralds chose to turn her out.
“Please—you must know someone—someone—”
“In charge?”
“Yes. Can’t you please find me something to do here?” Talia begged shamelessly. “I’ll do anything—mend, wash, scrub floors—” She stopped, afraid the tears would come if she went on. How had she ever dared to dream she might join these magical people? They were as much above her as the stars.
“Dirk was right. You haven’t a clue to what’s happened to you, have you?” the woman said, half to herself. Then she looked up, and Talia averted her own eyes from the intensity of her gaze. “Did you really mean what you said to the Firstwife, that you wanted to be a Herald?”
“Yes. Oh yes!” Talia was studying the hands clenched in her lap. “More than anything—I know it’s not possible, but—I didn’t know any better, then. No one ever told me what this place was like, and I don’t think—I don’t think I could have pictured it anyway. Sensholding isn’t anything like this. I never could have guessed what I was asking. Please—please forgive me—I didn’t mean any disrespect.”
“Forgive?” the woman was astonished. “Child, forgive what? It’s no disrespect to dream of becoming a Herald—though it’s not like the tales, you know. It’s work that is both dull and dangerous; if not one, then the other. Half the Heralds never live to reach old age. And it’s a life where you find you have very little time for yourself. It’s a wonder that anyone wants the job, much less dreams of it as her heart’s desire. A Herald has to always consider her duty above all else, even her own well-being.”
“That doesn’t matter!” Talia cried, looking up.
“Why not? What does matter?”
“I’m not sure.” She groped for the words to express what until now she’d only felt. “It’s that Heralds do things instead of complaining about them, things that put peoples’ lives back together, even if it’s only settling a quarrel about a cow. And—” she faltered, “there’s the Companion—”
Tears began to flow despite her resolution as she remembered with bright vividness the days on the road, and how, for once in her life, she hadn’t been lonely. It might have been imagination, and yet—it had seemed, at least, that Rolan had cared for her. Dared she think—loved her? There was no doubt in her mind that she had loved him. And now he was gone, no doubt taken to the Herald he truly belonged with.
“Oh my poor child,” the woman reached out instinctively and gathered Talia to her, to let her sob on her shoulder.
Talia tried to pull away, fighting back the tears, even though she longed to relax on that comforting shoulder. “I’m all over dirt,” she sobbed, “And you’re in Whites. I’ll get you all grubby.”
“There are more important things in life than dirt,” the woman replied, holding her firmly, exactly as Vris had done more than once. There was something almost as comforting about her as there had been about Rolan—or Vris, or Andrean. Talia’s reticence evaporated, and she cried herself out.
When Talia was again in control of herself, the woman gave her a handkerchief to repair the damages with, and said, “It’s fairly obvious that, for some reason, you were never told of how Heralds are chosen.”
“Aren’t they just born into it, like being Eldest Son? I mean—all this—”
“ ‘All this’ means nothing—if you haven’t the right makings. It is true that Heralds are born to the job, since no one can learn to be a Herald, but blood doesn’t matter. No, the Companions Choose them.”
And it all came flooding back—that bright, joyful moment when she’d first looked into Rolan’s eyes. “I Choose you,” he’d said in her mind. She remembered it all now ....
The woman smiled at Talia’s gasp, as all the little bits of the mystery suddenly assumed their rightful pattern. “It usually happens that they don’t have to go very far. It’s a rather odd thing, but for various reasons anyone who is of the proper material to be a Herald finds his or her way to the city, the Court, or the Collegium more often than not. Sometimes, though, the Companions have to go seeking their Heralds themselves. There’s one Companion that always does this; tell me, in the tales you read, did you ever come across the title ‘The Monarch’s Own Herald’?”
“Ye-es,” Talia replied doubtfully, still a little dazed with the revelation and the newly awakened memories, “But I couldn’t make out what it meant.”
“It’s a position of very special trust. It takes a very extraordinary person to fill it. Everyone needs someone to trust utterly, someone who would never offer false counsel, someone who could be a true friend in all senses of the word. The Monarch needs such a person more than anyone else because she is so surrounded by those who have nothing but their own interests at heart. This is what the ‘Queen’s Own’ really is; the very fact of the Queen’s Own’s existence is one of the reasons this Kingdom has had so little internal strife over the years. When a ruler knows that there is at least one person who can be utterly trusted and yet will always tell her the truth, it tends to make her more confident, more honest with herself, less selfish—and altogether a better ruler. The position of Queen’s Own is a lifetime one, and the person to fill that position is always Chosen by the Companion of the last Herald to hold it. When that Herald dies, the Companion leaves the Collegium to search the Kingdom for a successor. In the past reigns that hasn’t taken more than a day or two, and quite often he Chooses someone who is
already a Herald or nearly ready to be made one. This time, though, it was different. When Herald Talamir died, his Companion was gone for nearly two months, something that hasn’t happened in a very long time.”
Talia was so wrapped up in the story the woman was telling that she forgot her apprehensions. “Why?” she asked simply.
The woman pondered Talia’s simple question for a long time before answering it. The child deserved the best answer she could give, and an honest one.
“Well, we think it has something to do with the current situation,” she replied after long thought. “The Heir has been badly spoiled—that’s partly the Queen’s fault: she allowed too much of her time to be taken up with politics and things that seemed important at the time, but in the long run, were not. The child’s nursemaid is from outKingdom and has given the girl a very exaggerated idea of her own importance. It’s not going to be an easy task to make the brat into the kind of woman that deserves to sit on the Throne. Talamir’s Companion had to roam far to find someone equal to it.”
“He did find someone, didn’t he?” Talia asked anxiously.
“He certainly did. He brought her to us today.”
She watched Talia’s reaction carefully, knowing it would tell her a great deal about the girl.
The child was completely incredulous. “Me? But—but—I don’t know anything—I’m just a lowborn farmgirl—I don’t fit—I can’t talk right—I don’t look right—I’m not anything you’d want—”
“You know how to handle a spoiled child. Talia, I will admit I was hoping for someone a little older, but—well, the Companions don’t make mistakes. You’ll be close enough to Elspeth in age that you can be her real friend, once you’ve tamed the brat. As for not fitting in—she’s been too much cosseted by courtiers as it is; she could use a good dose of farm sense. Yes, and a good dose of country spanking if it comes to that! And for the future—if I’d had someone that I’d have felt easy in confiding in—gossiping with—I expect I’d never have wedded her father.” She sighed.
“You—her father—you’re the Queen?” Talia jumped to her feet, her eyes horrified, and the Queen did her best to stifle a smile at the look of utter dismay she wore. “I’ve been getting the Queen all grubby?” She would have fallen to her knees, except that the Queen prevented it, insisting that she return to her seat beside her.
“Talia, dear, the Queen is only the Queen in the Throne Room,” she replied. “Anywhere else, I’m just another Herald. And I’m a mother who needs your help very badly. I’ve bungled somewhere, and I haven’t the skill to put things right. I think from what I’ve seen just in the past hour that you have, despite your tender years.”
She hoped that the child could read the entreaty in her eyes.
“No one can force you to this. If you honestly don’t feel equal to the task of being Queen’s Own to a woman old enough to have mothered you and to a spoiled little monster, we’ll find someplace else here where you can be happy. I’ll admit to you that this is a job I wouldn’t want under any circumstances. You can say no, and we’ll send Rolan out again. But—I think his judgment was right when he Chose you. Will you be a Herald, Talia, and Queen’s Own?”
Talia gulped nervously, still not certain that she wasn’t victim of a terrible mistake. She opened her mouth intending to say no, but once again her heart betrayed her.
“Yes!” she heard herself saying, “Oh, yes!”
The Queen sighed as though a heavy burden had been lifted from her shoulders. ‘Thank you, Talia. Trust me, you won’t have to bear this alone for a long, long time. You have too much you need to learn, so there will be many willing and able to help you. The most important thing is that you become Elspeth’s friend, so that you can start to guide her. I may set my Heralds hard tasks, but I try not to make them impossible.” She smiled, a smile bright with relief. “Is there anything else I can tell you?”
“Could I—” she swallowed a lump in her throat. “Could I see Rolan? Once in a while?”
“See him? Bright Havens, child, he’s your Companion now; if you really wanted to, you could sleep in his stall!”
“I can? He is? It’s really all real?”
It was too much like a tale. At any moment now, Talia expected to find herself waking in her bed back in the attic of the Steading. This couldn’t be real. It had to be that she was dreaming. Yet, would a dream have included the feeling of being slightly grubby, and the hard edge of the chair that was digging just the tiniest bit into her leg?
She was forced to conclude that this was no dream. Suddenly she felt dizzy and half-drunk with compounded relief and elation. She was going to be a Herald—she really was going to be a Herald, like Vanyel and Shadowdancer and all the others of her tales and legends! And not just any Herald at that, but the highest ranking Herald in the entire Kingdom.
Best not to think about that for a moment. It was too much to really comprehend completely.
She raised her eyes to meet the Queen’s, dropping her Holderkin reserve and letting her happiness show plainly.
“Yes Talia. It’s quite real,” the Queen’s eyes softened with amusement at the naked joy on the child’s face. This girl was so self-possessed that it was quite easy to forget that she was only thirteen—until she herself reminded you. Like now, when she was all ecstatic child. It would not be hard to care for this Talia in the least. Especially not at moments like this.
Then she made the switch again, back to miniature adult. “Where do I start? What do I need to do?”
“You start now,” the Queen pulled a bellrope behind her to call the Dean of the Collegium, who had been impatiently awaiting the results of this interview. “As soon as Dean Elcarth gets here. He’ll get you settled at the Collegium. As for what you need to do; you learn, Talia. And please,” her eyes were very sober. “Learn as quickly as you can. I—we—need you more than you can guess.”
Four
The Queen’s summons was answered immediately. Talia hadn’t the faintest notion of what to expect, but her first glimpse of the diminutive man in Herald’s Whites that the Queen introduced as the Dean of Herald’s Collegium gave her a feeling of intense relief. Dean Elcarth was a brisk, birdlike, elderly man, scarcely taller than Talia. The wary unease she usually felt around men evaporated when she saw him; he was so like a snow-wren (complete with the gray cap of hair to match a wren’s gray crown) that it was impossible to be afraid of him.
“So,” he said, surveying Talia with his head tilted slightly to one side, his round, black eyes bright with intellect. “This is our new Herald-in-training. I think you’ll do well here, child; and I’ll be the first to tell you that I’m never wrong.” He chuckled and Talia responded with a tentative smile.
He nodded slightly to the Queen. “Well, with your permission, Selenay—”
“I leave her in your capable hands,” the Queen replied.
“Excellent. Come along with me, youngling. I’ll show you about; perhaps find someone to help get you settled in among us.”
He led her out the door and down the wood-paneled hall. Talia obediently fell in beside him; she was glad that he was nearly as small as she was, otherwise she’d never have been able to keep up with him. The pace he set forced her to take two steps for every one of his just to match him.
She watched him carefully, despite her earlier judgment. She had had too many nasty surprises in her life to wish another, especially not here, alone among strangers.
He saw her wary, covert gaze and made note of it. Elcarth had been Dean of Herald’s Collegium for decades. He had had plenty of practice in that time in assessing the newly-Chosen, and he hadn’t missed a single nuance of Talia’s behavior. The way she’d shrunk into herself before she’d gotten a good look at him told him more than she could possibly have guessed. The way she had blindly obeyed him told him even more. He mentally shook his head. She was obviously unaccustomed to taking the initiative. Something would have to be done about that. And this wild-animal shyness spok
e of abuse; mental and emotional, and perhaps physical abuse as well. Fortunately, she may have had her spirit bent but it wasn’t broken; Rolan would never have Chosen her otherwise. He made another internal note; to discuss the Holderfolk with the Queen. That this child had been left in ignorance of Companion’s Choice was criminal. And young Dirk had been right—the child was so withdrawn and reticent it was scarcely to be believed. Women did not seem to evoke the reaction nearly so strongly as men—it almost seemed as if she expected blows and abuse from a man as a matter of course. It would take a very long time indeed before a strange man could win her trust. He made swift revision of his original plans; until she was comfortable with what life here meant, it would be best for her mentors to be mostly female. Only Herald Teren was likely to be unthreatening enough that she’d lose her apprehension in his presence.
Elcarth questioned Talia closely as they walked, keeping his tone carefully light and projecting a calming aura at her as he did so. The answers he got were highly satisfactory; he’d feared the child would be at best functionally illiterate. In reading and writing, at least, she was at a comparable level with most of the youngsters Chosen at her age, and she had an incredible thirst for knowledge. So far as academics went, he was confident that all that would be needed would be to give her access to information and teaching, and she would do the rest without external prodding.
In only one area was she frighteningly deficient; she seemed to know little or nothing of self-defense and weaponry. This was more than simply unfortunate; she’d have to learn to protect herself, and quickly. There were many in the Heraldic Circle who doubted that Talamir’s death had been happenstance; he shared those doubts. A child, alone, knowing nothing of self-defense—against those who had been able to make the death of an experienced Herald seem due to simple old age, she was no opponent at all. She was so vulnerable—so very vulnerable; such a fragile creature to carry all their hopes. Weaponsmaster Alberich was the only instructor capable of teaching her at any speed, and Alberich was likely to frighten her on appearance alone! He made yet another mental note to speak with the Weaponsmaster as soon as he’d left her in good hands. Alberich was no fool; warned how shy she was, he would know how to treat her.
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