A barrage of emotions, too many to name, filled his chest like a balloon ready to burst. He took a minute to breathe through them. The drive over, the debilitating panic, the fear of losing her was too fresh. He hadn’t been on the other side of it long enough to lock it all away. More than that, he wasn’t sure he wanted to. But this was neither the time nor the place to rip himself open.
“Yes,” he replied, testing out the word, not sure he could trust his voice. “It was like reliving a nightmare, but so much worse. I thought I was going to lose you.”
The flat, empty eyes that stared back at him were like a fist to the gut. She’d shut him out. Was this how she’d felt when she was with him? Christ, it was awful. He had no choice but to grin and bear it. This wasn’t about him. This was about getting Genevieve through the death of her mother. Still, it hurt to see her look at him as though his confession had meant nothing at all.
“Come on,” he said as he stood. “Let’s get you cleaned up.” He pulled her to her feet then helped her wash her face. Once she was a little more composed he led her back out into the waiting room.
“I’ll go with you,” he told her. “You don’t have to do it alone.”
“I don’t know if I’m strong enough,” she whispered.
“You’re so much stronger than you think you are.”
They both went still as the doors opened once again.
Dr. Grant came out, looking solemn. “It’s time.”
Brian took her hand in his and gave her a gentle squeeze. “Deep breath. You can do this.”
They followed Dr. Grant down the corridor to a room on the left. Gen froze just inside the door, a pained whimper coming from her as she caught sight of her mother. Emily’s head was heavily bandaged and she was hooked up to several machines that beeped and hissed as they monitored her heart and helped her breathe. It was hard to look at, even for someone who hadn’t known her.
“Once we turn off the ventilator—”
“I don’t need to know,” Gen said, cutting him off.
“Okay then. I’ll give you a few minutes,” Dr. Grant said before he ducked out of the room.
Brian leaned down and kissed the top of her head. “I’ll be right here.”
Gen released Brian’s hand and approached the bed. He’d finally let her in, showed her a piece of his soul and although it gave her a bit of strength, she was simply too numb to care. Hesitantly, she reached out and ran her fingers over her mom’s frail arm. She looked so broken. Her chest rose and fell with the whine of the ventilator. Her face swollen and bruised beneath the bandages.
She wanted to run. She didn’t want to face this. It was too hard. But Brian was right, she needed to say goodbye. She’d end up hating herself if she didn’t.
What was she supposed to say though? It felt strange to talk to a person she knew technically wasn’t really there. This was just a body. The heart, soul and everything that made this woman her mother were already gone.
She was gone.
The words suddenly rushed out of her. “Mom, I’m so sorry this happened. I wish there was something I could have done. Some way I could have helped you.” She blew out another breath and wiped a tear from her cheek. “I’m so angry at you for leaving me. I need you. I know that’s selfish, but I do. I need you. I know you haven’t been happy for a long time. You miss Daddy. I don’t blame you for that. I miss him too. I guess you’ll get to see him now. At least you’ll be together again. Maybe you’ll be happy.
“I know I didn’t tell you enough, but I love you. I’ve always loved you even through all our problems and fights. You’re my mom. I still think about the fun we used to have when I was little. The good times? I’m going to focus on those. I still have that bat costume you made me when I was six. You remember that? And one day when I have a little girl, I’m going to read her that copy of Alice in Wonderland you gave me and I’ll tell her all about you. About your smile, your laugh, the way you would sing to me…”
She wiped her eyes on her sleeve then turned toward Brian, suddenly knowing exactly how she needed to say goodbye. “Can you please tell them I’m ready?”
“You sure?” he asked.
“Yeah, I am.”
Brian left the room briefly. He returned moments later with Dr. Grant and Dr. Ellis in tow. He stood aside as they went to the machines, giving her once last look of encouragement.
“Can… Can I sit on the bed with her? Would that be okay?” Gen asked.
“Of course,” Dr. Ellis replied.
Slowly, she crept onto the narrow bed and lay next to her. She took her limp hand and brought it to her cheek as she watched the doctor switch off the machine, silencing the ventilator.
Closing her eyes, she blocked everything out and began to sing Edelweiss. Her voice cracked as she stumbled through the song. But she didn’t care. She allowed the lullaby to carry her away. She remembered how her mom would lean over and brush the tips of her fingers over her cheek as she sang her to sleep. Desperately clinging to that memory, she ended the song with nothing more than a whisper.
The heart monitor gave a single, long beep.
Gen kissed her mom’s hand, inhaling her scent for the last time. “Goodbye, Mom. I’ll miss you.”
Chapter Fifteen
Another day, another shitty board meeting.
Brian signed off on another liquor acquisition and began packing up several of the new promotional materials he hadn’t even bothered to look at.
“What’s going on with you?” his father asked. “You’re not your usually sunny self.”
Sarcasm. Did everything have to remind him of her? “Nothing. I just have a lot on my mind.”
Taking the seat across from him, his father looked at him as if he were actually concerned. “I know I haven’t been the best father, but you can still talk to me.”
Where had that come from? “I’m fine, Dad.”
“Okay, so you don’t want to talk about it. I get it. How’s the new restaurant coming along?”
Now the little chat made sense. He was not in the mood for this. “I know you don’t approve. You don’t have to drive that point home any more than you already have.”
His father gave a heavy sigh. “I may have been a little hasty in my judgment of your career choices. You have to understand, I’d always thought you’d end up working for Gulf Coast. It was what I wanted. I never considered that you would have dreams of your own. It shouldn’t have surprised me though. You always did have to carve your own path, even when you were a boy.”
Had he heard him right? Was the old man actually admitting he was wrong? “I’m not following.”
His father frowned. “You’re going to make this difficult for me, aren’t you?”
Brian wasn’t going to dignify that with an answer.
“I’ve never told you this, but I’m proud of the man you’ve become. I know I’ve been hard on you. I’ve tried to force you into a mold you were never going to fit in. I was wrong. I’m not getting any younger here and I’d hate for us to continue the way we have. I barely know who you are anymore. I have no idea what goes on in your life and you’re my son.”
Swallowing past the lump that had formed in his throat, Brian forced himself to look at his father. The blue eyes staring back at him were pale with age and full of regret. Well, I’ll be damned. He’s serious.
“There’s this woman,” Brian began, not quite believing he was about to have this conversation with his father of all people. “She’s different from the other women I’ve been with.”
“Thank god for that.”
He ignored that because it was certainly true. “We were together for several months, but I fucked it up and she left…”
“Do you love her?”
“Yes,” he answered simply.
“Then don’t make the same mistake I did with your mother. When she left, I didn’t do anything to stop her. I just let her go.” Sorrow clouded his eyes.
He had never seen his father show
this much emotion, but it wasn’t enough. He needed an explanation. “Why didn’t you go after her? Didn’t you love her?”
“Of course I did. I still do. I should have gone after her. I didn’t because I was angry. She wasn’t happy being a housewife. She had a degree she felt was going to waste. We argued about it for months. When I finally came around to seeing things her way, it was too late. She’d accepted a job in Europe behind my back. I was so upset that she would even consider moving overseas that I couldn’t see straight. We were no longer on speaking terms by the time she left me.”
“She left us, Dad. You weren’t the only one affected.”
“I know. I know and you have no idea how sorry I am for the way I handled things. I didn’t go after her. I should have. My pride wouldn’t let me. I thought she’d come back. I really did. When she didn’t even call, I cut her completely out of my life and in doing that, in a way, I cut you out too. You just reminded me so much of her…”
He had no idea how to respond to that. It was almost too much to take in.
“But,” his father continued with a sigh, “the issues with your mother aside, some things are worth fighting for. If you love this girl, don’t let her get away. Fight for her. Don’t live with regret like I do.”
Maybe the old man was right. Talk about a strange day.
* * * * *
Michael Myers’ creepy white face flashed across the screen. Gen watched with vague interest. It had been almost a month since her mother’s death and she was still stuck in comfort mode, holed up in her apartment alone, marathoning through horror movies. As bizarre as that sounded, it was how she coped.
She was having a hard time accepting the fact that her mother was gone. She’d arranged the funeral, sold the condo and donated most of her things. Even after all that, she’d still reach for the phone, wanting to check on her, only to remember she was no longer there. It left her feeling hollow. Escaping into scare-fests enabled her to forget about it for a time.
As Annie was about to come to her untimely onscreen demise, a knock at the door had Gen nearly jumping out of her skin. Glancing at the clock, she frowned. Ivy was still at work. Who in the world would be coming to see her at this time of night?
She wanted to ignore whoever it was, but chances were they knew she was home. The screams coming from the television weren’t exactly quiet. She paused the movie, tossed the remote on the couch and went to the door to check the peephole.
Fuck.
Brian was here.
She hadn’t seen him since the funeral. He’d called a lot since then, but she couldn’t bring herself to answer when she saw his name pop up on her screen. It’s not that she wasn’t thankful for everything he’d done for her. She was. But the moment they’d shared at the hospital got lost somewhere between the funeral and packing up her mother’s things and all her grief. There was no room for the complications that came with this man.
She should have talked to him, but talking to him meant stress and emotions she didn’t want to face. And now he was knocking on her door. Damn it.
Deep breath.
Heart in her throat, she opened the door. He stood there for a second, taking her in. She glanced down at her Invader Zim pajamas and grimaced. She should have gotten dressed. Or at least put on a bra. Oh well.
Relief washed over his features only to be replaced by anger. He was mad at her? Damn if he didn’t look good, anger and all. He needed a haircut. The light-brown strands had started to curl around his ears. He also hadn’t shaved in days. Hell, he was a sight for sore eyes.
She wanted to throw her arms around him, but reminded herself she didn’t have that right anymore. She no longer belonged to him. And as much as she wanted him, she was afraid. She couldn’t suffer any more heartache. She’d had her fill.
Clearing her throat, she waited for him to say something.
He licked his lips. “Would it kill you to pick up the phone?”
His stern tone sent a shiver through her. Damn him for still affecting her this way.
Gritting her teeth, she glared at him, waiting.
Letting out a breath, he speared a hand through his hair. She knew that gesture so well. He only did that when he was uneasy. Why was he so nervous? Better question. Why was he here at all?
“I’ve been worried. You don’t answer your phone. You haven’t called to resume your shifts. I haven’t seen you in weeks.”
If he came over to lecture her he had another think coming. “What do you want?”
“I needed to see you,” he answered softly.
“Here I am. You’ve seen me. You can go now.” That sounded so bitchy, but at this point she didn’t care. She was tired and refused to cater to him simply because he’d barged into her life again.
He frowned. “We need to talk.”
“There’s nothing to say.”
“You’re wrong. There is so much I want to say.”
She ignored the way her heart fluttered at his words. “Why?”
“Can I come in? Please?”
Against her better judgment she held open the door and waved him in. She caught his scent as he brushed by her. She closed her eyes against the memories it stirred. God she missed the way he smelled. This was not going to end well. Pushing the door shut, she leaned against it and blew out a breath.
He stood there for a moment, just looking at her. Then his hands were suddenly in her hair and his mouth was on hers as he crashed into her. Shocked, she froze. Doubt raced through her, but before it could take hold, Brian slipped his tongue past her lips and it was as if the past few months had never happened. He pressed his body against hers and she pressed back, fisting his t-shirt in her hands. When he withdrew, she protested with a whimper. Resting his forehead on hers, he stroked his thumb along her jaw.
“I thought you wanted to talk,” she said, breathless.
“I do. I just had to kiss you…touch you. It’s been hell without you.”
“Why? I thought I was nothing more than a girl you fuck—”
He kissed her again, stealing her words. “Christ, Gen, if I could take that back, I would. You’re more than that. You always have been.”
She wanted to believe him. There was a part of her that wanted to say fuck it. She’d take him any way she could get him, but she couldn’t risk his rejection again. She’d barely survived the first time. As much as it killed her, she needed him to understand. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, fighting his embrace. “I can’t do this. I won’t go back to the way things were.”
He held her tight and put a finger to her lips. “Shut up for a minute. I’m trying to tell you that I love you.”
Her heart jumped, lodging in her throat. Had he really just said that? “Say it again.”
A smile lifted the corners of his mouth. “I love you.”
“One more time.”
“I love you, beautiful girl.”
Tears pooled in her eyes and she quickly blinked them away. She’d waited so long to hear those words. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she hugged him and never wanted to let him go.
“I never meant to hurt you and I want you to know, I didn’t mean a word of what I said the night you left.” He pulled away, placed his hands on her cheeks and gazed into her eyes. “Don’t ever leave me again. I can’t breathe without you.”
A small sound escaped her as a tear slipped free, spilling down her cheek. He brushed it away with a tip of his finger and leaned in to claim her with a kiss. It was tender at first, but as their hunger rushed to the surface, their lips became more urgent. His mouth and tongue were hard and demanding. She returned his kiss, matching his intensity, and gripped the hem of his shirt. Breathless, they parted just long enough for her to yank it over his head and toss it to the ground. They crashed into one another again, kissing, touching and tearing clothes off as he walked her toward the bedroom.
He bumped into the couch with a loud groan. She laughed as he picked her up and carried her the rest of the way. He tos
sed her onto the bed and stared down at her, his hooded eyes full of heat.
“You’re so fucking beautiful. Don’t think we’re done talking because we’re not. I just can’t stand it anymore. I need to be inside you.”
She was more than okay with that.
“Lie back, put your hands above your head and leave them there,” he ordered.
Eagerly she obeyed. He could make her do anything when he used that voice. God, she’d missed it.
He stalked up her body, starting with her calves, licking and nipping at her skin. His breath was hot and his teeth were firm. He bit down just hard enough for her to feel an edge of pain. She trembled beneath him, anticipation flooding her with arousal. When he reached her pussy, his head dipped down and he sank his tongue between her folds. She cried out, spreading her legs wide.
He picked his head up. “Still the greedy girl, aren’t you?”
“Only for you, Sir.” And she meant it.
The grin he gave her was full of sin before he put his mouth on her again. He circled her clit with the tip of his tongue. Touching, but not touching. She knew this game. How many times had he reduced her to a begging, needy slut by doing exactly this? Too many to count. He’d always known just how to touch her and where.
With one last kiss on top of her mound, he abandoned her pussy to feather kisses across her belly. Her nipples tightened as he moved closer to her aching breasts. She gasped when he finally enveloped a peak in the moist heat of his mouth. He toyed with her ring, swirling his tongue around it and tugging it with his teeth. Little jolts of pain shot through her.
Her hands itched to feel his skin. She wanted to rake her nails across his back and pull him closer. Even with his weight on top of her, he wasn’t close enough. She wanted to feel him everywhere.
“Please,” she begged. “I need to touch you.”
“Keep your hands where they are or I’ll not only put you over my knee and spank that beautiful ass of yours, but I’ll make you wait hours before I let you come.”
She almost came right then. Disobeying had never sounded so good. She’d never defied him simply to be punished. Oh well. There was a first time for everything. Playing with fire and hoping to get burned, she reached down and threaded her fingers through his hair.
A Firm Hand: 2 (Bound to You) Page 25