We worked out a story to tell her so that she wouldn’t phone the nuns and report us. We’d tell her that we were out of the convent now and living with our mother in Belfast. We’d say that she’d let us come for a visit, but we only had a few hours before we took the train home. We discussed it at length so that we wouldn’t contradict each other.
‘Oh my God! I hope we’re doing the right thing. Siobhan might not believe us,’ I said. I always seemed to be the one to worry, especially when my little sister was involved. I felt responsible for her, more like a mother than a sister.
‘Don’t worry, sure, we’ll be grand,’ she said coolly. So, as usual, I gave in.
‘Here comes the train now. We’ll hide in the toilet,’ I told her. The train came to a noisy stop, and people poured out onto the platform. We waited for a few moments to let them pass and stepped up into a carriage. Since we didn’t have any money for the fare, we were just going to have to take our chances.
Just then a yelp came from under Sinéad’s coat. On the way to the station she’d stolen a small boxer puppy from a pet shop. I knew the pup would be extra trouble for us, and I hadn’t wanted her to take it, but I always found it hard not to go along with what my sister wanted.
‘If we just take one, the man won’t miss it,’ she’d pleaded outside the shop. ‘I’ll really look after it, Frances, I promise.’ So I’d kept the man talking while she made off with the cutest pup. She decided to call it Kim.
I pushed Sinéad along towards the toilet at the end of the carriage, and she sat on the toilet seat with Kim on her lap, stroking his head and trying to quieten him. It seemed to be working. He started to suck on her little finger.
‘He looks hungry. We’ll have to find him something to eat,’ I said.
‘He’ll be dead on, sure, till we get to Siobhan’s. She’ll give us something for him.’
There was no view from the toilet, so every time we stopped at a station, I climbed up and looked out of the small ventilation window to see where we were. We were pulling out of Lisburn when I heard a man just outside the door asking to see tickets. We stayed very quiet and luckily so did Kim.
‘Do you think we’ll spend a long time in Purgatory for stealing Kim and telling lies to Siobhan?’ I said.
‘No, I just think that the nuns love to scare us with all that stuff. And anyway, if we get a conscience about it, we can always go to confession. It would make a change to have some proper sins to confess instead of having to make them up.’
We laughed at some of the sins we’d invented over the years, just so as to have something to say in the Friday confession.
We rushed through the crowds at the Moira Station ticket barrier and set out towards the Murphys’ farm. It was nice walking along in the fresh air, and we laughed and talked as we went. But as the bungalow came into view, I suddenly felt very worried about seeing Tom and Barry again. Images of what had happened with them ran vividly through my mind. For a moment I didn’t think I’d be able to go on. Meanwhile Sinéad had rushed on ahead.
‘Wait, I’m not sure we’re doing the right thing,’ I called.
‘Stop stressing, Frances. Sure, we’ll not be there too long,’ she assured me.
I took a deep breath and carried on, hoping that the men wouldn’t be in. Suddenly, Siobhan was running towards us, her arms outstretched. She hadn’t changed a bit in the year since we’d last seen her. Her apron was still covered in flour, and she looked hot from hours spent baking. I hugged her first. It was nice to feel her warm arms around me and to smell the familiar aroma of home baking. It was how she’d always smelt, a reminder of the great food I’d had whenever I’d come to stay.
‘What are yous doing here? And do the nuns know where yous are?’
Listening with interest to our story about living in Belfast, she seemed really pleased to see us, if surprised. Suddenly, Kim started yelping, and his head appeared from under Sinéad’s coat.
‘Is that a wee dog you’ve got there?’ Siobhan asked.
The Murphys were animal lovers, and it wasn’t long before Siobhan was making a fuss of Kim. First she lined a cardboard box with an old jumper and put it on the floor. Then she placed a bowl of food and a bowl of milk into it. Sinéad put Kim in the box and tried to encourage him to eat, while Siobhan prepared some tea and sandwiches.
She asked us lots of questions about our mother. We gave her our well-rehearsed answers, and for the moment it looked as if she believed every word. I was relieved that we’d found her on her own. It was good to see her again and be in her warm kitchen, eating her delicious sandwiches and drinking a big mug of hot, sweet tea. I was surprised at how relaxed I felt now that my panic had subsided. I felt happy and imagined that this must be what life was like for normal people.
A few minutes later Barry and Tom walked in through the back door. I could hear them talking about the pigs as they took off their wellies. They looked shocked to see us at the kitchen table. As she explained why we were there, Siobhan poured them each a mug of tea and began cutting some bread.
Tom lit his pipe, and the smoke drifted across to me. The smell brought back many unpleasant memories, and I fixed my eyes on Siobhan to avoid looking in the direction of the men. I didn’t want to make any eye contact. It would turn my stomach.
‘Can I go outside and see the wee baby pigs?’ Sinéad asked.
I jumped off the chair and dashed over to the back door. ‘I’ll come with ye,’ I said, glad of the chance to get away from the men. We disappeared out through the back door.
The farm was just as I remembered it. There was the same terrible smell and awful squealing of the pigs. Hens walked freely around in the yard, pecking at the ground for scraps of food. It sounded to me like the pigs knew they were going to be turned into sausages and bacon, and I felt really sorry for them. They weren’t loved like the dogs or the cats, and they were fed on slop and leftovers. I couldn’t help but empathise because in many ways I knew how it felt to be treated like a pig. We looked over the sty wall. The huge mother lay in a heap while the baby pigs trampled one another in order to feed from her. We didn’t linger.
Back at the bungalow, we walked past the living-room window to have a look at Edward’s flowerbeds.
‘Duck!’ I said, pulling Sinéad down out of sight.
‘What’s going on?’
We huddled close together so that we couldn’t be heard.
‘They’re going through our coat pockets. We’ll have to get away from here now, before they call the nuns or police!’
‘What do ye think they’re looking for?’ Sinéad whispered.
‘I’m not sure, but I don’t think they believe us about being with our ma. We’ll go back in and get our stuff, but don’t let on that we saw them searching our things. We’ll just tell them that we have go now.’
We walked in the back door, trying to behave normally. The Murphys were also pretending.
‘Did yous have a look at the wee pigs, then?’ asked Tom.
We smiled and said that we had.
‘We’ll have to be off now, or we’ll be late getting back,’ I said, grabbing our coats while Sinéad retrieved Kim from the cardboard box.
‘Could yous not stay a wee while longer, Frances?’ asked Tom.
‘No, we better get going. Sure, we’ll be back soon for another visit.’
They watched us carefully as we put on our coats and made it obvious that they didn’t want us to go anywhere for the moment. It felt awkward saying our goodbyes when all we really wanted to do was run for our lives.
Tom offered to walk with us to the station, but I was quick to refuse. ‘Sure, don’t bother yourself, we’ll be fine. Anyway, we’ll have to rush to catch the train.’
We walked casually away from the house, aware that we were being watched every step of the way. Once out of sight, we ran as fast as we could along a narrow lane until we came to a gate leading on to open fields. Climbing over the gate, we ran across the fields, stopping now and then
to catch our breath. I carried Kim so that Sinéad could keep up. We had no idea where we were, but at least no one had seen us.
‘I think we’ve done it,’ I said, panting. ‘We can stop running for a while, but we’ll still have to be careful not to be seen.’
I sensed that I’d seen the farm for the last time and had mixed emotions about it. I’d never forget my time there because it had been such a big part of my childhood, and I wanted to keep the good memories with me always. But I knew that the bad ones would always haunt me, too. Now and then I felt tears welling up in my eyes, but I managed to hold them back. I didn’t want to upset Sinéad and start her off crying, too. I needed to be strong for us both now that we were totally alone in the world.
Keeping close to the hedges, we walked around aimlessly until it started to get dark and cold. We needed to find an old barn to stay in, but since we couldn’t see one, we decided to get ourselves back on a road. Soon we came to a residential building site. A few workmen were still hanging around, but it looked like they were getting ready to go home.
‘We’ll come back in a while, when they’ve gone,’ I said.
The workers’ van drove past about five minutes later. When it was out of sight, we turned back towards the site. Once there, we went round the back of one of the newly built houses and stood at the back door. The pane of glass at the top had just been fitted, and the putty was still fresh and soft. Sinéad poked her finger into it, making a pattern. I tried the door handle, but it was locked. We were now tired, hungry and very cold.
‘We have to get in somehow. We can’t stay out here all night,’ I wailed. Then I had an idea. I picked up a broken brick and checked there was no one around. ‘Ye’ll have to move away a bit, I’m gonna have to break the glass,’ I said.
Sinéad backed up a few feet, and I could hear her telling Kim not to worry as I lunged at the glass with the brick. The pane cracked but didn’t break. More force was needed. That got me thinking that I was in danger of cutting myself, so I took my coat off and wrapped it around my hand, before making another lunge. Shards of glass rained down on both sides of the door. Seeing a key in the inside lock, I reached through the hole and turned it.
Glass crunched under our feet as we walked inside the house. I locked the door behind us and put the key in my pocket before looking around for something to cover the hole in the glass. Eventually, I poked my coat through it, which appeared to do the job.
While Sinéad dashed from one room to another, I walked around much more slowly, searching for the warmest place to spend the night. The house was quiet, and our voices echoed around the empty rooms. Between the living room and kitchen, I found a large cupboard containing some sort of a meter. It was just about big enough for us to lie down in and would be warm, provided we kept the door closed.
Sinéad took her coat off, folded it and put it the corner of one of the bedrooms. I placed Kim carefully on top, stroking him until he seemed to be settled. As we left, we closed the door behind us so that he wouldn’t wander out onto the broken glass.
It was very dark inside our cupboard. We sat down on the wooden floor with our backs leaning up against the wall. There was nothing to do now but relax and wait for morning. We’d have to be out of the house early, before the workmen turned up. Plus, I said, I was convinced that the Murphys had called the nuns, and then the nuns would have called the police.
‘We’ll have to get as far away from here as we can as soon as it’s light.’
But we couldn’t make much of a plan, with no money to our name and little sense of where we were. There just wasn’t anywhere to go to. Still, anything was better than being back in the convent.
We talked for hours before settling down for the night. I had too much on my mind to get much rest and the hard wooden floor didn’t help. What’s more, Sinéad kicked and fidgeted in her sleep, and Kim was making the strangest noises. I kept going to check on him but didn’t want to bring him into the cupboard because he’d already weed all over the bedroom floor.
By daylight I was glad of the chance to get up and stretch my legs, even though I couldn’t hold back the yawns. We made our way into Kim’s room, stepping carefully over the small piles of dog poo scattered all over the floor. Sinéad gently picked him up and started stroking and talking to him.
‘We’ll have to find something to clean this mess up,’ I said, as I didn’t think it was fair to leave the house in a state. It wasn’t long before I found a piece of plywood. ‘This’ll do. We’ll scrape up the poo and throw it outside, then we’ll have to get going.’
I’d just started cleaning up when I heard the sound of men’s voices outside. ‘Get back inside the cupboard!’ I told Sinéad. I followed her in and shut the door, trembling with fear.
We could hear the voices clearly outside the back door now, discussing the broken glass. Grabbing Sinéad’s arm, I could feel that she was shaking, too. Someone pushed open the back door, and we heard the crunch of broken glass. Holding my breath, my eyes tightly shut, I prayed over and again that no one would look in the cupboard.
The footsteps continued around the house. I wondered if we should try to make a run for it but felt paralysed. Then we heard noises on the other side of the cupboard door, and for a moment it felt as if my heart had stopped beating. The door opened to reveal two policemen.
‘Come on now, out you come,’ one of them said.
‘Oh God, Frances, we can’t go back!’ Sinéad whispered.
‘Come on now, out!’ the policeman barked angrily. There was nothing to do but give ourselves up. In the police car outside, we were asked to confirm who we were. This time we didn’t see any point in denying that we were the Reilly sisters.
Back at the convent, the policemen took statements from us, asking us stern questions about why we’d broken into the house, while the Reverend Mother looked on. We didn’t dare complain about the nuns. These policemen weren’t anything like the policemen at the docks, and we didn’t think they’d give us much sympathy.
We could tell from the Reverend Mother’s expression that the cane wasn’t going to be enough this time. So far the nuns hadn’t succeeded in breaking our will, but I knew now that they wouldn’t stop trying. I was very frightened for myself – and hoped that I could get through whatever punishment I’d have to take – but I was even more afraid for Sinéad. In an attempt to make things easier for her, I told the police that everything had been my idea. I said that I’d made her go with me, because I didn’t want to leave her behind. Sinéad gave me a smile when no one was looking, which I took to be her way of saying thanks. Eventually, the questioning finished, and the policemen went off to talk privately with the Reverend Mother.
We were locked in a room for the rest of the day, giving us plenty of time to worry about the punishment to come. Eventually, night came, but we were far too anxious and cold to sleep. We just cuddled up to each other on a bench and got what rest we could. It was a long night. When we weren’t talking or crying, we were trying to prepare mentally for the beating that lay ahead. Little did we know what surprises the next day held in store for us.
CHAPTER 23
The Remand Home
When morning came, instead of being punished, we were taken up to the dormitory and told to put on some new clothes. We were obviously going somewhere, but we had no idea where. Sister Francis came in to inspect us. She handed us each a new ribbon and told us to tidy up our hair. I wondered what on earth was going on. After two dramatic escape attempts, this was very unexpected. Why weren’t we being beaten black and blue?
‘That will do. Now come with me.’
We followed her through the convent to the main entrance. I felt scared and confused. We weren’t being taken out for a nice day, so what was this all about? As we approached the entrance doors, a woman walked towards us. Sister Francis stepped forward and shook her hand.
‘Miss Reed, I hope you haven’t been waiting too long,’ she said. ‘Here are Frances and Sinéad Reilly.�
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‘Hello, girls, we’ll have to be getting a move on,’ Miss Reed said.
‘Where are we going?’ I asked.
She didn’t reply. Sister Francis told me not to ask questions and to be on my best behaviour.
‘Yes, Sister. Sorry, Sister,’ I said, lowering my head, embarrassed that I’d been put in my place in front of a stranger.
Parked just outside the convent gate was an old red car. Miss Reed opened the back door and told us to get in. Soon we were driving down the Ormeau Road.
‘Do you think she’s taking us to our mammy’s?’ Sinéad whispered.
‘I don’t know. I don’t think so,’ I whispered back, not wanting to get her hopes up. I was trying to prepare for every eventuality, even if that meant making a run for it.
As we drove through Belfast town centre, I gazed in wonder at the different buildings and shops. People were walking freely about their business, and I wished that Sinéad and I were free to go wherever we wanted. The car came to a stop outside a large building, and Miss Reed asked us to get out.
‘Here we are now,’ she said, pointing to a pair of big doors.
She led us to a row of chairs lining a corridor. We sat down. A woman and a boy were sitting at the end of the row talking to a man in a smart dark suit. I couldn’t make out what they were saying, but the boy appeared to be getting upset and was starting to cry. I strained to catch the drift of their conversation because it might give me some clue as to where we were and why, but their words were muffled by the sound of the boy sobbing.
The woman was trying to get the boy to dry his tears when she noticed me staring at them. I looked away and focused my attention on Miss Reed. In her brown coat, brown hat and brown shoes, she looked rather plain and ordinary, like one of the nuns dressed in normal clothes.
Another man in a suit appeared in the corridor. Miss Reed stood up, and they said hello. They walked away, talking softly so that we couldn’t overhear them. Every now and then Miss Reed pointed to us, and the man glanced over, nodding his head slowly. I didn’t like the feel of what was going on.
Suffer The Little Children Page 21