by Emily Shore
So, I rephrase my question. “Was I worth it, Luc?”
His expression is unreadable―a glass half-buried in frost. Reaching up, he sweeps his fingers across my cheek. Just one hand. I let him carry it farther when he stands and lowers his hand to my scarf. Shivering, shattering just a little, I hold my breath and close my eyes when he slowly skims the fabric around my head. Once, twice, three times, but he doesn’t remove it. No, he lets it dangle down the sides of my chest while his fingers remain on the back of my neck, drawing me toward him. His breath is familiar. Not as familiar as Sky’s, but it’s fresher. Water-dipped.
Instead of kissing me, Luc presses his forehead to mine without shutting his eyes. “I wanted you to be my Swan.”
“And that’s how you’ll always see me…” I let my words trail off—a half-question.
He shakes his head. “I see Serenity and Swan. Swan in what you created, Serenity in who you are.”
Luc tugs lightly on the scarf. “And this is…” He motions to the rest of me now. “Is the Swan still there or have you banished her?”
I glance outside the window, trying to conjure up the best response. “I love the Swan. And I hate the Swan. She wants to come back, but I’m lightning in a bottle. I’m erratic, and those who try to control me end up burned.”
“I’ve taken that risk. I’m willing to continue.”
“I’ve seen fire in you, Luc.” I remember the day he’d slaughtered the graphickers. “Won’t we just…burn each other?” I whisper the last three words as I stare out the window at the abandoned trees, vacant of their moss and leaves and nothing but cold snow to clothe them.
“I want to show you something.”
Luc leads me to the room down the hall from mine. As soon as I step inside, I’m reminded of the night in the Aviary when I discovered all his digital sketches, floating as sprite lights around his bedroom. Except this time, it’s not just me. There are hundreds of laser images. All his Birds. They are a collage, dancing like a slow-moving hurricane, but one sprite light is larger than the others.
Luc reaches up. The sprite light responds to his motion, and I notice the familiar swan wings.
I murmur, “Me?”
He nods and concludes, “You. Too many sketches to fit, so I kept them on the volu-drive instead.”
I turn to face Luc. The Museum was just the vessel; Luc sucked me into his world, using his art and everything he is. Every single time, I fulfilled his dream, exceeded his expectations. At the end, he shocked me by opening the cage door. Less surprising is how he chose to follow me, to fly away with me. I owe him so much more than my life. Between the time with the graphickers and the Aviary auction—even the Glass District auction itself—I owe Luc a few life debts.
So, it doesn’t feel much like freedom.
“Is this what you’ve been doing?”
He nods. “Can you count the others?”
I shake my head. There are too many.
“Some of these were brought to the Aviary before my time, but I invested in them all. Four hundred and sixteen. Do you see the smaller ones?” With a nod, I wait for him to explain. “Those are my hatchlings. And the Temple knows nothing of my Hatchery. No records. I could never take the chance. Now that you’ve seen…please, you tell me if it was worth it.”
Because of me, Luc will never have another opportunity to rescue girls like Fawn. But can it really be rescuing if they still end up in the Aviary? Maybe if he used his power to send them to the Sanctuary instead of usurping them for profit…if he were more like Sky.
I sigh.
If they are willing to work together, I know we could get my parents and my sister to freedom. And others. But the chance of them working together is slimmer than a toothpick.
“Anyone ever tell you to find a new hobby?”
I spin around to see Sky advancing toward us. This is the second time he’s interrupted me while I’m studying Luc’s life work.
“Guess I shouldn’t be surprised.” Sky stuffs his hands into the pockets of his brown leather jacket. “Got a touch of the eccentric in you, brother.” He practically hurls the word at Luc before reaching up to touch one of the sprite lights. A scene of Blackbird. My first real friend in the Aviary. First real friend anywhere. The one Sky helped get to the Sanctuary when her pregnancy was discovered.
“I’ll give you one thing…” He addresses Luc, sending the laser projection away. “Got a fine artist’s hand.”
“Yes,” Luc agrees, enacting his own method of subjugation on Sky by thumbing my wrist. “But no canvas greater than this one.” He raises the back of my hand to his mouth.
I’m ready to pounce on them. Knock their two block-heads together. We should be figuring out where my parents are, where my sister is. I’ve only delayed this long because I needed to heal from…everything. Both Sky and Luc agreed to lock me in my room for those first few days, leaving me with no breakables or sharp instruments. My mother’s chest placated me.
“Hmm…” Sky grunts before jerking his chin to the sprite lite of me. “Surprised you don’t have her in a separate category.”
Are they seriously still talking about me?
My skin burns like blown glass in a kiln. Then…there is Luc, calming it with his chilling words but cracking it, too.
“All my Birds matter to me. But if you must know, I have more imprints of Serenity than any other.”
“I seriously cannot believe we’re related,” Sky groans, rubbing a hand down his face.
Neither can I, and they’re getting on my nerves.
“Fate is a cruel mistress indeed,” Luc expresses.
“You mean bitch, right?”
My eyes sail across each man, discovering their similarities and differences. Sky—taller, meatier, with his dark waves and deep eyes like the inside of an unbreakable nut. Luc—taller and leaner with a body like a water dancer, hair cropped to a generous tuft. A soft handsome face but one that can turn violent when pushed to such a state. Through and through, Sky is a brute, but he is smart enough to keep himself at bay. Not by control like Luc, but by reason. Reason and sense and saneness.
Not me. I’m their opposite. Fresh out of control and reason. I ball my hands into fists and flick my head back and forth between the two of them. “What are we going to do about my parents? What have you heard?” My last question is for Luc.
“My father refuses to speak to me ever since the Auction, but I’ve managed to learn from other Family sources that he hasn’t stopped negotiations with Force. But he’s lost his biggest bargaining chip.”
“How can I be bigger than my mother?” I mumble.
Sky hears it all the same, and the muscles in his neck tense as he approaches. “You said it yourself, Ser. When you met Force. He has big plans for you in the Temple. Big plans for you and your whole family.”
“Does the Guild still have them?” I ask Luc.
“Yes, but my access to holding facilities has been stripped. And the codes will have changed by now. I am a red flag for any Guild security system. It’s a miracle my father hasn’t sent bounty hunters to bring me in.”
Sky rolls his eyes, then leans against a nearby wall. “Bet he’s waiting for you to come crawling back to him instead. Hoping you’ll lick his boots like you’ve always done.”
Smirking, Luc taps his side a couple of times. “Or he’s afraid I would send those hunters back to him in pieces. Which I would.”
I don’t wince at the thought, believing every cold, calculated word.
“Sky, can’t the Sanctuary—”
“The Sanctuary’s not infallible.” Sky heaves a breath. He reaches into his pocket and withdraws a cigarette, an electronic one. Blows smoke through his nostrils, though I can’t tell what’s inside it. Pausing, he rubs his eyes. “I should’ve taken you right to the Sanctuary. I would have if you hadn’t thrown such a fit about your precious Owl.”
“This Owl has been more than generous, allowing you to stay on his premises after you tried to
nullify our agreement.” Luc’s brows furrow when countering. “Not to mention smoking in my house.”
I take a step to the side, careless of the sprite lights gliding across the sides of my face, and turn back to Luc, returning to the subject. “Are my parents all right?”
“Last I was able to ascertain, they are alive. And well-treated. My father wouldn’t risk harming Force’s prized possession. I’ll do my best to find out more, but my father, our father…” It’s a barb at Sky. “He has always kept secrets well.”
“What do you think he’ll do?”
Sky pauses, raises the cigarette to his mouth, and guzzles a deep draught before answering, “What do you think? The Guild lost their biggest advantage with you. To prevent a turf war, it won’t be long before Daddy offers them to the Syndicate. Unless he has already…”
I shudder at the thought. It’s been a week. The potentiality looms before me.
I don’t want to picture my parents as victims of Force’s torture. Don’t want to imagine what he’d do to my mother. All the things I’ve read in her journal continue to haunt me. Ghost words. If the strongest people I know can break—no. According to Sky, the Sanctuary trained them never to talk. My mother, Serafina, has always known her share of pain. As a former Temple guard, Kerrick knows every manipulation tactic. Neither will ever give up the Sanctuary. Not even to save each other. But to save me… It’s why I can never fall into Force’s hands. Where does that leave my sister?
“I was close,” Sky interrupts my thoughts, taking a step toward me. “Didn’t expect to have an advocate in Luc.”
I lower my head. “No one could have predicted that.”
“Pity I didn’t discover our shared DNA until shortly before the Auction,” Luc states as he joins our circle. “Things may have turned out differently.” My parents would be free now. There would’ve been enough time to rescue them.
Luc remarks to Sky, “You took a gamble telling me about your connection to her that night.”
The night after Luc discovered me in his room.
“Not much of one,” Sky grunts. “By that time, I knew how far you’d go for her. Knew you’d do just about anything to keep her out of Temple hands.” Sky winks at me. “I’m sure if he could’ve arranged it, pretty boy here would’ve been perfectly happy to keep you locked up in his glass cage swimming water duets for the rest of your life.”
Luc continues, ignoring Sky’s chagrin. “With the arrival of Temple security, we needed a diversion. I knew full and well that Director Force would be the winning bidder, but the last thing they expected was another director to offer up a rival Museum. My father’s mistake was keeping the Auction public. Enough witnesses. As expected, cooler heads did not prevail.”
“Especially when all your precious Birds crashed the party,” Sky added.
“Yes.” Luc nods. “Ironically, Dove’s deliberate method of creating more chaos resulted in our favor.”
“Speak for yourself,” I mutter, remembering the pain from Mockingbird. See a Swan bleed, see a Swan bleed. I can still hear her crazed cackle. Vengeance in her eyes from her mother’s death.
Luc twists his gaze to Sky, who takes a few steps closer to me and swings an arm around my shoulder.
“So, how does it feel, Ser? To be Luc’s property? His winning bid? His prized pearl, so to speak?” Sky fans out his palm.
I elbow him hard, and he feigns being wounded while I point a finger at both. “I’m no one’s property. Or prize. I’m nobody’s whatever until my family is safe and out of Force’s hands forever.”
Luc’s lips press together, corners curling, smug as if my argument is flimsy cheesecloth. Like he can rip through it at any time. With the number of life debts he holds over me, it’s not entirely false.
“No point in looking back.” Sky lets one hand drop to his side, the one holding the cigarette, and the smoke curls around his pants. “Can only move forward.”
“For you, forward is only one direction. The Sanctuary,” I seethe just before I feel Luc’s hands on my shoulders. I shrug him off. He’s too unfamiliar with the common pattern that is Sky and me. We feed on each other this way. It works. I don’t like the idea of someone else intruding.
“You shouldn’t blame him for wanting your best interests at heart.” Luc plays the noble card, trying to advocate for him.
Sky narrows his eyes. “I can defend myself, thank you.”
Sighing, Luc takes a step away and turns to the side, allowing us to continue unhindered. Though he grumbles like an annoyed parent watching his children squabble.
“After everything she’s done for you, you can’t abandon her now,” I plead to Sky.
Sky shoves the cigarette in his pocket before positioning his body so his side faces me more. “Is that what you think of me, Ser?”
I drop my arms to my sides. “I don’t know what to think.”
“I’ll always have to show you, won’t I?”
Another way he and Luc are similar. Words don’t do much for me. But it’s not enough because time is one thing we don’t have now.
At least Force doesn’t know my real name yet.
Just then, I notice Fawn, huddled into a white wool coat, outside the window. The air in here is cloying. Time for a fresh breeze.
“Figure it out,” I order both men. “I’m going outside. Try not to eat each other while I’m gone.”
“Hmm…barbecued Luc,” Sky muses.
“I’d prefer a Skylar Cassoulet paired with a smoky rouge wine. A hearty dish. Slow-cooked,” Luc doesn’t hesitate to add.
“Behave,” I warn them, jerking my finger before disappearing outside.
Fawn’s footsteps are light hushes on the snow, barely forming an imprint. When she sees me approach, she doesn’t scramble toward me like Finch used to, but she does take my hand and smile at me. Together, we walk toward the lake.
Only a thin film of ice coats the water’s surface. Thin enough for us to collect rocks on the shore and toss them. Fawn loves the sound of the ice shattering and the rock sinking after a hardy plop in the water.
Fawn speaks after a minute or two. “He loves you.” She must be talking about Luc. “But it’s…different. It doesn’t look as natural.”
“Fawn, how do you know—”
“What love looks like?” She pinches her small, heart-shaped mouth, eyes defiant. “I’ve never seen much love through those glass windows, but I saw it once. A couple who bid on me. They didn’t have enough, but they tried. When they lost, she cried. She wouldn’t stop crying when they took me away, and he held her. Just put his arms around her and held her.”
My breath catches in my throat, and I touch her shoulder. “What did they look like?”
Sighing, Fawn purses her lips. “She looked like you. And he was very tall. She only came to his chest.”
I manage to swallow, but my saliva has turned to grit that sticks in my throat. My words crack when they come out. “My parents.” I cover my mouth, eyes burning with hot tears. If they’d won Fawn that day, she’d be safe in the Sanctuary now. Finch was like me. Untouched. Innocent. Too easy for me to connect with her. I don’t know how to reach Fawn. She’s seen too much.
“That was the first night I was sold, so I never forgot them. I hoped the man I went to would be nice, but he wasn’t.” She shakes her head, almost violently.
That night must have squeezed all the hope from her heart, yanked it right out of her pores. If I could, I’d go back and castrate that man.
“Thank you for telling me.” Our lives touched each other before that night in the Glass District, and that’s worth more than anything.
Fawn picks up another rock, then flings it at the lake. “Do you love him, Swan?”
“Who?”
“Luc?”
It’s a tricky question to answer. I’ll always love Sky. Maybe that’s a sign I don’t really love Luc when I automatically consider Sky. But now, my heart’s bursting at the seams because Luc squeezed his way inside. The
re’s not enough room for both. Sooner or later, I’ll have to force one out. Or the seams will break. I’m the joker holding all the cards, playing with two decks, two lives. Whatever happens, I know neither will let me out of their sight, and they will follow me to death’s gate if I call. I can imagine Sky following me to the beyond. Luc is still a mystery.
So is Nightingale, I consider as she approaches us.
She reminds me of a spinning clock. Stuck in limbo just like I was in the Aviary. Time for her is on a loop, but I’m afraid she won’t know what to do with limbo. With the quiet moments and the thought of the unknown. How is she coping?
“Come with me, Fawn,” Nightingale instructs, nodding to the house. “You didn’t even stay for dessert.”
“I like being outside,” Fawn says. After her time in the Glass District, I understand.
“We’ll eat on the front porch.”
I mouth a “thank you” to Nightingale. I could use some alone time.
I wander toward the little gazebo on the edge of the lake. Wrap one arm around one stone pillar. Less than a minute later, Sky’s body nears mine, his chest daring to warm my back. Well…almost alone time. Despite his size, I didn’t even hear him approach. Dad…Kerrick trained him well. Smiling and tilting my head to the side so my cheek finds his shoulder, I sigh. Outside, it’s still cold. Spring is like a weed, shooting through the frost-tipped cracks from winter. My warm breath vanishes in the chilled air in no time as I shiver in my sweater, but Sky’s body heat helps. A warm cocoon spreads to the rest of me. The same warmth that was there in every hotel room as we shared secrets.
“I can see the wheels turning here,” Sky mumbles, his finger wandering up to my forehead. “What’s going on in that crazy mind?”
Sometimes, Sky can be so dense even when I’m eyeballing him. He’s just too focused, too caught up in the moment.
“The hatchery girls. Could you get them to the Sanctuary?”
“Maybe. If I need to.”
He says nothing else, just fuses his fingers into my hair like he used to when we were growing up, but his touch is different. Plus, there’s a glint in his eye that wasn’t there when we were little.