by K. C. Lynn
I moan at the lingering taste of myself, the flavor making my senses reel. My hands move to his belt, eager for more.
I’m ready for all of him.
He reaches down to help me, his efforts as urgent as mine. Once he sheathes himself with the condom, he lines himself up, his jaw ticking in restraint. “You ready for me, baby?”
“Yes,” I whisper without hesitation.
The tip of him presses inside of me seconds before he pushes forward, filling me with every generous inch of him. An army of sensations implode through my body, settling deep into my heart. I wrap my arms around his shoulders and bury my face in his neck as I become overwhelmed with emotion.
His body stills, a groan rumbling his chest. “Sweet Zoey,” he croons, his lips brushing my ear, “we’re so good together.”
We’re better than good. Nothing has ever felt so right, but I’ve always known we would be. I knew if this night were to ever happen between us we would create magic.
That’s why, in this moment, I choose to hold him close. To not let him move and just savor the way his body feels pressed against mine, how he fills me so perfectly, knowing after tonight I will never feel anything like this again.
“How the hell am I supposed to let you go now?” The torment in his voice has pain infiltrating my chest.
I don’t have an answer for him. I have no idea how I am going to walk away after this. The thought has emotion inching up my throat but I swallow it back, refusing to let it penetrate this perfect moment.
He presses a kiss to my shoulder, my cheek, then my mouth, his lips going from gentle to commanding in a matter of seconds. My fingers dig into his broad shoulders as he begins moving, slowly at first, each stroke more beautiful than the last as he kisses a part of my soul that’s never been touched before.
“I love feeling you inside of me,” I admit before I can stop myself.
“It’s fucking perfect. You’re perfect.” His mouth parts from mine as he braces himself above me, driving himself harder and deeper.
“Yes!” My leg curls around his back as I completely surrender myself, loving the way his strong body strains beneath my fingertips.
“It’s good, baby, isn’t it?”
“So good,” I moan, the connection between us undeniable.
“That’s because it’s us, Zoey. You and me, and together we’re fucking dynamite.” He covers my mouth with his, never faltering his delectable thrusts. If anything, he gives me more, hammering into me harder and more possessively.
Sweat soaks our skin, our bodies melding together the same way our hearts are. My stomach begins to tighten, fingers clawing his shoulders as I feel myself teetering on the edge of precious destruction once again.
“Austin,” I whisper against his lips, not wanting this to end, wishing I could stop time.
“Give into it, baby. I’m nowhere near done with you.”
It’s those words that have me letting go. This orgasm is even more powerful than the last, robbing my heart and stealing what’s left of it.
Austin follows not long after me, burying his face in my neck on a long, deep groan. I hold him close through it all, making sure to keep my emotion locked up tight.
Afterward, we lie together in a sweaty tangled mess as we try to catch our breaths. My head lies on his chest, his arm braced along my back to keep me close.
“Are you cold?” he asks, mumbling the question.
“No. As long as you stay right here with me, I’ll be warm.”
His lips press on the top of my head. “I don’t plan on leaving this spot for the rest of the night.”
Smiling, I bury my face deeper into his chest, clinging to these few precious hours we have together. Eventually, I drift off only to be awakened a short time later by his hands and mouth on my body.
We make love twice more through the night, each time more perfect than the last. I make sure to commit it all to memory. Every touch and kiss we share I store in a place that will only ever be reserved for him.
When dawn breaks and I’m no longer able to put off the dreadful moment, I slip out from under his arm as quietly as possible and get dressed. I gaze down at his sleeping face, my heart shattering in a million pieces to know I will never see him this way again.
Unable to stop myself, I kneel down next to him, brushing my lips across his one more time. Then I do one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.
I walk away.
No doubt he’ll be angry when he wakes up to find me gone but it will be easier this way, for the both of us. Knowing this doesn’t make it any less painful though.
Gravel crunches beneath my tennis shoes as I start my long walk home, the fresh air doing very little for my wounded heart.
I can’t be angry at the life I’ve been given. I love my sister and the responsibility of taking care of her has never been a burden. She’s the reason I wake up every single day. My reason for everything I do.
But I can’t help but wonder, what if.
What if things were different and I could keep Austin? What if I could do the one thing I love most and capture the beautiful sights of this world that most of us take for granted. More importantly, what if my sister wasn’t disabled and could care for herself? To be able to fall in love with another and have a family of her own one day.
It’s that thought that has my tears flowing freely. For the life I wish I could have, but even more, for the life Chrissy has been denied. That’s what makes me continue to put one foot in front of the other, leaving behind a night I’ll never forget and a man I will long for until the day I die.
CHAPTER TWO
Austin
Two months later
Smoke consumes the air, billowing around me. It tries sucking me into its black abyss but I fight through the chaos, refusing to let it swallow me. Despite the fiery destruction, everything inside of me is calm and collected.
Focused.
I can hear every breath of oxygen I pull in from my tank. It echoes in my ears and rushes through my blood. Beads of sweat drip into my eyes and trickle down my face. Most importantly, I feel my brothers close by, fighting the roaring flames next to me.
This is the job. A risk we take. A sacrifice we all make.
We got the call not even fifteen minutes ago about the abandoned warehouse being up in flames. From the outside it looked manageable, but once we entered we were met with a raging beast.
“Talk to me, Hawke. What do you guys have going on in there?” My captain’s voice booms through my earpiece.
“We managed to make it to the upper level but the situation has escalated. I’ve never seen anything like this, Cap. Something doesn’t feel right. There’s an odor in here I can’t place.”
“I smell it, too,” Jake says, speaking into his mic. He stands to my left, only a few feet away.
“We need a different plan of attack.”
“Agreed,” Cam adds.
“Screw that,” Declan argues. “We got this, guys.”
“Not from in here!” My voice is stern, leaving no room for argument.
Declan is a rookie and eager. I get it, this is what we’re trained for, what we wait for, but he is not qualified for something of this magnitude. None of us are with the plan we have in place now.
“All right. All of you, out,” Cap orders. “We’ll cover it from the outside until more reinforcements show up.”
“Copy,” Cam says from my right. “I’m backing out now.”
Jake withdraws next.
“Declan?” I call, waiting for his check-in behind me.
“Yeah, yeah,” he grumbles.
The moment I feel the tug of the hose with his descent, I retreat, my eyes never straying from the raging beauty before me. How something can be so beautiful yet destructive at the same time is a complete mind fuck but it’s one of the reasons I love what I do.
“Hold up, there’s a cracked door open over here,” Declan bellows. “It looks clean, maybe we can approach it from h
ere.”
I spin around, barely making out his shadow as he moves left, reaching for the door. “Do not enter! It’s not secure.”
My order comes too late. Dread grips my chest in a fit of rage as flames escape, roaring with suffocating heat and engulfing Declan in the blink of an eye.
The blast is furious, knocking me off my feet. Pain radiates through my whole body, sucking the air out of my lungs, but nothing hurts as much as the grief spearing my chest like a hot iron poker, the knowledge that I just watched Declan turn to ash right before my eyes.
I come awake on a roar, a cold sweat covering my skin as I shoot upright. My lungs expand painfully, trying to take in air as I fight to even my breathing. I glance at the clock and realize my alarm is blaring. Hitting the silence button, I grab my cell that lies next to it and find a text from Cam.
I’ll pick you up at ten. Cap wants us at the church early.
My gut knots, my mind and heart not ready for this. To say the final goodbye to a fellow brother. One I was supposed to watch over and protect.
With that tormenting thought in mind, I climb to my feet and head for the shower, hoping to wash away the guilt and despair that has been suffocating me for the past week.
*
The day passes in a sea of blue but the pain is transparent, written on the faces of everyone here, including my fellow brothers. Being a pallbearer has to be one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. It’s supposed to be an honor yet I feel undeserving.
I’m not the only one who feels it. All of us do. Cam, Jake, and I have been best friends since we were kids, playing hockey together our entire lives and now we fight fires side by side, always watching out for one another. When one of us bleeds, we all bleed, and right now is no different.
As hard as this has been on us, I think Cap is taking it the worst. In his thirty-five years, Captain Gyepesi, or whom we like to call Captain Gypsy, has never lost a man on his watch…until now.
The day only gets grimmer when we walk out to the cemetery for the final goodbye and watch as his casket is lowered into the ground. By the time we head back to the parking lot, I’m struggling to breathe through the tightness in my chest.
“I need to get the fuck out of here,” Jake says, his voice solemn and body wound tight. “I need a drink.”
No one likes a funeral but especially Jake. Not since he had to lay both his parents to rest years ago after a house fire took their lives. It left him to drop his football scholarship to raise his younger sister on his own.
Cam nudges my shoulder and nods across the way. My head turns to see Chief Ramsey striding toward us, grief smothering the older man’s face.
Ramsey is the fire chief of the entire division. He’s also Declan’s uncle and the man who raised him. Their relationship was as strong as father and son. I honestly believe the only reason Declan joined the department was to make Ramsey proud. If that’s not a swift kick in the balls for the chief, he also lost his wife a year ago to cancer. As far as I know, Declan was the only family he had left.
Witnessing the sorrow in the other man’s eyes only serves to drive that ever-present guilt deeper into my gut.
“Boys,” he greets us, shaking each one of our hands, “thanks for being here, Declan had great respect for all of you.”
“It was an honor working with him, Sir,” Cam replies, speaking for all of us.
Tension fills the air when Chief directs his attention over to Captain.
“Gyepesi.” He acknowledges him with a tight nod.
“Ramsey.”
There has always been tension between the two of them, something that Cap brushes off anytime we ask. Ramsey, Cap, and Jake’s father were all firefighters together, the best of friends until one day they weren’t. There’s a story there, one none of us know. Not even Declan knew.
“I’m sorry for your loss,” Cap continues, filling the silence. “Declan was a good kid and a hell of a firefighter. It was an honor to have him as part of my team, and I have no doubt he would have amounted to great things.”
Chief Ramsey shrugs easily but there is no denying the devastation masking his face. “I guess we’ll never know now, will we? Looks like you made another bad call, Cap.”
Cam, Jake, and I share a look, wondering what the hell he means by that. An undeniable pain flashes in the captain’s eyes.
The dig against him is unfair; if anyone is to blame it’s me, not him. Before I have a chance to speak that, the chief walks away, leaving us in gloomy silence.
“Forget what he said,” Cam says, clapping him on the shoulder. “Wanna come drown your sorrows with us?”
He waves us away. “Nah, you boys go on. I’m going to head back to the station and do some paperwork.”
“You sure?” Jake asks.
“Yeah. Behave. I’ll see you next shift.” After shaking each of our hands, he heads for his truck.
“What do you think Ramsey meant about that call?” Jake asks.
I shrug, having no idea, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t even more curious now about this tension between them.
Cam, on the other hand, doesn’t give it much thought. “Come on, let’s get out of here. Overtime?” he asks, looking directly at me.
Two months ago, this would have never been a question, but now it is. All because the girl who owns it has me by the balls and everyone knows it, including me.
The last thing I want right now is to be reminded of everything I want but can’t have. Yet, at the same time, I know seeing those baby blues will no doubt help mask the despair and helplessness that has been gripping me for the past week.
“Yeah, let’s go.”
CHAPTER THREE
Zoey
Every move I make within the bar, I can feel his intense gaze on me. Piercing and penetrating, infiltrating every nerve ending in my body.
Unable to stop myself, I glance over my shoulder. Our eyes collide, his warm brown irises calling to every part of me. There’s a sadness in them, a defeat that tugs at my yearning heart.
Austin, Jake, and Cam came in hours ago and have been drinking their pain away for most of the day. A pain they’ve had to face by saying goodbye to Declan. My heart broke when I heard the news last week, knowing Austin and the others had to be devastated.
I desperately wanted to reach out to him but didn’t think my condolences would be welcomed. Ever since I slipped out on him, our friendship has been strained, to say the least. He was as mad as I knew he would be when he woke up that morning to find me gone. It’s been hard, really hard. I miss him, but most of all I miss our friendship.
“Hey, hot stuff!”
My eyes dart to Garth Cornell, another patron who has been in here drinking with some coworkers.
“Bring us another round,” he demands rudely.
The arrogance pouring off him makes my teeth grind. The four of them come in on the last Friday of every month. They share a few drinks and usually act like pretentious jerks. I put up with it because they spend a lot of money and always tip well. Since things are tight right now, I’ll take what I can get.
“You want me to deal with them?” Tara asks, one of the only few waitresses I have on staff. She is not only a great employee but has also become a friend. Something I’ve missed since my best friend, Sam, moved away.
I shake my head and flash her an appreciative smile. “I got them but thanks.”
I make my way behind the counter and set out four tumblers, adding ice to each glass before filling them half full with the best scotch I have. Their tastes are as expensive as their Armani suits.
Frank, my new bartender, comes up behind me and reaches over my shoulder for a glass. “I don’t know why you put up with those assholes,” he says, gesturing to Garth’s table.
I shrug. “Their money is as good as anyone else’s, besides, they’re harmless.”
Most of the time.
He grunts. “Whatever you say, sweetheart. It’s your bar.”
I smile back at
the older man. Decked out in black leather and covered with tattoos, the veteran might have a tough exterior but he’s a kind soul. I hired him because I needed the help and figured it’s good to have a man around, especially for those late nights when closing. Something Austin used to give me hell about all the time, but I never minded because then he would come in and wait until I finished, making sure I made it to my car safely.
The reminder has my heavy heart swelling in my chest. Shoving the thought aside, I put the four glasses on a tray and carry them over to the waiting table. When I place the last drink down in front of Garth, his hand moves to the inside of my leg, fingers grazing.
I step back and fake the best smile I can manage. “Anything else?”
“Yeah, why don’t you pull up a chair and have a drink with us.”
We go through this every time he comes in here and my answer is always the same, just like when he asks me out.
“You know I can’t do that. I have a bar full of customers.”
“It’s not that busy. Sit down, Zoey, and have a drink.”
Annoyed, I ignore his cocky demand and don’t bother repeating myself. “I’ll be back to check on you.”
I turn away only to have him snag my wrist, his fingers bruising.
Spinning around, my eyes narrow, meeting his dead-on. “If you ever want to come in here again, I suggest you let me go right now.”
“Quit being so stubborn and have one drink with us.”
He tries tugging me closer but I dig my heels in. “I mean it, Garth. Let go!”
He vanishes before my eyes in a blur of movement. Glass shatters on the floor as the table flips over on its side in a turn of destruction. By the time I register what’s happening, Austin has Garth by the throat, pinning him against the wall.
“What part did you not understand?”
A couple of Garth’s coworkers move for Austin until Jake and Cam step in front of them.
“That’s enough!” I hop over the broken glass and insert myself between the two, facing Austin. My shaky hand presses against his chest. “Let him go.”
His furious eyes never stray from Garth, jaw locked tight.