“Chloe and Cameron.”
Bobby had to admit he was taken aback by her choices. He matched the names with his last name and decided they both sounded fine. But he didn’t know anyone in all of Oklahoma with either of those names. He had a feeling his wife was about to start a new trend.
He was impressed with her and held out his hand so she would rest hers in it. She was still kneeling at his feet. He’d never had a woman do that before. He wasn’t sure how he felt about it.
“I like those names, Sarah,” he murmured, leaning forward so their faces were closer together. He could smell the scent of her lotion. His eyes dropped down to her well-formed red lips. They looked soft. They looked kissable. He wouldn’t be able to resist much longer. And, from the look on her face, she didn’t want him to.
His heart raced in his chest. He held his breath for a moment, feeling like a schoolboy with a crush who was about to experience his first kiss.
It wouldn’t be Bobby’s first kiss. But it would be the first he would share with a woman he had fallen deeply in love with. He could see Sarah was just as nervous, but he had a feeling she knew what was on his mind.
He wanted her to be his wife completely.
“Sarah…” he murmured, tilting his head to the side and moving even closer to her. He hesitated when their lips brushed against each other. It was what she wanted, too, that was obvious. Why was he so nervous?
In a surge of courage, Bobby brought his lips to hers and kissed her with more passion than he’d ever kissed with before. It would be the first of many. And he was sure they would all be as amazing.
Chapter 24
Sarah stared up at the ceiling, replaying the night in her mind. She and Bobby had made their marriage official and she could only wish she was riding on cloud nine, like most women would be on their “honeymoon” night.
But Sarah wasn’t riding a cloud. She had never felt more loved in all her life. But now she was faced with the very real and possible outcome of losing the family she had made with Bobby and Sammy.
She hadn’t told the truth.
He’d given her ample opportunity. He’d met Bruce as the man was leaving, giving a false name and trying to be friendly but not really pulling it off, according to Bobby’s recount of the meeting. He’d talked about meeting “Mitch McKinney” a few times, but she didn’t get the impression he was suspicious of her.
She didn’t know which was worse. If he was suspicious and knew she was hiding something, he would be angrier that she’d continued to lie. If she had pulled it off and he didn’t suspect anything, when he eventually found out, he would be hurting more than Sarah could imagine.
She knew Bobby loved her. She knew it with all her heart, especially now that they had shared their love for one another as deeply as a man and woman could.
But she had already betrayed him.
Sarah was nearly drowning in guilt and shame. She denied the tears that wanted to stream from her eyes, over her cheeks, dropping to the pillow below her head.
The bright moonlight outside was casting dark tree-limb shadows across the ceiling. She studied them, thinking about the creepy dance they were doing, shivering in response to it.
She glanced at Bobby again before lifting the covers from her body and sliding her legs out. Her feet tucked neatly into the slippers she’d set by the bed and she grabbed Bobby’s robe from the chair in front of her.
She hurried down the hall to the kitchen and began to prepare a cup of hot cocoa for herself. Maybe she would think of a better solution than the one she was currently thinking of.
Sarah couldn’t control her father. She couldn’t control her brothers. The only person she could control was herself. And maybe Sammy, a little bit. And not for long.
Thinking about Sammy made Sarah miss the little girl, smiling in a melancholy way into the darkness of the kitchen, lit only by the one lantern she’d brought with her. It was enough for her to see and not bright enough for anyone to notice if they happened to wake up.
She slid herself into the chair she normally occupied when the family shared a meal and bent her head.
For a few minutes, Sarah prayed. She prayed for the strength to get through this hard time without cracking. She prayed for the courage to admit her sins to her husband, stand up to her family, and fight for Sammy and Bobby’s safety first.
Sarah continued to pray, begging God for forgiveness of her trespasses. She vowed to be as kind as she could be, to care about other people fearlessly, to stand tall when danger revealed its ugly head.
She also prayed that she would never have to use her aggressive nature for anything violent, not even in self-defense. She was still learning to shoot but her aim was good and her will was strong. If she needed to shoot someone to save her own life, Bobby’s or Sammy’s, she would do it.
Sarah’s shoulders slumped and she leaned to the side, her chin propped in her hand. She’d never felt so sad and disappointed in her life. And the worst thing was that she felt that way because of her own actions. She couldn’t undo what had already been done. She was at fault. She’d dropped the ball. She was to blame for her predicament.
She sighed, feeling the weight of her whole head on the palm of her hand. Her body seemed a hundred pounds heavier. She felt like she wouldn’t be able to stand if she tried.
Sarah wasn’t going to let the tears fall. She was only feeling sorry for herself. It wasn’t time for that. It was time to find a solution. But the only thing she could think of to do was the last thing she wanted to do.
She would have to leave Bobby and Sammy. Not to go with her father, but she would most assuredly let him know she had left the ranch. It was the only way she thought would save her new family, the man and daughter she loved so much. She couldn’t let Bruce and her brothers hurt them.
Sarah knew if she just abruptly left, there was a good chance Bruce and her brothers would try to get the information out of Bobby. They might even use Sammy to accomplish that.
She felt like worms were squirming around in her stomach and pressed one hand against it. She felt nauseous for a moment. It was sad that she could picture her father doing just that.
But Bart and Danny? Surely not. They at least had some heart, didn’t they? They’d shown compassion a few times in the past. That’s why her hope that they would change their ways had lingered in her heart for so long.
She dropped her blue eyes down to the table and traced one of the swirls in the woodgrain with her index finger, her other hand still propping up her head. Her body felt so heavy. She didn’t want to move.
But soon the milk was boiling, and she had to force herself to get up and make the cocoa. She would enjoy it. It was just so difficult when she was so depressed, so upset, dreading what she felt she had to do.
Sarah could see no other way around it. She sat back down in the same spot, setting the mug of hot cocoa on the table and staring at it without really seeing it. She would let it cool down a little bit. In the meantime, maybe it was a good idea to write a note to Bobby.
If she was able to write the note, gather some clothes, and actually leave, it would be the biggest act of courage she’d ever displayed. She didn’t want to leave her family. But it was the only way she knew of to keep Bobby and Sammy safe from her evil father and brothers.
Thinking about her brothers brought back the memory of Bobby saying Danny had given the money back to Tom. He’d told her the story after several glasses of wine, when he was very free with his speech. She could tell he was confused by Danny’s actions. He was grateful, to be sure. But he also suspected that Danny wasn’t that great of a character, as evidenced by the fruit tree he came from.
Bobby prided himself on being a good judge of character. Little got past him. Sarah knew that about him, now that she’d spent time in Comstock, married to the man. She was stunned she’d gotten away with her lie about the orphanage for as long as she had.
But tonight… tonight was the night to come clean. She woul
d write him a letter explaining everything and then make her way on foot to the train station with one, maybe two, bags.
She almost wished she had the money in the coffee can again. She could easily make her way back across the country and settle somewhere near her old hometown, but not there, exactly. She didn’t want to be recognized. Regardless, she would be leaving the man of her dreams and a darling little girl who had captured her heart.
Sarah wallowed in her misery. The delicious drink she’d made lost all its flavor to the bitterness of what she had to do. She was consumed with guilt. But what could she do now? Bruce had found her. He wouldn’t stop until he got what he wanted from her.
Sarah wasn’t about to steal from her husband. She loved him way too much for that. She would make her own way. And she would inform her father and brothers of her departure when she went to meet him. She hadn’t kept her original date with him, which meant he could, in all actuality, show up at any moment to burst her balloon and tell Bobby what she’d done. Sarah wouldn’t put it past Bruce to embellish and make her look like the worst woman in the world.
And, after her lies, she wouldn’t be able to convince him of the truth.
Downing nearly the rest of her hot cocoa, which was now pleasantly warm, Sarah got up from the table and set her empty cup in the sink. She would return for it later and probably make herself another cup.
Sarah left the quiet solitude of the kitchen for the eerie quiet of the hallway. She stepped out the door and lifted her lantern up higher than her head so she could look up the staircase. No one was there. Not that she expected anyone to be, she was just making sure.
She heard nothing but the gentle breathing of the house around her. The rooms were large, the hallway massive, the foyer immaculately clean. She hurried down the hall on silent feet, her slippers quiet on the hardwood floor.
Sarah stopped just outside Bobby’s study door. She rarely went in there. She wasn’t interested in Bobby’s ranch business. It was something she knew nothing about, and she didn’t want to bother him while he was doing what needed to be done.
The study was always warm, even when no fire had been built for several days. It always smelled of Bobby’s cologne, too, making Sarah breathe in deeply as soon as she stepped into the room. She went to her husband’s desk and opened the drawer at the top to her right. She’d seen him take pieces of paper from that drawer. There was a cup of pens on his desktop, so they were easy to find.
Before she put the pen to paper, she had to think for a moment. She’d given all her money, every cent from the coffee can, to Bobby. The only way she could afford to buy a ticket out of Comstock was to sell her jewelry. And who didn’t know her and would actually buy gifts from Bobby for her benefit?
No one in Comstock, that was for sure.
Sarah sighed in frustration. All that meant was that she would have to take one of the horses to a nearby town and sell her jewelry there.
Just another complication. Not only was she about to be completely heartbroken and likely miserable the rest of her life, she had to work hard to make herself that way.
She pushed aside her shame and set the pen down on the paper, letting it hover for a moment. What would she say? How could she even start a letter like this one?
Pulling in a deep breath, Sarah began writing.
My dearest husband,
Tonight, you have made me the happiest I have ever been. I don’t want to be writing you this letter now, because I feel we’ve come so far in our bonding. But I have a confession to make. I have lied to you. I told you I was raised in an orphanage when I was not. I was raised by my father, Bruce, after my mother died and left me and my two brothers with him. You know him as Mitch McKinney.
He visited yesterday and became very threatening, which is why I ran away from him and denied him to you. My father and brothers did not raise me with any loving kindness at all. I had always hoped my brothers would see the error of their ways, but they are here with him, so I suppose they haven’t. It’s disheartening because you told me Danny gave the money back to Tom, and that made me have hope again.
Bruce has threatened both you and Sammy if I don’t come up with a lot of money fast to pay him for his silence that I lied to you and who he really is. I have no money, and I refuse to let my father blackmail you.
I love you, Bobby, and I love Sammy so much. The only thing I can think of to do is get away from you both to keep you safe from Bruce and Bart and Danny. I don’t know what they’ll do to you. I can’t take that chance.
I will tell them that I have left so they will leave you alone. They can pursue me, but I won’t let them come near you or Sammy.
Just know, Bobby, that the past few months have been Heaven to me—the most exciting, wonderful time I’ve ever had. You are amazing and so is Sammy. I do wish I didn’t have to leave. But I have to keep you safe. I’m sorry for lying. I’m sorry I didn’t have the courage to come clean, even with my heavy-handed conscience beating me up all the time.
Forgive me, my love. Please don’t come find me. I can’t bear the thought of you or Sammy getting hurt because of me. If the time ever comes that it is safe for me to return, and you still want me, I will come back. I promise you, I will.
Your loving wife,
Sarah
Sarah stared down at the note, reading it over and over in her mind. Should she add more? Should she write a new letter? How would he respond to this?
Her heart was heavy with sadness. She didn’t want to write this. She didn’t want to leave.
This was all Bruce’s fault. He was the worst father a girl could ever have.
Anger built up inside her and she ground her teeth together, picturing his smug sneer. She never thought she was the type to actually hate someone. Especially her own father.
But she found that was the case and it made her sad and angry at the same time. It wasn’t fair for a girl to hate her own father, especially when her mother wasn’t alive. And to have brothers that were not her protectors but rather her bullies… it just didn’t seem fair.
She read through her letter one more time and decided it would have to do. She couldn’t think of anything else to say. Not wanting to write it in the first place deterred any notion of writing a second one.
She decided she didn’t want another cup of hot cocoa. If she didn’t go get her clothes and leave, she never would. That would just be inviting danger to the two people she loved more than anyone else.
With a heavy heart, Sarah folded the letter twice, turned it to the side, and folded it into a square.
She went on silent feet back to the room she’d shared with Bobby and gazed down at his sleeping form for a few minutes, overwhelmed with love, warmth, and passion for her husband.
She kissed the tips of her fingers and pressed them gently against his, very gently so as not to wake him.
“I love you so much,” she whispered, her heart shattering in her chest. “I’m sorry.”
She laid the letter on her pillow and left the room to gather her things together with tears streaming down her face. She would sacrifice her heart and happiness. She would sacrifice her life. She would sacrifice anything and everything so that her husband and his daughter could be safe from harm.
Chapter 25
Bobby woke with a start. He twisted his upper body, swinging one arm over to feel the side of the bed where Sarah should be. Her side was empty.
Confusion filled his mind. He turned over. In the dim light of early morning, he could see the folded note on the pillow. He snatched it up and turned back, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed. Clutching the letter in his hand, he went about lighting the lantern he kept next to his side.
Daring to Start Again: An Inspirational Historical Romance Book Page 22