by Fisher, K. T
"You're a fucking fantastic woman."
Kendal turns to face me. Her eyebrows frowning a little.
"What?"
I look down to her luscious lips and fight not to take them when she runs her tongue along them. Our faces are so close that I could attack them.
"I said you're fucking fantastic Kendal."
Before anything else can be said, Finley shouts from his room.
"DADDDDDDYYYYYY!"
I smile and Kendal giggles. Kendal stands and walks to the bottom of the stairs.
"What's the matter Fin?"
There's just silence. Me and Kendal look at each other through the doorway and wait for a reply.
"No, I need my daddy."
Kendal huffs and walks back into the kitchen. She has a smile on her face as she picks up the takeaway boxes.
"Your son needs you Jax."
I still can't believe all of this. It's unreal, but I get up and walk towards the stairs with a big stupid smile on my face.
When I pass Kendal, I let my hand innocently glide across her bum-cheek softy. I feel Kendal freeze and hold back a laugh.
What I see when I go into Finley's bedroom - makes my smile widen. He has his guitar under one arm and holding a microphone, whilst trying to keep a hold of the microphone stand too. The poor guy.
"I need help daddy."
I take everything off him, hold the toys under one arm and lift Finley in the other.
"Wow daddy, you're strong!"
My life has definitely changed for the better.
~Kendal~
I watch Jax run up the stairs to help Finley. It was so cute when Finley asked for Jax and the excited look on Jax's face was adorable. Having him around the house hasn't been weird at all. In fact it's felt quite nice. Finley hasn't found it all weird at all; he has taken to Jax so well. Like he's always had Jax in his life, which is good for everyone.
I'm putting plates into the sink when I hear Finley’s laughter. I turn around and my heart leaps out my chest for two completely different reasons. One reason is because Jax is holding the toys under one arm and Finley under the other. His muscles are bulging through his top. Wow, he looks so good in that tight white shirt!
The other reason is because Finley looks so happy and Jax is looking down at him with the same smile. Jax sets the toys down and adjusts Finley so he's holding him upright.
"Jax don't move."
I grab my phone and snap a picture of them both smiling at me. I look at the picture and feel all kinds of emotions. Their first picture as father and son.
"You OK mummy?"
I look up from the picture and to Jax and Finley. Jax sets Finley down and picks up his toys.
"Come on buddy, how about you set up and wait for me and your mum OK?"
Finley nods and follows Jax into the living room. As soon as I'm alone I feel my tears. I'm sick to death of crying all the time! Before I can wipe them away Jax reappears in the kitchen.
"Kendal?"
"I'm fine."
"No you're not. What's wrong?"
I can hear Finley playing his guitar and singing loudly.
"I feel like shit. You two are perfect together. You should have had years of this, not a couple of hours."
He takes me into his arms and holds the back of my head so I can't escape.
"I'm happy Kendal. Now come on, our son is waiting to perform."
That whole sentence felt bizarre. It's going to take some getting used too.
"You're loving the fact Finley thinks your a God, aren't you?"
He holds me at arms length and beams the totally charming Jax Parker smile. I admit. I swoon.
"A God huh?"
My damn cheeks burn. Jax just laughs at me and holds my hand as we walk into the living room - where Finley is waiting excitedly. We both take our seats on the sofa, Jax sits very close, one of his arms goes around my back and his hand rests on the top of my thigh. Very smooth Jax! When I give him a questioning look, he just lifts an eyebrow in a sexy manor. That's right, even Jax's eyebrows are sexy! Finley starts jumping around and shouting. He’s totally oblivious to the change of atmosphere between me and Jax.
~*~*~
An hour later, Finley’s very loud performance has ended and it was time to settle him down. Jax had a glimpse into his certain stubbornness in his wardrobe area. Yes, he still has total control when he selects his pajamas. Jax had a lot of fun tormenting Finley with his pajamas, mixing them up, nearly causing Finley’s head to explode.
Now I'm listening into Jax reading Finley his bedtime story. I thought I would feel a little jealous of Jax reading to him, but I'm pleased to say that I don't. Listening to Jax reading - has made me so happy. There were some nights after I had read to Finley and he had fallen asleep, that I would think about Jax. I would think about where he was and what he was doing. Other times I wondered if he would’ve loved Finley’s bedtime routine as much as me. By the enthusiasm Jax is putting into reading the book, I would say he does.
I take a quick peek and see Jax is laying next to Finley on his bed, with his head angled up on the headboard. Finley’s little head is peaking over his quilt, resting on the crook of Jax's arm that is behind his head - with his eyes closed. Jax looks up at me and winks. I feel so guilty not telling him sooner. Finley should have had Jax in his life a lot sooner.
I leave Jax to it and creep downstairs. I sit in the living room and check my phone. I have a few messages from the girls to see if I'm OK.
Five minutes later Jax returns from Finley’s room looking very happy with himself.
"I didn't think I would enjoy that so much."
I know exactly what he means. As a parent it's a wonderful feeling reading as your child falls asleep. Giving them that kiss on their forehead and tucking them in.
"I know."
He comes to sit beside me.
"Thanks Kendal. Today's been fantastic. Finley's an awesome kid."
"It's OK. He's loved today as much as you have. He will be sad to see you gone in the morning."
Shit, I shouldn't have said that! It makes it sound like I want him to stay. Well, I do, but he doesn't need to know that. Jax looks at me and smiles a little. It's not a happy smile. I've upset him.
"Sorry, I shouldn't have said that."
"No, it's just….I was wondering, when can I see him again?"
"Well, he has school tomorrow. You can come with me to pick him up if you like?"
His smile is back and I'm relieved.
"That’s great. Where shall I meet you?"
We agree to meet at my work so Jax can follow me there. I finish at 3:00 tomorrow, just in time to be able to fetch Finley. We start to laugh about old times; I fall back against the back of the sofa laughing so hard. Jax is still sitting forward looking at me with a heated look. I’d know that look anywhere. It does delicious things to my body and my stomach tightens in anticipation.
"You don't know how many times I thought about seeing you again."
"You did?"
He nods and leans in a little closer. Oh my, can I kiss him again? I lick my lips and his eyes watch my tongue.
"I thought a lot about you too."
"Did you now?"
He flashes that cocky grin at me before he closes the space between us, and he kisses me with enough passion to light a fire. His tongue demands attention from mine. I hear myself sigh, Jax feels so good. He pushes me to lie down on the sofa and Jax falls on top, supporting his weight with his arms. How many times have I fantasied about this over the last four years? Too many times!
I grab onto either side of his face and deepen the kiss; his grunt of approval pushes me on to let my hands wander over his muscled body. I grab onto his tight arse and Jax presses his groin into me, I groan in need. The last time I had sex was with Harley, over six months ago. When I feel Jax's hard cock against me, I pull down on his arse to make his hardness press into me more. Jax trails his kisses onto my jaw and neck, it feels so good. I need more. Jax
whispers against my skin.
"I've missed you so bad baby."
"Me too."
I grab his face again and pull him back to my lonely mouth. I’m about to demand that Jax end’s my burning need – when there is a knock on the front door.
"You expecting anyone?"
I shake my head but I can't ignore it. I get up on my shaky legs and gather myself together. I walk to my door with Jax behind me. I'm surprised to see its Jessica with Sam standing behind her - looking like he really doesn't want to be here.
"So, I came here to check in on you seeing as I’ve had no replies to my texts."
"I was busy Jess."
She glances at Jax behind me and quirks an eyebrow.
"I came to check on you because last time you were together you were crying on the floor, but it looks to me like you're getting on just fine."
I bite my lip and try to think what to say, but Jax steps closer and wraps his arms around me from behind.
"Hey Jess, Sam."
Sam and Jax do the man head nod.
"Sorry Kendal, I tried to stop her coming over."
Yeah I bet he did, but Jessica's the type of girl that when she's on a mission - nobody can stop her. Not even Sam. They say their goodbyes and leave.
"I should probably get going too."
"Oh OK."
Damn. I wanted to finish what’ we’d started. Jax gives me a strong armed cuddle and I relax into him.
"Thank you for today baby. I'm gonna be by your side from now on. You can't get rid of me now."
"I wouldn't want too."
I mean it. Seeing Jax and Finley today has made me see they need each other. Jax probably needs Finley more than Finley needs Jax to be honest.
"What time do you leave tomorrow?"
"Half past eight. Why?"
"You better get some sleep then. I'll see you tomorrow."
He gives me a kiss on my mouth and I lean into him, wanting more. Jax leans away chuckling, the bastard knows what he's doing to me.
He gives me one last peck on my mouth before he leaves and gets into his flashy car. I shut the door and hear the roar of the engine as he drives away. Leaving me very unsatisfied.
Chapter 3
When my alarm woke me the next morning I was shocked. That hasn't happened for about two years!
Where is Finley?
I sit up in my bed and look around. As if I'm going to find my son on my bedroom floor or something. I get out of my bed and tip toe over to Finley's room, just in case he's still sleeping.
When I see him sitting on his bed my heart breaks. Finley has his legs crossed with the toy guitar on his lap. His head is bowed down and he keeps flicking the pretend guitar strings. Finley looks so sad it makes me want to cry. I slowly walk into his room but he doesn't even look up.
"Finley?"
His head slowly looks up to me and he catches my breath. He's been crying! And I've been sleeping! I quickly walk and sit beside him on the bed. My arms wrap around him and I smooth his hair with my hand.
"What's the matter Finley?"
He snuffles a little so I give him a little kiss on top of his hair.
"My daddy is gone."
Oh my god! My poor little baby boy. He thinks Jax has gone for good. I won't let that happen. Now that they have found each other they will never lose one another. That's my mission for keeping them apart for nearly four years. I scoot away from Finley a little and place my hands on either side of his face.
"No baby he's not gone."
"I went downstairs and daddy gone mummy."
His voice breaks and he rubs his eyes.
"Daddy has gone home to sleep. He has a house with his friends honey. Daddy will be here again when you finish school."
Immediately his tears are gone and he smiles a little weak grin at me.
"Really?"
"Yes. Your daddy is not going away again Finley. He will always want to see you. OK?"
He nods and gives me a cuddle. Maybe I should have explained this to Finley before he went to sleep last night. After all, he did go to sleep while Jax was still here. He was bound to think he would still be here when he woke up.
After breakfast and a few cartoons Finley seems back to himself now.
When I text Jax to tell him what Finley had said this morning he rang me straight away worrying about Finley. They spoke on the phone and ever since Finley has been his usual chirpy self. He's going to be a daddy's boy I know it. I knew he would.
I shout for Finley to come upstairs when I'm ready for work so he can get dressed for school. When I've spiked his hair a little he frowns up at me.
"Why don't daddy live in our house?"
What can I say?
"Erm. Well, Finley, it's because....."
"Logans daddy lives with him and his mummy. And they have a baby. If daddy lives with us will we have a baby? I want a baby mummy."
Oh fucking hell. One thing at a time Finley.
"Logans mummy and daddy live together because they're boyfriend and girlfriend."
"EEERRRRR."
I laugh. Give it twelve years or so Finley, then you won't think the idea of girlfriends and kissing is disgusting.
"So if daddy lives here. Daddy would be your boyfriend?"
"Erm. Yes Finley bu-"
"You need to be daddy's girlfriend mummy. So daddy can live here and we can all have a baby."
"What? Finley that's not-"
"I want a sister mummy. Not a brother."
Oh dear Lord what the hell are we talking about?
I manage to take the topic away from babies to Finley's birthday. He wants a party and of course now I have to invite Jax. I wonder how the guests are going to deal with Finley's dad being a rock star. No doubt Rhys, Leo and Max will want to come too. Imagine that article in the paper, hilarious.
When it's 08:25 Finley and I are all ready to leave. I manage to fit in a quick morning cup of tea when there's a knock on the door. What the hell, who can that be?
Nobody comes by in the morning, unless the postman is delivering a package. But I'm not expecting anything today. Finley doesn't move from the TV, he probably hasn't even heard the door.
I'm shocked when I unlock and open the door.
"Jax?"
Standing there looking totally fucking sexy is Jax with a smirk on his face.
"What are you doing here?"
He leans in and gives me a long kiss on the lips. I don't realise that I'm moaning against him until he laughs. I guess I'm still a little sensitive from last night. Those lips of his can work wonders and last night whilst I was lying alone in my bed I ran through all the memories I had stored away.
Jax steps into the hallway while I just stare at him. Why is he here? I told him we leave at this time.
"I decided I wanted to see my little man before he went to school."
On Jax talking Finley had snapped out his cartoon daze and ran out the living room.
"Daddddyyyy!"
Finley runs right up to Jax and grabs his legs. Jax reaches down and lifts him into a hug. I listen as Jax reassures Finley that he's not going anywhere and he will always be with Finley. I can't help but think about what will happen when Jax goes away on tour again. I'm going to be left with a heartbroken Finley. To tell you the truth, I will be sad to see him leave too, it's weird how fast I'm getting used to seeing Jax again. I'm hoping Finley doesn't start talking about Jax moving in and having a little sister. That would be a little awkward.
~Jax~
I already secretly planned to come back here this morning but the look on Kendal's face is fucking priceless. Yesterday was one of the best days in my life, if not the best.
Last night with Kendal was pretty amazing too and I'm glad Jessica came knocking when she did. As much as I would have loved to have had my way with Kendal last night I couldn't. I need to do this the right way. Today is the first step in getting to know my son more, getting Kendal back and therefore having my family. There were times whe
n I daydreamed about still being with Kendal and starting a family and my wish has come true. Kendal doesn't realize but this was my dream. The band, Kendal and us. Having a family and making us permanent.
This morning I wanted to surprise Kendal. The look on her face assures me I have. My son is bouncing in my arms. I look at Finley, my perfect little boy. How many times I imagined what my son would look like, if I had one. Here he is, my little mini me. When Kendal text me earlier telling me what had happened this morning my decision to come back here was final. I won't let him think I'm not here for him.
Finley is beaming a huge smile at me.
"Mummy said I can have a party."
A party? Does he mean a birthday party? Kendal said he was nearly four but I didn't think so soon. Shit, I should have asked when his birthday is last night.
"A party? You're a lucky boy."
I see it's now 08:35 and I know Kendal likes to keep to a time limit. That was always her thing. She hates being late. Kendal is still standing by the open door, silent but smiling at me and Finley.
"Don't you have to get going?"
"Sorry, I didn't want to disturb you two. You look cute together."
She has a little shine in her eyes and I know she's feeling emotional again.
"We have to take this little man to school then."
"We?"
"Well now I'm here I might as well come with you."
She doesn't need to know I came here for that reason. When I asked her what time she usually leaves in the morning, I knew what I was going to do.
"Erm, OK. Fin come and choose your shoes."
Kendal told me Finley has a certain way with his clothes and shoes and I think it's hilarious. It's only natural my son would have swag. He's three and he knows what clothes he likes and how to wear them. He's one cool kid. I watch as he takes his black high top Converse to Kendal.
Today Finley has long style denim shorts on and a black t-shirt with white skulls on. When he has his shoes tied onto his feet, he dashes upstairs shouting he's forgotten something. Kendal laughs as she grabs her bag and puts on her shoes. She's looking super sexy today in her work uniform. I'm so glad no guys go into her work place because I know they would be fucking all over her.