Before I turned to leave, I clocked her with a glance. “By the way, we will be getting married here. Nothing has changed—as long as you keep up your end of the deal. And…oh!” I said, almost as if it were an afterthought. “If you’re wondering why I look like a hot mess right now, it’s because when Tank and I were down at the gazebo, he wanted to make love to me, so we defiled one of the tents while we there. And it was wonderful, Ethel. Pure magic. In fact, a part of me wished you could have been there to witness it, if only so you could have seen us making love in person and not on a phone—and also so you could be reminded what real love is.”
***
Later, after I’d added fresh cubes of ice to my glass of iced tea, I took the stairs to our bedroom, opened the door, and saw Tank getting dressed at the foot of the bed.
“Where have you been?” he asked.
I could never tell him the truth, if only because I never wanted to be the reason why he’d never have a relationship with his mother again—and perhaps even his father, if Harold decided to side with her.
“Your mother caught me,” I said. “But it’s fine. No questions were asked about my appearance.”
That part was true—I’d shared the reasons for it with her myself.
“What did she want?”
“Just wedding stuff,” I said, taking my phone out of my pocket, placing it on one of the bedside tables, and starting to remove my clothes. “As in boring wedding stuff. Now, move aside, big boy, because this girl needs to take a shower.”
“You expect me to just move aside when you’re standing naked in front of me like that?”
Knowing in my gut that I had enough on Ethel McCollister to keep her in line for the rest of our lives, I looked mischievously at him.
“I don’t know,” I said. “Are you sure you got completely washed off? I mean, I know that with those broad shoulders and back of yours alone, it must be hard for you to truly rinse off.”
“Are you suggesting I didn’t get all the suds off me?”
“I’m more than just suggesting. So…get in the shower with me.”
With a wicked smile, Tank tore off his navy-blue polo and slapped me on the ass as I giggled past him toward the shower. And when he joined me there, we made love for a second time that day.
***
After a perfectly civil dinner with his parents, throughout which Ethel went out of her way to make enthusiastic conversation about all the guests who would arrive tomorrow and the wedding that was to come, I waited for a pause before I excused myself.
“I should call Jennifer,” I said to Tank. “They leave in the morning. How about if you continue to catch up with your parents while I step outside and give her a quick call? I won’t be long. I just want to make sure everything is good to go before they come.”
“You’ve got it,” he said.
Outside, I started to walk down the path that led to the gazebo as I dialed Jennifer’s cell. The sun had dipped in the sky, but it was still sunny out, although not nearly as hot. When she answered, hearing her voice was like a balm to me.
“Pour me a martini,” I said.
“Consider it poured. What’s up, lovecat? Ready for the big day? Or are you stressed out by it, hence the requested martini?”
I told her everything that had transpired between Ethel and me.
“I’m so sorry, Lisa,” she said. “What the hell? She seriously tried to do that to you?”
“She did.”
“But you of all people don’t deserve that kind of treatment. Still, if this is any consolation, good on you for doing what you did. Grabbing your phone was a brilliant move.”
“Let’s just call it an instinctive one. I think that when I heard her say to her sister that she’d failed to break Tank and me apart, on some unconscious level I knew I needed proof of what was being said, if only so I could use it against her in the future. The mind is a strange thing, Jennifer, and mine went into overdrive.”
“Do you think this is under control now?”
“For the moment, yes. For the long term, probably. I think she dug herself into such an ugly hole that she knows if she wants to continue to have a relationship with her son, she needs to just step the fuck back, be polite, and let us be.”
“I hope that’s the case.”
“For Tank’s sake, I hope it is. Because if she does go there, I will show him that video, Jennifer. I’ll have no other choice, because I can’t have that kind of toxicity in our lives. Especially not after we are married.”
“I don’t blame you.”
“Anyway,” I said. “Enough of that, because frankly I’m exhausted by it. How are you? Ready to be my matron of honor?”
“Of course!” she said with enthusiasm. “I only wish that matron of honor didn’t make me sound so goddamned old.”
“Sounding old and looking old are two different things.”
“True…”
“And you look far from old, so I say you should carry your title with a badge of honor.”
“I would have anyway.”
“Listen,” I said. “I told Tank and his parents that I’d only be a moment, but there’s another reason I called.”
“What reason?”
“I need you to do something for me.”
“Name it.”
“It’s for tomorrow.”
“Why is everything sounding weirdly cryptic right now?”
“It’s because what I have in mind might not be so nice.”
“What’s not so nice?”
I told her.
“Really?” she said. “Did you learn nothing from Michelle Obama? You know, ‘When they go low, we go high’?”
“Lovely sentiment but worthless to me now. I need you to listen to me on this.”
“OK,” she said.
“I want someone to offer them to her tomorrow as a present, and it needs to be done in a very specific way.”
“What way?”
I told her. “If it’s not done just like that, she’ll know, so make sure they’re completely covered. Otherwise, if she sees even a hint of them, she’ll run from them.”
“Are you sure about this? Because if this happens, she could have a major—”
“I want it to happen. She deserves to have this happen to her.”
“Actually, after what you just told me, she kind of does.”
“Can you make it happen? It doesn’t need to come from you. I mean, maybe someone else could do it.”
“Like Blackwell?” she asked. “If you allow me to tell her what she tried to do to you, she’d do it in a hot second. If not her, then Daniella would, that’s for sure. She’d totally be up for that kind of evil.”
“Will you ask Blackwell first? I’d love it if it came from her.”
“I will, but I already know that she’ll do it, if only because she’s going to be pissed once I tell her why you want this done.” She paused for a moment. “This could go all sorts of wrong, you know?”
“Not with me in possession of that video!”
“All right. Consider it another wedding gift to you. We’ll see you tomorrow at noon, my evil one. Say hello to Tank for us. I love you, doll.”
“I love you more,” I said.
And then, with a rush of excitement for what was to come tomorrow, I clicked off my phone and walked back to the house.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
At eleven the next morning, I was in the bedroom, happily steaming the wrinkles out of my wedding gown, when I received a text from Jennifer saying they’d arrived safely and that they’d soon be on their way.
“Blackwell’s armed and dangerous,” she said. “Tell me now if you still want to go through with this.”
“Absolutely,” I texted back, grateful I was alone—Tank was with his father in one of the barns. On one level, I knew what we had in mind for Ethel was wrong, but after hearing her admit she’d been trying for years to break Tank and me up? That was such a major betrayal of her son and me that
there was no way I could let off with a mere slap on the wrist. And since I couldn’t help myself, we were doing this. “Bring it on.”
“We’ll be bringing it. And yes, we followed your instructions. See you soon—and gird your loins in the process, because shit’s about to get real!”
It is, I thought as I walked over to one of the bedroom windows and opened it so I could hear them when they arrived. And I’m perfectly fine with whatever happens.
About thirty minutes later, I’d just finished making sure my dress was perfect when I heard the sound of several cars turning into the driveway.
“Lisa!” I heard Ethel call up to me. “Your friends are here!”
And so they are.
I hurried down the stairs just as Ethel walked briskly into the foyer from the kitchen. In unison, we stopped and gave one another a cool glance.
Today, I noted, Ethel had brought her A game.
Full hair and makeup, which I had to admit was done to perfection, and a pair of beige slacks matched with a stylish, deep-blue jersey top. On her feet were a pair of pretty sandals that not only matched the color of her top but were, as I recognized at once, Christian Louboutins.
She probably bought them because she thought they were made by a Christian, I thought. I wonder how she’d react if she knew that the man who’d designed her shoes is gay? She’d probably try to pray her shoes away.
“I’ve already called down to the barn,” she said. “Mitchell and Harold are on their way now.”
“Excellent,” I said. “In the meantime, let me introduce you to our friends.”
“But shouldn’t we wait for the boys?”
“And keep our guests waiting?” I said. “That would be rude. We should greet them now.”
“Then, after you,” she said, motioning toward the door.
Why do I have to go first? So you can plant a knife in my back?
But when I opened the door and saw the three stretch limousines gleaming shiny black in front of the house, I had to stifle a laugh. If Ethel thought she’d seen a glimpse into my life when I’d flown private, she wasn’t going to know what to do with herself when she laid eyes on Jennifer and Alex, who pretty much always looked like a couple of movie stars one step away from a red carpet. And then there was Blackwell, who naturally would be decked out in Chanel. And if that weren’t enough, Alexa, Daniella, Cutter, Bernie, Epifania, and her beau, Rudman, also were in those cars. Since all of them had just come from the city, I knew for a fact they hadn’t left it thinking country chic.
“Well, this is a show,” Ethel said as she stood on the porch with me. “I mean, is this even necessary? We’re in Prairie Home, Nebraska, for goodness’ sake. As I said to you when you chose to fly private, there’s no need to impress anyone here, Lisa. We just don’t care about these sorts of things.”
Then why did you spend nearly a grand on those Louboutins, lady? And four grand on your Louis?
“My friends are well beyond trying to impress anyone, Ethel,” I said. “Being driven in limousines is as natural to them as driving your Navigator is to you. You know that Alex is a billionaire. This is just how they live. They aren’t trying to impress anyone.”
“Well, that’s some life they must live,” she said. “I hope they donate to charity, especially given their kind of money.”
“All of them are very generous, especially when it comes to Planned Parenthood,” I said with a smile so sugary it was meant to rot her teeth. “I mean, you should see the kind of money all of them funnel into that organization. Tens of millions.”
When I shoved that bitter pill down her throat, she moved to speak, but then she caught herself and remained silent. “The drivers are opening their doors,” I said. “Let’s go and say hello. Look—there’s Jennifer and Alex now. Jennifer!” I called as I hurried down the front steps.
“There’s the bride-to-be,” she said with a big smile.
“You’re wearing heels—be careful on the gravel drive.”
“I’m fine. Come and give me a hug.”
“You look more than fine,” I said as I took her into my arms. And that was an understatement. She was wearing a Ralph Lauren Capri striped shirt open at the throat and knotted at the navel, white matchstick jeans, and a pair of Fendi patent-leather T-strap sandals in gold. Her long brown hair shimmered over her shoulders and down her back in thick, loose curls. “You look terrific. I’m so glad you’re here. I can’t tell you.”
I pulled away from her, and for a moment, we just looked at one another.
“Lisa, you’re getting married,” she said.
“I know—I still can’t believe it.”
“How has your day been?” she asked in a softer voice.
“So far, so good.”
“I can see Ethel out of my peripheral vision…”
“Sorry about that. Can you smite her for me?”
“I would if I could.”
“Not good enough.”
“Hi,” Alex said as he stepped up beside us.
“Good Lord,” I said when I turned to him. “Look at you, Mr. Wenn. You look like a stud.”
He was wearing jeans, a white T-shirt, and dark aviator sunglasses. I knew Alex was in great physical shape, but I hadn’t guessed he was nearly as ripped as this, especially since I generally saw him in a business suit.
“And where did that come from?” he asked.
“You know me—no filter.” I gave him a hug and looked at Jennifer over his shoulder. “He needs to dress like this more often. Your stock would spike!”
“You’re terrible,” she said. “Even though I have to agree.”
I heard the others getting out of their cars. Looking up, I saw Blackwell, who arched a single eyebrow at me before she blew me a kiss, and in the car behind her, I watched Epifania step out and into the sun with Rudman right behind her, his hand firmly against her back. When she saw me, she called out to me.
“Look at you, the cookie!” she said. “Thank the Dolly Yama that Epifania is the finally here! Because what if she wasn’t? This wedding be a drag, that what!” And then, she suddenly threw up her hands as she looked around the property. “Heyzeuz Cristo, the last time I saw something this flat, it was before I had my boobies done!” She took Rudman by the arm and pointed at something in the fields that stretched before them. “Look, my sexy Rudsy, see that bull over there? Since there can only be one bull here while we here, Epifania say you go over and knock it out cold. Because everyone know that you’re the real bull! The beeg bull! The hung like the bull!”
Oh, my God…I love her so much I could faint!
I gave Epifania and Rudman an enthusiastic wave before I returned my attention to Jennifer and Alex, who were trying their best to keep their expressions neutral. “Don’t you dare laugh,” I said to them in a low voice.
“It’s not easy,” Alex said.
“We’re trying our best to keep it together,” Jennifer said.
“Try harder.”
“With Epifania here, you already know you’re asking the impossible.”
“True,” I said. “And noted.” I lowered my voice. “Now, let me introduce you to Tank’s mother, because that’s a surefire way to welcome you fully into the dark reaches of my bleaker-than-bleak world.”
“Where is Tank?” Alex asked. “I haven’t seen him yet.”
“He and his father should be here shortly—they were down working in one of the barns.” I turned to Ethel, who hadn’t left the porch and who was now looking down at us with an uncomfortable smile, likely because the loose cannon of Park Avenue—otherwise known as Epifania Zapopa—had just opened her trap in ways that Ethel thought were vulgar. And frankly, if that was the case, I couldn’t really blame her, because there was no holding back when it came to the Zapopa.
Not that I cared. My friends were my family—not Ethel.
“Ethel, would you like to meet Alex and Jennifer Wenn?”
“In fact, I would.”
As she came down the s
tairs, Ethel moved with an elegance I’d only seen once in her before. It had been when she’d first picked me up at the airport, which underscored what a fine actress she was. I knew that in her heart she wanted to meet none of my friends. Still, with a warm smile, she practically floated toward us as if she were on a cloud being delivered by the baby Jesus himself.
“Hello,” she said as she shook their hands. “I’m Ethel McCollister—Mitchell’s mother. It’s so good to finally meet you.”
“We’ve heard so much about you,” Jennifer said. “It’s also nice to meet you, Mrs. McCollister.”
“Please, it’s Ethel. But I’m naturally curious as to what you’ve heard.”
“That you’re a terrific cook, for one,” Jennifer said, not missing a beat. “And that you made the grounds around the gazebo look beautiful. Lisa told us so. She raved about it.”
At that, Ethel blinked.
“She did?”
“She did. She said that you saw to the plantings yourself. She said that what you did for Tank and her is stunning. I can’t wait to see it, including the pond and all the swans.”
“Neither can I,” Alex said.
“Well,” Ethel said. “How nice of Lisa. How kind of her. She does have a generous heart, doesn’t she?”
After the deal I struck with you yesterday, lady, you’d better believe I do!
“Hey!” I heard Tank call out behind me. “Look who’s here!”
“Everyone’s here,” I said, turning to see him and Harold walking toward us. “Well, everyone from Manhattan, that is. Still more to come as the day goes on, including my parents, whom I can’t wait to see.”
“Oh!” Ethel said as she looked at Tank and Harold. “Just look at the mess you’ve made of yourselves! You look as if you’ve been rolling around in the hay, for goodness’ sake, while our guests look as if they’ve just stepped out of any number of fashion magazines!”
Unleash Me: Wedding (The Unleash Me Series) Page 14