by J. A. Howell
This can’t be real, can it?
Dillan’s eyes were wide as she looked at him. He looked slightly thinner, a little more unkempt, but there was no mistaking that face, or those eyes.
“Jamie?” Her voice cracked with a desperate hope evident in her tone. He looked down avoiding her gaze, visibly bothered by the way she had asked.
“I’m not Jamie…I’m his brother, Trey.” He spoke softly. Not Jamie’s voice. Trey’s was slightly lower and raspier. “Will he be back soon?”
Dillan’s gaze turned cold as she stared at him.
“Jamie never said anything about having a brother.” She stepped back, clenching her fists at her sides, her arms and legs tensing.
“I am sure you can see the resemblance…” His voice was heavy with sarcasm.
She glared at him. He quickly retracted. “Listen, I’m sorry. I’m exhausted. I only came in because you had passed out in your doorway and I’d assumed he would be back at some point last night. I can come back later.” He looked down at the maple stained table. Her face softened suddenly.
“Actually…he won’t be coming back.” Dillan turned her eyes toward the foyer of the apartment, a melancholy look on her face. She didn’t understand. A brother? A twin at that. How was this possible? How was it possible she never knew about him? How was it possible Jamie kept something like this from her?
“What do you mean by that, did he move out? I’d assumed he was still here because of all the pictures.”
“No he didn’t move out.” She expelled a deep sigh. She couldn’t bear to look at him as the words left her lips.
Did he really not know?
“Your brother died, Trey. I’m sorry to be the one to tell you, but he won’t ever be coming back.” Her chest ached as she spoke, but for once she was able to hold the tears at bay.
***
The color visibly drained from Trey’s face as he digested her words.
How could this be possible?
He thought everything was fine now. It had been years since then and the last time he heard from his brother was only a little more than a year ago, before he had left Portland. His stomach twisted and all the exhaustion he had been feeling caused a lightheaded feeling to nearly overwhelm him. He glanced back up at Dillan, her eyes sad, sympathetic to his pain.
“How...how did it happen?” He forced the words out. The aching in his chest told him he already knew, but he needed to hear it. Dillan hesitated, the prior evening and the fact that she was staring at carbon copy of her dead fiancé had already pushed her sanity to its limits; her hangover only made it worse. She didn’t move from the spot she stood in, instead leaning against the wall adjacent to the entryway.
“He was shot, right here actually.” her eyes fell to the rug on the floor, patting it with her bare foot. “I went into the bedroom that night, where he had this waiting for me.”She paused, holding out her hand for a second, the diamond glinting as she held it up. Dillan took in a deep breath in hopes of keeping her composure, “I heard something break, so I walked back down the hall to see what was going on. That’s when it happened.”
Her eyes studied Trey for a reaction, but he just sat there, blankly staring down at the tabletop. His eyes gleamed, tears threatening those sky blue eyes as his jaw clenched and unclenched. His mind silently battled itself over the devastating news.
Could it have been them? Why show up nearly ten years later? It couldn’t have been them… it had to be some stupid punk. No…it had to have been them.
After about five minutes, he realized he was just sitting there as Dillan watched him, confused by his lack of reaction. Generally confused regarding Trey’s existence. He supposed Jamie had good reasons for not telling Dillan that he had a twin, maybe to protect her. Or maybe he didn’t want her to think someone like Trey could be related to him. He wondered what she thought of this startling revelation herself.
Sure enough Dillan’s mind was swimming with all the possible reasons she was never told about Trey. Every single reason was a bad one. She stood in a guarded stance with her arms crossed, as she watched Trey with a scrutinizing glare.
“I’m sorry…I should go…” He apologized as he stood up, pushing the chair out from beneath him. “This was a mistake.” His voice was almost a whisper as a few tears finally broke free, seeping from the corners of his eyes. Without thinking, Dillan moved in front of the door, shaking her head.
“No… I know you don’t have any other family. At least Jamie told me that much about himself.” She said, a tinge of hurt colored her words as she blocked his exit. “Where are you going to go?”
“I’m not sure.” He avoided her eyes as she stood in front of him. She refused to budge, to let him walk away. Whatever reasons Jamie had for not telling her about Trey, she wanted to find out what they were. Maybe he knew why someone would kill Jamie. Maybe he even knew who. Even more so, she felt compelled to keep him there for Jamie. If he were still around, he wouldn’t have been the type to turn away family. Even though he didn’t speak much about his absent family, she knew there was a silent yearning there for them.
“You can crash here for a few days at least. I can’t in good conscience let you leave after the news I just gave you.” She nodded for him to move away from the door. He obliged after a minute, returning his bag to its original spot against the wall.
“Have you eaten?”She asked as she headed toward the kitchen. Dillan was almost positive her cupboards were empty except for a box of crackers and a few canned goods. She didn’t usually cook.
“No I haven’t. But you don’t need to worry yourself. ”
“No I do, you look horrible and I’m hung over… and I think there is a lot that we should talk about.” Her gaze was serious as she looked at him from across the apartment. He stood awkwardly in the living room, wanting to avoid every single picture of Jamie and Dillan that stared back at him. Earlier they had been a comfort, now they only served to riddle him with guilt. His gaze met hers as she padded back into the living room, her amber eyes catching the sunlight through the blinds.
“I’ll just go shower, then we can go grab something to eat.” She nodded at him before disappearing into the hallway. He waited until he heard the door close behind her and the water turn on in the shower before he let the tears surface, choking out a cry as he cursed. He felt like he had almost escaped, almost reached the surface only to get pulled back under, unable to breathe. He had been pushing himself to keep going, moving onward on the hopes of seeing his brother again, laboring toward a false hope. If it was them, he was going to find out for sure. If they had killed his brother, he was going to get them back. Jamie was the last link to his life before. He was the only family he had left. With Jamie gone, Trey had nothing else. No one left that they could take away. No matter the cost, all he wanted now was revenge.
CHAPTER FOUR
As anger boiled within Trey, he barely noticed that the shower had turned off, and the bathroom door had opened. He heard footsteps and then some quiet rustling. A few minutes later Dillan reappeared in a pair of jean shorts and a faded black band t-shirt. Her damp auburn hair was pulled back into a low ponytail, leaving her face unguarded.
“Are you ready?” She called over her shoulder, as she walked past him and slipped a pair of black low-tops onto her feet. She leaned against the wall waiting for his answer.
He nodded, then followed her out of the apartment, remaining quiet, his fists shoved deep into the pockets of his hoodie. His mind whirled as he followed Dillan down the flights of stairs to the main floor, his footsteps echoing after hers. Trey had no idea what to say to Dillan once they sat down for their breakfast chat. The situation was already awkward for the both of them, and he knew that she had every right to be suspicious of him. But if he told her the truth, told her the real reason why Jamie never spoke of him, and why he had never come to visit before, things would get ugly. Worse yet, he could put her in danger, and he didn’t want to do that. He desperately attempted
to fabricate something believable, something plausible.
As they reached the last landing, Dillan pushed the doors open, glancing at her motorcycle then deciding against it. They weren’t very far from a diner, and she did not want to ride with him on Jamie’s bike. His complete silence was beginning to freak her out as he followed her from the parking garage. She slowed her pace so that he was now walking next to her. Her eyes shot to the side as they walked, watching him. His head remained down, eyes following the pavement as they walked.
After the devastating news Dillan had delivered to him, she could understand his silence, as well as the lack of response he had shown earlier. She could sympathize with that feeling of shock. However, she refused to let it show, her suspicion was still on high alert. Several pedestrians walked past them, some on their way to work, some out for their morning walks. Midtown was generally quiet, which had always been something Dillan liked about it. It had its share of crime here and there, but it had always seemed distant, not something that could actually happen to her. She knew better now, and her quiet city now just felt lonely and dark. The humble eclectic downtown strip she once loved, now just felt dingy and haunting.
Fifteen minutes later, they reached a small diner a few blocks away. The bell on the door jingled as they walked in. Dillan scanned the restaurant for an empty booth, spotting one toward the back of the restaurant. She headed towards it, and Trey followed her lead. A waitress hurried over with laminated menus just as they’d settled into opposite sides of the booth She flashed a rehearsed smile before pulling out her pad and pencil and asking them about drinks.
“Just coffee.” Dillan told the waitress as she looked down at the menu.
“Same here.” Trey watched the woman hurry back behind the counter to fetch their drinks. Dillan eyed the menu with disinterest, most of it made her stomach even more queasy. She settled on some eggs and dry toast, then closed the menu, looking up at Trey. He hadn’t even opened his menu yet. He just sat there, staring down at the worn tabletop.
“Aren’t you going to get something?” She asked, raising an eyebrow. Trey shrugged in reply. He couldn’t work up much of an appetite after hearing about his brother. And now he was preparing for Dillan’s interrogation. He was sure her eyes were already analyzing everything about him.
“Fine, I’ll just order two of the same thing.” Dillan mumbled, watching as the woman came back over to their booth with two mugs and a carafe of coffee. Dillan quickly gave her two orders of eggs and toast, then turned her attention back to Trey as the waitress disappeared again.
“So, why don’t I know about you?”
There it was. Up until this point, Trey had been going back and forth about what to say. As much as Dillan deserved the truth, he couldn’t afford to give it to her, not all of it anyway, not until he found out more about Jamie’s murderer.
“Jamie and I had a huge falling out when we were eighteen. It was after our mother died. I had been getting into some bad stuff, hanging out with some bad people,” he said quietly. His fingers fidgeted with the mug handle in front of him as he continued. “I was doing a lot of drugs back then. We both dealt with my mother’s death differently. He wanted to move us away to the east coast, but I had refused to go with him. It angered him that I chose the drugs over him, so he took off and didn’t look back.”
Dillan furrowed her eyebrows at his story
“So, you’re a drug addict…” Great, she thought sarcastically as she took a sip from her coffee mug.
“No! I mean…I was, but I had cleaned myself up a couple years back. I got a couple of letters from Jamie around that time, telling me that if I was clean I should head this way. So that’s what I did. It just took me a bit longer to get myself here than I’d hoped.” His fingers curled around the coffee mug, grasping it tightly as he spoke, his other hand reached for the carafe and poured the dark, steaming liquid into it. He took a sip, staring down at it before returning his attention to Dillan.
“He also told me about you in some of those letters.” He admitted softly. Dillan raised an eyebrow, her gaze now intent on his.
How could all of this have gone on, all these exchanges between them and I never had a clue?
“What did he tell you? Do you still have the letters?” She felt desperate to see them, to see anything of Jamie’s.
“No, I’m sorry. I don’t have the letters with me.” Lies left his lips yet again. He did have the letters his brother had sent, and his brother did talk about Dillan in those letters, but there were other things in them that he couldn’t chance her seeing. She sat back, clearly disappointed as she slumped against the vinyl cushion. “I remember what he said about you though.”He said, and a flicker of hope returned to her eyes. “He told me he had found the one, that she was the most beautiful girl in the world. You really meant everything to him.” It was the only absolute truth that he had said the entire morning.
The waitress returned once more, with two plates of food in her hands, smiling but garnering no reaction from either of them. Dillan stared at Trey from across the booth, a look of disbelief and sadness clouding her amber colored eyes. The waitress took notice of the exchange and quickly disappeared, not wanting to interrupt them. A sharp pang of guilt ached in his chest as he watched her. The guilt he felt forced him to look away, feigning interest in his food. She seemed to do the same, managing to pull that hardened exterior of hers back up.
Their breakfast ended in an awkward silence between the two of them, both lost in their own thoughts of Jamie. Trey raised his eyes to meet hers after he placed his fork down on the empty plate, reaching back for his wallet and pulling out a twenty dollar bill.
“Well…thank you for letting me know about my brother.” He nodded at Dillan, placing the money on the table as he slid out of the booth.
“Wait, you’re leaving?” Dillan asked, quickly standing up and following after him, “I told you, you can crash at the apartment for a few days or so. If Jamie didn’t want you living where you were before, then neither do I.”
He froze as her hand grasped his forearm. She didn’t seem to care that other people had noticed their exchange now. His eyes met with hers and again that guilt came swarming back. That hadn’t been what Jamie had actually said. But Jamie was gone now. Trey had no other family. From what he knew about Dillan, she was the same. Would it really hurt anything if he stuck around for a few days, just to feel like he had some semblance of a family left? From the state he found her in last night, he doubted it would. And maybe…just maybe he could find out who killed Jamie.
Unsurprisingly, the walk back to the apartment was even more awkward than breakfast had been. There were still so many questions and doubts swirling around in Dillan's head about Jamie’s estranged brother. Questions surfaced and whispered to her as she became lost in thought.
Why didn't Jamie tell me about him? What else did he lie about? What else did he keep from me?
The cracks and breaks in her already fragile world only seemed to spread at the revelation of Trey’s existence. Although she told him to stay, she had no idea how this would work. She couldn't even bring herself to look at him. Every time she did, her first thought was, why couldn't it have been him? To make matters worse, she wasn't sure what exactly that question meant to her.
Was I hoping it was Jamie sitting in the apartment this morning? Or that it was Trey who was six feet under right now?
At the same time, she couldn't help but to glance over at Trey, who also seemed lost in thought. A tortured, faraway look blanketed his features, something she could have sworn she had seen before. Not exactly the same, but familiar. That was what Trey was...not exactly the same. But that face, that jaw line, those eyes were all too familiar. If only she could pretend it was him. However, the mere idea of it was a twisted, sick thought which she attempted to forget as she turned her attention back to her apartment building as it drew ever closer.
Her head was still aching, though a shower and breakfast seemed to
dull the throbbing if only a little. She chose to forgo the stairs on the way back up to her apartment and caught the elevator on the other side of the building. Her head wouldn't be able to withstand the thudding of three flights of stairs again. She was glad it was only Friday and she had the rest of the weekend to recover. She also had the rest of the weekend to avoid Kay, since they also happened to work together. Well, she thought she had the rest of the weekend.
As they exited the elevator, and turned down the hallway to her apartment, she saw a familiar figure leaning against the wall next to her apartment. Kay stood there, tapping her foot impatiently as she waited. Dillan imagined she was still quite angry about last night. As much as she was dreading this encounter, she really couldn't blame Kay. Trey spotted her as well and slowed his pace. He turned toward Dillan with an apprehensive look clear on his face.
“She’s one of my friends.” She told him quietly, as they walked down the dimly lit hallway. As if she could hear them talking about her, Kay turned around, quickly spotting Dillan across the few yards that made up the narrow corridor.
“Dillan! I've been trying to get a hold of you! What the he--” She stopped mid-sentence at the sight of Trey. He had expected this reaction, figuring that Kay probably knew Jamie since she was Dillan’s friend.
“This is Jamie's brother, Trey.” She nodded toward him, as she answered the obvious question on Kay's face.
“Um, hi...Trey.” She answered quietly, completely caught off guard. Kay had basically prepared a lecture for Dillan to be delivered as soon as she saw her, but all that flew out the window at the sight of Trey. She turned her attention back to her friend. “Can we go somewhere to talk?”
“Yes, just give me a second to let him into the apartment and we can go for a walk.” Dillan agreed as she pulled out her keys and unlocked the door. Kay waited, remaining in the hallway as Dillan and Trey walked into the apartment. Trey gave Kay a meek nod as he walked past her.