He turned back facing traffic and said, “I screwed this up, Kate. I really screwed this up.”
“Daniel, why didn’t you tell her who you were related to? I mean right from the start?”
He turned back to her, his eyes glistening. The poor man was rocked to his core.
“I did try, but not hard enough. My only excuse was I didn’t fully appreciate how much she hates my father,” he shrugged. “At first I had no idea who she was, and then we had dinner. She told me about being an author, and that’s when I figured it out.” There was a heavy sigh, and a horn blared in the background. Taxis pulled up to the curb, emptying and then refilling again. Daniel was silent for a long moment. Kate moved a bit closer, so she could hear him.
“I know she dislikes my father because of what happened with the three of you,” he nodded back toward the library, a phantom gesture to the group that had already dispersed. “But I had no idea how bad it truly was until tonight, when I saw the look on her face.” His voice trailed off, and Kate gently touched his arm.
“Daniel, I need to ask you again: Why not tell her?”
He jammed his fingers through his hair, and for a moment he looked exactly like his father. It was a gesture Mac used quite frequently.
“I pushed her away initially. I mean, I tried to keep her at arm’s length, and then I couldn’t, and then I didn’t want to. I shrugged off my responsibility to her, to be truthful, and I know I shouldn’t have.”
“Yes, you did.” Kate said firmly, “Daniel, Vivienne’s relationship with Mac is an armed truce at best. She tolerates him because she has to—or rather when she has to—at functions like this, but otherwise she wants nothing to do with him.”
“You know, Kate, I spent a large portion of my life trying so hard to distance myself from my father. I despised everything he did and everything he was. And then when I got a bit older I recognized that he is flawed, perhaps one of the most flawed human beings I’ve ever known, but he’s also good and kind.”
Kate nodded, “Yes, he is. But you see…” She thought about her next words carefully before she spoke them, “Vivienne saw firsthand what my going back to Mac did to her brother, and you know he’s all she’s got. I mean, family-wise. Now we have Gregory, and she and I are close, but there’s a powerful bond between Nick and Vivienne. I think because she was so young when they lost their parents, and Nick was both father and brother to her. She is extremely protective of him and slow to forgive anyone who hurts him.”
Daniel dug his hands into his pockets. “But you hurt him.” Then his face fell. “Kate, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean—”
Kate held up a hand. “You’re completely right, Daniel. I did hurt him, and it took a very long time for her to warm up to me. Once you’re in her inner circle, you’re in, but her walls are pretty high.”
A group of people shouldered past them. When one of them waved to Kate, she waved back, distracted, before the group moved on.
“So what do I do now?” Daniel asked, his voice almost brittle.
“You beg her forgiveness. You talk to her, or try to. At first she won’t let you near her, but I think she cares about you, a lot.”
“Kate,” Daniel said tentatively, “I think I’m falling in love with her.” He was silent for a beat, then tossed his arms up said, “Hell, I might as well admit it. I’m already in love with her.”
“I know,” she said simply, “I’ve known you through several girlfriends, and I can honestly say I’ve never seen you as taken with any of them as you seem to be with Vivienne. She’s an extraordinary girl.”
“She is.” Daniel looked down, contemplating the sidewalk for a moment. “Kate, do you think, given the history between you, Nick, and my dad, that she and I could ever be happy?”
Kate thought about that for a moment and then thought about the obstacles she and Nick had to overcome to be together, not least her own indecision, which broke his heart. It would be hard, Kate knew that, and Vivienne would put up a huge fight. But if she loved him, and Kate suspected she did, she would have to surrender to what she felt or spend a lifetime regretting it.
“Give her tonight,” Kate said softly, “and then go to her place and don’t leave until she lets you explain. Beg her like crazy to give you another chance.”
Daniel hugged her. “I miss you, Kate. Have I told you that? I’m so sorry…for all of it.”
Kate felt her throat catch. She rarely allowed herself to think about what happened and had long ago packed it all away. But now, as she hugged the young man who had almost been her stepson, she realized she had missed him, too.
18
Daniel didn’t sleep that night, which wasn’t a great thing, seeing as how he hadn’t had anything but an occasional catnap since he returned to New York. The minute his plane landed, his phone exploded with emergency texts. He went from the airport straight to NYU Hospital, where he’d remained for the past four days, catching naps in the on-call room and eating junk from the vending machine.
What he really needed right now was about twenty hours of sleep and a long, hot shower, but all he could think about was Vivienne.
At two a.m. Daniel reached for his phone to check it for the nine thousandth time. Maybe she’d texted him. But he knew she wouldn’t. He lay back down on his bed and tried to sleep. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw her face when he walked up beside his father. The feeling of having betrayed her was something he couldn’t shake.
He’d spent his life trying to separate himself from Mac Ellis, even going so far as to use his mother’s maiden name when he first entered med school. But once he softened toward his father and got to know him better, they grew close. Perhaps they were not as close as Mac would like, but still closer than they were. Daniel knew the gossip. He knew his father’s reputation. Although he wasn’t a fan of what had happened in the past, time and age had softened Mac. The loss of Kate had shaken him to his core. And he’d helped Daniel’s mother after she received her fatal diagnosis. Mac hadn’t wavered, and found her a specialist that helped her not only beat the cancer, but also recover and thrive.
At six a.m., worn down from lack of sleep and intense anger at himself, Daniel showered and changed and decided it was time to head over to her apartment.
. . . .
He took the subway, which was faster during rush hour than a cab. When he arrived on her block, he felt a burst of nervous energy. He stopped at a corner bakery and picked up some croissants—not that he thought she’d actually invite him in to share them with her, but he was trying to be hopeful. Also, he didn’t want to show up empty-handed.
He glanced at his watch. 7:30. Maybe it was too early to go knocking on her door. He had no idea whether she was a morning person. Daniel decided to order a coffee. No, maybe an espresso, and have a seat at the bakery and wait for a more respectable hour to go beating down her door.
19
Vivienne tossed and turned most of the night, with dreams of Daniel and Mac crowding her mind and leaving her feeling used. As though they had made some odd, twisted father/son pact to destroy the Lavignes.
But she also knew it was ridiculous, the melodramatic writer side of her taking over her brain. It simply wasn’t true. She also knew if Mac hadn’t gotten her uncle’s manuscript away from the original publisher, Kate would have never gotten it, opened Lavigne House, or taken such good care of her uncle’s final work. Still, it was Mac, and one good deed did not mean he’d become a good person. The thought of being forced to spend time with that man made her skin crawl.
At 3 a.m. she flung the covers back and resigned that no matter how hard she tried, sleep was not going to happen tonight. Maybe some work on her manuscript would help clear her head. She went to her office, flipped on the light, and opened up her laptop. She pulled up the document, and went to the last chapter she’d written. She re-read it, which was always how she started writing, then put her Bluetooth headphones on, chose one of the Spotify stations she’d created just to help her foc
us on her work, and began writing. Whatever anger or hurt she felt poured out of her and onto the page.
She actually surprised herself when, two hours later, she had written nearly five thousand words. When she re-read what she’d written, she saw most of it was crap. Some of it might be salvageable, but most of it would be cut during editing. Or maybe she’d just delete it before someone had a chance to see this dreadful new addition to what was starting to seem like a promising book.
Still convinced that she was in fact a one-hit-wonder, as she’d long suspected, Vivienne closed the lid of her laptop, turned off her Spotify station, and got up to take a shower.
Thirty minutes later, it was almost six a.m. It was too early for pretty much anything except maybe a walk. Maybe a walk through the still somewhat quiet streets of the city would help clear her head and awaken her writing muse, but Vivienne knew the truth. Daniel was the only thing on her mind. She checked her phone.
There was only one text from him: I’ll be here when you’re ready to talk.
That was all it said, and she hadn’t texted back. But she knew she would, eventually. The heat of his betrayal had ebbed, though ever so slightly. Although she knew they had no future, she also knew Daniel had no control over who his parents were. He damned straight could have told her before they had amazing and earth-shattering sex. Her body warmed just thinking about it, and her heart sped up as she remembered their passion and how she felt when they were together.
With a sigh, she picked up her phone and sent a text to Evie, who was an early riser and probably on her way to spin class at this hour. She asked if Evie could meet for coffee after her class and before work. Evie by herself, without Samantha, was a better choice if Vivienne wanted some solid, sane feedback. Not that Sam wasn’t a good friend, but she needed less of Sam’s If it feels good, just do it mantra and more of Evie’s solid advice. It was no surprise that Evangeline was going to become a therapist. She was easy to talk to, always rational, and had overcome enough of her own drama to fill a book.
Saw Daniel last night. Got time for some java?
Daniel??? Did you two have a date?
Not even close.
I’ll meet you after class, the usual?
Love you xo
At 7:30 Evie showed up wearing her fitness gear and a thin layer of perspiration around her face.
“This new spin instructor is trying to kill me,” she declared with a huff, giving her friend a quick peck on the cheek before sitting down.
“I ordered for you. I hope that was okay.” Vivienne pointed to her friend’s latte, done just the way she liked it.
“It’s perfect,” Evie said, lifting the cup to blow on the foam. “Now spill.”
“He’s Mac’s son.” Vivienne said, her voice tight. Evie blinked, then frowned, then set down her cup.
“Wait, what?” She leaned closer, as if to hear her friend better.
Vivienne nodded. “I was at a book event last night, and he walked in with his father.”
Evie put a gentle hand over Vivienne’s. “Oh, my God. And you hadn’t heard from him before then?”
Vivienne recounted the night, how it unfolded, and the call Daniel did make that she happened to miss.
“So he did call you,” Evie said, her tone even. “That’s good. And you know, a train wreck is a pretty good reason to go off the grid.”
“It’s not about him not calling me. I mean it is, but it’s not. Evie, why didn’t he tell me about this? Why didn’t he tell me who his father was?” She remembered as she was saying the words that he had tried, but she was too mad to give an inch about that or mention it to Evie right now.
Evie sipped her latte and gave Vivienne an understanding look. “Vivienne, listen. How could he have known it would matter so much to you, I mean, really? No one knows the full story about your personal vendetta with Mac except Sam and me and Nick and Kate, right? Well and maybe Mac.”
“Still, it’s common knowledge that he and I aren’t buddies.”
Evie shrugged, “So? I mean you’re not dating Mac, you’re dating his son.”
Vivienne looked away and then back to Evie. “I’m not dating him, either. I was pretty mean to him last night. I wouldn’t be surprised if he never wanted to speak to me again.”
“Wait. Didn’t you say he sent you a text?”
“Yes, but just one.” Vivienne shrugged.
Evie playfully rolled her eyes and sighed. “It’s called giving you space. He probably figured you needed it.”
Vivienne fell silent for a moment, and then said, “I like him a lot, Ev. I mean, really like him. I’m not sure, though, that I could have a relationship with him. I mean, could you imagine if Mac became my father-in-law? Ew.”
Evie took a long sip of her coffee. “First off, slow down, girl. After all, in the context of your life, you have known him for all of nine seconds. And second, if you did wind up together, you could always move out of state so you wouldn’t have to see your in-laws that much.” She winked.
“I know I’m getting ahead of myself, but I don’t want a fling. I want…”
“A family,” Evie finished for her, and Viv nodded.
“I love Nick, and I love Kate, but sometimes, I see what they have together, and I’m pretty envious.”
“It’s not bad to want what they have. In fact, it’s very good. You’re too much of a loner, Viv.”
Vivienne knew it was true. She had traveled for years to places, exotic places, ancient places, to escape the pain of losing her parents, but also in search of something. Peace. Yes, she wanted peace in her life instead of the ebbing grief she felt losing both her parents when she was fourteen years old. But then she realized, out of the blue, that she couldn’t outrun grief. It followed her around the globe.
Evie rested a hand on her arm, and her eyes softened. “Viv, it’s good to hear you say these things about wanting a family. But I need to ask you something: Are you sure he never tried to tell you? I seem to recall you mentioning that he kept trying to open up to you about his family, but you stopped him.”
Viv looked down at her cup. She had told Evie and Sam about that, but more in as a way to prove to her friend that she was being less rigid, less careful.
When she didn’t respond, Evie continued, “Could it be that you didn’t want to know, because in some ways you didn’t want to go that deeply into his life? The deeper you go, the more tethered you are to someone.”
Vivienne’s head snapped up, “I’m not a commitment-phobe, if that’s what you’re saying. I’m not afraid of commitment. It just needs to be with the right guy.”
Evie raised an eyebrow and sipped her drink. “Are you sure? Look, you haven’t had it easy, I know that, but despite the one flaw he can’t control, Daniel seems like someone who could be the right guy.” Then she glanced at her watch. “I need to go, but I think you need to talk to him today and see if you can work this out.”
Then she put a hand on Vivienne’s arm, “His father is not his fault, so don’t punish him for something he has no control over. Daniel’s not your run-of-the-mill guy. We all saw that in Costa Rica, you most of all. Give him a chance.” And with that and a final gulp of her coffee, Evie grabbed her gym bag and hurried out of the coffee shop, leaving Viv to wonder what to do next.
By the time she headed home, the streets were bustling with New Yorkers. As she turned the corner to her street, she pulled her phone from her bag and started a text to Daniel.
She’d take Evie’s advice and hear him out. There was no harm in that, right? Her finger was poised over the send button when she hesitated. Maybe it was better to just leave it alone. Maybe she should just blow it off as a vacation hookup with an ironic twist.
Daniel.
She pictured him, beside her, holding her, spooning her.
“Hello, Vivienne,” a familiar voice said. Vivienne spun around to see Daniel coming out of the bakery.
“What are you doing here?” Still holding her phone, she hit the o
ff button and shoved it back into her purse.
He held up a box. “Getting croissants and hoping we could talk.” He shrugged and added, “I don’t want to sound like a stalker, but I’ve been here for two hours trying to wait for a reasonable hour.” He reached out and stroked her arm. “Vivienne, I’m so sorry.”
She looked at the box, and then back at him. As ideas went, taking him to her apartment was a spectacularly bad one. They needed to be in public to have this conversation—or any conversation, for that matter.
But she was surprised to hear herself say, “Let’s go.” She led him to her building, four doors down.
With the exception of Daniel saying he’d also looked at apartments in this same building, they were silent until they reached her door. Vivienne commended herself for being able to share an elevator with him without tearing off his shirt.
Maybe it was just a passing fling.
Oh, who are you kidding?
Vivienne held the door and Daniel entered her apartment.
“Nice place,” he said while he walked to the kitchen and set down the box of croissants. Then he shrugged out of his jacket and draped it over a chair in her dining room.
“I’m very, very sorry, Vivienne,” he said. And for the first time, Vivienne truly looked at him. His hair was a mess and he had the beginnings of knee-weakening razor stubble—not to mention those gypsy eyes. And he looked terribly tired. Tired to the bone, with dark circles under his eyes, his skin pale, his shoulders slumped. But he still had come here early in the morning to talk to her and then waited for what he thought was a decent hour.
He walked closer and reached out to touch her lips with one finger. It wasn’t even a kiss, but Vivienne felt a thrill shoot from her lips to her fingers and toes.
And, quite out of the blue, she was truly terrified. There was something about Daniel that was impossibly right. That electric hum that zipped through her whenever he was in the vicinity was downright painful now.
Loving Vivienne: The Publicist, Book Six Page 8