Heavily she sank into a chair beside the table. Jarred by the vibration, the icebox door swung slowly open. She sat there staring into the open box. She ought to get up and close the door. Whatever cold was left in it would escape, but somehow it didn’t matter. She didn’t have the strength to get up and close the door. Nothing mattered any more. There wasn’t even the strength in her to cry. Her body felt terribly weak. She stared into the almost empty icebox until it seemed to grow larger and larger and she was lost in its half-empty, half-cold world.
Chapter Nine
I WAS busy yakking with a broad just after I had closed the concession when I saw Miss Schindler come into the casino. I watched her out of the corner of my eye as she stood in the doorway looking around.
I had seen her only once before that evening, when I had run over to the bungalow to pick up a few cartons of cigarettes that I needed for the concession. It was one of those nights you feel you can almost reach out and touch the stars that hang so brightly over your head—one of those nights you never see in the city. She had been sitting on the front step of the cottage, and the faintly off-beat sound of music came from the casino. She had looked at me and for a moment I thought she was going to speak, but evidently she changed her mind. She didn’t say a word—just watched me in sulky silence as I picked up the cartons and left. I didn’t speak to her.
I looked down at my watch. Eleven-thirty. The night must have dragged, back there in the bungalow. I had been wondering all evening whether she would come down.
Her gaze settled on me and she started to walk toward me. I shook the girl with me quickly. “The boss’s wife is coming, baby,” I lied. “I gotta report.”
I left the girl with an angry expression on her face, but I didn’t care. I met Miss Schindler before she got halfway across the room. “Hello,” I said, smiling at her. “I been wonderin’ how long you would take to get down here.”
She smiled back at me. It was a real smile and I knew she had got over her mad. “Hello, Danny,” she said. Her eyes met mine. “I’m sorry for the way I acted this afternoon.”
I checked her eyes. She meant what she said. I relaxed suddenly and felt very warm and friendly toward her. “That’s all right, Miss Schindler,” I replied gently. “You were upset.”
Her hand reached out toward mine. “I was lonely back there in the bungalow.”
“I know how you feel,” I said slowly, looking down at her hand where she touched my arm. “Sometimes I feel the same way up here. In the city you don’t notice it, but up here in the country the sky is so big you feel kinda small.”
We stood there in awkward silence for a moment, then I heard the band go into a rumba. I smiled at her. “D’ya wanna dance, Miss Schindler?”
She nodded her head and I led her to the dance floor. She came into my arms and we picked up the rhythm of the music. She was light on her feet and easy to dance with.
“You dance very well, Danny.” She smiled up at me. “Do you do everything else as well?”
“I’m afraid not, Miss Schindler.” I shook my head ruefully. I knew I was a good dancer, though; after three summers up here I had to be. “But Sam says I got a good sense of rhythm. He says that’s why I’m a good boxer.”
“You still want to be a fighter?” she asked curiously.
“I never wanted to be one,” I replied, “but Sam says I’m naturally good at it an’ that I can make a lotta dough when I’m old enough.”
“And money is that important?”
I could feel the sure movement of her hip under my hand as I led her through an intricate dip. “You tell me, Miss Schindler,” I parried. “Isn’t it?”
She had no answer for that. Nobody had an answer when you talked money. She looked up at me. “We don’t have to be so formal up here, Danny,” she said with a smile. “My name is Ceil.”
“I know,” I said quietly.
Then we were dancing and I was humming the music half under my breath. Siboney—tum tum, ti tum—tum tum, ti tum—Siboney. There was something about rumba music. If you really like it, you can lose all sense of time when you’re dancing. I liked it and I could tell that she did too. It was the way the music brought us close together. It was as if we had danced together many times before.
Abruptly the orchestra switched into Auld Lang Syne and we were mildly surprised. We stood awkwardly smiling at each other.
“That’s all for the night, Ceil,” I said. “It must be twelve o’clock.”
She checked her watch. “Exactly.”
“Thanks for the dance, Miss Schindler.”
She laughed. I was surprised to hear her laugh. It was the first time since she came up here. “I told you—Ceil.” She smiled.
I laughed too. “I enjoyed the dance, Ceil,” I said quickly, “but now I gotta scrounge up a room for myself or I’ll be sleeping on the porch.”
Her voice was filled with dismay. “Did I put you out of your room?”
I smiled down at her. “It’s okay, Ceil, you didn’t know.”
“I’m really sorry, Danny,” she said contritely. “Will you be able to get a place?”
I grinned. “I won’t have any trouble.” I turned to leave her. “Good night, Ceil.”
Her hand caught at my arm. “I’d like a drink, Danny,” she said quickly. “Can you get me one?”
There was a nervous look on her face—like you get when you’re waiting for someone and you don’t know whether they’re going to show. I felt sorry for her. “I got some cold three-point-two stashed away for Sam that I can let you have,” I said. Three-point-two beer had just been legalized the spring before.
She shuddered delicately. “Not beer. Anything else?”
“Sam’s got a bottle of Old Overholt in the cottage. I can get you some seltzer and some ice cubes.”
She smiled. “That will be fine.”
I unlocked the small refrigerator behind the concession counter, I took out a bottle of seltzer and a tray of ice cubes, and locked the refrigerator again.
The casino was almost empty when I came back to her. “Here you are,” I smiled. “I’ll carry it up to the bungalow for you and show you where the liquor is.”
She followed me into the night. As we left the casino someone turned out the lights, and the grounds were plunged into darkness. I felt her hesitate beside me. “Hold on to my arm,” I suggested. “I know my way around here.”
I expected her to rest her hand on my arm, but instead she slipped her arm under mine and walked very close to me. I was so conscious of her that several times I almost stumbled. I could feel my face warm and flushed when I turned on the light just inside the cottage door.
I stood there looking at her. There was laughter deep in her eyes. She had me all mixed up. I didn’t know what to say.
“I’m still thirsty, Danny,” she said pointedly.
Turning to the bureau in hurried confusion, I pulled open a drawer and took out a bottle.
She was on her third or maybe her fourth drink and we were sitting on the cottage steps when the telephone began to ring. She had been laughing at me, trying to tease me into taking a drink.
I jumped to my feet, went inside, and picked up the receiver. She followed me, but not so quickly. By now the whisky had hit her and she was slightly rocky, but she was next to me at the telephone when I answered it.
Sam’s voice crackled through the receiver and roared through the darkened room. “Danny?”
“Yeah, Sam.”
“I can’t get up there tonight like I said.”
“But, Sam——” I started to protest.
The sound of a woman’s laughter echoed in the phone. Ceil drew in her breath sharply beside me. Her face seemed very white in the darkness.
Sam seemed to be choosing his words carefully. “Tell this guy that’s waitin’ for me that I got jammed up an’ that I’ll be up tomorrow after lunch to close the deal, y’ unnerstan’?”
“Yeah, Sam.” I understood all right. “But——”
“Ok
ay then, kid,” Sam shouted into the phone, “I’ll see yuh tomorrow.”
The phone went dead and I hung up. I turned to her. “Sam got jammed up on a deal,” I said clumsily. “He can’t get up here tonight.”
She was staring at me, weaving a little bit. But she wasn’t rocky enough not to know the score. “Don’t lie to me, Danny!” Her voice was husky with rage. “I heard him!”
I looked at her. There was a hurt expression on her face. That was the second time that evening I’d felt sorry for her. I started for the door. “I guess I’d better be going, Ceil.”
I felt her hand clutch at my arm and I turned in surprise. I saw her other hand swinging and I ducked. I wasn’t fast enough. The side of my face was stinging from her slap and then she was swinging wildly at me with both hands.
In the dark I grabbed at her wrists and held them. “What the hell are you trying to do?” I gasped.
She was trying to pull her hands free, but I was too strong for her. Her voice was husky and bitter as she spilled the words out over me. “You think it’s funny, don’t you?” she shouted. Her voice echoed out into the night.
I tried to hold her with one hand and cover her mouth with the other. Her teeth sank into my fingers and I pulled my hand away with a cry of pain.
She laughed wildly. “That hurt, didn’t it? Now you know how I feel! Now maybe it won’t be so funny!”
“Ceil!” I whispered urgently, my heart pounding. “Please be quiet. I’ll get thrown out of here!” The night watchman didn’t give a damn what went on up here as long as you didn’t make any noise.
But I didn’t have to worry, for now she was leaning against me weakly and sobbing. I stood there quietly, not daring to move for fear I’d start her off again.
Her voice was muffled against my chest between her sobs. “No good, no good. You’re all alike. No good.”
I smoothed her hair. It was soft under my fingers. “Poor Ceil,” I said softly. I was really sorry for her.
She looked up at me. Her eyes couldn’t seem to focus in the darkness. She weaved slightly as I held her. “Yes,” she agreed with me. The rage had mixed with the liquor and had made her more rocky. “Poor Ceil. Only Danny knows how she feels.”
Her eyes narrowed speculatively. “Danny knows why Ceil came here?”
I didn’t answer. I didn’t know what to say to her.
Her arms went around my neck, she turned her face up to me. “Danny feels sorry for Ceil,” she whispered. “Kiss Ceil.”
I stood there woodenly, afraid to move. I wasn’t looking for any more trouble.
She tightened her arms around my neck and pulled my face down to her. Her voice whispered to me: “Danny knows why Ceil came here and he wouldn’t let her go away without, would he?”
I stared down through the darkness at her face. Her eyes were closed, and her lips were soft across her mouth. I began to laugh suddenly. This was for me.
My arms tightened around her and I kissed her. Again and again. The press of her teeth was strong against my lips. She seemed to wilt in my arms and go limp. I picked her up and carried her toward the bed.
The night was quiet and I was listening to her soft breath against my shoulder. I touched her eyes gently, they were closed; her cheeks, they were wet, she had been crying; her lips, they were bruised and slightly swollen and moved under my fingers. I leaned forward to kiss her.
Her face turned under mine, her lips moved. “No more, Danny. No more, please.”
I smiled to myself and sat up in the bed. I stretched and felt my body tingling and warm. I left the bed and walked to the door and opened it. The night air was cool and soothing on me.
I went down the steps and on to the grass, flexing my toes into the ground and feeling the strength of earth seeping up into me. I raised my hands to the night sky, trying to touch the shining stars. I jumped high in the air after them and fell, rolling over and over on the ground, laughter bubbling deep in my throat.
This was the joy of discovery. This was what I had been created for, this was why I was here in this world. I scooped up a handful of earth and rubbed it in my palms. It trickled through my fingers to the ground. This was my earth, my world. I was part of it and it was part of me.
I turned and went back into the cottage and stretched out beside her. In a moment I was sound asleep.
Chapter Ten
THE hand shook my shoulder violently and I sat up in bed, rubbing my eyes sleepily. Sam’s voice roared in my ears. “Where is she?”
My eyes flew open. The bed beside me was empty. The faint grey of morning had come into the bungalow. Sam’s bloodshot eyes stared angrily at me. “Where is she?” he roared again.
I stared at him bewildered. I didn’t know what to say. My heart began to pound frightenedly. The bungalow was empty except for us, but I was too scared to think of lying.
His arms gripped my shoulders and dragged me out of bed. “Don’t try to lie to me, Danny!” he said fiercely, his clenched fist waving in my face. “I know she was here. The clerk told me she didn’t take a room; she was staying down here. You been sleepin’ with my girl!”
I opened my mouth to answer, but there was no need for me to speak. Ceil’s voice came from the doorway.
“Who’s your girl, Sam?”
We both turned and looked toward her in surprise. Frantically I grabbed at the bedsheet and wrapped it around me as Sam loosened his grip. She was in a bathing suit and dripping wet from the pool. Her feet made wet tracks across the floor as she walked toward us. She stopped in front of Sam and looked up into his face.
“Who’s your girl, Sam?” she repeated quietly.
It was his turn to be bewildered. “You came up here lookin’ for me,” he said confusedly.
Her eyes widened. “That’s what I thought, Sam,” she said in the same low voice, “but I found out different.” She took a step away from him and looked back. “But you don’t know why I really came up here, do you, Sam?”
He shook his head and looked at me. I was already slipping into my trousers. He turned back to her.
Her voice was low and bitter and she didn’t look at either of us. “I came up here to tell you that I believed all your promises. That I would divorce Jeff and go with you.”
Sam took a step toward her. She held out her hand and pushed him back. She was looking up into his eyes.
“No, Sam,” she said quickly. “That was yesterday. Today it’s another story. I was standing right next to the phone when you spoke to Danny last night and heard everything you said.” Her lips twisted in a bitter smile. “That was the first time anything made sense to me. About you. About myself. That was the first time I was really honest with myself. It wasn’t that I wanted you, or that you wanted me. It was just that we were alike. We wanted. Period. Who it was didn’t matter.”
She picked up a cigarette from the table and lit it. “Now if you both will get the hell out of here, I want to get dressed.”
I turned in the doorway. I didn’t understand half of what she said, but somehow I felt grateful toward her. She didn’t look at me, just dragged at her cigarette.
Sam and I walked in awkward silence toward the hotel, our shoes crunching in the crisp, morning grass. His head was down and he seemed thoughtful.
“I’m sorry, Sam,” I said.
He didn’t look at me.
“I couldn’t help it. She was wild,” I continued.
“Shut up, Danny!” His voice was rough.
Our footsteps clumped on the wooden steps of the hotel porch and we walked over to the concession counter. I went around behind it and picked up the report sheet. “I’ll leave as soon as I square the report for you,” I said stiffly.
He was staring at me thoughtfully. “What for?” he asked.
I was surprised. “You know what for,” I replied.
He smiled, and suddenly his hand reached out and rumpled my hair. “Take it easy, Champ. Nobody said nothin’ about your leavin’.”
“But, Sam—
—”
“But hell!” He laughed aloud. “I couldn’t expect you to stay a kid for ever. Besides, maybe you did me a favour at that!”
I went home the day after Labour Day with six hundred dollars. I put the money on the kitchen table, feeling almost like a stranger. The summer had changed all of us.
I had grown even more. I towered head and shoulders over Mamma and Papa. They seemed to have shrunk in some indefinable manner. Both were thinner than in the spring. Papa’s usually round cheeks were hollow and his eyes had strange blue circles under them. Mamma’s hair was almost all grey. This time they made no pretence about the money. The need was too urgent.
We spoke of many things at that first supper together, but some things were left unsaid. It was better so. No need to talk about what we already knew. It was visible in our faces, in the way we spoke and acted.
After supper I went out and sat on the stoop. Rexie came and stretched out beside me. I scratched her ear. “Yuh miss me, girl?” I asked softly. She wagged her tail and laid her head in my lap. She’d missed me all right. She was glad I was home.
I looked out at the street. It, too, had changed that summer. It had been paved and its asphalt gave the street a brighter, newer look.
Mimi came out and sat down on the step beside me. For a long while we sat there without speaking. Fat Freddie Conlon came out of his house and, seeing me, called a greeting. I waved my hand and watched him walk down the block.
At last Mimi spoke. “Marjorie Ann got engaged this summer.” She was watching me closely.
“Yeah,” I said casually. I felt nothing about her. She belonged to my kid days.
“To a cop,” Mimi continued. “She’s getting married when she graduates in January. He’s much older than she is. He’s in his thirties.”
I turned to look at her. “Why bother me about it?” I asked directly.
Her face reddened. “I was just bringing you up to date on what went on around here this summer,” she said defensively.
I looked away from her and down the street again. “So what?” I asked quietly. At least this hadn’t changed much. I’d been back only a few hours and was fighting with Mimi already.
A Stone for Danny Fisher (1952) Page 8