“Is this Mama D’s?” Luke asked in wonder as he ate a spoonful of the coffee-caramel ice cream.
“Yep, I picked it up on my lunch break.”
He gave me a soft, shy smile before pointing a spoonful of ice cream towards me. I obediently opened my mouth and slurped the ice cream, making Luke giggle again. God, I loved that sound.
“Did you know my therapist is Mama D’s childhood friend?”
“She is? I didn’t know that. I mean, I did ask her if she knew any good female therapists, but I didn’t know they were close friends.”
“Well, I was relieved when she told me that. It made it even more easy to trust her.”
After Luke was done with the ice cream, he cuddled closer to me, his head coming to rest on my shoulder. I pressed a kiss to the top of his head as I held him tighter. After a while, he turned around in the circle of my arms so he was facing me and buried his face in the crook of my neck. I held him as close as I could without squishing him, hoping he was feeling better. I wondered if I should ask him how the appointment went but I knew he’d tell me if he wanted to and I needed to respect that.
I was almost sure he’d fallen asleep and I was feeling pretty comfy and sleepy myself but just as I closed my eyes, Luke said something in a soft voice that I didn’t quite catch through the sleepy haze I’d fallen into.
“I’m sorry, babe. What did you say?”
“I said, his name was Marcus.” Luke’s voice was barely above a whisper but I heard him clearly. I also knew perfectly well who he was talking about.
“Monica told me that I shouldn’t shy away from saying his name…that I was only giving it more power to hurt me by doing that.” He was quiet for a moment before he spoke again, “I’m sorry, you don’t want to hear all that.”
“Luke.” My firm voice made him look up and I held his gaze as I spoke, making sure he could see the sincerity in my eyes, “I’m here for you and I will gladly listen to anything and everything you have to say, okay? I don’t care if you’re talking about Marcus-” Luke flinched at the name and I rubbed his shoulder and pressed a soft kiss to the top of his head before continuing, “-or if you’re telling me about your new favourite book. I’ll always want to listen to you, okay?”
Luke nodded before biting his lower lip and burying his face in my neck again. I held him close to me as he took a few deep breaths, his arms tight around my neck.
After a few minutes of silence, Luke spoke again, “She told me a few sentences I should use his name in, so I can get used to saying and hearing it and not be scared of it anymore. They’re pretty fun.”
“Yeah?”
Luke nodded before looking up at me with a small grin on his face, “Marcus is an asshole. Marcus deserves to burn in hell. Marcus is a fucking bastard.” His voice got quieter as he continued and it was almost a whisper when he said the last two sentences, “Marcus doesn’t own me anymore. Marcus can’t hurt me anymore.”
He buried his face in my neck again and I had a feeling he was doing it to center himself. I gave him a comforting squeeze and rested my chin on top of his head, holding him as close to me as physically possible.
“Hey, Luke?” I asked after a minute of silence.
“Yeah?”
“Will you move in with me?”
Luke pulled back to look up at me, brows bunched up in confusion, and I smiled at how adorable he looked. “Er, don’t I already live with you?”
“I meant, will you move all your stuff into my bedroom and officially make it our bedroom? We can turn your room into a guest room or something.”
A wide smile spread across Luke’s face and it was so rare to see him smiling so freely that I knew I’d always treasure this moment.
“Are you serious?”
I nodded and even though I was pretty sure he’d say yes, my heart was still thundering in my chest.
“I’d love to move in with you, Scott.”
I grinned before pulling him in for a soft kiss and hugging him close, “I love you, Lu.”
“I love you, too, Scott. Thanks for being there for me always and taking such good care of me.”
“My pleasure, Lu.”
25 | Luke
Saturday found me and Scott cuddled up in our bed since it was our day off and we both had absolutely no intention of doing anything but lounging on the bed all day. I was thankful that my therapy appointments were scheduled for Fridays, since that gave me the whole weekend to recover. My session yesterday hadn’t been too rough, but I knew it’d only get worse from here on out.
But this time around, I got to come home to Scott, who would hold me until I felt better and that made all the difference. It still surprised me sometimes, how much Scott was willing to do for me, how much he cared for me. But I didn’t doubt him or his love anymore. He’d proved to me again and again that he was here to stay, that he loved me despite all my issues and I was finally ready to accept it for the truth it was.
Scott pressed a kiss on top of my head, pulling me out of my thoughts. I looked up and smiled when I saw him already looking at me. He returned my smile as his finger trailed across my cheek. “How are you feeling?”
“Content.” I answered with a soft sigh as I scratched behind Tressa’s ear, who’d decided to use my chest as her new bed.
Scott leaned forward and pressed a kiss on my lips before pulling away with a smile, “I’m glad.”
We lay in silence for a while, just happy to be with each other. It was still hard for me to believe that I could have this. This joy, this happiness, this feeling of everything being right. I’d given up hope of ever experiencing this a long time ago, maybe even on the day my parents kicked me out. Marcus had only helped solidify the notion that I’d never be happy again. And yet, here I was with a man who loved me, in a house that felt like home, with a cat who’d been through a lot of shit and still managed to survive it. Like I had. After hearing Scott say it so many times, I was starting to realize that he did have a point. I’d survived a lot of shit, and I’d still managed to find this happiness. I was brave.
“Hey, Luke?”
“Hmmm?” I blinked a few times to get back to the present as I realized I’d almost fallen asleep.
“Do you have plans for Thanksgiving?”
“Um, not really. Why?” The NGO hosted a Thanksgiving dinner every year, and that was where I’d been last year, but I hoped I’d get to spend this one with Scott. When I was younger, I’d loved all the holidays, but especially Thanksgiving and Christmas, since my mother used to bake the best apple pies on both the occasions.
“I usually go to Mike and Roch’s for thanksgiving dinner and they wanted me to tell you that you have to come too.”
“I have to?” I asked with an arched brow. His friends wanted me to come to their house for thanksgiving? I hadn’t even met them yet. Did I really deserve an invitation?
“They’re the only family I have and they want to meet the man I love,” Scott explained and the slight edge of sorrow in his voice made me feel guilty at thinking this had anything to do with me. Of course they’d want to meet me. Scott had already met my mom and Angie, it was only fair I met his family too. And even though I was nervous as all hell, I did kind of want to meet Mike, since I’d heard so much about him through Scott.
“I’d love to have Thanksgiving dinner with your family, Scott,” I told him, and the bright smile on his face was worth whatever anxiety I’d have to deal with on Thanksgiving night. But since he knew me so well, Scott pulled me closer to him until we were chest to chest, forcing an annoyed Tressa to leap off the bed and leave the room and whispered to me, “I know it’s difficult for you to meet new people, so if at any moment you need a break, I want you to let me know and I’ll make it happen, okay? I want you there, but not at the expense of your mental well-being, alright?”
I had to clear my throat to push away the lump that had formed as he spoke before I could say anything, “Okay. I love you, Scott.”
“I love you
, too, Lu.” Scott pulled me into a kiss and I went willingly, taking over the kiss as I pressed my body against him. His lips were soft, still tasting faintly of chocolate as I let my tongue trace against his lower lip. His mouth opened for me eagerly, and I tasted his mouth and moaned at the sweetness of it. He was sweet everywhere, mind, body and soul and I absolutely loved him for it.
I didn’t even realize I’d pushed Scott on his back and climbed on top of him, not until I felt his bulge pressing against my thigh and realized I was just as hard. I paused for a bit, pulling away from his lips as I tried to catch my breath. I was surprised that I wasn’t freaking out, that I was…okay. I trusted Scott, and I trusted him to take care of me. I wasn’t ready for anything more, but maybe we could have this.
“It’s okay,” Scott murmured. “We don’t have to go any further.”
I took a deep breath before meeting his eyes and the sincere assurance in them only firmed my decision. “Can we continue?”
Scott’s eyes widened and I kept speaking, knowing I’d lose my nerve if I didn’t, “Nothing more, I don’t think I can do that yet. But this…can we have this?”
Scott stared at me for a minute as if making sure that I wasn’t pushing myself, “Are you sure you’re ready?”
I nodded, not trusting myself to speak.
Scott traced my lower lip with his thumb before meeting my eyes again. “Say the word and we stop. Or just push against me, and we stop, okay?”
“Okay,” I whispered and leaned down to claim his lips, my body fitting itself against his perfectly. When I’d been with Marcus or any of his friends, I’d always been made to bottom, but I didn’t think I could do that anymore. I needed to be in control, to know where things were headed so I could stop them if they got to be too much. And Scott understood that. Scott had let me be in control since the first time we kissed, no questions asked, and that was just another thing that showed how well he got me.
I continued to kiss him, our tongues tangling and tasting each other as I hesitantly pressed my bulge against his thigh, not completely sure if the sensations would be welcome. A low moan escaped my lips at the friction and I rubbed myself harder against him, grinding into him as he raised his hip in perfect rhythm to mine. I deepened our kiss, moaning into his mouth as he rubbed up against him, letting him lead for just a bit. I pulled away from the kiss, burying my face in the crook of his neck, my safe space, as I continued to grind against him, my pace increasing as I felt my orgasm approaching. Orgasming with Marcus had always been awful, because he’d always find a way to make it hurt, but I knew that I wasn’t with him anymore. I breathed in Scott’s woodsy, chocolate scent that comforted me as much as it aroused me in that moment and it centered me, reminding me that Scott would never hurt me, that he loved me.
“Luke!” Scott’s voice was a breathy gasp and that along with the way he froze beneath me as his orgasm hit was enough to push me over the edge. I moaned against his neck as my orgasm barreled through me, shuddering as my grip tightened on his shoulder, gripping onto him as the feelings swept through me. Ecstasy, joy, love and the utter relief that there would be no pain following this pleasure.
I was limp in Scott’s arms as I came down from the high and Scott gently laid me down on the bed and slipped off, and I couldn’t stop the panic that suddenly hit me. He-Marcus would leave like that too, as soon as he was done. Was that really how it was supposed to be? But in the books, it always ended with a cuddle or falling asleep together. Had I done something wrong, then? Is that why Scott had left?
Before the panic could totally consume me, I felt Scott’s familiar presence in the room and I opened my eyes, only now realizing that they were wet with tears. Scott was immediately beside me, pulling me close to him, “What’s wrong, sweetheart? Did you not enjoy it? Did I push you too far?”
I shook my head even as I clung to him, trying to push the panic away. “You left,” I mumbled against his chest, my voice thick and hoarse, “Why did you leave?”
“Oh, baby. I’m so sorry. I went to get a cloth to clean you up. I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize.” Scott held me tighter and I let his words wash over me. He didn’t leave me. He was here.
“I’m sorry. I thought-I thought that you didn’t like it.”
“Oh sweetie, that was the most beautiful experience of my life. I loved it and I shouldn’t have left you so quickly. Or I should’ve at least told you where I was going. I’m sorry, baby.”
“It’s okay,” I mumbled against his chest, not willing to let go just yet.
“Come on, let me clean you up,” Scott said and continued to lay me down on the bed before grabbing the cloth he’d dropped. I watched as he gently pulled my pants down to my thighs and wiped me clean with the warm washcloth with firm, gentle hands before covering me up again. He threw the cloth somewhere beside the bed before climbing in beside me and pulling me against his chest. He nudged my chin until I was looking up at him and pressed a soft kiss against my lips.
“Thanks for sharing that with me. I’ll always treasure this moment.”
“I-I don’t know if I can do anything mo-”
“Luke.” Scott’s soft but firm voice stopped me in my tracks. “No expectations, okay? I don’t mind if this is all we do for the rest of our lives or if this was the only time we ever did anything sexual. I’d still be just as happy as I would be if we were having sex. I’ve told you before, sex is not an important part of the relationship for me. It feels good, yes, but I don’t need it to love you, okay?”
I nodded, believing his words and letting them tell all my demons to go to hell.
For the rest of our lives…the words rang in my ears and I smiled as I pressed a kiss on Scott’s chest, right above his heart. I could definitely live with that.
26 | Luke
“You okay?” Scott asked me as he raised his hand to ring the doorbell. I nodded at him, taking deep breaths to keep my anxiety at bay. It was Thanksgiving and here we were at Mike Sato’s house, about to have have dinner with his family. I’d been hesitant about meeting Scott’s friends, but they were a huge part of his life and I wanted to meet them, especially their six years old daughter, Mia. And I wanted them to like me, which was just another thing making me anxious. What if they didn’t like me?
“Scott! Luke! Come on in,” A woman greeted us as she opened the door. She was a few inches shorter than me, but then again, she was wearing killer heels, so she was probably much shorter. Her strawberry blond hair was tied up in a ponytail and her blue eyes sparkled as she smiled at us. Her smile instantly put me at ease and I smiled back at her. “You must be Rochelle. It’s nice to meet you.” Before I could extend a hand for her to shake, she pulled me into a hug. The scent of her perfume wafted into my nose and I forced myself to not freeze up as I returned the hug.
“What, no hug for your favorite brother?” Scott pouted and Rochelle pulled away with a chuckle to give him a hug. I smiled at him gratefully and he gave me a wink as he hugged her.
“Uncle Scott!” A sweet voice called out before a little girl with black pigtails and rosy cheeks ran into the room and straight into Scott’s arms. Like an expert, Scott pulled the girl—who I guessed was Mia—into his arms, cradling her on his hip. “Hey, Princess. Did you help your mom and dad with dinner?”
She nodded seriously before her eyes fell on me. She gave me a curious look, her blue eyes narrowing as she spoke, “Who are you?”
I smiled at her and checked with Scott, who nodded at me with a grin, before answering her question, “My name is Luke. I’m Scott’s boyfriend. And you must be Princess Mia, am I right?” I offered her a bow and she giggled which made me grin as I looked up at her.
She smiled at me as she gave me a once over. “I like your hair. It’s the same color as mine.”
“It is, isn’t it? But I think yours are prettier.” I’d tied off my hair into a braid on my left side, but Mia’s pigtails looked absolutely adorable on her.
“Happy Thanksgiving, Scotty!�
� A voice called before Mike stepped into the living room. He pulled Scott into a one armed hug before moving back and looking at me. “And you must be Luke. I’ve heard a lot about you.” Thankfully, he extended his hand and I shook it with a smile, “I’ve heard a lot about you too. Thanks for having us over.”
“It’s our pleasure. Come on in.”
“Can I color before dinner, mommy?” Mia looked at Rochelle with her big blues and it didn’t surprise me when she got a nod in return. She grinned before looking at me. “Will you color with me, Uncle Luke?”
I smiled widely at how easily she’d called me ‘Uncle’ as I answered, “I’d love to, Mia.”
“How about this? Me, Luke and Mia will go color and Scott and Mike, you can go into the kitchen and set the table?”
Scott rolled his eyes but set Mia on the ground. He gave me a questioning look and I nodded in reply. I felt pretty comfortable with these two girls, and I didn’t think that would change. Scott gave Rochelle a mock salute before walking away deeper into the house with Mike, already talking about something else. Mia grabbed my hand and I looked around as Mia led me to the coffee table where her coloring books were spread out. The room was spacious and had a modern look to it. But even so, it was clear that it was a family room. The walls were adorned with family pictures, many of which contained Scott, too. There were pictures of Mia from the time she was a baby to now. There were even a few pictures of what I guessed was Scott and Mike’s University days. I made a note to take a closer look at those pictures later if I got a chance.
We settled around the table as Mia grabbed a crayon and started coloring, asking us our opinions on the colors from time to time. We sat in silence for a few minutes, but thankfully, it wasn’t an awkward silence with Mia speaking up from time to time.
“Scott looks so happy. I wanted to thank you for putting that glow on his face,” Rochelle said in a soft voice and I looked up at her.
“He makes me happy, too.”
Finding You Page 15